08.29.06

Ortiz Facing Further Heart Tests

Posted in Baseball at 7:00 am by

From the Boston Globe’s Gordon Edes.

A season slipping away took another crushing turn last night, even before a ragtag team of Red Sox was beaten, 9-0, by the Oakland Athletics.

About 20 minutes before the first pitch, David Ortiz was scratched from a starting lineup that once again was missing Manny Ramírez. “He isn’t feeling well,” said PR man Peter Chase, who had been briefed on Ortiz’s condition in the dugout by Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein.

But it wasn’t until after the game that manager Terry Francona revealed that Ortiz had experienced another episode involving an apparent irregular heartbeat, the one that had sent him to the hospital overnight during the recent Yankees series.
The team isn’t taking any chances, Francona said. Ortiz is flying back to Boston today to be examined by doctors.

This is the first instance of Ortiz missing playing time since these heartbeat episodes began over a week ago. If you’re thinking Carlos Pena’s gonna make the most of his latest big break, well, I admire your optimism. Jon Lester went on the DL with back trouble yesterday — but if anyone would like to remind us (again) how none of Boston’s injuries woes can possibly compare to losing Matsui and Sheffield’s Little Mustache, please, go right ahead. I reckon that had Varitek not gone down, the Yankees’ 7 game lead would be closer to 2 or 3 at this stage.

In any event, losing 17 of their last 21 and showing little fight, undermanned or not, all pennant race considerations rank a distant second compared to Papi’s condition. Particularly as there’s not likely to be much of a race remaining.

This Is A Public Service Announcement

Posted in Rock Und Roll at 12:40 am by

08.28.06

Even Victor Zambrano Is Disappointed In Carl Pavano

Posted in Baseball, General at 11:44 pm by

I guess the old “I strained something defending myself from verbal abuse” excuse only worked for so long. From the New York Times’ Tyler Kepner.

Just as he was closing in on returning to the Yankees after a 14-month absence, Carl Pavano (above) told club officials last weekend that he had been in a car accident in West Palm Beach, Fla., on the morning of Aug. 15. Pavano said the accident caused pain in his ribs, and tests yesterday showed that two ribs are fractured.

œOf course I™m angry, said General Manager Brian Cashman, who did not rule out fining Pavano.

œI™m trying to get a clearer picture of what we™re dealing with, Cashman said, referring to Pavano™s version of the accident. œIt™s kind of premature.

The Yankees owe Pavano roughly $20 million over the next two seasons, a hefty price for a pitcher whose desire has been questioned by teammates. By failing to report the injury when it happened, Pavano could be in violation of the terms of his contract and may give the Yankees an opening to void some or all of the deal.

Note to all accident-prone / ethically challenged pitchers considering signing with the Yankees in the future ; insist on removing any clause that require you to a) report such incidents, b) tell the truth and c ) pitch in the major leagues.

World’s Oldest Person Shuffles Off This Mortal Coil

Posted in Fitness, Medical Science at 9:24 pm by

From the Associated Press :

Maria Esther de Capovilla, a 116-year-old woman believed to have been the world™s oldest person, has died in her native Ecuador, her granddaughter said Monday. Her successor is likely a woman from Tennessee.

Capovilla died early Sunday in a hospital in the coastal city of Guayaquil, said Catherine Capovilla, a property manager and real estate agent in Miami. A funeral was planned for Monday.

Capovilla died two days after coming down with pneumonia.

In an unrelated story, the World’s 2nd Oldest Person, Julio Franco of the Dominican Republic’s Hato Mayor, was 0 for 1 in a pinch-hitting appearance in the New York Mets’ 8-3 defeat of Philadelphia earlier today.

McNabb’s New Target : Eagles Trade For Stallworth

Posted in Gridiron at 9:16 pm by

From the Cherry Hill Courier-Post’s Don Devento :

The Eagles have acquired wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth (above) from New Orleans in a trade that sent linebacker Mark Simoneau and an undisclosed draft pick to the Saints.Stallworth’s presence should immediately bolster a receiver corps that has been considered suspect by a number of analysts.

While it’s bound to take some time for Stallworth to fit into the Eagles’ West Coast offense, he would seem to immediately become the team’s No. 1 or 2 receiver, depending on the progress of Reggie Brown.

