Mets’ Granderson Swaps Batting Helmet For Tin Foil Hat

Posted in Baseball at 1:55 pm by

(above : documentary highly regarded in the Granderson household)

The 2015 rebound of Curtis Granderson is just one of several feel-good storylines for the NL East-leading New York Mets, but if you were hoping the outfielder would discuss something as benign as his auto insurance with the local press, you’ll be disappointed. On Sunday, the New York Post’s Steve Serby quizzed Granderson on a number of topics, including but not limited to the difference between the latter’s haircut and that of Jacob deGrom (“I wouldn’t go through the hat phase of it, so if I could wane up with a ’fro I would do it, but I don’t want to go through the in-between phase of it”), Alex Rodriguez’ unlikely comeback (” it’s a testament to how competitive he is”), bachelor life (“when marriage ready to happen, it’ll happen..no set time frame or timetable on that”), and most importantly, the phony fucking baloney Apollo moon landing!

Q: You’re one of the most polished, politically correct athletes I’ve ever dealt with. Now say something controversial.
A: Let’s see … I can probably go with … I had this conversation with people — if we landed on the moon, how come we’ve never been back? I think there might be some conspiracy stuff to that.
Q: You do?
A: We haven’t been back, it’s been [43] years, technology’s all gotten better, and I’ve actually looked that one up a little bit and saw something on the NASA website and it said something that that space shuttle that was made back then is no longer made any more. They’re making one now, but it costs $30 billion to be able to go there. And we’re constantly coming back, you always hear of spaceships landing: oh, so-and-so just got back from its mission … where’d they go, you know? No one else in the world has ever been, so…


If You Had Mariners Fever, Jack Zduriencik Was The Cure

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down at 6:03 pm by

Amongst the highlights of Jack Zduriencik’s tenure as Seattle GM ; the acquisition of an accused rapist, a feigned zeal for statistical analysis, and presiding over a rehabbing player being pelted with an ice cream sandwich by an M’s scout. Zduriencik (above) was relieved of his duties early Monday, and U.S.S. Mariner’s Marc W. suggests his love affair with the Mariners has been forever tainted by the former GM’s underachievement, or if you prefer, “the intensity of my fandom’s been permanently restricted”.

A big part of that might be age and life and the way 518 losses in 5.5 years rewires your brain to spare you some pain. But a part of it is that we fell too hard for the idea that the right executive is all you need. That a General Manager can remake an organization, from top to bottom, relatively quickly and have everything just work out. We see this all the time – Cardinals fans believe in their org, and Astros fans will tell you more than you wanted to know about their vaunted Process. But the more you look into them, the more you see just how extensive change needs to be. The Cards aren’t the Cards because of their GM, they’re where they are because of dozens or hundreds of people. A leader can be vital in creating and nurturing a culture that works for player development or pro scouting, but it takes an entire organization to make it work. As fans, we thought at one point that Zduriencik was a kind of cheat code – his blend of scouting acumen and willingness to listen to newfangled metrics would blend the best of old school and new and make the Cardinals look like the St. Louis Browns in short order. Instead, what we saw was a front office that seemed to be at war with itself. Instead of creating a culture, the GM created a growing list of enemies. Nearly every group – from Pro Scouting to Player Development was overhauled, and nothing much seemed to change.

The M’s front office was incapable of building a team to reliably compete in the AL. The M’s realized this and made a change. Realistically, the M’s are further from their goal of competing in the medium term than they were before the year started, but even this helped clarify things and point a way forward. We knew before the year that the M’s had risks at the catcher spot, the bullpen and CF, and those risks have ended up sinking the season. The risks have turned into a shopping list or a player development challenge. Someone else will figure out what to do about these issues, and I’m excited to see what they do. I’ll just never be excited as I was in December of 2009 again.

Vice Scribe Argues Vehemently For The Right To Objectify Bartolo Colon

Posted in Baseball at 5:21 pm by

“The more sports culture treats women as human beings with feelings and not as some caricature of what women are supposed to be, the more likely the space will become safer and more welcoming for everyone,” writes Vice Sports’ Stacey May Fowles, arguing, “as absurd as it might seem, the freedom to talk about desire without judgment and dismissal is definitely a part of that.” And she’s got a point — when have male fans been discouraged from expressing their true desires?

