Maurice Lucas, RIP

Posted in Basketball at 9:56 pm by

Former Blazers F Maurice Lucas, an imposing force in the paint, and a member of Portland’s only NBA title squad, has succumbed to cancer at the age of 58. From the Oregonian’s Jason Quick :

Lucas had battled bladder cancer for the past two years. He was an assistant coach for the Blazers when he had surgery in April of 2009, then appeared to be recovering when he suffered a relapse that hospitalized him in November of 2009.

Lucas was a five timeAll-Star, three times in Portland,  during his 14-year career (2 in the ABA and 12 in the NBA). Portland has his No. 20 retired by the team. He was the team™s second-leading scorer and rebounder to Bill Walton on the 1976-1977 NBA Championship team. Walton has called Lucas œThe greatest Trail Blazer of All-Time.™™

Paul Wilson’s Highly Unpleasant World Cup Bid Analogies

Posted in Football at 9:34 pm by

(FIFA supremo Sepp Blatter, incredulous anyone might be resistant to the charms of hosting the world’s biggest sporting event)

“The more I hear of the World Cup bid, the better I think of bog-snorkelling,” argues the Guardian’s Paul Wilson, and before you conclude this is a favorable review of “Jackass 3D”, be advised the columnist is sick-to-fucking death of Russian bribery allegations. “A row between England and Russia about who has the worse drink and crime culture ought to be entertaining, bidspeak renders it instantly boring,” sighs Wilson, who might’ve unwittingly inspired the greatest straight-to-DVD video since “Scum On The Run”

England lodged a formal complaint with Fifa over derogatory remarks by Russian officials, then withdrew it, for fear it might be interpreted as an attack on their rivals. The Russians have been having a right old go at us but it turns out the guy who called the English bid “primitive” has immunity because he is not a formal member of the bid team. Vyacheslav Koloskov is just the honorary president of the Russian Football Union and a former Fifa executive committee member, so that apparently makes it all right. Anyone interested in this childishness must need his head examining. Anyone trying to make sense of it soon will need his head examining.

You can say the end justifies the means but I am even beginning to lose interest in whether England hosts the 2018 World Cup or not. I dare say it would be fun and I am sure the country would do a good job but none of those considerations seem to count for very much. Fifa are more interested in legacy, which is possibly a euphemism for encouraging host nations to spend beyond their means on stadiums and facilities that quickly become white elephants.

England does not need any more legacy; we already have enough. So what would a World Cup do for us, exactly? It could not possibly give the game a higher profile than it already has. A World Cup here would not introduce the game to a new audience or switch on a younger generation. Make a profit? Yes, but mostly for Fifa.

Bob Rassiman Is Very Sorry (He Has To Endure Michael Kay)

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 2:36 pm by

YES Michael Kay isn’t exactly the most humble of all broadcasters, so it’s with considerable interest the New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman contemplated a recent apology of sorts from the Yankee mouthpiece (link swiped from Repoz and Baseball Think Factory)

After the Rangers eliminated the Yankees with a 6-1 Game 6 ALCS win, Michael Kay, standing on the field in Arlington with Yankees Entertainment & Sports Network, mike in hand, offered an apology, albeit not a tear-stained on

Remember, it was Kay who went on Al Yankzeera’s Game 1 postgame show and declared Texas dead after the Bombers’ comeback win.

Cue the sad violin: “I couldn’t have been more wrong after Game 1,” Kay said on YES’ Game 6 postgame. “… I apologize to our listeners to say something like that. I thought it was over for sure. Obviously it wasn’t. They bounced back. That didn’t affect them, that five-run eighth inning.”

We could easily accuse Kay of being self-absorbed. Why else would he inject himself into the story when the only legit one was about the Yankees elimination and embarrassment? And if Kay was in full apology mode, why not apologize to the Rangers too? After all, following Game 1 he basically called them spineless.