700 Level
surmises “this could mean the end of Todd Pinkston in Eagles Green,” and would that be such a bad thing?

Carson Palmer’s first game since being taken out by Kimo von Oelhoffen last January would have to be considered a wild success ; 3 first half TD’s against an overmatched Packers secondary (9 for 14, 140 yards, no INTS), as the Bengals lead Green Bay, 34-7 midway through the 3rd quarter of a semi-meaningful, meaningless contest.

Man City’s Stonewall Sanctioned Diversity Scheme

Posted in Football at 8:15 pm by

(giddy City fans celebrate the decision to replace Stuart Pearce with Lily Savage)

Manchester City recently signed up
to take part in Stonewall’s Diversity Champions program ; the former Maine Road residents have pledged to recruit gay staff and eliminate homophobic language in the workplace. The Mirror’s headline read “MAN ON MAN CITY”, by the way. Given that the office in question is the football pitch, I wish them luck, as does the Guardian’s Sam Delaney.

It used to be simple to work out who was who at the football. If you drank beer, beat people up and urinated down your mate’s leg on the terraces at half time, you were one of the lads. If you wore expensive designer woollens, drank wine and ate olives, you were gay and had got lost on the way to a West End show. These days, since football got gentrified and everyone turned a bit middle class, the lines have blurred. At Chelsea on a Saturday, they can’t move for actors, writers and choreographers, who cram into Stamford Bridge cheek by jowl to watch the Premiership champions. Before the game, they meet up at SW3′s gastropubs and bistros to share bruschetta and petit chablis. Some of them might be gay; the majority aren’t. But they engage in a lifestyle that old-fashioned football fans would have associated with being homosexual.

The majority of football fans these days consider themselves tolerant, liberal-minded blokes. But they sing the odd illiberal chant in the spirit of intimidating opposition players and maximising their side’s chances of winning. Almost no topic is taboo in pursuit of this aim, and there’s a certain amount of mischief involved. Throwing gay taunts from the stands at a self-important, straight player like Sol Campbell may have more impact on his game than it would on a genuinely gay man. Where’s the fun in saying to someone, “You’re gay!” if they can turn round and respond, “You’re quite right! I am! As gay as a baby goose! Rock on!”

Still, the message from Man City and Stonewall is that, however ironic you think you’re being, chanting homophobic songs doesn’t tally with being a self-proclaimed liberal. Football is an integral part of our national culture: if it is permeated by casual homophobia, what does that say about our society?

Nwankwo Kanu : He’s tall, black, he’s had a heart attack. And now you can add to the list, he’s scored 4 goals in his four games of the season, 3 of ‘em coming in Portsmouth’s thoroughly dominant, 4-0 win at Middlesbrough on Monday.

It’s Been A Great Monday For Dumb QB’s Finding New Gigs

Posted in Gridiron at 6:40 pm by

Let the roll call commence,


1) The zillion-dollar arm/ten cent skull combo platter that is Jeff George has signed a contract with Oakland.

2) Hard-drinking, N-word dropping Kerry Collins has agreed to become Vince Young’s valet in Nashville. Or his mentor. I’m not sure which.

3) No-show job specialist / one-man season killer Rhett Bomar, formerly of Oklahoma, has enrolled at Division I-AA Sam Houston State.

In other news, Mack Brown has named Colt McCoy the new starting QB at Texas. Not since Richard Grieco supplanted Johnny Depp on “21 Jump Street” has anyone had such big shoes to fill. (I was gonna go for the Gary Cherone/Sammy Hagar tandem, but then this entry would’ve taken on more of a Klosterman tone than the industry-standard sub-Simmons crap that keeps the advertisers happy).

Karr DNA Doesn’t Match

Posted in The Law, The World Of Entertainment at 3:45 pm by

A Denver TV station is reporting that a DNA sample taken from John Mark Karr doesn’t match the DNA found in the underwear of the late JonBenet Ramsey.

Not only does this mean that JonBenet’s killer is still at large, but also has to be considered a massive blow to the career prospects of Will Arnett (above), who had to be first in line to play Karr in the inevitable made for television exploi-drama.

Reardon : Not Guilty By Reason Of Similiarty To “Take The Money And Run”

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down, The Law at 3:38 pm by

From the South Florida Sentinel’s Nancy Othon.

A Palm Beach County circuit judge found former Major League Baseball pitcher Jeff Reardon not guilty by reason of insanity on Monday of robbing a jewelry store.

Reardon, who played in two World Series, was taking a dozen medications that impaired his judgment. Attorneys said Reardon was distraught over the 2004 death of a son and had been taking anti-depressants and mood stabilizers.

