TX Pol : Dez Bryant’s A Shitty Tennant

Posted in Gridiron at 7:34 pm by

If allegations in today’s papers are accurate, Dez Bryant deserves some measure of credit ; he’s proven that there’s a bigger nightmare for a landlord than Johnny Manziel. The Dallas Morning News’ Tom Steele reports Bryant is being sued by state Senator Royce West, who claims the enigmatic Cowboys WR ran up some $60,000 + in damages to the former’s property.

West discovered the 6,400-square-foot home “littered with trash and feces, missing blinds and shutters, with cracked windows and blackened carpeting” after Bryant moved out in January, and his lawyers say Bryant refuses to accept responsibility for the damage.

Lease documents show Bryant was paying $4,720 a month for the home in a gated community, which he started renting in September 2013.

The state senator, who has owned the home since 2009, according to property records, was part of an informal support group of prominent residents created to mentor Bryant and keep him out of trouble. Other members include Dr. Donald Arnette, a cardiologist, and former Cowboys Michael Irvin and Nate Newton.

West also has served as Bryant’s attorney in the past.


The Real Cost Of Pro Baseball’s Deferred Return To Hartford, CT

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace, Ugly New Stadiums at 7:04 pm by

The Eastern League’s Hartford Yard Goats — formerly the New Britain Rock Cats — have yet to play a game within city limits during their inaugural season, what with the not-quite-finished Dunkin’ Donuts Park being the subject of a heated dispute between the city and the stadium’s developers, DoNo Hartford LLC and Centerplan. While the Yard Goats have shared a nearby Dodd Stadium with the NY-Penn League’s Connecticut Defenders, locals promised employment by the Rockies AA affiliate are for the time being, seriously fucked, as the Hartford Courant’s Vinny Vella explains :

For 316 Hartford residents, the majority of whom live in the North End within walking distance of the incomplete ball field, minor league baseball’s delayed arrival is more than just an inconvenience.

“Right now, we’re doing horrible,” said Davila, who was counting on the food-service job as her primary source of income. “It’s stressful and depressing. The kids are asking for stuff we can’t give them.”

Tim Restall, the Yard Goats’ general manager, said he understands the employees’ frustrations. He attended the team’s job fair, even interviewed many of the more than 1,000 applicants that afternoon.

“There’s a lot of disappointment. These people are eager and want to get working,” he said. “People see the park and wonder ‘When can we get in it?’ and that’s the tough part. We don’t know.”

The team says its hands are tied, and most of the people they’ve hired understand that — especially, Jashira Gonzalez, who said she doesn’t aim her frustration at being functionally unemployed at the Yard Goats’ front office.

“It’s not the team’s fault. It’s just that the city is messed up,” the Sigourney Street resident said. “I’m looking for a job, but there are no jobs out there for me.”


If Nothing Else, At Least, At Least We Know How Vin Scully Feels About MLB Revenue Sharing

Posted in Baseball, politics at 5:56 pm by

This just underlines the importance of the Dodgers giving equal time to noted Communist sympathizer “Chairman” Charlie Steiner.


CONCACAF’s Attempt To Make Levi’s Stadium A Homophobia-Free Zone

Posted in Football, Mob Behavior at 7:53 pm by

Prior to Saturday’s Copa America Centenario quarterfinal between Chile and Mexico at Santa Clara’s Levi’s Stadium, organizers hope to quash further chants of “puto” that have been audible previously in the tournament.  From the San Jose Mercury News’ Elliot Almond :

Officials of the North and Central America and Caribbean region known as CONCACAF joined with South American federation leaders Thursday to condemn “any chants or actions that are derogatory or offensive during our matches.”

Although fans were asked to hold a minute of silence before the game in Houston to honor the Orlando shooting victims, the Mexican fans used the slur when Venezuelan goalkeeper Dani Hernandez held the ball.

“This behavior does not reflect the true spirit of football and must be stopped,” Copa America officials said in the statement.

Mexican midfielder Hector Herrera indicated Thursday he wished El Tricolore’s fans wouldn’t use the chant.