Nah, why be cynical? Kay’s apology outweighs the other stuff, kind of like a presidential veto. Another loose end: Why no “I’m sorry” for Cliff Lee? Kay claimed Lee’s resin stained hat is “illegal.”

Maybe Kay is waiting to make that apology in person. When he interviews Lee after he becomes the newest member of the Yankees pitching staff.

History’s Most Puzzling eBay Actions (Pt. III)

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 1:17 pm by

Sorry about the above headline, as the auction in question isn’t nearly as puzzling as the first two featured, nor does it actually appear on eBay. The big question for this Sunday afternoon ; who is the high bidder, Ben Schwartz or Albert Belle?


Byron Scott Doesn’t Wanna Be Your Personal Pizza

Posted in Basketball, Food at 5:37 pm by

(did someone say something about free pizza?)

Toronto rewards their long-suffering hoops fans with free slices from Pizza Pizza whenever the Raptors top 100 points, which might occur a little less often without the services of Chris Bosh going forward. A Marcus Banks steal led to a Leonardo Barbosa layup in the closing moments of last night’s rout of Cleveland, and while the aforementioned play meant free pizza for the paying customers, Cleveland coach Byron Scott took considerable umbrage, and Hoops Addict considers it something less than an outrage ;

The reality of is this is going to be a long season in Toronto where the home fans don™t have a lot to cheer about so it™s great the players are doing everything they can to get the fans excited “ even if it™s extending their lead in the final seconds of a blowout.

It™s not what makes sense for a lot of basketball purists, but it did result in arguably the loudest cheer of the night.

Granted, there was a game last season at the Air Canada Centre where Charlotte Bobcats head coach Larry Brown instructed his team to dribble the ball until they were called for a 24 second violation, but that was a road game for the Bobcats. They weren™t playing in front of their own fans and scoring another bucket wouldn™t result in anything of substance.

œWe weren™t trying to disrespect them, we weren™t trying to humiliate them or nothing, Sonny Weems told the media after the game. œWe did that for our fans. If we get 100 points the fans get pizza.

Jay Triano, however, was a little less political about what transfolded.

œHow many years did we watch them dance down there with all the hoot and hollering and everything? Triano vented. œIt™s a different team so it probably wasn™t the right thing to do to score, but our fans come to these games and they™re going to be here to support us for 41 games and we play this team three more times.

Just When You Thought Newark, NJ Wasn’t Nearly So Scary…

Posted in Basketball, Halloween at 3:20 pm by

…citizens of that fine city have to contend with the prospect of 7″+  Nets C Brook Lopez turning up at the door tomorrow night — after the unbeaten Nets have battled Miami at 1pm — and demanding all sorts of sugary snacks.

I had a couple of guys in their early 30′s turn up at around 10pm last Halloween. After it became somewhat clear they were neither planning to rob or rape me (and were only mildly disappointed in the outlay of Snicker’s, M&M’s and other assorted poisons for children) we watched a re-run of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and then they went on their merry way.  It was a slightly unnerving experience.  But not nearly as fucking weird as Brook Lopez banging away at your front door.

“Closing The Intellectual Gap” – Mets To Hire DePodesta

Posted in Baseball at 9:27 am by

The Bergen Record’s Bob Klapisch has rarely treated the Mets with kid gloves, and he strikes a markedly different tone in analyzing Sandy Alderson’s ascent to power in Flushing. Amongst the tidbits dropped in Klapisch’s Alderson tribute, there’s news the Amazins will soon add Bill Plaschke’s least favorite baseball blogger (above) to their front office.

It took guts for the Wilpons,to hire a tough, self-confident man like Alderson, because it means they™ll both have a lower profile from now on. The Mets, who™d carved out an industry reputation for endless meetings and an inability to act decisively, will usher in a new era of business practices.

It starts with a GM who moves and thinks quickly, who is unafraid to make mistakes, not intimidated by the Yankees and has the respect of the 29 other GMs in the game. That could be the most powerful revelation “ that the Mets are finally closing the intellectual gap on the rest of the industry. Just as Beane said, the Mets will soon be considered among the best and brightest in baseball. It™ll no longer be possible for other GMs to have the upper hand every time they put a call into the Flushing offices.