Defense attorney Mitch Beers, who used a voluntary intoxication defense, said the robbery episode, with Reardon’s “thank you” and “please” on the note, was like something out of a Woody Allen movie.

After Judge Stephen Rapp’s ruling was announced on Monday, Reardon said he was pleased and relieved. He had been worried about going to jail, he said.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a speeding ticket before for crying out loud,” Reardon said.

Guilty of something else entirely (ie. having very little to say) is Mets closer Billy Wagner, whose blogging debut turns out to be even worse than that of David Wright (link courtesy The Big Lead).

Dr. Marchman’s Prognosis For The Yanks

Posted in Baseball at 3:28 pm by

Surmising that the AL East is all but done and dusted, the New York Sun’s Tim Marchman examines the bigger question marks for the New York Yankees as they, uh, play out the string?

First, who’s who in the bullpen? The closer is decent enough, but past that things are, in October terms at least, a bit of a puzzle. As outstanding as Scott Proctor has been all year ” and he’s showing no signs of slowing down, with a 1.83 ERA this month ” I doubt he strikes anyone as the menacing (and reliable) presence one would ideally want on the mound in the 8th inning of a playoff game with Paul Konerko, Jim Thome, and Jermaine Dye coming up.

And Ron Villone, so unexpectedly effective all season, is showing every sign of becoming the latest casualty of Torre’s complete inability to resist overusing his better relievers, as he’s given up runs in a third of his appearances this month and seems to have lost a bit of whatever zip there was on his pitches.Resting these two while still keeping them sharp will probably be the most important thing for the teams’ playoff hopes over the next month.

This leaves the mystery man, Kyle Farnsworth. Farnsworth has been exactly what anyone who followed his career before this year would have told you he’d be: alternating between brilliant and clueless, a perfect example of why being able to pop 99 mph fastballs at will isn’t the goal of pitching. The key is to get him in one of his mysterious grooves where he stops thinking (make your own joke) and thus stops giving up runs. If the Yanks can coax him into a perfectly blank state he can absolutely be that Jeff Nelson-type shutdown presence in the 8th inning. I wouldn’t bet on it.

Second is of course the mystery of Alex Rodriguez (above). As far as I’m concerned, the main mystery should be whether or not the people who are convinced he’s singlehandedly responsible for crippling the American economy along with his team, actually watch Yankees games. His batting line this month is .280 BA/.381 OBA/.494 SLG, enviable numbers in line with Derek Jeter’s career averages, but then again striking out 10 times in three games does raise questions.

Assuming that we can find the root cause of his woes somewhere between his mysterious injuries and the pressure of being labeled a failure whenever he doesn’t hit four home runs in a game, it would probably be for the best to continue the unexpected but entertaining Nick Green experience as much as possible in hopes that a rejuvenated and refreshed Rodriguez can come out strong a month from now.

As things go, however, were Rodriguez actually to sit out a substantial number of games he’d probably be labeled a fraud, and so we’ll continue to see a fried A-Rod swinging through pitches he shouldn’t even be offering at. A hearty hand to all those who have kicked the man while he’s down.

Not everyone has it in for A-Rod, however, as the whifftastic third baseman had the support this weekend of John Wooden and Reggie Jackson. The former advised him never to record a spoken word album for New Alliance, while the latter merely brandished a pistol and mumbled something about The Queen before being wrestled to ground by Leslie Neilsen.

Bob Raissman’s Narrow World Of Sports

Posted in Sports TV, Tennis at 1:54 pm by

Saying of the US Open’s plans to institute instant replay on disputed calls, “the only thing missing is Warner Wolf shouting, ‘Let’s go to the videotape,’”, the New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman takes the opportunity to let us know just how much he thinks tennis sucks. In case you were wondering.

In the spirit of full disclosure, it is necessary to report that I have little use for tennis. The nose-in-the air atomosphere – and attitude – permeating the sport turned me off years ago. The same holds true for golf. Still, I cannot tell you that the foofs running the PGA are thinking of adding any kind of instant replay – or a Tiger Cam for that matter – to their sport.

With that in mind, perhaps instant replay in tennis should be applauded. Anything that could further drag down tennis’ test-pattern-like TV ratings is fine with me. One of the most compelling parts of a U.S. Open match – or any other tournament – is when one of these spoiled players – on the men’s or women’s side – wigs out over a line judge’s call. Seeing a player freak is such a beautiful thing. The more players who go ballistic on some flunky judge the more fringe fans feel compelled not to change the channel.