“I think it is a tradition that has gone on for years,” he said in Spanish at a news conference in San Jose. “I don’t think you can come in and take it away from one day to the next. It’s difficult to get so many people to change it.”


The Curious Past & Present Of Russia’s Soccer Den Leader

Posted in Euro 2016, Football, Racism Corner at 9:14 pm by

Following violent clashes between England and Russia supports in and outside Stade Vélodrome last Saturday, The Guardian’s Owen Gibson reports the latter’s head of their official supporters club, Alexander Shprygin, is being deported from France in the middle of Euro 2016.

Shprygin told Tass, “We will probably see our consul tomorrow. We will challenge this decision. It is an absolutely absurd award. We can challenge it within two days. We will ask for a lawyer. I was involved in no clashes or anything of the kind.”

Shprygin is considered by the Fare network, which provides official observers at matches for Uefa and Fifa, to be a leading light in Russia’s network of extreme-right ultra fan groups. Piara Powar, the network’s executive director, said that the presence of Shprygin within the official party raised wider concerns about “the apparent nexus of high-level politicians, far-right leaders and extreme nationalism” in Russian football before the 2018 World Cup that will be hosted in the country.

Shprygin has been photographed performing a Nazi salute with a singer from a notorious Russian far-right rock band, Korrozia Metalla, some of whose songs are banned and included in the federal list of extremist materials in Russia for inciting inter-ethnic hatred.

Since forming the Russian Supporters Union in 2007, Shprygin has appeared to tone down his rhetoric. But he outraged many when he recently said he wanted to “see only Slavic faces in the Russian national team” and suggested there was “something wrong” with a team photo posted on Twitter by the France player Mathieu Valbuena because it contained “very many” black faces.


Orlando Magic’s Owner Has Deep Compassion For Gays (Provided They’re Dead)

Posted in Basketball at 10:19 pm by

Amway founder Richard DeVos and his family have donated more than $2 million to various anti-gay causes over the years, including but not limited to Florida4Marriage, Focus On The Family and efforts to eliminate gay marriage in Michigan. Aside from a squeamish arrangement with the New York Mets, DeVos is probably best known to CSTB readers as the owner of the Orlando Magic, and it was in that role Wednesday that DeVos donated $400,000 to #OneOrlando, a non-profit established to assist the victims of Sunday’s Pulse nightclub massacre, as well as their families. From the New York Daily News’ Tobias Salinger :

“There is nothing more important than our community,” the Magic announced in a tweet from the team’s official account. “We are #OrlandoUnited.”

Yet the family of Amway founder Richard DeVos, whose income Forbes magazine estimated at $4.9 billion, has financed campaigns to ban same-sex marriage in the past and steered millions of dollars to right-wing organizations, records showed.

“If you know about Orlando Magic owner Dick DeVos’ bankrolling of anti-LGBT causes, the hypocrisy will rankle you,” Dave Zirin, the sports editor of the liberal magazine The Nation, wrote on Twitter Wednesday.

Magic spokesman Joel Glass declined to discuss the DeVos’ family’s political donations.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the families and the victims of this horrific tragedy,” Glass said.


One Artist’s Bold Reimagining Of Doug Sisk

Posted in Baseball, Internal Affairs at 11:48 pm by

There’s was nothing remotely prescient about my attempts earlier this evening to dump a ticket to the Mets’ 4-0 loss to the Pirates to any takers via a popular social media platform, though I did add that I was , “thanking you in advance for not keying Doug Sisk’s car.”

Derek Erdman, currently exhibiting his “Food Is My Girlfriend” show at Seattle’s Proletariat Pizza, claims the below portrait of Sisk’s reaction to the Challenger Disaster was completed in the 3rd grade.


Voting Early & Often With Chicago’s David Ross

Posted in Baseball at 9:30 pm by

OK, a little heavy handed, but I like this just a bit more than the Mets’ annual spam attempts at coaxing votes for the entire eligible roster, regardless of who’s playing terribly.


Does The WWE Have Chris Harvard In The Bag?