It seems that sports culture can’t reconcile female desire with knowledge, so if you’re admiring the finer points of Josh Donaldson’s unstoppable swagger—his “liquid hot sexual gold,” as certain aficionados have been known to call it—you can’t possibly understand the mechanics of his MVP-worthy work at third base. Logic would dictate that I can find him stunning and still understand how the game works, and even be an expert on it. Yet, for whatever reason, acknowledging that I notice how pretty he is somehow becomes a shameful admission. I am forever a guest in a man’s house, and am expected to watch what I say and police what I feel accordingly.

Quite frankly, I’ve grown real tired of pretending that Bryce Harper isn’t a scorchingly beautiful specimen of masculinity. I’ve become exhausted denying that Buster Posey has the most adorable, angelic boy-band face I’ve seen since perusing Tiger Beat as a teenage girl. I’m weary from saying that Justin Verlander’s pants look “uncomfortable,” or that Matt Kemp looks “like an athlete.” I’ve actually come to think that every time I deny my inevitable attraction to players—I’m only human, and you know what Matt Kemp looks like—I’m supporting that terrible notion that real fans don’t have crushes, or that crushes hysterically cancel out all other considerations, and finally that women should simply shut up about how they feel if they want to watch a game with everyone else. A more cynical observer might even wonder if this gag rule has more to do with a threat to the general fan base’s masculinity than any real “respect for the game.”


Northeastern Univ. Professor : Stop Stigmatizing Michael Vick

Posted in Dogs, Gridiron at 11:34 pm by

Pittsburgh’s signing of free agent QB Michael Vick (above to backup Ben Roethlisberger has angered a portion of Steelers fans no doubt mindful that Vick was very much a hands-on participant in the abuse & murder of dogs. Speaking with the Post-Gazette’s Megan Ryan, Jack Levin,co-director of the Brudnick Center on Violence and Conflict at Northeastern University, argues that Vick, “has been stigmatized, no doubt about it”.

Mr. Levin co-wrote a study that found people have more empathy for dogs than for human adults, and he said that concern for what people see as vulnerable and helpless animals could be why the quarterback has been denounced by the “informal system,” even though he has endured the consequences of the criminal justice system.

But there are, as always, two sides to the story. Although those against the quarterback have been active on social media and made an impromptu protest of about a half-dozen people at the Steelers’ practice facility Wednesday afternoon, there are many in support of him and how he can help the team. One commenter on Facebook said, “He paid for his mistake, so doesn’t he deserve to make a living like everybody else?”

“Those who are forgiving see Michael Vick as having paid the penalty, and they also may see him as remorseful, a man who understands that he did the wrong thing and won’t do it again,” Mr. Levin said. “And ideally, that’s really the way the criminal justice system should work. People go to prison, they pay for the crime that they committed and then they should be able to live a life pretty much like everyone else.”

Putting aside for a moment whether or not there’s something screwy about Vick’s abuse of dogs being more offensive to some than Rothlisberger’s alleged treatment of women (you’ll note Rothlisberger’s never been charged or convicted), surely Professor Levin is not so naive to think that Vick simply aspires to “live a life just like everyone else”. The Steelers are one late hit on Big Ben away from Vick essentially being the face of the franchise, a face that’s still synonymous with animal cruelty. In the unlikely event Aaron Hernandez were released from prison while still in his athletic prime, would Levin argue the former returning to an NFL roster was simply a matter of not denying him a right to work? If Jerry Sandusky somehow manages to live to be 107 years old and is granted early parole, is a major college football program obliged to help him “live a life like anyone else”?

There’s no shortage of persons with criminal records who struggle to get second chances, who find empathy in scant supply. By contrast, Michael Vick’s last contract with Philly included $40 million in guaranteed cash atop a $16.5 annual salary (he earned a subsequent $5 million in 2014 with the Jets). There’s no evidence he’s suffered any sort of unjust career setback since reinstatement and if he’s not universally popular…what exactly do you expect, Professor Levin?