Would John McEnroe have ever become such a marquee personality if instant replay was in tennis when he was defining obnoxious? Think about all the endorsement booty this blowhard would have missed out on if he ever had the ability to use a replay challenge?

Indeed, without his colorful outbursts, Jeff Tarango’s endorsement income might’ve dropped from the low 3 figures to zero.

So far, the most enjoyable portion of Universal HD’s coverage of the Open’s first day has been Al Trautwig assuring us the Knicks are ready to contend for a playoff spot.

OK, that’s not fair. I’ve had the sound off.

Massarotti Drops The Q-Bomb On The Red Sox

Posted in Baseball at 1:20 pm by

As the Red Sox prepare for three games with the not-too-shabby-in-August-Athletics, the Boston Herald’s Tony Massarotti makes the not-quite astonishing claim, they “look like they’re starting to quit.”

œHe said he couldn™t play. What the (expletive) do you want me to do? Red Sox manager Terry Francona snapped yesterday morning when asked about Manny Ramirez™ absence from the lineup prior to his lifeless team™s 6-3 loss to the Seattle Mariners.

œIf a guy says he can™t play, he can™t (expletive) play. Go ask him. He said he can™t (expletive) play.

And he wasn™t alone.

So now, with precisely five weeks and a mere 32 games remaining in their season, here is the question we must ask: Do the Red Sox really want to play anymore? Do they want to win?

Red Sox ownership and management have been the target of much displeasure in recent weeks, but it is now time for Red Sox players to take their turn. What happened in Seattle was a joke. From 2003-05, part of the Red Sox™ charm was they continued to play, no matter what, and they found ways to win (last year, especially), despite numerous opportunities to fail.

Suddenly, with this club, the bodies are dropping like flies. And while it is impossible to discern the severity of many injuries, we all know it is easier to play hurt when a team is winning. When a club starts losing – and losing badly – that is when we really get to examine the stuff they are made of. Based on the weekend, you should not be impressed.

In the immortal words of Jim Mora: Playoffs? At this rate, the Sox will be lucky to finish with 85 wins.

(Dustin Pedroia, deeply hurt by the insinuation that he’s not ready for prime time)

Seth Mnookin claims Tito’s lineup on Sunday “would have been more appropriate for a spring training game than a late-August match,” but I don’t think he gives nearly enough credit to the immortal Cha Seung Baek — sharp as he might’ve been at Tacoma, there’s something kind of amazing about seeing the Red Sox — with or without Manny — shut down by a guy with all of 40 big league innings under his belt.

If Playing Every Day Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be David Wright

Posted in Baseball at 12:46 pm by

Citing factors as diverse as the Home Run Derby, the Sports Illustrated cover jinx (certainly it managed to fuck with Captain Red Ass), Mets Geek’s Eric Simon suggests that in the season’s 2nd half, “David Wright forgot how to hit.”

What he really needs from Willie Randolph are some days off. He™s only 23, but he played in 160 games last year and has played in 126 of the Mets™ 128 games this season, and he also played in the All Star Game (as well as participated in the aforementioned homerun contest). Factor in all of the preparation time he spends in the cage, on the field and in the weight room, and all of these things add up to a tired ballplayer. I™d really like to see Wright get a couple of games off here and there to give the kid some rest. Given the Mets™ division lead as well as the firepower up and down their lineup, there™s really no reason why Chris Woodward isn™t getting more starts at third.

The Mets need to get Wright back on track before the postseason. They haven™t clinched anything yet, but Baseball Prospectus says they are 99.9920% likely to win the division and 99.99985% to make the playoffs, so they have the luxury ” like a football team who clinches early ” to rest some of their starters in anticipation of the playoffs. With the lead that they have, there is no excuse not to have everyone rested and ready to rock when October dawns.

I might also propose that in addition to the grind of playing every day, personal appearances, endorsements, etc. can really take a lot out of a guy, even a youngster like Wright.

In the bottom of the 3rd today against the Phillies, Wright was credited with one of those everyday, ground-rule, RBI singles off the 3rd base bag. I could try to explain the play to you, but my brain my explode. Carlos Beltran, as Gary Cohen pointed out, crossed home plate some 7 minutes after Wright hit the ball, and Charlie Manuel has been ejected for the 2nd time in the series. The Mets batted around in the 3rd against Jamie Moyer and lead Philadelphia, 6-0.