Posted in Medical Science, Professional Wrestling at 7:08 pm by

Former WWE Hardcore champion / “Tough Enough” winner turned concussion trauma advocate Christopher Notwinzki aka Chris Harvard has appeared in this space on prior occasions, though it appears his once-contentious relationship with his former employer has been repaired.  The Boston Globe’s Bob Hohler reports that Nowinzki’s Concussion Legacy Foundation has received nearly $3 million from the WWE, donations that just happen to coincide with Nowinski’s dialing down the rhetoric about the Bristol, CT wrestling promotion’s culpability in shortening the lifespan of his former co-workers.

Rene Goguen, aka Rene Dupree, who was featured in Nowinski’s 2006 book, “Head Games,’’ because of a brain injury he suffered in the ring, is among several former WWE performers who believe Nowinski has adopted a more passive approach to investigating CTE in professional wrestlers than he did with football players. They said they suspect a potential conflict of interest involving the WWE’s donations to Nowinski’s foundation, as did some nonprofit specialists.

“It certainly seems like a situation where you’re asking the foxes to help guard the chicken coop,’’ said Marc Pollick, president and founder of the Giving Back Fund, a nonprofit that for 20 years has created and managed charitable foundations for athletes, entertainers, and corporations. “If you’re partnering with a company that is facing those kinds of [concussion lawsuits], where’s the firewall?’’

WWE not only sponsors the Concussion Legacy Foundation but has a seat on the foundation’s board of directors that is held by Paul Levesque, an executive vice president of WWE who performs under the name Triple H and is the son-in-law of the company’s majority owner, Vince McMahon.

in 2010, Nowinski lashed out at WWE after one of his former tag team partners, Lance McNaught, aka Lance Cade, died at 29. Nowinski accused WWE of fostering an “absolutely unsafe’’ environment in the ring, encouraging steroid use, and contributing to the abuse of painkillers by its performers. WWE countered with a seven-point attack on Nowinski’s credibility.

But now all seems forgiven. Nowinski credits WWE with “making considerable changes to their concussion programs and education in the last decade that provide for a significantly safer environment.’’ And he disavowed his other 2010 accusations, saying “they were driven by emotion and the pain I felt from the death” of McNaught.


From The Mailbag (Someone Else’s)

Posted in Internal Affairs, The Mailbag at 7:07 pm by

Several years back, Apple established .mac email addresses ; I obtained one pretty early on and as Apple has rolled out additional domains (eg. .me, .icloud) I’ve found myself with additional addresses I may or may not use. Pretty fucking boring, right? IF ONLY.

At least once every couple of days, various knuckleheads all over the world somehow conclude one or more of these addresses are THEIRS, and begin using them for everything ranging from cell phone billing to company correspondence to happy chit-chat with their grandkids. As a result, I am bombarded with all sorts of email that is not intended for my eyeballs. These messages run the gamut from invoices, medical test results, company contracts, let’s-break-up proposals, vacation snapshots, video footage of foals being born, and (you guessed) it, explicit personal photography from a rather varied spectrum of the population.

Just when I think the deluge is slowing down, I receive not one, but two consecutive Mistaken Identity Email Hall Of Fame entries on one Saturday morning. The above photograph is one of the least gory bits of evidence from what appears to be a rather serious van/car collision somewhere in Holland. And the following message seems to concern a landlord/tenant dispute that I am powerless to resolve :

“Dear Sir/Madam
I refer to my numerous complaints about rodent infestation at 540 Elizabeth Street, Redfern, and the migration of rodents into my house.

I add that I have not received one acknowledgement of any of my emails, despite Council’s response policy.

Further to those emails, I have now discovered a large almost 1 cm rodent faeces in my kitchen sink. A photo is attached.
While I understand that a person has taken legal possession of the above property and proposes to renovate it, that is no answer to immediate concerns about infestation.

I would like to know what Council proposes to do about the risk to my health and safety and property damage from apparent recurrent migration of rodents into my house.”


A Helpful Reminder Of Donald Trump’s Opinion Of His Most Recent Celebrity Endorser

Posted in Boxing, politics, Sports Journalism, The World Of Entertainment at 7:18 pm by

from CSTB, 2/11/06, “Trump Honors Killer, Stinks Up The Joint” :

I realize in these heady days of The Human Whoopie Cushion hopping up and down on Oprah’s couch, fielding offers for his own chatshow on the Fuckface Channel and then being named Amnesty International’s Man Of The Year, there’s something a little out of vogue about acknowledging good works on the part of the old school sports media.