The Only Music Snobbery Quiz That Matters

Posted in non-sporting journalism, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll, The Internet at 12:49 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : folks keep circulating that silly Buzzfeed “How Much Of A Music Snob R You?” quiz circa 2014, and I only scored a 59 out of 100. That’s a pretty fucking mediocre score considering I’m one of questions, and I will KNIFE FIGHT anyone who challenges my snob credentials, musical or otherwise. But let’s face it, the quiz is ridiculous — LOTS of non-snobs have purchased import titles or can identity John Peel.

So with that in mind, I’ve prepared a “THIS IS HOW MUCH OF A MUSIC SNOB YOU ARE (YOU FUCKING SNOB)” quiz that I’m certain will set the internet aflame and probably result in my server company (finally) giving me the boot later today. I’d say it was nice knowing you, but that would be a lie – GC)


Stopped fucking someone because you found a DMB CD in their house?

Told a prospective employer and/or parents of a fiancee they were total morons because they didn’t know which member of Bush was in Transvision Vamp?

Told a member of Transvision Vamp they were a total moron?

Spent a wake flipping through the deceased’s record collection?

Masturbated to discogs.com?

Told a Holocaust survivor, “at least you didn’t have to go to Burgerama”?

Compared Burgerama to Record Store Day?

Launched an unsuccessful Kickstarter to fund a Dylan Cohl doc?

Started a gofundme to finance a Dave Bass doc (and used the money to buy records for yourself)?

Repeatedly friended/defriended Henry Owings just to try and get his attention?

Possessed a driver’s license or birth certificate featuring the name “Ned Hayden”?

Refused to pose for a photo with George Wendt because he likes Buffalo Tom?

Heard the opening notes to “Rhiannon” and immediately started thinking about The Rotters?

sold Todd Benzinger a Skrewdriver record on eBay (NOT AN EARLY ONE, EITHER) and then ratted him out online?

Found whoever was responsible for some “musical guilty pleasures” clickbait/slideshow and planted shit on their computer making it appear as though they were plotting to blow up a government facility? (TOP THAT, MR. ROBOT)

Disowned one of your own children for posting the H.R./Brooke Shields pic weeks after everyone else did?

Refused to write about food and/or write appointment TV recaps simply because you’re terrible at transitioning into adulthood?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above, you are absolutely a music snob. If you answered “no” to any of the above, I don’t know what your problem is and really can’t relate to you at all.


A Nearly Decade Old Reminder That Larry Bowa Is Baseball’s #1 Etiquette Enforcer

Posted in Baseball, Fashion, Sports Radio at 7:42 pm by

Phillies bench coach Larry Bowa made headlines for his minor men’s meltdown (sorry, Steve Coogan) during Tuesday’s 6-5 loss to the visiting Mets. Putting aside for a moment whether or not Bowa had a right to take umbrage with the quick-pitching Hansel Robles or the bat-flipping Daniel Murphy, let’s recall a 6/21/05 CSTB post in which Bowa attempted to school satellite radio listeners on the sort of fashion do’s & don’ts that would someday make Gavin McInnes a household name (in his own household) :

Most mornings when XM 175′s Larry Bowa, Buck Martinez and Mark Patrick are doing their thing, I’m sawing logs and dreaming of well…let’s say something other than Larry Bowa, Buck Martinez and Mark Patrick. However, about once a week I’m up bright and early and driving to an airport somewhere, and each time I tune into the trio’s chit chat program, I’m treated to something almost as amazing as the following :

Larry on C.C. Sabathia wearing his hat sideways :

I read somewhere where he said he doesn’t even know how he puts it on, it just ends up that way. That’s a lie. No one has ever put on a hat without knowing which way it faced. You know where the brim is. He’s a liar.

Bowa went on to suggest that opposing managers should use Sabathia’s cap as a reason to insist on a balk being called. “He’s trying to deceive the runner.”

(C.C. – not fooling anyone on Tuesday night)

After a caller told Bowa, “I know a girl who is a big fan of yours, she’s from Philadelphia.”, Larry replied,

Yeah? What’s her name, Mrs. Wade?

What, You Were Expecting He’d Say Rusted Shut?