Genius Loves Company

Posted in Baseball at 11:57 am by

From Fox Sports’ Ken Rosenthal :

Cardinals manager Tony La Russa isn’t sure which actor he would choose to play his role in Three Nights in August, the Buzz Bissinger book that is being made into a movie.

La Russa’s three favorite actors ” Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx (above) ” all are African-American.

Seems to me that if Jamie Foxx can put the likes of Colin Farrell and Jake Gyllenhaal on his back, he’s more than capable of pulling off a white baseball manager. And given La Russa’s inability to detect any ‘roid useage on the part of Mark McGwire while supervising him on two different teams, Foxx is really the perfect choice. Who would know more about playing a blind man?

Tough Times For The Lady Cottagers

Posted in Football at 1:18 am by

The wild scoreline from this weekend’s soccer slate certainly wasn’t Chelsea’s snoozy 2-0 win at Blackburn, Villareal’s 0-0 La Liga opener at Real Madrid, nor was it Red Bull NY’s improbable 6-0 humiliation of Dave Checketts’ Real Salt Lake. Instead, I’ll submit the following result, as reported on by the Guardian’s Tony Leighton.

The rise and fall of Fulham, who capped three years as full-time professionals by winning the treble of Women’s Premier League, FA Cup and League Cup in 2003, plumbed new depths in a humiliating 14-0 defeat by the champions Arsenal yesterday.


(Fulham’s 2002-03 squad)

Since being cast adrift by their parent club in May, Fulham have become an amateur outfit struggling desperately for players as well as finance. A mass exodus took place during the close season, with Chelsea, Bristol Academy and Charlton Athletic the main beneficiaries.

With fund-raising proving extremely difficult, the club secretary Fred Brockwell admitted: “After the summer we’ve had we’re looking to survive at best this season. When we decided to carry on rather than fold the team after what happened with Fulham, we set ourselves a budget target of £30,000. But that came down drastically when we couldn’t get any sponsorship, and we are having to rely on the efforts of the players and supporters to raise cash.”

After a 5-0 opening-day defeat by Chelsea and yesterday’s pummelling at Arsenal, for whom Lianne Sanderson scored five times, Fulham are facing a harsh season

H.S. Football Hazing Update : Fairhaven’s Cup Runneth Over

Posted in Gridiron, Hot Fads, Leave No Child Unbeaten, The Law at 12:39 am by

While watching a snippet of MTV’s “Two A Days” this weekend, I couldn’t help but reflect, old codger-style, that once upon a time, the Viacom property was the sole televised refuge for the sort of kids that were most likely to get beat up by football players. But if MTV can showcase exploits similar to those described by David Brown in Thursday’s South Coast Today, I might have to start watching again.

(totally SFW video)
A Fairhaven (MA) High School football player was allegedly duct-taped to a bed, physically assaulted and subjected to acts of a “gross and lewd” nature by several teammates during a summer football camp, sources familiar with a hazing investigation said yesterday.

The investigation includes allegations that players tossed semen from a cup onto the victim during the alleged assault in the dormitory-style barracks at Camp Edwards in Bourne, sources close to the investigation said. The same sources said the victim was younger than his alleged assailants.

At a press conference yesterday, school officials said they are finished with the information-gathering phase of their investigation but had not determined whether any students had violated Fairhaven’s Athletic Code of Ethics.

I don’t know what’s more shocking, that this case didn’t originate on Long Island, or that pouring a cup of jizz over someone violates a code of ethics.

08.27.06

Just Pray They Don’t Lose The Remote

Posted in Gridiron at 7:49 pm by

With apologies to Daniel Miller’s “TVOD”, shown above is the new big ass, HD video screen at Texas’ Darryl Royal-Memorial Stadium (pic swiped from Longhornmafia.com)

How big is the TV that Vince Young built? So big, that I’ll be able to see crowd shots of visiting Ohio State fans getting their shoes puked on without leaving my front porch.

Aspiring Eli Manning understudy and former Kentucy QB Jared Lorenzen (above) is the subject of not one, but two profiles in Sunday’s NY papers.  The Post manages to work the phrase “fat chance” into their headline, while the Gray Lady opts for the more subtle claim that the 285 poind Lorenzen’s impressive preseason performances have “tipped the scales” in his favor.

Phillies Get Conine

Posted in Baseball at 7:04 pm by

A game off the Reds’ Wild Card lead, Philadelphia flips the switch from seller to buyer.  From MLB.com :

Outfielder Jeff Conine was acquired from Baltimore, along with cash considerations, for a player to be named later, Vice President & General Manager Pat Gillick announced today.