Alderson will start by hiring Paul DePodesta, who currently works in the Padres™ front office, but was Beane™s assistant before being named as the Dodgers™ GM in 2004 at the age of 31.

Alderson™s most important hire, however, will be his manager and it means plenty that Wally Backman is flying in for an interview next week. Backman was on Alderson™s original list of candidates that he submitted to the Wilpons “ and that was before he was hired.

Alderson™s interest in Backman appears to be more than just a way to appease fans. It™s been wrongly assumed that Alderson wants a weakling in the dugout, someone he can control “ someone like, say, Art Howe, who he hired in Oakland. But Alderson also hired Tony LaRussa, which means he™s not necessarily afraid of brains and charisma. Backman, it seems, has a chance with this new regime, others who™ll be interviewed include John Gibbons, Bob Melvin and possibly Clint Hurdle.


Parkes Has The Fever (To Defend Justin Bieber)

Posted in Baseball, The World Of Entertainment at 8:53 pm by

Major League Baseball  could’ve booked The Teenage Cool Kids.  They could’ve opted for the Mind Spiders, Uptown Bums or the Bad Sports (whom, I believe, have either met Demi Lovato or at least played a show in the same zip code). But no dice, instead Fox and MLB  have opted for the unique skill-set of Justin Bieber, who is scheduled to unveil his newest masterpiece prior to the start of Saturday’s World Series Game 3 in Arlington, TX. Persons of taste are generally appalled at the notion of this simpering wuss teen megastar disgracing the hallowed ground of a ballpark formerly presided over by Tom Hicks, but Dustin Parkes of Getting Blanked isn’t one of them.

I realize it™s hard for anyone with a brain larger than Bieber™s fist (about the size of a cue ball) to imagine sitting through three minutes of some garbage bubble gum pop tune where a preteen lady boy croons lyrics drenched in fabricated ideas of love and romance as though he™s felt the truth of either of those in his short and sheltered life.  But here™s the thing that will blow your mind:  It™s not all about you.

Occasionally, things happen in this world that have no concern with your best interests.  This is one of them, and there™s a chance that it might help to make this game more popular.  So for the purposes of those few minutes prior to Game Three of the World Series, hating on Bieber is hating on baseball.  And good luck ever finding your way to an Iowa cornfield after pulling that shit.

Pray To G-D Josh Hamilton Didn’t Inhale…

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 5:18 pm by


…or there’s no telling what sort of whipped cream relapse he’d suffer prior to a must-win Game 3 in Arlington. Of course, illicit drug use is highly offensive to all persons working for Dallas TV news programs, so much so they’re ably to quickly identify the substances faster than most sniffer dogs.

New Puritans of Sports Media, Still Easily Distracted By Hannah Storm’s Wardrobe Choices

Posted in Basketball, Fashion, Sports TV at 3:51 pm by

(proposed new outfit for lady TV journalists)

ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser infamously took issue with network colleague Hannah Storm’s red go-go boots/plaid skirt combo earlier this year, calling said ensemble, “œa horrifying, horrifying outfit…way too short for somebody in her early 40′s or maybe 50′s by now.” Kornheiser was reprimanded by his employers, but not without ESPN.com ombudsman, the recently MIA Don Ohylmeyer opining “(Storm’s) choices for attire are not helping either Storm or the network…if anything, they distracts the audience from interesting content professionally presented.”

You know who else seems unusually weirded out by Storm’s clothing? Besides the Taliban?  The Big Lead’s Jason McIntyre, who in addition to tweeting and posting on TBL about Storm’s “tight, short dress and knee-high black boots” prior to Wednesday’s Heat/Celtics tilt, added further observations earlier today ;

According to a source at ESPN, Storm™s colleagues in the arena that day couldn™t stop talking about her outfit selection “ walking onto the court for the team™s shoot-around looking like you™re ready to go clubbing “ and one person at the network said, œTony Kornheiser made her a martyr.