Posted in Baseball, Leave No Child Unbeaten, twitter twatter at 2:57 pm by

Is it so far fetched there’s a big fan of Wunderection participating in this highly-rated sporting event?


Finn On The Axing Of Don Orsillo

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 10:17 pm by

Red Sox play by play man Don Orsillo, a 15 year veteran in the NESN booth, will not be returning next spring, with the club opting for ESPN fixture/NESN radio announcer Dave O’Brien as Orsillo’s replacement.

Though I certainly don’t catch every Red Sox telecast,I’m baffled how they cut Orsillo loose. A great TV broadcast duo or trio can make you feel warmly about a club even when everything else in the organization sucks like crazy (see NY Mets, 2009-2014) and you cannot deny Orillo’s chemistry with Jerry Remy (as the above clip from 2007 illustrates). But as The Boston Globe’s Chad Finn writes, while Orsillo’s firing “is disheartening for those who appreciate his polished and often humorous approach…it is not a shock to those in the industry.”

It was speculated on “Dennis and Callahan” that the Red Sox ratings, which have dipped to 3s and 4s in a disappointing season, were a reason for moving on from Orsillo. That may be a factor, but it’s not the main reason.

According to industry sources, Orsillo was never a favorite of Joseph Maar, NESN’s vice president of programming and production/executive producer who arrived at the network in July 2012. Last year, Maar implemented the policy of having its broadcasters — Orsillo and analyst Jerry Remy, in this case — take in-season breaks.

A NESN spokesman said last year that the policy was implemented to keep broadcasters fresh, but it also serves another purpose: A week off during the season for its broadcasters means they must make up the week of work outside of baseball season, which is unusual given their grueling schedule from April through at least September. Orsillo, known as a team player among his colleagues at NESN, was resistant to this approach.

A Percentage Of Curt Schilling Tweets Encourage Islamophobia (DO THE MATH)

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV, twitter twatter at 5:08 pm by

Asked for a comment, an ESPN spokesperson said, “the intolerance is bad enough, but Curt’s reliance on memes is really unacceptable in the modern workplace”.



Posted in Austin, Dogs, record collector disease at 1:51 pm by

I am sure you’ll agree the above solicitation is absolutely shameful, stomach turning and says an awful lot about how certain entitled attitudes are ruining Austin. The worst thing about it is that I’m almost certain the entire thing is lifted word for word from my internet dating profile.


Shocking News From Boston : There’s A Pokemon World Championship

Posted in Total Fucking Terror at 7:42 pm by

Were Dino Costa still broadcasting, surely he’d label the following a false flag. ABC News reports two Iowa men were arrested Sunday after attempting to enter the Pokemon World Championships at Boston’s Hynes Convention Center with a not-so-small arsenal :

Police said two male suspects were stopped attempting to enter the event. BRIC and Boston PD detectives were called and were told that the two men had driven to the event from Iowa and had several firearms in their vehicle, police said.

When the the suspects could not produce a gun license, police seized the vehicle, but the suspects were released pending a search warrant, according to the Boston PD.

On Friday, detectives received and executed a search warrant for the suspect vehicle and found a 12-gauge Remington shotgun, a DPM5 Model AR-15 rifle, several hundred rounds of ammunition, and a hunting knife, police said. At that time, an arrest warrant was issued for the two men.

With the assistance of the Saugus Police Department, BPD detectives located and arrested the suspects at a Saugus hotel, according to the Boston police.

Kevin Norton, 18, and James Stumbo, 27, both of Iowa, were charged with unlawful possession of a firearm, unlawful possession of ammunition, and other firearm related charges.

“There was not a nexus to terrorism but the investigation into the specific motive for the threats is ongoing,” Officer Rachel McGuire, a Boston Police Department spokeswoman, told ABC News today.