And with that, I’m more out of vogue than the Middle Class. Wally Matthews has already proposed that a Friar’s Club Roast of Don King is no laughing matter. Sports Illustrated’s Jeff MacGregor, however, attended said event and provides hard evidence the affair would’ve been a lot funnier if someone else had read the jokes.

Freddie Roman, having warmed up this chilly daytime crowd, has at last brought to the lectern Roastmaster Donald Trump (above), who leans into the microphone for his opening remarks as if to bite it.

“HEY, FREDDIE, how come HE has to SIT so NEAR ME? Move OVER, DON…You know he KILLED PEOPLE? This guy KILLED PEOPLE. I’m going to say things about him and I DON’T WANT TO BE KILLED…”

He waits, maybe for comic effect, maybe to let the echo fade. “How come there are so FEW BOXERS HERE? Because DON KING has SCREWED so many BOXERS, nobody WANTS TO COME!”

There is an awkward silence, punctuated by a flurry of nervous laughs.


There is another brief, but undeniable pause, while the audience considers its options. Laugh, and they’ll only encourage him. Sit quiety, and it’s going to be the longest afternoon this side of the planet Saturn.

“I have a CATCHPHRASE, You’re FIRED! Don has a catchphrase, Not GUILTY…Don is a big FAN of The Apprentice. IN FACT he’ll SOON have his own show, it’s called THE ACCOMPLICE!…Don King wants to write a BOOK about this EVENT, ‘Old JEWS and the NEGROES who Frighten Them.’”

Having assigned blame, thereby also taking credit for whatever parts of the script he has “punched up”, Trump is free to introduce the first professional comic, Stewie Stone, which, blessedly, he eventually does.

Stone, who looks exactly like the picture you have in your head of a man in late middle-age named Stewie, selects as his opening target, the Roastmaster himself. “You’re a mean c———-. I didn’t know that about you. You’re getting a million and a half dollars to give lectures on how to be a millionaire? Your father gave you 40 million dollars, that’s how!….Don King at least did it with a gun, you’re just full of s—-.”


The Chances Of Russell Westbrook Ever Playing Basketball In Iran Are Getting Slimmer By The Day

Posted in Fashion, Football at 10:23 pm by

Persepolis goalkeeper Sosha Makani, 29, has been hit with a 6 month ban on domestic competition by Iran’s football federation for the crime of wearing what some are calling SpongeBob SquarePants, uh, pants (above, right). From the Independent’s Mark Critchley :

“We made the decision based on the clothing of this national football team player and the impact it can have on society,” an unnamed member of the committee told Varzesh3, an Iranian news agency.

Although the trousers do not feature a SpongeBob SquarePants design, users on social media and members of the Iranian press likened them to the cartoon character because of their colour.

Makani was temporarily jailed in January after a number of images of him posing with women who were not wearing the hijab were circulated on social media.


Feds : The Mets’ Most Annoying Radio Sponsor Is A Crook

Posted in Baseball, Sports Radio, The Law at 7:27 pm by

Norman Seabook, President of the New York Correction Officers’ Benevolent Association (AKA COBA) and a fixture on New York Mets radio broadcasts for the last 2 seasons may soon find himself facing no-foolin’ imprisonment. Just a day after 5 of Seabrook’s union members were convicted of assaulting a Riker’s Island inmate, Seabrook himself was arrested and charged with accepting bribes in exchange for investing union money with a New York-based hedge fund. From New York’s Jen Kirby :

FBI agents busted Seabroook, who’s led the 9,000-plus-member Correction Officers’ Benevolent Association for 21 years, at 6 a.m. today at his Bronx home. Another defendant, hedge-fund manager Murray Huberfeld, was also arrested in connection with this case. Seabrook is accused of steering $20 million from the corrections’ union’s pension fund into Huberfeld’s Platinum Partners firm. Huberfeld allegedly returned the favor by giving Seabrook as much as $150,000 in kickbacks, according to the New York Daily News. Both men are formally charged with honest wire fraud and conspiracy to commit honest wire fraud.