Our source says that it™s as if Storm has free reign to wear whatever she wants- while other women hear from their superiors when they wear something on air that may be construed as a bit over the line. Supposedly, Hannah was banned from wearing the bright red boots after the Kornheiser incident. Will she have to shelve the knee-high black boots, as well?

McIntyre insists the above controversy is “getting plenty of play on the web”, but that seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The most offensive thing about Kornheiser’s gratuitous diss of Storm wasn’t that be was ridiculing a teammate — folks at the Washington Post got used to that a long time ago — it’s that his critique essentially amounted to, “she’s too old to pull it off”. But really, what planet are the fellas in question living on where Storm’s less-than-X-rated getup somehow provokes so much unease and/or resentment?

The Amazing Return Of Norwich’s Most Important Cultural Export (Besides The Higsons)

Posted in Radio, The Internet at 1:30 pm by

Though I’ll admit to being clinically fed up with running beer ads (that I’m not being paid for), it’s tremendously inspiring to see that legendary broadcaster Alan Partridge has once again, bounced back. American audiences have been denied his hosting appearances on the military quiz program “Skirmish”, but the wonders of YouToobery will bring us portions of Alan’s radio work starting next week. No matter how widely viewed these clips will be, Alan’s still guaranteed to reach more people than Imus.

”I am delighted to announce that after years as a regional broadcaster on North Norfolk Digital my groundbreaking radio segment, Mid Morning Matters, will now be accessible to a potential audience of billions via the World Wide Web (www).

That it has taken Foster™s to help realise my dream of joining the information superhighway is a damning indictment of the established broadcasters whose shabby treatment of me on Sept 10th 2001 was frankly shabby. I made dozens of calls the next day, all of which were ignored.

My appreciation must go to Armando Iannucci and Baby Cow for ignoring the lies, god bless them. In the meantime I look forward to œhanging out ˜n™ chillin with the MySpace generation.”


Death In The Notre Dame A/D Dept : Isolated Incident, Or A Cheap Opportunity To Call Brian Kelly A Murderer?

Posted in College Spurts, Gridiron at 5:38 pm by

“With winds whipping across most of the midwest this week like a burrito after lunch through Charlie Weiss’ pants, how stupid do you have to be as a coach to send a kid up into that death bucket?” was the elegantly posed question by Sporting News Radio’s Steve Czaban after 20 year old Notre Dame junior Declan Sullivan was killed when his video tower collapsed during Fighting Irish football practice Wednesday Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly has hailed Sullivan’s “sense of humor” in the wake of the accident, but it’s a pretty fair bet the undergrad’s parents will refrain from laughter until long after a wrongful death lawsuit is filed.   Say what you want about Gerry Faust ; all he ever killed was a football program.

Disappearance Of “Hannah Storm – The Ride”, The Least Of ESPN Zone’s Problems

Posted in Food, Sports TV, The Marketplace, Tourism at 1:31 pm by

For starters, I’d like to point out that Dave Zirin bears no responsibility for the unfortunate headline above. The closure of Disney’s ESPN Zone restaurants was already noted in this space some months ago, however, it’s The Nation’s Zirin who points out the “human collateral” involved.


ESPN’s mother-ship, the Walt Disney Company, made the decision to engage in some creative destruction and the ESPN Zones were just part of the fat that was trimmed. This included the very popular locale in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. But there was one problem with this hard-nosed business decision: the 150 workers in Baltimore, shocked that their high-traffic restaurant closed, were told with less than a week’s notice. Federal law, according to the Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification (WARN) Act requires sixty days of notice and severance. Instead, the workers at ESPN Zone were given the bum’s rush. Even worse, many didn’t hear the wrenching news through their boss. Instead, many found out their jobs were yesterday’s news in the Baltimore Sun or even on Facebook.

