12.31.04

Dogmeat Purveyor Purchases Dodger Dogs

Posted in Food at 6:52 pm by

In a development almost as terrifying as Rupert Murdoch’s brief ownership of the Los Angeles Dodgers, the venerable Dodger Dog is now under the stewardship of the Hormel Corporation.


(bad news for everyone)

Though a company spokesperson claims that Hormel “will in no way change any recipe or the grilling and the whole nine yards up at Dodger Stadium”, I’m not about to find out firsthand, and you shouldn’t either.

Death Of The Monobrow

Posted in Fashion at 1:19 pm by

Says Sam Frank, “insert Randy Johnson joke, here”. From The New York Times’ Andrew Jacobs.

In a quiet revolution sweeping the blue-collar precincts of metropolitan New York, mechanics, firemen and construction workers – most of them insistently heterosexual – are unapologetically doting on their eyebrows. Inspired by “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and the well-coiffed rap artists on BET, cowed by tweezers-wielding girlfriends and goaded by wisecracking co-workers, they are plucking and waxing as never before. And they don’t lie about it.

“Eyebrows were the last frontier,” said Louis DeJesus, a hair stylist whose Bronx salon, International Nails and Beauty, started seeing an influx of men about two years ago. “Everyone’s doing it now. And once a guy starts doing it, he gets addicted.”

From the immigrant enclaves of Queens to the minimalls of Long Island, modest salons that once catered to women find themselves inundated by primping, preening men, most of them young working-class guys who tend to spend their weekends at dance clubs. Even the Gotti brothers, the ones with their own reality television show, have embraced a minimalist approach to facial hair.

Carol Cedeno, a manicurist at Tom’s Scissorhands, a salon in Paterson, N.J., has seen the trend. “A lot of the guys used to be embarrassed, but now they just walk in and say it proudly: ‘I want my eyebrows done,’ ” she said, noting that her salon offers a wax job for $5. “Sometimes their eyebrows end up looking more dainty than their girlfriends’.”

When he first started tweezing last year, Al Bernal, a 31-year-old auto mechanic from Newark, said his friends called his sexuality into question. “They said I looked, you know, gay,” said Mr. Bernal, whose style is maintained by his fiancée. “Of course, these days they do it, too, and they love it because they get a lot more attention from chicks.”


(hard to believe this guy isn’t getting any action)

Mutumbo’s Reign of Terror

Posted in Basketball at 11:16 am by

In the wake of his attempt to rearrange the face of LeBron James the other night, let us reflect on the long and storied career of Dikembe Mutumbo.
While not quite “The People’s Elbow”, Houston’s Mutumbo has dished out punishment to multiple generations of NBA stars, as ESPN’s research deparment helpfully reports :

April 20, 2004: Kenyon Martin, hit in the eye and retaliated by clubbing Mutombo across the arm. Received a technical foul
March 31, 2003: Yao Ming, hit in the throat. Mutombo assessed flagrant foul
Feb. 4, 2002: Vince Carter, hit in the gut
May 16, 2001: Vince Carter, hit in the head. Carter did not return to Game 6 of the Eastern Conference playoffs
May 6, 2001: Chris Childs, broken nose
Feb. 26, 2001: Ray Allen, broken nose
Jan. 13, 2001: Corey Maggette, eye trauma
Dec. 28, 2000: Chauncey Billups, hit in the mouth, four stitches, fractured front tooth
Feb. 6, 1999: Jayson Williams, broken nose
May 4, 1999: Mark Strickland, broken nose
May 8, 1999: Lindsey Hunter, left eye
May 8, 1999: Christian Laettner, cut on face
April 9, 1999: Chris Childs, lost a tooth; Marcus Camby, shot to throat; Larry Johnson, hit in the head; Patrick Ewing, hit in the head
March 4, 1999: Kevin Willis, injured shoulder. Missed several games
May 6, 1997: Dennis Rodman, retaliated and ejected with second technical foul
April 12, 1997: Tom Gugliotta, broken nose
Jan. 30, 1997: Antoine Carr, knocked senseless
Jan. 4, 1997: Charles Oakley, four stitches to the lip
Oct. 22, 1996: Michael Jordan, bloodied nose (preseason game)
April 10, 1994: Robert Horry, hit in the head, fell to the floor
Dec. 30, 1993: Chris Webber; Mutombo later ejected for taunting Chris Gatling
Dec. 28, 1991: Robert Parish, hit the floor
Nov. 29, 1991: Ricky Pierce, 12 stitches in forehead

Vescey On Karl, Bzedelik

Posted in Basketball at 11:01 am by

Peter Vescey is never more attractive than when he’s echoing CSTB. From Friday’s New York Post.