The Phillies will make a move to accommodate Conine on the 25-man roster once he reports. He will wear #19 and bench coach Gary Varsho will now wear #30.

Jewish Heritage Day at Shea Stadium was a washout — they’ll try again tomorrow at 12:35pm.  I asked my dad when they were gonna celebrate Anglo-Saxons Who Drink Too Much Day at the ballpark, and he said they do that all the time.

San Francisco moved within two games of the NL Wild Card with today’s 8-0 pasting of the Reds ; Cincy’s lead over the Padres remains a mere half game after San Diego dropped a 6-3 decision to the Rockies, the decisive blow being a two run HR by Matt Holliday (above) off Jake Peavy in the 5th. It’s nice to be able to use the words “decisive blow” in relation to the Rockies without bringing up Denny Neagle, but that just goes to show the good you accomplish when Maxim is banned from the clubhouse.

“Theo Fleury Forum” Might’ve Had A Nice Ring To It

Posted in Hockey at 4:29 pm by

Earlier this summer, the Edmonton suburb of St. Albert announced plans to peddle the naming rights to Mark Messier Arena and Troy Murray Arena.  Earlier this week, St. Albert Mayor Paul Chalifoux (above) pulled the plug on said scheme after a firestorm of criticism. Trouble is, the jokes haven’t stopped, with a few more courtesy of the Edmonton Journal’s John MacKinnon.

In keeping with the quirky and charming provincial custom of displaying the world’s biggest honeybee or oil lamp, the City of St. Albert unveiled the World’s Biggest Grovel on Thursday.

It was a shapeless, colorless, charmless thing aimed with profound sincerity and great dollops of well-earned shame and embarrassment at Mark Messier and Troy Murray, two sons of St. Albert who put the bedroom community on the map with their NHL exploits, then moved on with their exceptional lives.

How could Messier and Murray have known their hometown would take dead, unstoppable aim at the title of World’s Tackiest City by asking the hockey stars, of all people, to dip into their wallets to pay to keep their names on a pair of community arenas the city had named after their heroes out of pure, unadulterated civic pride, back in 1992.

But that’s what happened in July. Which prompted a barrage of international scorn and derision, as anyone might imagine. Well, anyone, except the St. Albert city fathers, who were genuinely taken aback that Sports Illustrated, to name one high-profile publication, mocked the city for its stunning lack of grace.

It’s one thing to erect the World’s Biggest Pyrogy on a Fork, like the good folks of Glendon did, or to brag about having the World’s Biggest Star Trek Enterprise replica, as they do down there in Vulcan, or to swell with pride about having the World’s Biggest Pysanka, like they do in Vegreville.

But can you imagine the good people of Floral, Sask., sending word to the Big Guy, Ol’ Gordie Howe himself, that he’d have to come up with some serious scratch or that’s what would happen to his name on the hometown arena?

Klimer’s Prescription For Pacman’s Napoleonic Complex : Make Him Play

Posted in Gridiron, The Law at 4:06 pm by

While Pacman Jones has received the public support of Titans owner Bud Adams after the defensive back’s latest infraction, the patience of the Tennesean’s David Climer is wearing thin.

Like it or not ” and I suspect most of you don’t ” Jones is the face of this franchise. It says a lot for the current state of the Titans.

So here he was, spending Saturday evening on the sideline, decked out in a blue Titans T-shirt, alternately watching the game and chatting with teammates while occasionally looking into the crowd.

At game’s ugly end, he made the rounds on the field, chatted up Falcons quarterback Michael Vick and eventually made it over to the northwest side of the field, where a man handed a child from the stands to Jones.

Later, he said the child is “my baby girl.” He took her into the locker room for a few minutes, exited with Coach Jeff Fisher and was brief in his comments about the events of early Friday morning that led to his arrest at a Murfreesboro nightspot.

“It ain’t right. That’s all I’ve got to say,” he said.

Asked if he would have preferred to play rather than watch, Jones said: “Of course.”

I couldn’t agree more. It seems to me that the proper punishment for Pacman’s latest wrong place/wrong time misadventure was to make him play every snap of this lousy preseason game, not to let him lounge on the sideline.

I read something the other day where a local psychologist and psychotherapist concluded that because of his stature (5-foot-10 and 185 pounds, according to Titans’ publications), Jones has a Napoleonic Complex.
This, the experts surmised, contributes to his problems ” anger management issues, conflict with authority, etc.