Now the workers are fighting back and fighting mad. On Monday, October 25, the former employee filed a class action lawsuit against ESPN’s parent company, Disney, to get the Mouse to comply with the penalty associated with violating federal labor law. The penalty for violating the WARN Act requires that Disney pay workers for sixty days at the rate of their last paycheck. The severance that Disney offered, which is shameful, is separate from this penalty. Their attorney, Andrew D. Freeman said, “Disney’s severance payments were inadequate as a matter of law and as a matter of human decency.” The lawsuit also shines a spotlight on the most vulnerable people in today’s economy: people who live day in and day out working non-union, service industry jobs that can be here today and gone tomorrow.

ESPN’s O’Connor : Mets’ New GM Should Introduce Himself WIth An Apology

Posted in Baseball at 1:18 pm by

Though acknowledging Sandy Alderson’s impressive credentials and (relative) pioneering status as a sabermetric advocate, ESPN NY’s Ian O’Connor — in perhaps his boldest public move since torpedoing Willie Randolph a few years back — insists the New York Mets’ new choice for General Manager, “has a hole in his game the size of Citi Field, as do scores of fellow executives and union leaders who once looked the other way” (“Alderson is likely to preach accountability with the sad sack Mets, and that’s fine..he would make that pitch credible if he started with himself, and took a few minutes Friday to apologize for an opportunity lost.”)

Alderson put together the Oakland A’s of Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, the Bash Brothers who slugged their way to three consecutive World Series appearances from 1988 to 1990 before ultimately taking their heavy lumber to baseball’s good name. Of course, Canseco and McGwire admitted to using steroids, effectively nominating Oakland as a ground zero for the performance-enhancing plague.

Alderson declined to comment Wednesday about the A’s and their role in a grand pharmacological hoax, but the Mets’ GM-to-be is on record saying he suspected Canseco, not McGwire, as a steroid user back in the day. During his 2005 appearance on “60 Minutes Wednesday,” after Canseco had already talked to Mike Wallace about the steroid allegations in his book, Alderson was asked by Wallace if he had confronted Canseco about his suspicions.

“No,” Alderson said. “There were a number of occasions when he publicly denied that he was using steroids. And you know, the notion that he was going to admit to me what he had already denied on many occasions, I think was not likely.”

On the same program, Alderson’s manager in Oakland, Tony La Russa, admitted Canseco often joked about his steroid use and how clean teammates were wasting their time working out in the gym. “Our players knew it,” La Russa said of Canseco’s drug use.

Asked why La Russa wouldn’t share that information with his direct supervisor, Alderson said, “That’s a question, I guess, you’ll have to ask Tony.”

Weak answers from a strong man.

I wonder how many public apologies we’re owed if every executive with strong suspicions or outright knowledge of PED use during said era were held to O’Connor’s standard of accountability?  The number is probably not so small, and would only get much larger if the same criteria were applied to O’Connor’s colleagues in the worlds of print and broadcast media.   Canseco and McGwire’s exploits didn’t merely occur on Alderson’s watch, they also happened in front of alleged journalists who either looked the other way or were every bit as naive as some baseball executives claimed to be.


Backstop Bengie On The Content Of Brian Sabean’s Character

Posted in Baseball at 6:31 pm by

From CSN, October 25,  Texas catcher Bengie Molina, quizzed about his recent trade-bait status by Greg Papa (audio swiped from Fire Sabean, link courtesy David Williams).  Molina  — scheduled to receive a ring no matter who wins the 2010 World Seriesannounced his pending retirement today, presumably safe in the knowledge he’ll not be seeking future employment with the Giants organization.

Video Evidence To The Contrary, Geddy Lee Is Not The Scariest Nerd In North America

Posted in Baseball, Free Expression at 4:59 pm by

Instead, that honor would go to the author of a particularly mind-numbing bit of Rush fan fiction, as forwarded to CSTB (along with the above clip) by Wojohowicz.