Another person — identified by sources as Jona Rechnitz, a businessman who’s also at the center of one of the inquiries into de Blasio’s fundraising — has already pleaded guilty to charges in connection with the case, and is cooperating with authorities in exchange for leniency. According to the criminal complaint, Rechnitz, who was cozy with Seabrook and other high-ranking NYPD officials, introduced the two men in late 2013, after Seabrook had complained that he got no financial perks from his work investing the unions’ retirement funds. (It’s time “Norman Seabrook got paid,” he allegedly told Rechnitz.) Rechnitz acted as the go-between to deliver the alleged bribes from Huberfeld, including buying a Ferragamo bag — Seabrook’s “favorite luxury goods store,” according to the complaint — and stuffing it with $60,000 in cash to deliver to the union chief.

Mayor de Blasio condemned Seabrook in unequivocal terms Wednesday, calling the allegations “disgusting.” “It means he took money that was meant for his workers’ retirements and put it in his own pocket,” he said. Seabrook has been suspended from his post, according to the mayor’s office.


Tucson’s Methra : Taking “Peavey-Powered” To A Dangerous New Conclusion

Posted in record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 11:34 pm by

My first amp was a Peavey Backstage 30. I know this will come has a huge surprise to those familiar with my universally recognized virtuosity, but once upon a time my parents were fielding phone calls from aggrieved neighbors who didn’t quite understand that my pioneering attempts at turning all of the amplifier’s knobs to 10 and playing the same chord over and over again with the assistance of an MXR Distortion Plus and a guitar very similar to the one shown here deserved greater patience, if not a worldwide audience. Those days have long passed, of course, and now I’ve learned a second chord. However, the unique solid state tones of this nearly indestructible creation of amp/instrumental creator Hartley Peavey made a lasting impact on my hearing and without question that of millions of less-decorated players around the world.

Still, much as the unique sonic properties of Mr. Peavey’s amps have influenced and informed generations, I was not aware until today that there’s an active religious group worshiping him, as Gear Gods’ Trey Xavier explains (thanks to Jacob Schultz for the link) :

Methra’s new EP Acolyte is based on persistent online rumors that a cabal of top amplifier manufacturers had Hartley Peavey killed and replaced with a doppelganger in the late 80s to stop the company from collapsing the industry due to low price points on the highest quality original amplifiers in the world.

In their official video for “Hartley’s Cult”, they take the concept to new heights (lows?) by sacrificing amps made by other manufacturers and performing dark ceremonies to the lord of affordable US-made amplifiers.

Sunn O))) were unavailable for comment. Mostly because I don’t have their phone numbers.

The Flying Fists Of Manny Machado : He’s No Roughned Odor, But Not For Lack Of Effort

Posted in Baseball at 11:12 pm by

Here we go again, conflict-resolution Yordano Ventura-style.


Ali Vs. Inoki : The Real Entertainment Happened Before The Match

Posted in Boxing, Professional Wrestling at 10:21 pm by

In recalling Muhammad Ali’s lucrative boxer vs. wrestler clash with Japan’s Antonio Inoki in 1974, a New York Times headline writer calls the bout, “Ali’s Least Memorable Fight”. That’s some insult considering Ali’s fight history includes defeats of such non-icons as Jurgen Blin, Jean Pierre-Coopman and Rudi Lubbers, though given that Inoki spent 15 consecutive rounds crawling around on his back, perhaps it’s not too surprising. But while the Ali/Inoki meeting was an aesthetic disaster in the ring, as you’ll see from the clip below, Ali was nothing if not fully invested in the promotion of the fight :


No One At The Venue May Look Moving Units In The Eye

Posted in Austin, Rock Und Roll at 10:01 pm by

From Ovrld‘s Facebook page, 6/5/16 :

We booked a show with a trio of local acts we love supporting and SNUFF REDUX, a Seattle band we also love, and we made the call to merge it with Moving Units’ show after their opening acts had to cancel. We did this to help The Sidewinder and because we felt it would offer our bands a chance to play alongside a veteran act we greatly admire. A member of one of the local bands, schilling, took issue with this change, calling the increase in ticket price “bullshit.” We can respect someone’s frustration at a last minute ticket price change, and we even used some of our own guest lists spots to make sure all of the band’s friends got in free, but how this person behaved once he got to the venue was disrespectful and disappointing. This musician insulted Moving Units from the stage and also insulted the bands we had booked. He then ended his meltdown by smashing a venue mic against one of his amps. When we asked him to apologize to the sound personnel, he refused, then vomited all over one of his band mates in front of the venue.