What a bunch of psychobabble.

At last check, there were seven other players listed on the current Titans roster who are no taller than Jones. Does that mean we should expect a re-enactment of the Battle of Waterloo at practice this week?

Kellerman Flunks Audition At Station No One Listens To

Posted in Sports Radio at 3:51 pm by

What do Max Kellerman and David Weave Roth have in common?  Other than the mutual admiration society all great artists belong to, that is?  They both had extremely short tenure’s at New York’s Free 92.3. From the New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman.

Last week, Kellerman (above) was scheduled to do a two-day (Monday/Tuesday) Free FM (92.3) trial with Sid (Sidiot) Rosenberg. And on Monday, Kellerman got into the always touchy subject of race.

Kellerman did not pull any punches. A CBS Radio mole said the consensus was Kellerman went too far. So, before he was scheduled to return for the Tuesday show, Kellerman was told his audition was over.

This left Rosenberg, who remarkably kept his mouth shut while Kellerman went into his race rap, to work with another partner. Sidiot sounded good and, although no one is talking, I’ve got to believe he could be headed for a steady gig at Free FM.

If that happens, the FANdroids (Free FM and WFAN are owned by CBS) should look to also reunite him with Joe Benigno in midday. As stated in this space before, outside of Mike Francesa/Chris (Mad Dog) Russo the sound of FAN has become rather bland. It needs the kind of spice Sidiot can sprinkle.

If anyone can shed some light as to what Kellerman said that was “going too far”, I’d really appreciate it. Presumably, Kellerman’s previous shows on 92.3 with the pride of Red Hook, Tazz, were within the boundaries of good taste.

The Creepy Old Worldview Of Bob Feller

Posted in Baseball, Racism Corner at 3:16 pm by

Hall Of Famer Bob Feller isn’t just about peddling $10 autographs 365 days a year. He’s also got a strange way of characterizing non-white players. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s Roger Brown (link taken from Baseball Think Factory).

The Indians’ season, already a downer, reached a disgraceful low Friday night when team legend Bob Feller, doing a guest stint on the team’s radio broadcast, said Indians catcher Victor Martinez reminded him of Stepin Fetchit ” the shuffling black entertainer of the 1920s and ’30s (a figure viewed by most blacks as an insulting, degrading symbol). Even worse, Kevin Keane, who hosts an Indians postgame show on WTAM AM/1100 ” the team’s main radio station ” later replayed Feller’s ignorant statement in a lame attempt to milk laughs from listeners.

Maybe we need to break some news to Clevelanders (many of whom still find Chief Wahoo ” the Indians’ racially insensitive team logo ” cute): It’s 2006, people! 2006! It’s not 1906 anymore!

Well put. The 1906 Indians with Nap Lajoie at 2B would’ve probably managed more than 5 hits off Kenny Rogers (14-6) and the Tigers, 7-1 winners over Cleveland earlier today. Curtis Granderson, Marcus Thames, Carlos Guillen and I-Rod all homered for Detroit, who’ve likely stretched their AL Central lead over the Twins to 5 games. Minnesota are currently trailing Chicago, 6-1 in the top of the 8th, and Mark Buerhle has just departed after striking out 6 over 7 innings. A.J. Pierzynski, Joe Crede and Jose Uribe have all gone deep for the White Sox off Twins starter Carlos Silva.

Astros CF Willy Tavares extended his hitting streak to 30 games after beating out an infield single in the 3rd inning against Pittsburgh today.  Houston pounded Shawn Chacon and are up, 7-1 in the last of the 5th at McClatchy Memorial Field.  Former Round Rock Express starlet Jason Hirsh is in line to pick up his 2nd big league win, while Lance Berkman has homered (no. 36) and driven in 4 runs.

(Houston’s taxi squad belatedly celebrates the grand opening of the HEB Plus down the street)

Speaking of the Express, congrats are in order to Jackie Moore, Joe McEwing and whoever runs the Nolan Ryan’s Aged Beef stand down at the Dell Diamond.  Thursday night’s 4-3 win over Albuquerque clinched the PCL’s American Southern Division championship for Round Rock and puts the Express in line for a probable first-round playoff with Nashville starting September 6.  Taylor Bucholz takes the Hill for Round Rock later today, while former Mets prospect Yusmiero Petit will start for the Isotopes.

