01.16.17

Eugene, OR’s Slants : Please Don’t Lump Us In With Dan Snyder

Posted in Gridiron, Racism Corner, The Law, The Marketplace at 3:23 pm by

Northwest quartet The Slants (above) are currently embroiled in a dispute with the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office, with the latter denying the band’s application for trademark protection on the grounds their chosen name is considered disparaging to a particular ethnic group (in this instance, one they’re part of).   The Washington Post’s Robert Barnes points out that a victory for The Slants might establish precedent for the Washington Redskins, “whose legal battle to hold on to its revoked trademark has been put on hold pending the outcome.”

Slants band members abhor the Washington nickname and wince when the team’s fate is linked to their own.

“I don’t want to be associated with Dan Snyder,” founder Simon Tam said, referring to the team’s owner.

Indeed, the Redskins’ amicus brief in the case contains 18 pages of offensive-to-somebody registrations from the Patent and Trademark Office, beginning with Afro-Saxon clothing and working its way down to Yard­apes landscaping.

In the team’s amicus brief, Washington lawyer Lisa S. Blatt argues that “the PTO has registered countless marks that meet the government’s exceptionally broad definition of disparagement, i.e., potentially demeaning to even a small segment of a race, gender or religious group.

“Just for musical bands, the PTO has registered White Trash Cowboys; Whores from Hell; N.W.A.; Cholos on Acid; Reformed Whores; The Pop Whores; Hookers & Blow; The Roast Beef Curtains; Flea Market Hookers; The Pricks and Barenaked Ladies.”

01.14.17

The Addiction Expand Their Horizons With An Update On “No Holds Barred”

Posted in Professional Wrestling, The World Of Entertainment at 4:45 pm by

ROH fixtures Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian (above) have co-writing credit on an upcoming independent film, “In The Ring”, which offhand sounds like one hell of a way to squander the considerable talents of Dalton Castle. From the Hollywood Reporter’s Alex Ritman :

The film is described as a “Major League-style ‘underdog’ comedy,” in which a group of misfit wrestlers, led by Sledgehammer Sullivan (Kurt Angle), takes on a multinational corporation and a rival, “extreme” federation headed by Matt Manson (Tommy Dreamer) to gain a network-TV contract in a winner-takes-all pay-per-view.

With a cast of onscreen wrestlers made up primarily of actual TNA and Ring of Honor performers and former WWE stars, In the Ring also stars Daniels, Kazarian, John Morrison, Ken Anderson, Jay Lethal, Joey Ryan, Candice LeRae, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Kevin Kelly, Nick “Magnus” Aldis, Chad “Gunner” Lail, Dalton Castle and The Briscoe Brothers, with other wrestling names yet to be announced.

01.11.17

The Younger Of The Bash Brothers Has Consulted His Social Calendar

Posted in Austin, Baseball, politics at 6:57 pm by

This is what happens when the inauguration goes head to head with Rusted Shut’s return to Austin.

01.06.17

Post Scribe : In Desperate Times, Boomer’s Departure Brings Hope To Mankind

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 6:31 pm by

OK, that’s not exactly how the New York Post’s Ken Davidoff greeted the news that lifelong ESPN fixture Chris Berman’s drastically reduced role at the network would no longer include MLB’s Home Run Derby. But close enough!

In less than two years’ time, the Derby has transformed from the bane of many people’s existence — including that of Bud Selig’s delightful wife, Sue, as mentioned in my 2015 piece — to a legitimately enjoyable night for both those attending in person and those watching on TV. It’s easier to watch, thanks to the revised format (a head-to-head bracket, a four-minute time limit instead of “outs”), and it’s now easier to listen to it, thanks to Berman’s significantly reduced schedule, which was announced Thursday.

Look, I still think, thousands of years from now, folks will put the Derby in the “Cons” column when assessing these times. We’ve got to aim higher as a species.

It doesn’t matter who will assume Berman’s role as the Derby’s head carnival barker. It could be another jock-sniffing broadcaster, or Jim J. Bullock, or Ted Cruz. It will be better now, rest assured.

Really, if baseball can turn its Home Run Derby from a galactic debacle to a bona fide asset, then what can’t we accomplish on this planet?

It took nearly a dozen years, but finally there’s someone else in sports media with the guts to play The Jm J. Bullock Card.

01.02.17

The Pleasure Is All Pep’s

Posted in Football, Sports Journalism at 7:47 pm by

Imagine what a blast Pep Guardiola would be to hang out with if 10-man Manchester City had lost to Burnley rather than winning, 2-1?