CSTB’S Greatest (?) Hits : That Time I Almost Applied For A Real Job

Posted in Austin, Baseball, Internal Affairs at 6:48 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : tonight heavy research slate includes the first place Mets in Denver, NXT Takeover live from Barclays Center and the Hex Dispensers at Hole In The Wall, and with that in mind, there’s gonna be even less original content than usual — which is saying something. And besides, I don’t like you very much. In honor of Neil Cotts being signed by the Twins today, from November 11, 2013, here’s “Times R Tuff : Mulling Moonlighting In Williamson County” – GC)

(likely vantage point of my future nighttime gig, complete with SFW web content)

CSTB Ad revenue is down and as you’re all undoubtedly aware, the entire music industry is bankrupt (financially, too!). Under prior circumstances, I’d not have thought twice about being head-hunted for the job of Round Rock Express public address announcer, but I believe it was Rob Ford who recently said, “if a man don’t work, he don’t eat.” Or something about eating. Let’s review the local Pacific Coast League affiliate’s criteria for their mouthpiece-of-the-future, shall we?

Current Part-Time Postings:

2014 Public Address Announcer

The Round Rock Express is a Triple-A baseball team affiliated with the Texas Rangers competing in the Pacific Coast League. The Express is owned by Ryan-Sanders Baseball and will be entering its 15th season in 2014.

Position in the Corporate Structure:
The PA Announcer is the main voice of the Round Rock Express at Dell Diamond. The PA Announcer works closely with the Production Coordinator and reports directly to the Director, Ballpark Entertainment within the Marketing Department. The PA Announcer is a part-time, game-day position with opportunities to work at Dell Diamond for non-game-day events.

Day-to-Day responsibilities include, but are not limited to, the following:

Strong vocal talent (THAT”S ME)
A unique and distinctive personality (SEE ABOVE)
Strong knowledge of baseball, including rules and positions (DEPT. DUH)
Ability to multi-task in a stressful environment (NO FUCKIN’ SWEAT)
Comfortable announcing to crowds of over 10,000 people on a microphone (I CAN GET ILLER THAN NAM / I KILL & BOMB)
Comfortable announcing complex names from a variety of ethnic backgrounds (NOW PITCHING, NUMBER 56, NEIL “THE AGITATOR” COTTS)
Able to attend all home Express baseball games and arrive 1hour before the gates open each game (ALL GAMES? WHAT IF THERE’S SOMEONE NON-SUCKY PLAYING ON TV?)
Available to attend appropriate pre-game meetings (PLEASE TELL ME THESE MEETINGS ARE HELD IN A MAJOR CITY, IE. NOT ROUND ROCK)
Receptive to both positive and negative feedback (I’M DOWN WITH HALF OF THAT)
Ability to be spontaneous and react quickly as appropriate (DEPENDS – WHAT”S THE SPEED SITUATION LIKE OUT THERE?)
Experienced work as a PA Announcer in collegiate or professional baseball is preferred (I’VE WORKED MORE GAMES IN MY HEAD THAN YOU’VE EVACUATED IN REAL LIFE)
The PA Announcer will be required to attend all 72 Round Rock Express home games, as well as any preseason exhibition game and any playoff games. This includes nights and weekends. (HOW WILL MY UNDERSTUDY EVER BREAK THRU THE GLASS CEILING IF YOU DON’T GIVE HIM OR HER A CHANCE?)

Stump The Flump : Benigno-Gazingo’s Colleagues Love Him Even More Than You Do

Posted in New York, New York, Sports Radio at 6:38 pm by

In which WFAN mid-morning mouth Joe Benigno continues his diatribes against “sabermetric geeks trying to reinvent the game”, citing the example of Sandy Alderson’s pioneering Femoral Leverage Under Max Pressure (aka FLUMP) just another instance of those crazed eggheads destroying the national pastime.

Of course, the entire thing was an elaborate hoax orchestrated by Benigno’s own staff.


Barney Ronay Comes Just Short Of Calling Kyle Martino NBCSN’s Ted Baxter

Posted in Football, Sports TV at 8:14 pm by

NBC/Universal’s Premier League soccer telecasts have been pretty special, though the quality of play on the field is only one part of the equation. Viewers who suffered through the late, unlamented Fox Soccer Channel are for the most part, thrilled with the resources NBC has deployed since taking over in 2013 and the Guardian’s Barney Ronay, not one to gush over broadcasters, declares “watching English football in the US was an unexpected reminder of how good it actually is”.

