09.30.15

Children’s Letters To CSTB : Bonkers From Yonkers’ Remaining Fan Has A Question

Posted in Dino Costa at 1:55 pm by

Hello,

First, I want to congratulate you on having a successful blog. Second, I came across your blog while searching for Dino Costa. I’m actually a fan of Dino. I don’t agree with everything he says but he is entertaining. I do enjoy reading your pieces about him. Though, I do have a question. Who is the guy in pictures that you post in the pieces that you wrote about Dino?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that Dino Costa will be restarting his digital radio enterprise. If you want to learn more, go to www.dinocostaradionetwork.com.

Thank you,
NAME REDACTED

I certainly hope you’re not suggesting Dino’s not nearly that good looking.

Actually, I just wanted to know who that guy is in those pictures. Is he from a TV show or something?

Thanks
NAME REDACTED

I do believe Dino’s made a few TV appearances — Red Eye, I believe?

Yes, I’m aware of what Dino looks like. You’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. There’s a picture of a guy that you post in some of those blog pieces about Dino that is not Dino. In one of the pics, he looks like a waiter. Who is that guy? Is he from a TV show or movie?

Thanks,
NAME REDACTED

No, actually I’m not misunderstanding a fucking thing. My name is Mr. Running A Successful Blog, not Mr. Reverse Google Image Search Disguised As A Schmuck Dying To Spell Shit Out To You. You continue to insist the gentleman above can’t possible be Dino Costa. Why? Does he somehow look like a person who is particularly reasonable, solvent, pleasant and/or not-at-all-racist? YOU TELL ME.

Coming To A Future Episode Of “Bar Euthanasia” : Austin’s Chad Goldwasser

Posted in Austin, The Marketplace at 1:39 pm by

Chad Goldwasser, owner of downtown Austin’s opening-soon monument to douchebaggery, Teller’s, was interviewed by the Chronicle’s Kevin Curtin, and the former credits his “massively powerful positive energy and an incredible fuckin’ attitude” for his ascent in the fields of real estate and motivational speaking. If you’re wondering how that skill set might translate to world of live music entertainment, well, I have no idea whatsoever. But if this clip is anything to go, the city’s newest impresario seems to be a totally stable, centered individual who should never be compared to a TICKING TIME BOMB.

09.29.15

Hayhurst On Papelbon vs. Harper : A Dick Measuring Contest Gone Awry

Posted in Baseball at 11:27 pm by

(Papelbon blames the paucity of autograph requests on how frequently he’s mistaken for The Miz)

A day after one newspaper columnist posed the (serious) question to his readers, “Should Jonathan Papelbon Have Choked Bryce Harper?”, former Jays reliever turned broadcaster/journalist Dirk Hayhurst, author of “The Bullpen Gospels : A Non-Prospect’s Pursuit of the Major Leagues and the Meaning of Life”, took to Vice Sports to call the spat, “the logical conclusion of the testosterone-driven, dick-measuring culture that is the basis for nearly every unwritten rule the sport has ever concocted.”

There is a camp that believes this fight stems from the fact that Harper is a young, flashy, emotionally demonstrative prick who doesn’t always hustle, can be whiny, and has been known to say brash stuff, like, “That’s a clown question, bro.” The only reason he hasn’t gotten his comeuppance, in this reading, is because he’s played well enough to avoid it.

Enter Papelbon; the perfect trigger-happy lunatic for the job of teaching superstars, home and away, lessons on proper baseball behavior. This is a guy who is deranged enough to drill Orioles star, Manny Machado, and then say “Perception is reality. If Manny thinks I hit him, that’s what he thinks.”

While baseball’s social norms are about as clear as mud, one thing is crystal: baseball is full of fragile narcissists who justify a great deal of their behavior by citing sources that don’t exist. They rationalize their foolish behavior as customary or, worse, crucial to the development of a younger generation. The system that makes Jonathan Papelbon a narcissistic borderline fascist is the same system that encourages Bryce Harper to be a narcissistic egomaniac.

Hip Hop Will Survive The Cards’ Red Schoendienst Tribute. Barely.

Posted in Baseball at 6:47 pm by

Personally allegiances aside, I’m tempted to call the 1986 cash-in single/video “Let’s Go Mets” (heavy on the Piscopo and Trump cameos) one of the worst baseball-themed recordings ever sanctioned by an MLB club. Until today, however.

I know, like I was expecting Mike Matheny miming to “Wonderful Subdivision” or something.

09.28.15

Gonerfest 12 Wrap Up : I CAN BARELY REMEMBER ANY OF IT

Posted in record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 8:00 pm by

Every year in the aftermath of Gonerfest it is customary for many attendees to take to F-book to hail the event’s awesomeness and pay tribute to the hosting/booking/crowd control efforts of Eric, Zac, Madison and others, often declaring the long weekend, “the greatest thing ever” or “I never wanted it to end” or some such hyperbole.

I’m very tempted to write something similar and detail several of the highlights, but maybe this a moment better spent on careful reflection. Was it really the most crucial life-experience imaginable? I’ve never been to a sweat lodge (though I’ve seen multiple bands with that name across different decades). I’ve never attended (or participated in) a mass Moonie wedding. I’ve never gone big game hunting with Minneapolis dentists across the Sudan, nor have I tried to re-create the Ice T star vehicle, “Surviving The Game” with other jaded, wealthy persons looking to satisfy their bloodlust (preferably with someone less wily & cunning as Ice T as the target). Haven’t tried cannibalism (though I did read “Alive : The Story Of The Andes Survivors” in elementary school and though, y’know, the author MADE A MEAL OF IT).
Still haven’t made it to Bonnaroo (which sounds scarier than the Andes cannibalism book), still haven’t made it to either of the Dakotas.