Leave Mariah Carey Alone (Unless You’re Prepared To Dig Up Bobby Ebz And Give Him Similar Grief)

Posted in Happy New Year, History's Not Happening, The World Of Entertainment at 7:37 pm by

So I’m to understand something or other happened with Mariah Carey on a New Year’s Eve TV show that was considered too lame to bother with, I dunno, 40 years ago. Though this seemed to fill the night’s outrage / cheap laffs quota for the same types that take to social media to protest SNL’s choice of musical guests, consider how easily a similar debacle could’ve befallen one of the many pop icons who perished in 2016, most of whom were no strangers to such faux performances.

Instead, let’s once again rejoice in the annual reposting of a far more spectacular lip-synch disaster, Genocide and the late Bobby Ebz on “The Uncle Floyd Show”. Ebz joined the pantheon of other great Uncle Floyd musical guests (Rupert Holmes, Pussy Galore, Tiny Tim, Adrenalin O.D.) with the exhibition below, one that Floyd Vivino himself will undoubtedly have pulled from YouTube (again) in a fit of Greg Ginn-esque pique.

(UPDATE : Apparently this footage is not from The Uncle Floyd show, thus it would be particularly rude for Floyd to have it taken down again in a fit of Greg Ginn-esque pique.)

12.30.16

Jeremy Sprinkle & A Late Contender For Top Sports Story Of 2016…

Posted in Gridiron, The Law at 1:13 pm by

Arkansas blew a 24-0 lead in yesterday’s Belk Bowl, losing 35-24 to Virginia Tech. It would take some sort of monumental collapse to overshadow the pregame banishment of TE Jeremy Sprinkle, and sadly for the Razorbacks, the above result wasn’t quite monumental enough. From the Charlotte Observer’s Joe Marusak :

A University of Arkansas football player was suspended from Thursday’s Belk Bowl after police accused him of shoplifting items from the Belk store at SouthPark mall.

Senior tight end Jeremy Sprinkle was charged with shoplifting by concealment and released after Tuesday’s incident.

Sprinkle is accused of putting eight items into his bag after a shopping spree involving Arkansas and Virginia Tech players had ended, SEC Country reported. Players had 90 minutes to spend a $450 gift card on anything in the Belk store.

Sprinkle shoplifted $260 worth of items, including blue-striped Saddlebred boxer shorts, four shirts, two wallets and a pair of Nike socks, according to a Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police report.

Mike Leake was unavailable for comment.

12.21.16

The Year In Prerecorded (And Live) Entertainment : CSTB’s Best Of 2016 (In Non-Slideshow Form)

Posted in History's Not Happening, Rock Und Roll at 3:21 pm by

(Editor’s Note  : A panel of exactly one brilliant person was convened to compile the lists shown below ; perhaps CSTB’s former contributors have some opinions on these matters, but frankly, they can continue spending their afternoons  flicking off to Tricia  (until I need their help with something, anyway).  Perhaps one of the national struggling outlets they’re writing for is eager to publish an essay about some grotesque festival gig or a reunion of a band that sucked from day one, that is, if they’re not busy destroying another version of Death By Audio.

As in past years, projects from labels that either pay the CSTB bandwidth bill or directly contribute to the growing neglect of CSTB are ineligible.  A version of this list was previously published elsewhere.  If you’re seeing it for the second time today, chances are you deserved it – GC)

albums

(Photo by Otto Montgomery-McCarthy)

Roy Montgomery – RMHQ (Grapefruit)

75 Dollar Bill – Wood Metal Plastic Pattern Rock (Thin Wrist)
Chook Race – Around The House (Trouble In Mind)
Counter Intuits – Monosyllabilly (Pyramid Scheme)
The Double – Dawn Of the Double (In The Red)
Tyvek – Origin Of What (In The Red)
E – E (Thrill Jockey)
Outer Spaces – A Shedding Snake (Don Giovanni)
Arthur Doyle – Room (Amish)
Heavy Metal – LP (Static Shock)
Wussy – Forever Sounds (Shake It)

Quin Galavis – My Life In Steel & Concrete (Super Secret)
Spray Paint – Feel The Clamps (Goner)

Ultimate Painting – Dusk (Trouble In Mind)
Stefan Christensen & Friends – Empty Plateaus (Loki)