Rebecca Lowe is a fine and knowledgeable anchor, albeit her role here is often shaved down into being really good at talking fast without stuttering and remembering to call Romelu Lukaku “the 56 million-dollar Belgian”. Robbie Earle still looks like a nice friendly saggy old embroidered cat propped up in the shop window and encouraged to talk about set-piece opportunities and overlapping runs and how “they’ve got to move the ball quicker for me”.

Robbie Mustoe proves it is possible after all to cram fact-based, cliche-free critical opinion into a 30-second analysis spot. The only slightly “soccerball” note is the retired American player Kyle Martino (above), who looks at first glance like the kind of man who might walk into a crowded room at a cocktail party and do a double-handed pistol shot with his finger and thumb, but who turns out to be very watchable in the grand American sportscasting tradition where things like research and preparation are still non-negotiable assets even for ex professional players.

What happens from here is anyone’s guess. The Premier League has made some unarguable gains in the foothills, to the extent that its TV revenue is split pretty evenly between domestic and global markets, a balance that is likely to tilt only one way in future. If this is a slightly alarming prospect for the domestic football fan, already alienated, priced out, rescheduled and generally encouraged to sit down and shut up, then it is worth remembering where all this syndicated wealth actually comes from.


An Important Message From The Entertainment Arm Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in Austin, Internal Affairs, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 8:26 pm by

(photo by Zac Sprague)

…and by “flogging”, I mean selling. But if you wanna get flogged, THAT CAN BE ARRANGED.

Back to the matter at hand. OBN III’s new album, the Mike McCarthy produced ‘Worth A Lot Of Money’ comes out September 14, but End of an Ear will have the blue vinyl version 6 days early and to celebrate this error in shipping, the band are playing the shop / blocking your access to the 7″ section on Tuesday, September 8 at 6pm sharp.

Real Ale will provide canned refreshment (if you’re 21 or over) and EOAE staff will provide sage advice about records they prefer to the new OBN III’s album. It’s one of those WIN-WIN scenarios for everyone, especially those who’ve had several Real (or fake) Ales.


The Annual / Obligatory “When Will Wally Backman Get A Big League Managerial Job?” Appeal Has A New Twist On It

Posted in Baseball at 7:20 pm by

(center : Backman, just grateful we’re not running that mugshot pic for the millionth time)

We’re around the moment in the baseball season when the Mets are typically either miles out of the running or in the middle of a swoon that will have a similar result, and with said status usually comes one or more suggestions that reprobate/motivator of young men Wally Backman is deserving of an opportunity (you know, the one he’s been campaigning for openly since the advent of broadband) to overthrow the well-meaning / overmatched Terry Collins.

This year, however, if the script hasn’t been flipped, at the very least, it’s been tweaked. Despite having lost 4 of their last 5 games to the Pirates and Orioles, the Mets still hold a 3.5 game advantage in the NL East, and as such, few are calling for Terry Collins’ removal or the promotion of Vegas 51′s skipper Backman. Few that is, except for the New York Daily News’ John Harper, who seriously argues that between Matt Williams’ incompetency in DC and the ability to fuck with the Mets’ heads by elevating Backman, the Nationals would be remiss in not handing Wally the reins ASAP.

Might such a dramatic move even mess with the Mets’ mojo? Backman managed many of their young players, and certainly his presence, going from the Mets’ Triple-A manager to the Washington dugout, would raise the intensity of this brewing rivalry.

The countless Mets fans who love Backman, going back to his days as the hustling sparkplug for the ’86 championship team, might just freak out a bit at the notion of him getting the Nats back on track for a September sprint to the finish.

For a team badly in need of a spark, Backman’s high-intensity personality would be quite a contrast to Williams’ low-key style and might be exactly what the underachieving Nationals need.


Jerome Kersey, Remembered In The Form Of A Corn Maze

Posted in Basketball, Tourism at 10:44 pm by

Of the myriad ways one might honor the memory of the late Portland small forward Jerome Kersey, I must admit, doing so via a carefully conceived corn maze was not one of them. But that’s exactly what the good people at Bella Organic Pumpkin Patch & Winery have done,

Announcing our 2015 Rip City (Portland Trailblazers) Corn Maze honoring the memory of Jerome Kersey! He was a good man and made such a positive impact on our community here in Portland, so we wanted to take this opportunity to remember him!