Wait a minute, someone insulted Moving Units? THE Moving Units? Moving Units are gracious enough to bring their internationally acclaimed collection of haircuts to a mid-sized Austin venue and some bunch of local nobodies have the unmitigated gall to INSULT them?

I think we’re all pretty goddamn lucky Moving Units managed to look past this colossal display of immaturity and unprofessionalism and still perform at Sidewinder. At least I presume they still performed as there’s not enough money, drugs or bullets in the gun you’d have to put to my head in order to get me to ever see them again. I might’ve stopped by had I known somebody was gonna hurl over the rest of his or her band, but I’m gonna presume that was a more spontaneous gesture than talking shit about Moving Units.

Either way, we’re also super fortunate there’s a local music website devoted to upholding decorum and defending honored guests in our city. Can you imagine the fallout if word got ’round about Moving Units being verbally abused? You might think I’m kidding, but take it from a genius showbiz vet, there’s a chilling effect of sorts. One day you’re turning a blind eye to someone ridiculing Moving Units, the next you’re finding out that Sixx:A.M. can’t play the weekend of Formula One due to a “scheduling conflict.” Maybe it’s all fun and games for the rest of you puking, posturing assholes, but thank fucking christ there’s a music blog looking at the big picture and doing their part to make Austin an important destination for world-class talent.


Muhammad Ali

Posted in Boxing at 5:59 pm by

(photographic evidence the heavyweight division isn’t what it used to be — how come no contemporary sluggers have beat up The Libertines or The Strokes?).

As you’ve probably read, well, everywhere, 3-time heavyweight champion and civil rights advocate Muhammed Ali passed away last night at the age of 74.

Even the best Ali obits — of which this most certainly isn’t in the top 2000 — are gonna struggle to fully put the former Cassius Clay’s social and political impact in perspective because the world is so different today. Ali’s embrace of the Nation Of Islam — and insistence he be addressed by his new name wasn’t merely polarizing, it was downright terrifying to much of white America. His refusal to fight in Vietnam — a stance which cost him several of his prime fighting years — further served to vilify him in the eyes of much of the sports world, media and fans alike.

That Ali would ultimately be vindicated by the U.S. Supreme Court and fight in some of the most memorable bouts of his or any generation (the first and third battle with Joe Frazier, the first of which might’ve been the most hotly anticipated sporting event in modern history) is remarkable enough, but Ali would also recapture his title against a heavily favored George Foreman in 1974 amidst a backdrop far more unique than your typical modern PPV.

None of which is to say Ali was infallible. Unquestionably of the great trash talkers of all-time, Ali’s treatment of Joe Frazier was in retrospect, inexcusable and deeply hurtful to man who also earned an important place in sports history. His 1975 battering of Chuck Wepner, despite inspiring the name of this blog, Sylvester Stalone’s creation of “Rocky” and Howard Cossel’s retirement from boxing commentary, probably never should’ve taken place. On the evidence of his losses to the lightly regarded Leon Spinks Jr. and Larry Holmes, Ali should’ve left the fight game far sooner. However, he wasn’t the first pugilist to hang around too long, and he was hardly the last, either.

It’s almost impossible to imagine any athlete — let anyone a prize fighter — meaning nearly as much to people around the world in 2016 as Muhammed Ali in his heyday. His combination of charisma, conscience, courage and wit set a bar that’s awfully high ; watching him fight was only one part of the equation.