Remembering The Human Tornado That Was Billy Ruane

Posted in Billy Ruane, Rock Und Roll at 10:27 am by

(photo borrowed from Katy Lyle.  Billy, taking a break at Chet’s Last Call.)

I first encountered Billy Ruane at a Stains show at the Old Cambridge Baptist Church when I was 17 years old ;  Billy was 8 years older.  We weren’t formally introduced — he was wearing a suit that seemed to be falling off his person, piece by piece, while delivering flying karate kicks to the back of the heads of other dancers.  Billy was politely asked to chlll out by the event organizers, then asked again in a less polite manner.  I saw him again a few weeks later at a Gang Of Four show in NYC  — I had nowhere to crash that night and Billy assured me his father was a member of the Harvard Club and we’d find some shelter in that opulent setting.   No dice.  Apparently, there was a picture of Billy next to the front desk with instructions saying something to the effect of “do not let this man in”.

A somewhat inauspicious start to our friendship, but one that said a lot about Billy’s ability to make a strong impression.  Perhaps the musical superfan of all time. the man who got thrown out of more shows than anyone else (including, perhaps, a few he promoted). Boston musicians (and more than a few from other places) had no better friend. “legendary patron” doesn’t even begin to cover it — from Hidenburg style DIY HC gigs (Billy was perhaps the only person in history who thought it was a good idea to offer the Clitboys a triple digit guarantee) to laying the groundwork for Central Square’s commercial revival, no American rock history book would be complete with a chapter or 3 dedicated to Billy’s exploits.

In a rock world filled with avarice, Billy’s ridiculous generosity, his boundless enthusiasm for shit-you-needed-to-hear would’ve been inspiring enough if he was just a nutty character that turned up at every gig. But he was much more than that — even in a world that was awfully quick to slam doors in his face (I once witnessed Billy getting fired from a kitchen job because his boss lost all patience with Ruane lobbying to have The Neats play the restaurant’s employee booze cruise — Billy had been working there for all of two days), Billy was awesome at making stuff happen, usually with little to show for it besides a hug. . It would be nearly enough to say there’s a long list of bands, known and otherwise, that received their first Boston show because Billy gave them a chance.   But he was no mere club booker —Billy’s approach to putting a show together (something he got a lot better at in the years following that Clitboys incident) wasn’t entirely divorced from how he’d make a mixtape. There was no bigger believer in the power of art to transform and inspire, and no one in my lifetime gave as much of himself to make a rather chaotic scene feel like family.

Billy died yesterday.  The Boston Phoenix provides some of the details , suffice to say there’s people all over the world — and not just old fuckers like me — who are mourning the loss of a buddy, a drinking partner, a role model (seriously), a fountain of ideas (a handful of ‘em genuinely realistic!) and a guy who even at his most exasperating, was always the funniest person in the room.   It would be a huge understatement to say I am very, very lucky to have known Billy Ruane.   But even those who didn’t know him benefit from a cultural environment he helped create.


Yahoo’s Woj : Brandon Rush Tore ACL On Knicks’ Watch

Posted in Basketball at 6:15 pm by

Who knew that Isiah Thomas  had so much in common with Rich Rodriguez?  Yahoo Sports’ Adrian Wojnarowski claims the Knicks have conducted clandestine workouts with draft prospects in the Atlanta suburbs, a practice that violates NBA regulations.

Knicks director of East Coast scouting Rodney Heard coordinated and conducted the sessions, three players who were involved in some of the workouts told Yahoo! Sports “ including one May 2007 session that resulted in a devastating knee injury to Kansas All-American Brandon Rush (above). A tear of the anterior cruciate ligament in Rush™s right knee forced him to withdraw from the 2007 draft and required surgery plus six months of rehabilitation.

In addition to the Rush session “ which was an apparent violation of NBA bylaws forbidding teams from working out players before the annual predraft camp “ Heard may have broken more rules by conducting predraft workouts with additional players during restricted time periods in 2007 and for excessive sessions in 2009 and 2010.