Join us on August 30th at 12pm, for a ribbon cutting ceremony at Bella Organic Farm on Sauvie Island, with The Jerome Kersey Foundation and a Portland Trail Blazers representative! The maze will be open daily from August 30th through October 31st, 2015.

Child Abuse : No Longer Just A Member Of The Skin Graft Roster

Posted in Gridiron, Leave No Child Unbeaten, Parental Responsibility at 10:32 pm by

In which NBC Washington’s Jim Vance joins the chorus of persons applauding Steelers LB James Harrison’s decision to toss his children’s participation trophies in the rubbish.


Requiem For A Natural Born Killer : Grantland’s New Jack Shoot Interview

Posted in Professional Wrestling, Sports Journalism at 8:57 pm by

Jerome Young aka New Jack, the former ECW fixture turned stand-up comedian, recently retired from the mat wars and as such, Stereogum’s Tom Breihan attempts to coax some commentary out of the more verbose half of the Gangstas via Grantland. While his onetime booker Paul Heyman attempts to put New Jack’s brand of ultra-violence, most infamously documented in the 1996 bludgeoning of wrestling neophyte Eric Kulas aka “Mass Transit”, in some sort of cultural context (““I would suggest that Jerome Young has spent his life rebelling against the injustices that permeated his existence throughout his childhood…e witnessed oppression and prejudice and was subjected to these ills of society, to where his rebellion against these characters and these social circumstances got played out with this militant, angry, violent victimizer known as New Jack”), the man himself is blunt and cuts very quickly to the chase :

New Jack went on to work for a number of independent promotions, many of which were attempting to re-create the wild atmosphere of ECW. In a match for the biggest of those companies, the L.A.-based Xtreme Pro Wrestling, New Jack once again faced Vic Grimes, the wrestler who’d landed on his head and blinded him in one eye, in another scaffold match. This time, New Jack threw Grimes from the scaffold and forced him to miss the tables that had been set up in the ring. Grimes landed hard on the ring ropes and injured himself. “That was payback,” says New Jack. “Was it his fault that I got hurt? Yeah. [In the original scaffold match,] he didn’t want to go with me when I said go. So I thought this is get-back.”

Once again, New Jack faced few consequences for Grimes’s injury. “He wouldn’t get in the ring with me again. I tried to kill his ass, so I guess he wouldn’t.”

“If I’d wanted to kill him,” he says, pondering what he was trying to do that night. “I could’ve.”

“I don’t regret shit that I did. Everything I did in the ring, I did it, and I can’t take it back.”


It’s Taken Only A Couple Of Weeks For Phil Mushnick To Find All Kinds Of Problems With Yoenis Cespedes

Posted in Baseball at 4:17 pm by

(above, Yoenis Cespedes shown loafing his way into a steal of second over the weekend)

While his NY Post colleague Joel Sherman proposes Steven Matz as a late innings replacement for the struggling Bobby Parnell, Phil Mushnickhaving already weighed in on the matter of jewelry — takes issue with Mets OF Yoenis Cespedes failure to run to first base Friday night after a dropped third strike by Pirates C Francisco Cervelli :

Cespedes gave the runaway ball a not-interested look, then began walking to the dugout. Cervelli chased the ball down, jogged to Cespedes and tagged him out. Cespedes didn’t even bother to force a throw to first or force anything that could have happened had he done so.

Of course, Gary Cohen and Hernandez were appalled! No, they weren’t.

“Gotta run, don’t ya?” Cohen casually asked, to which Hernandez as casually answered, “Yes, I agree.”

That was it. No big deal. Case closed.


Just to be super clear, Cespedes’ refusal to bust it down the line was clearly noted by the club’s highly respected play-by-play announcer. The equally respected analyst who sits to his right — more of the most beloved figures in Mets history — concurred. But apparently, that’s not nearly enough for Phil.

What would Mushnick have the SNY announcers do? Petition Sandy Alderson to waive Cespedes on the spot? Personally visit the clubhouse and strangle him with his allegedly fearsome gold chains?