You Don’t Know Shit About Selling Yourself (And NAME REDACTED Is Here To Show You How It’s Done)

Posted in record collector disease at 1:34 pm by

(above : a prior generation’s mastermind of media manipulation)

“(NAME REDACTED) is a New York-based power electronics / death industrial project, that aims to express the fatalism of all generative processes and the supremacy of death.

I am being 100% serious when I say this is the single greatest pitch for ANYTHING I have ever read. Talk about checking off ALL THE BOXES  :

1) NY Based.
This is important. New York has produced crucial musical acts ranging from Billy Joel to Murphy’s Law to Fischerspooner. Citing the NYC connection firmly puts the artist in question in a rich pantheon that includes but is not limited to Dee Snider, The Great Kat and Vatican Shadow.

2) “power electronics / death industrial”.
Many performers are loathe to paint themselves into a corner but in this instance you’re only talking about a hybrid of the two best things ever. I’m reminded of Reese’s wildly successful, “you got peanut butter in my chocolate” / “you got chocolate in my peanut butter” television spots from many years ago.

3) “the fatalism of all generative processes”.
This is something most of today’s chart toppers and critics’ faves don’t even want to address. Cowards, every one of ‘em.

4) “the supremacy of death”.
Impossible to argue with. I mean, you had me at the fatalism of all generative processes but adding the supremacy of death is just gravy. Grim, life-hating gravy.

In short, there’s somebody out there who managed to say more about their view of the world in twenty-five words than most spiels manage in thirty-five or forty. I’m in love (with these twenty five words).


The Licki (TM) Brush : A Sure Fire Way To Get Your Roommates To Move Out, Instantly

Posted in Cats, The Marketplace at 8:05 pm by

If you’re like me, and I suspect a few of you are, you’ve got no shortage of friends who are contending with troublesome roommates. Since you can’t simply dump a co-tenant’s shit on the sidewalk, consider the advent of the Licki Brush.  Imagine the look of sheer terror on the face or Mr. or Ms. Thing That Wouldn’t Leave when they stumble thru the front door at 1am and find you GROOMING A CAT WITH YOUR MOUTH on the living room floor.  PRESTO, you’ve got plenty of space for more records.

Or cats.  Because after word gets ’round the neighborhood, they’re all gonna be lining up for licking.


The Spitter’s Good : MLB’s Camo Fixation Honors No One

Posted in Baseball, Fashion, The Marketplace at 10:46 pm by

(above : despite an impressive rebound from his recent pitching struggles, Matt Harvey disrespected America’s fallen heroes yesterday by failing to wear camo sleeves)

As you probably noticed, all 30 Major League Baseball clubs donned camouflage caps and jerseys with camo lettering during Monday’s Memorial Day contests. Aside from the obvious aesthetic atrocities (not nearly as bad as Randy Myers modeling for the Cabela’s catalog, but too close for comfort), The Spitter’s Keith Good finds the camo choice, well, inappropriate.

The camo-splashed designs ignorantly disregard the spirit of Memorial Day. Dating back to the Civil War, families set aside a day to commemorate those who died in service of their country. Nothing in MLB’s camogasm costumes commemorate the fallen.

The uniforms instead fall back on the tired trope of blind military glorification. Memorial Day isn’t about glory but the somberness of men and women who left families and never returned. If baseball truly wanted to Memorialize fallen soldiers, their caps and jerseys would feature traditional memorials like poppies, gold stars, and black ribbons.

The truth is a tasteful cap, embroidered with black and poppies, probably wouldn’t move as much merch for Dick’s. Camo is a proven, profitable design. Yes, MLB is donating the profits from their camo caps to charity, but what about the countless sales partners?

Miami Sportscasters : You Want Marlins Coverage, You Got It

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 9:02 pm by

Marlins pregame host Craig Mierveri went on something of a Twitter tear last week, suggesting his colleagues in Miami sports media weren’t doing nearly enough to trumpet the accomplishments of the city’s 3rd place baseball team. New Times’ Ryan Yousefi responds, “What Minervini either misses or is incapable of seeing through his Marlins-employee goggles is that the baseball team should be thankful it gets any coverage at all. The Marlins should kiss the ground that each fan walks on,”(“the Miami Marlins as a franchise are a disgrace to the city of Miami, and most people that don’t directly work for them would much rather go about their day simply forgetting they exist.”). WPLG sports anchor Will Manso, as you can see from the video above, shares some of those sentiments.