Stefan Christensen – Israel (It’s More Of The Same) (C/Site)
Jennifer O’Connor – Surface Noise (Kiam)
Los Lichis – Dog (Feeding Tube)
Teal Grapefruit – Cry Pink Process (cassette)
Tommy Keene – Showtunes II (TKG)
Chris Forsyth & The Solar Motel Band – The Rarity Of Experience (No Quarter)
David Nance – More Than Enough (Badabing)
Centre Negative – Emotion Is Cringey (Ever/Never)
Grady Runyon – Solar Guitar (Loki)
Nathan Bowles – Whole & Cloven (Paradise Of Bachelors)
Foster Care – Sterilization (Total Punk)

not albums :

Glam Fail – “Cyclone Rodney” 7” (Ever/Never)
Bad Sports – Living With Secrets 12” (Dirtnap)
Gate – Saturday Night Fever (MIE)

Whipper – “Shit Love” (Aarght)

reissues :

Dow Jones & The Industrials – Can’t Stand The Midwest 1979-1981 (Family Vineyard)
Träd, Gräs och Stenar – Djungelns Lag / Mors Mors / Kom Tillsammans box (Mexican Summer)
The Proletariat – Soma Holiday (S-S)
Colin Newman – A-Z / Not To (Sentient Sonics)

live

Watery Love with Mary Lattimore, King’s Barcade, Raleigh, September
Chook Race, Beerland, Austin, October
Scientists, The Lexington, London June
Mystic Inane, Don Pedro, Brooklyn, August
Life Stinks, Beerland, Austin
GW Sok / Action Beat, Barracuda, Austin
Radioactivity. Everytime. everywhere.
The Ex, WNYC, Winter Jazzfest, January
Teal Grapefruit, Max Fish Abasement,NYC April
Richard Pinhas, Farewell Books, Austin, October
Iggy Pop, Austin City Limits taping, March
The Chills, Monty Hall, Jersey City, April

The Rebel, Hotel Vegas, August
Sauna Youth, Beerland, Austin, September
Reigning Sound, Barracuda, Austin, December
Burmese, Beerland, September

fangs for the memories :
Aquarius Records, Spray Paint, Bartolo Colon

The More Loquacious Bash Brother Is The New Nostradamus

Posted in Baseball, twitter twatter at 2:27 pm by

12.19.16

Until The Lost Danny Heap/Biohazard Collaboration Is Unearthed, This Will Have To Do

Posted in Baseball, Hip Hop, New York, New York at 11:02 am by

In 1987 while in the midst of a team-collective hangover, Mets OF Darryl Strawberry caught major heat from the NYC media for asking out of the lineup the morning after what was described by the would-be Dick Young’s-of-the-day as a “rap recording session”.

Since I was probably in an individual hangover of my own, I probably mistook this episode for late/lazy reporting on Darryl’s cameo on the very unfortunate “Get Metsmerized” project overseen by former Met/contractual albatross George Foster a season prior (perhaps a remix commissioned by Foster, still nursing a grudge).

But the real lazy researcher was me, because Darryl was in fact, ensconced in a New York recording studio in July of ’87, recording “Chocolate Strawberry” with U.T.F.O. and Richie Rich.

From Sports Illustrated’s Steve Wulf, 7/13/87 :

“Strawberry spent part of the day in a Queens recording studio with The Kangol Kid, UTFO (Un Touchable Force Organization) and another renowned rap group, Whistle. First, Whistle gave its rap (‘The pitcher threw a pitch and we all stared, and Darryl hit the ball to Korea somewhere’), then UTFO (‘Four years in the major leagues, started at 20, once had nothing, now has plenty’) and then Strawberry. Between raps, the female chorus would coo ‘Chocolate Strawberry.’”

“While this was going on, Mets captain Keith Hernandez was in his New York attorney’s office in a quite different session, giving seven hours of depositions concerning his divorce case. It was a bad day for Hernandez all around: Jack Clark of the Cardinals passed him in the voting for National League All-Star first baseman.”

“‘Everybody in the stadium screams for me Strike one, strike two, but no strike three ‘Cause I’m def, that’s right, I ain’t soft, I even get paid on my day off.’”

“For those of you not in the know, “def” is short for definitely, as in definitely cool, definitely strong. When Strawberry declined to play in Tuesday night’s game after another session at the recording studio—arranged primarily for publicity purposes—he was def, all right, definitely in trouble. He also inadvertently lent a certain irony to the last line of the above verse.”

It doesn’t get more gauche than publicly suggesting what your close personal friends could get you for your birthday. But tact never got anybody a Darryl Strawberry/UTFO/Richie Rich 12″.