Keep in mind, this is the same Yeonis Cespeds that nearly beat out an infield single the following evening (an umpire’s safe ruling was overturned by video replay) on a routine grounder late in a close game. Perhaps he could tell that he was in serious danger of losing Phil Mushnick’s respect. Or, just maybe, he actually plays the game hard and Friday’s lapse is not entirely reflective of his character as a person or player so there was NO NEED TO TEAR HIM TO FUCKING SHREDS. Sheesh.


Possibly The Worst Musical Offering To Come From The Sunshine State Since The Impotent Sea Snakes

Posted in College Spurts, Gridiron, Hip Hop at 11:59 pm by

I feel pretty confident saying the above work is twice as transgressive as anything the late Dean Riopelle produced. Video culled from Every Day Should Be Saturday. Here’s some background on the auteur behind “Gator Haters – Here This” :

Real Lawyer – Man of Christ – Proud Father – these are the “words” that describe LAWYER MIKE! Mixing a unique brand of musical chemistry, that includes a blend of R&B, Hip-Hop and other genre’s of music, Lawyer Mike exploded onto the musical scene in 2009. Although Lawyer Mike had been practicing law for 13 years at that time, he expanded his general practice to include Entertainment Law back in 2009. Now, going into his 17th year of Law Practice, he has worked with artists and writers such as Parlae (Dem Franchize Boyz), Schuylar Keeton (a.k.a. Sky), as well as, producers such as Lex Lucazi and J $ Mills. The uniqueness of Lawyer Mike’s music is a credit to his faith in his Lord & Savior! This has led to projects with Lex Lucazi (a.k.a. LEX) who has produced for artists such as T.I. and Rick Ross, among others. LEX has extrapolated sounds from all types of music, making has beats unlike any others. The partnership between LEX and Lawyer Mike has led to work involving Ant Mo and Johnny “Juice” Rosado (Public Enemy), as well as, associations with Lenny Santiago and Scoe Walker.


After Everything Dez Has Done For You, It’s Time To Say Thanks

Posted in record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 8:01 pm by

No disrespect is intended to the gentlemen who picked up the Black Flag microphone before and after* Dez Cadena, but man, no contest. He was the best.

(* – Mike Vallely excepted).

Dez is currently battling throat cancer. The crowd funding campaign to raise dough for his medical expenses hopefully states he’ll be smelling the sawdust again in a year’s time, but for the time being, radiation ain’t paying for itself. So you know what to do.


Posted in non-sporting journalism at 3:59 pm by

…AND YOU, MADAM, ARE NO TRAVIS BICKLE. The shit metaphor award of summer 2015 goes to the Chicago Tribune’s Kristen McQueary :

Envy isn’t a rational response to the upcoming 10-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

But with Aug. 29 fast approaching and New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu making media rounds, including at the Tribune Editorial Board, I find myself wishing for a storm in Chicago — an unpredictable, haughty, devastating swirl of fury. A dramatic levee break. Geysers bursting through manhole covers. A sleeping city, forced onto the rooftops.

That’s what it took to hit the reset button in New Orleans. Chaos. Tragedy. Heartbreak.

Fascinating. How about the reset buttons that were employed in Hiroshima or Dresden? That was some kinda reset button that lower Manhattan endured following 9/11!


Either You Want The Keys To The Lamborghini Or You Don’t

Posted in Austin, Rock Und Roll at 8:56 pm by

Michael Angelo Batio of “Shock ‘Em Dead” fame tried to give Carson Craig the keys to the Lamborghini, but phony fuckin’ baloney Carson SPACED on the show.

Me, I’m stuck outta town watching decidedly inferior bands from the nations of Australia and Philadelphia. But you can bet that were I home tonight, I would most definitely be joining the rest of you lovers of technical proficiency in watching M.A.B. deliver a much needed clinic to the denizens of 6th Street’s Dirty Dog. There’s still time! STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING and demand a terrified Lyft driver maneuver thru wrong-way highway traffic to get you to the gig before the shredding ceases.


On The Bright Side, At Least Scott Spiezo’s Found Work

Posted in Baseball, When Mascots Are Attacked at 11:43 pm by

“El Gigante” (yeah, whatever, Scott), San Jose Municipal Stadium, 8/12/15