I guess what I’m trying to say is fuck bucket lists, fuck buckets (or to paraphrase David Sedaris, fuck fuck it buckets). Gonna go way out on a limb here and say MUSK were way better than 10 mass Moonie weddings.

Nats : We’ll Live Without Papelbon’s Charm, Leadership For The Final Seven Games

Posted in Baseball at 12:51 pm by

But wait, didn’t Matt Williams argue yesterday that Jonathan Papelbon is Washington’s closer? Who’s gonna close out those all-important final seven games? How can the bullpen be fully mismanaged if Williams is denied the opportunity to not use Papelbon in key spots?

09.27.15

Celebrate The Mets’ Division Crown With A Garment That Can’t Possibly Go Out Of Style

Posted in Baseball at 11:46 pm by

For Matt Williams not to immediately remove Papelbon from the game defies logic. Papelbon went after the best player in the game, Harper, the 22-year-old superstar whose emergence has been by far the best thing that has happened to the Nationals this season. And Papelbon got away with it.

If the Nationals want to show real leadership — and support for Harper, their franchise player — they should suspend Papelbon for the rest of the season and fire Williams.

General Manager Mike Rizzo was not available to reporters after the game, but Williams seemed oblivious to the issues. Asked why he allowed Papelbon to keep pitching after the fight, Williams said, “He’s our closer.”

Right. He is. And he just attacked your best player.Tyler Kepner, NY Times, September 27, 2015

Matt Wiliams will undoubtedly lose his job soon, but anyone who can avoid sharing oxygen with Papelbon can call himself a winner in life.

09.26.15

Not Even Close To A CSTB Greatest Hit : Remembering The Last Time Randy Niemann Dousing Frank Cashen With Champagne Was Referenced

Posted in Baseball, History's Not Happening at 9:57 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : on the occasion of the New York Mets clinching their first Division title since 2006, let’s take a look back to a far less exciting event a little more than 5 years ago. Bad enough I have to bring up the Randy Niemann thing again, but can you believe I’m remembering K-Rod on today of all days? From May 25, 2010, “Randy Niemann’s Finally Managed To Enrage Someone More Powerful Than Frank Cashen” – GC)

Lovers of Mets history will recall then-GM Frank Cashen declaring, “those who contribute the least spray the most champagne” after being doused by reliever Randy Niemann in the celebratory wake of the Amazins’ marathon victory in Game 6 of the 1986 NLCS. Remarkably, bullpen coach Niemann found himself in the middle of a far more relevant firestorm Sunday evening, allegedly participating in a shoving match with closer Francisco Rodriguez in the bullpen prior to the 9th inning conclusion against the Yankees. From the New York Times’ David Waldstein :

Afterward, Rodriguez said the tussle in the bullpen was just an instance of Mets relievers engaging in some roughhousing.

“We were just fooling around, he said. “We were just kidding with each other.”

But two people in the Mets organization confirmed that the confrontation between Rodriguez and Niemann was indeed a heated one and might have escalated if other pitchers had not intervened. A third member of the organization said that Rodriguez and Niemann met after the game and apparently patched things up.

At the heart of Sunday night’s incident is the Mets’ heavy reliance on Rodriguez to bail them out of one dangerous situation after another. With his own job on the line, Jerry Manuel has felt pressure to win every game he possibly can, even it means stretching Rodriguez’s normal limitations. He has had Rodriguez warm up more than once in the same game in case he is needed before the ninth inning; he has had Rodriguez come into the games where the Mets are still comfortably ahead.

On the night of the confrontation between John Maine and Manuel, for example, Rodriguez was summoned to pitch the ninth inning even though the Mets had a 10-6 lead and it was a nonsave situation. But just as in the 20-inning game against St. Louis in April, when Rodriguez warmed up 10 times before finally entering in the 19th inning, the Mets, and particularly Manuel, were in desperate need of a victory.

09.25.15

The Former Fat Elvis : Protecting Houston’s Toilets Since The Autumn of 2015

Posted in Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl?, Baseball at 8:12 pm by

I think I liked Lance Berkman better when he was risking his baseball career playing flag football. Proving his judgement has yet to improve in retirement, Berkman has recorded an advertisement for a group opposing Houston’s Equal Rights Ordinance, as reported by Outsports’ Cyd Ziegler :

Berkman uses a popular smokescreen – the idea of boys suddenly showering with girls in the locker room – to attack the equal-rights law. As gay people and same-sex couples have found increasing acceptance, that has become a popular method of division for the anti-LGBT forces in Houston, to go after trans youth as some kind of sexual predators.

“No men in women’s bathrooms, no boys in girls’ showers or locker rooms,” Berkman says in a new radio ad. “I played professional baseball for 15 years, but my family is more important. My wife and I have four daughters. Proposition 1, the bathroom ordinance, would allow troubled men to enter women’s public bathrooms, showers and locker rooms. This would violate their privacy and put them in harm’s way.”

Ironically, Berkman failed to flex his activist muscles back when fans using the toilets at his former workplace risked encountering heterosexuals fucking.

A Cowboy Joe West / Madison Bumgarner Pissing Match…

Posted in Baseball at 3:45 pm by



…with no pissing whatsoever!
Just staring! It’s not a pissing match in the slightest! If there’s any urination going on, they both waited until the end of the inning.

Still, West has proved his point. If you try to show up the veteran ump, be prepared to get stared at for an incredibly awkward period of time.