Imagine if George Karl had as much of an in with Nuggets’ owner E. Stanley Kroenke as widespread reports seem to indicate.

If that were true, the indubitably erudite coach with 16 seasons of experience (some of it actually good) would’ve been coaching the team last night when the sizzling Sixers came to Denver.

At least you’d think so.

There’s certainly nothing left to the imagination about Karl’s honorable intentions. He wants the job, that’s for sure, letting it be known he can walk away from his talk as an NBA TV analyst with no notice and without a hitch.

Not only did Karl deliver an immediate high, hard pitch for the Nuggets’ positon, you know, just in case interim Michael Cooper fails to qualify for a permanent promotion from assistant to the freshly terminated Jeff Bzdelik, but he’s already generously offering free advice.

The first order of business should be to unite the Nuggets, preached Karl, who left the Bucks disjointed and disorganized two summers ago after the team united against him.

Don’t misunderstand; it’s certainly not unusual for players to rebel against their coach after hearing the same old spiel for five seasons.

Still, no matter how much (or modest) of a relationship Kroenke supposedly has with Karl off the court, he has to be looking a little bit funny at a guy who becomes so negative at the end of each coaching tour. Down the stretch in Milwaukee and long afterward all we heard out of Karl is what’s wrong with today’s players, and the league, and the game.

In itself, I suggest, that should be grounds to incriminate Karl and turn off prospective employers who pay an average of $3 million or more annually to sideline gurus to get constructive leaders, not destructive ones.

Kroenke also must be thinking to himself: “If ABC doesn’t value Karl enough to make him its lead analyst over the ancient and ailing Hubie Brown why should I be excited about having him?”

As for Bzdelik’s dismissal, it caught me by surprise. Despite his lame duck status ” a detrimentally transparent message players habitually pounce on and exploit ” and eight losses in nine games, including six straight (five in which Carmellow Anthony did not play due to a sprained ankle), there were too many critical injuries to crucial personnel to lay the blame on the coach.

The good news is, Bzdelik received several copies of those morally-righteous Carmellow Anthony videos as lovely parting gifts.

The Los Angeles Angels (That Play In Anaheim)

Posted in Baseball at 10:39 am by

Angels owner Artie Moreno continues to battle with the Anaheim city council and according to the LA Times’ Bill Shaikin, there are some crazy compromise solutions being suggested.

 It was standing-room only in the lobby of Anaheim City Hall, with civic leaders and baseball executives gathering for a celebratory news conference. The Walt Disney Co. had agreed to buy the Angels, keep them in town for decades and pay for most of an ambitious and costly stadium renovation.

And, as city officials happily noted on that sunny afternoon in 1996, their team no longer would be known as the California Angels. The city would contribute to the renovation, and in return the team would be called the Anaheim Angels.

“After being known as California for the last 30 years, this team is now going to be called Anaheim,” Mayor Tom Daly said then. “That’s huge.”

Not so huge, however, for the city to insist upon contractual language that would force the team to call itself the Anaheim Angels or market itself using that name. The stadium lease agreement demands only that the team name “include the name Anaheim therein,” providing Angel owner Arte Moreno with a potential loophole to exploit should he decide to call his team the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

“There’s no question the city could have written a lease provision that would have given the team no wiggle room. This provision does give the team some wiggle room,” said Robert Jarvis, professor of law at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., and co-author of a sports law textbook.

The City Council has voted to sue if Moreno implements a name change, arguing he would breach the lease. City officials have spurned a change to the Los Angeles Angels and dismissed as ludicrous a compromise proposal: the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

No matter how geographically nonsensical that compromise might appear, Moreno could argue it satisfies the requirement that the team name “include the name Anaheim therein.” According to several contract law professors interviewed by The Times, the city would have a reasonable ” but not airtight ” legal case and should thus consider a negotiated solution to a dispute that city officials vow will not be negotiated.

“Imagine the city fathers and mothers trying to explain how they wrote a contract that allowed the team to be called the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim,” Jarvis said. “And, from the team’s point of view, you wouldn’t want the P.R. nightmare of saying we want to be called X but we have to be called Y. It would be a terrible fiasco for the Angels.