Mushnick On Unabated Mets Greed

Posted in Baseball, Total Fucking Terror at 2:52 pm by

I never figured Fred Wilpon for a Pixies fan, but it would appear as though “Gouge Away” is his favorite tune. The New York Post’s Phil Mushnick reports on the Mets’ post-season ticket invoices.

A season’s ticket holder of four tickets last winter received his/her bill, to be paid in full by Jan. 27. That bill included a $20 “handling” fee to deliver all 81 games’ tickets, in this case, totaling 324 tickets.

This postseason, the Mets’ “handling” charge for those same four seats is $5 per ticket. One must buy all 10 potential home games, thus the handling charge for the four seats for the 10 games is $200.

Let’s recap: The Mets charged $20 to send a customer 324 regular-season tickets. The Mets then charged that same customer $200 to send 40 postseason tickets. That’s not even a fleecing on top of a gouging, that’s a robbery.

Ahh, but the Mets will provide some post-postseason relief. For those games that go unplayed, they will credit one’s 2007 account the cost of those games’ tickets plus the $5 per ticket handling fee. Or, several interest-free loan months later, the Mets will provide a refund on the tickets and the $5 per ticket handling fee.

So, then, the handling fee has nothing to do with handling, does it?

How does one issue “handling fee” refunds? The tickets are either handled or they aren’t. If the handling fee reflects the cost of handling the tickets, no credit or refund should be needed.

Of course, the “handling fee,” in this case, is just a beard, a front, an invention to pad the bill and the Mets’ bottom line. It’s just another tack-on, a test of your will, your wits and your wallet.

I’m not all about bashing Sterling Enterprises this Sunday, no sir. TSA and Homeland Security would do well to speak to whoever at Shea Stadium decided it would be a good idea to prevent ticket holders from moving between levels (upper reserved to mezz, mezz to loge), if only to search for a shorter beverage line. I had a tougher time manuevering through Shea this past Friday night than I did 3 different airports in the past week, and rightly so. The single biggest threat to our nation’s security is not a knife wielding, bomb-carrying jihadist on an international flight, but is more likely to be a person holding an $18 ticket to a Mets game. And they’re not practicing racial profiling at Shea — everyone sitting in the cheap seats is being treated like shit in equal measures.

Here’s a handful of transactions you might’ve been lucky enough to miss. With Ramon Castro being placed on the 60 day DL, the Mets have signed Kelly Stinnett. It could be worse — at least they didn’t make a move for Matt LeCroy. San Diego promoted Manny Alexander last week. Look for the Padres batboys to put on an extra twenty pounds of muscle between now and the end of the season.

Upon signing Jose Vizcaino, the Cardinals DFA’d Timo Perez earlier this week. In other thrilling ex-Mets news, 2B Jeff Keppinger was called up from Omaha by the Royals to take the roster spot vacated by Reggie Sanders. The latter will undergo surgery to repair the torn patella tendon in his left knee. The former will undergo the misery of having to be within smelling distance of Buddy Bell.

Liddell Levels Babalu

Posted in MMA at 2:22 pm by

It took 95 seconds for Chuck Liddell (above, left) to render Renato Sorbal a crumpled mess last night in Vegas, setting up a probable meeting with the Iceman’s longtime nemesis Tito Ortiz.

Gangtas & Hugs’ Mojotek would’ve prefered a little more bang from Sorbal for his $36 bucks.

My buddy, his brother and I had just been talking all night about how everyone plays right into Chuck Liddell™s game plan. He doesn™t go after you, he just waits for you to do something stupid and then he swings to knock you the fuck out. And for a guy that looks like a redneck from the trailer park down the road from me, he does that VERY well.

NFL To Bring Dubious Spectacle To China

Posted in Gridiron at 2:09 pm by

Reggie Jackson once said, “When we lose and I strike out, a billion people in China don’t care.” Presumably, some portion of those billion plus people are supposed to care next summer when Matt Cassell or the 2007 version of Scott Zolak are taking the snaps for New England versus Seattle. The Tampa Tribune’s Mike Sando reports the NFL is making plans to stage a Patriots/Seahawks exhibition game in Beijing.

For the Chinese government, this is a no-brainer.  After the populace gets a load of Bill Belichick, all future complaints in the human rights violations / free expression department will be put in the proper perspective.

I only saw bits and pieces of the Pats taking the Redskins to bits and pieces last night, but saw enough to be duly impressed by the mid-season form of Tom Brady, early glimpses of rookie RB Lawrence Maroney, Ben Watson (above) catching passes unmolested, but most of all, the way Washington’s D held New England to less than 50 points.