One Man’s Anti-Liverpool Sentiments Unleash An International Furor

Posted in Football at 12:07 am by

From The Guardian :

A 50-year-old man has been charged with a public order offence after he was seen at a pub wearing a T-shirt mocking the Hillsborough disaster.

Paul Grange, from Worcester, was charged by West Mercia police with displaying threatening and abusive writing likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress.

A police spokesman said Grange had been bailed to appear at Worcester magistrates court on a date in July.

The West Mercia force launched an inquiry on Sunday after a man was seen wearing a T-shirt suggesting the 1989 disaster, in which 96 Liverpool football fans died, was “God’s way of helping” a pest control firm.

Pictures were posted on social media of the man, who was asked to leave the Brewers Arms, in the St John’s area of Worcester, by the landlord.

A photograph showing Grange wearing another shirt bearing the slogan, “SCOUSERS shouldn’t you be at home f****** your kids” has been making the rounds as well. It’s created probably a little more notoriety than Grange was planning on. In addition to facing criminal charges, there’s an ongoing campaign to deliver items including but not limited to a “mini-horse”, “£2500 in takeaway” and a “male prostitute” to his doorstep. OK, but shouldn’t Grange’s opponents send him something useless and unwanted, too?


Couch Slouch : Toronto’s Jurasic Park Is For Losers

Posted in Basketball, Mob Behavior at 11:34 pm by

Though Norman Chad’s Sunday syndicated column was ostensibly meant as a series of apologies to the nation of Canada for a succession of offenses (Dwayne Wade disrespecting “O, Canada”, MLB pulling the Expos out of Montreal, Stephen A. Smith taking the Raptors lightly), the “Hold On, Honey, I’ll Take You to the Hospital at Halftime” author draws the line at the scenes of Raptors fans congregating in what’s come to be known as Jurasic Park :

There is one area in which otherwise sensible Canadians confound me: this whole notion of gathering outside Air Canada Centre in Toronto to watch the Raptors on a video screen in a plaza. Uh, do you really want to stand around for several hours surrounded by strangers eating and drinking to excess, all in close quarters? If I desired that, I would just go on a Carnival Cruise and take in “Mamma Mia!”

I mean, you either buy a ticket and go inside the arena or you stay at home and watch the game on TV; if you don’t have a TV, you can order one on amazon.com and have it in your living room within 24 hours. Who drives to the arena and then watches the game on a video screen outside the arena? I would have more respect for you if you drove to Best Buy, plopped down in front of a flat screen there and slipped a Geek Squad guy a double sawbuck to sneak you a Yuengling or two.


Sultan Of Surly : Reports Of My Dickishness Are Once Again, Highly Exaggerated

Posted in Baseball at 6:56 pm by

Baseball’s all-time HR leader / current Marlins hitting coach Barry Bonds was accused by Dodgers OF Joc Pedersen earlier this week of refusing to pose for a photograph during Miami’s visit to Chavez Ravine earlier this season. Speaking with MLB.com’s Terrence Moore, Bonds insists there must be some mistake!

“I got a phone call from somebody about it, and I said, ‘What? I did what?’ So I just called the young man up maybe 45 minutes ago, and I apologized, because that’s what he felt took place,” Bonds said Friday in the visitors’ dugout at Turner Field, where his team is playing the Braves this weekend. “What was really funny about that situation is that I didn’t even know that it happened. I don’t like talking to the media about these things, but I’m telling you about the phone call and that I apologized to the kid, because I’ve never done anything to a ballplayer like that in my life.

“How do the young kids say it nowadays? I didn’t mean to ‘dis’ him. So I made a point today to call him up and apologize.”

“I told him, ‘It’s an unfortunate situation that you felt you had to go to the media to make that statement when, technically, it was an honest mistake, and I didn’t go out of my way to do something like that, because I’ve never done anything like that in my life,’” Bonds said.

As Thom Loverro points out, this is not the first time Bonds has faced charges from another player for somewhat less than gracious behavior.