“This is not something for which there is a black-and-white answer. As a result, I have no doubt the parties would reach a compromise. Neither one will want to go to court and lose.”

Yet the city might sue even if Moreno does not change the team name. By selling his team simply as the Angels ” and removing the city name from uniforms, tickets, merchandise and publicity outlets ” city officials contend Moreno has violated the lease. The City Council could authorize such a suit at its Jan. 11 meeting.

BC Wins Z-List Bowl Game

Posted in Gridiron at 1:10 am by

The current barrage of college bowls has left this correspondent a little dizzy. When Martha Reeves sang “don’t forget the Motor City”, she probably wasn’t talking about the Motor City Bowl. Though I did forget that Connecticut had a Division 1-A football program, what with the state’s rich history in the sport (Brian “B.D.” Dowling, Giants home games at Yale, exciting touch football games with the extended Bunnybrains clan + Peter Lawford).

If the Rose Bowl is “The Grandaddy Of Them All”, can the Continental Tire Bowl be described as Your Very Unattractive Cousin?

All of that said, I’ve seen few moments in a Garbage Bowl as worth of an out-loud “what the fuck”, as BC kicker Ryan Ohliger turning a fake FG into a 21 yard TD run against North Carolina, just moments after Eagles QB Paul Peterson was hauled off the field with a broken leg. Ohliger — alll 5′ 9″ of him — snuck through the Carolina D like he was running for his life. Which he might’ve been. After BC pissed away something like $13 million in BCS money with their collapse against Syracuse, this was a nice way to finish.

120,000+ Dead, President’s Vacation Interrupted

Posted in We Aren't The World at 12:47 am by

In consideration of the United States pledging $35 million in aid to those stricken by the recent tsunami in Indonesia (roughly a fifth of the Iraq war’s costs per day), you might want to pass some of your holiday gelt in the direction of Oxfam International

Though Oxfam have a reputation for fiscal responsibility, sadly, not one penny of your donation will ensure additional news coverage on the condition of supermodel Petra Nemcova, injured in a tidal wave last weekend.

12.30.04

Luxemburgo Hired By Real Madrid

Posted in Football at 11:59 pm by

Stuck in la liga’s 5th place despite a superstar lineup (and Steinbrenner-esque payroll) Real Madrid have tapped former Brazil national manager Wanderley Luxemburgo to become Los Galacticos’ 3rd manager of the season. Jose Antonio Camacho was sacked three weeks into the current campaign ; Manager no. 2, Mariano Garcia Remon will remain with the club in an advisory capacity.

Earlier this month, Luxemburgo lead Santos to its 2nd Brazilian club championship in 3 years. Luxemburgo has won 5 Brazilian titles on his career, two with Palmieras and one each with Corintians, Crueziro and Santos.

Morality Lessons From Fergie

Posted in Football at 10:43 pm by

From the Guardian’s Dominic Fifield in Friday’s edition :

Manchester United bowed to the inevitable last night and opted against contesting the charge of violent conduct levelled by the Football Association against Wayne Rooney but not before Sir Alex Ferguson called the FA’s disciplinary procedures as “flawed” and “immoral”.

The 19-year-old will miss Premiership games against Middlesbrough and Tottenham, as well as the FA Cup tie with Exeter City, after the FA’s video panel studied footage of him pushing Bolton’s defender Tal Ben Haim in the face in United’s 2-0 win at Old Trafford on Boxing Day.

United had the option of denying the charge, though that would merely have seen an FA disciplinary commission meet this morning to discuss the issue.

The Old Trafford club would have had no representation at that hearing, with the most likely outcome being confirmation of the three-match ban regardless.

Tino’s A Yank (Again)

Posted in Baseball at 7:30 pm by

MLB.com is reporting that free agent 1B Tino Martinez has passed a physical and is expected to sign with the Yankees shortly. The League’s house organ helpfully adds,

Martinez signed a one-year deal, though exact terms were not available. He will likely share time at first base and DH with Jason Giambi. He also gives New York a viable option at first base should Giambi experience any health problems.

Or if New York can figure out a way to buy out the rest of Giambi’s deal. Martinez’ return to the Bronx should make the market for Carlos Delgado a bit clearer, if nothing else.


(not only is Tino a little old for tagging, but the “M”‘s upside down)