¢ League sources with knowledge of the workouts said Heard trained forward Wilson Chandler for multiple weeks before the 2007 predraft camp. The Knicks went on to draft Chandler with the 23rd overall pick that year

Rush, now a member of the Indiana Pacers, said he was injured during a workout with Heard at a gymnasium connected to the former home of former NBA player Shareef Abdur-Rahim in Marietta, Ga. Rush had previously maintained that he sustained the injury in a pick-up game in his hometown of Kansas City, Mo. Multiple NBA executives, who researched Rush for the following draft in 2008, and sources in college basketball, the sneaker industry and those close to Rush and Heard said they were aware the injury happened in a workout with the Knicks.

While it’s tempting to view the above allegations as more evidence of MSG being the World’s Most Ethically Challenged Arena, give Thomas and Heard this much credit ;  at least they opted to draft someone else after they’d assisted in torpedoing Rush’s career.

University Of Maryland Undergrad Accomplishes The Near-Impossible…

Posted in College Spurts, Free Expression, Gridiron at 3:58 pm by

….she’s responsible for a cartoon less funny than “Girls & Sports”.  Last Thursday night, Maryland OL Pete DeSouza suffered broken legs when his scooter collided with a car making a left turn on campus. The above editorial cartoon appeared in the independent Diamondback student paper earlier today.

Scratchbomb’s Callan – Somewhat Resistant To LeBron’s Comedic/Conceptual Charms

Posted in Basketball, Blogged Down, The Marketplace at 3:24 pm by

LeBron’s new Nike ad fails to apologize to Cavs fans, does little to explain the exercise in self-obsession that was “The Decision”, and it doesn’t actually sell sneakers.  Other than that, it’s a terrific commercial.  But on the same day a Cleveland radio host has enlisted a witch doctor to fuck with The King’s head prior to tonight’s season opener versus Boston, Scratchbomb’s Matthew Callan watches said commercial and delivers a curse of his own.

Should I be who you want me to be? Because I don’t change myself for nobody. Except Dwayne Wade.

Should I get Thai for lunch? I just had it yesterday but I’m still feelin it, you know?

Should I stop listening to my friends? C’mon, they’re my friends. If your friends asked you to stop listening to your friends, would you do it? I would. That’s the kind of friend I am.

Should I go on this whitewater rafting trip with Delonte West? I think it’s gonna be really awkward.

Should I really do this Miami Vice segment with Don Johnson, even though I was like negative-three when that show was canceled?

Should I be who you want me to be? Because if it’ll get me 5 extra bucks, I will totally do it.

Compared To Mario Lemiuex’s Urine, This Is A Genuine Bargain

Posted in Hockey, The Marketplace at 12:02 pm by

I hate to nitpick, but the label really ought to read “FORMER ICE FROM THE IGLOO”.  Mondesi’s House reports the Penguins and the NHL are charging $40 for the above bottle, which only seems like an outrageous sum before you consider it doubles as memorabilia from this classic motion picture.


Yahoo’s Dwyer Vs. Byron Scott : Cavs Coach Is Losing The Diss Battle

Posted in Basketball, Blogged Down, Sports Journalism at 6:58 pm by

(that’s a pretty big smile for a guy who has already left his new coach looking kinda dopey)

Upon being informed by a Cavs beat reporter that Yahoo Sports’ Kelly Dwyer picked Cleveland to win no more than 12 games in 2011-12, head coach Byron Scott replied, “I look at it as kind of a joke. He™s out of his mind. On Monday, Dwyer returned fire, snapping, “I like my veer from the realm of the sane far better than the one that is wasting an entire fan base’s year, telling it that things aren’t that bad, that they just have to stay the course.”

Because I much prefer being out of my mind in predicting a 12-70 season for Cleveland as I am the sort of “out of his mind” that allows for a singular player’s entourage to essentially run an NBA franchise for a half-decade. The sort of “out of his mind” that sees that player off to another team as he reacts to a half-decade of poor personnel decisions, and follows that news up with a ridiculous letter promising to win a championship before a team featuring LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or Chris Bosh ever will.

I like this “out of his mind” a lot better than the one that tells himself, “hmm, I just promised my team would win a championship before LeBron James ever does, and LeBron James now plays on a team with two players that led their positions in PER last season, how shall I follow through on that boast? I know! I’ll trade for Ramon Sessions), and do absolutely nothing else!”

Derek Dooley, History Buff

Posted in Genocidal Tendencies, Gridiron at 6:15 pm by

The fun (?) begins at around the 10:40 mark. Analogies aside, full credit to Dooley, who most of us thought was thoroughly unqualified to fill the huge idiotic-public-statements-shoes left by the King of Dipshit Sound Bytes, Lane Kiffin.

BOOM! : Ovechkin’s Swinging Moscow Summer

Posted in Hockey at 1:12 pm by

(l-r : Ovechkin, some dude who failed the wing man auditions)

That Capitals C Alexander Ovechkin is not exactly the shy and retiring type will hardly come as shocking to news to readers of this site and other outlets.  However, it’s fair to say we’ve been spared real insight into Ovie’s character prior to a GQ reporter shadowing the NHL superstar around Moscow this offseason. Exceprts from Michael Ivov’s “Ovechkin With Love”, provided by Russian Machine Never Breaks :

In Washington, where he spends most of his time, Ovechkin™s life is infinitely more placid. He is on his best behavior there, mindful of his stature. In Moscow, he can™t help but revert to his teenage self.  œMoscow is a big city, he says. œIt™s all nerves “ something™s always happening somewhere. DC is a quiet, calm family town. He lives in a house in Arlington, Virginia, he bought his rookie year; his parents who keep a home base in Moscow , and his brother, Mikhail, who works with the WNBA, are frequent guests. And if Ovechkin™s exploits don™t reach American tabloids, perhaps that™s because he™s simply not into American girls. œIf you compare Russia and America, he explains sagely,they are two different worlds. People, cars, clothes. Girls™ figures. Especially girls™ figures. Why do you think that is, that when an American goes to Russia for a week, he stays for two extra weeks? Girls! And when a Russian goes to America for a week, he leaves in five days. I™m serious! There™s a statistic! [Ed Note: I'm dubious.] Ask any American about Russia. You know what they™ll say.

The conversation ends abruptly. Ovechkin™s dangerous-looking friend Magomet, whom Alex has been texting throughout our talk (he texts nonstop, with prodigious smileys), has rolled up in an Audi SUV painted a scabrous matte black. For a while, we cruise down Tverskaya. Each time he sees a pretty girl walking by, Ovechkin shouts œBOOM! at the top of his lungs.

Jets DE Trevor Pryce : An Aaron Spelling For The New Millenium?

Posted in Gridiron, The World Of Entertainment at 12:15 pm by

Though I was aware of Trevor Pryce‘s previous forays into the world of music,  the following profile of his more recent sideline as an aspiring television/film producer is awfully inspiring — finally, someone has proven that running an independent record label need not be a professional dead end. From the New York Times’ Greg Bishop, who says of Pryce’s blitzing Hollywoood, “‘Entourage’”, this is not.”

Ideas come at random, often on the drive to football practice. Pryce estimated that he had sent more than 2,000 e-mails to himself over the past two years, all ideas, some good, some cringe-worthy in retrospect.

The good: a movie about a library employee struck by lightning who becomes a walking encyclopedia, a cartoon in which Mother Goose has a little brother who is a rapper, a crime drama set in the South, and other projects he praised but declined to discuss because he had yet to sell them.

The cringe-worthy: a television show set in Hell, Mich., where what can go wrong does, and a movie about a Guatemalan soccer team that enters the world championships only to find itself in an American football tournament.

Pryce is also writing a book he described as “Mad Max” meets “Avatar.” But on the advice of his agents, he is careful not to call himself a writer, thereby avoiding the image of a recluse in his pajamas pecking at a typewriter in the basement.