01.31.16

Mitch Albom : Doing Everything In His Power To Take The Heat Off Phil Anselmo

Posted in Sports Journalism, Sports TV at 6:03 pm by

In case you missed it, Florida State recently settled out of court to the tune of nearly one million dollars with former undergrad Erica Kinsman. Kinsman, who accused FSU QB Jameis Winston of rape in 2012, sued claiming continued harassment denied her of rightful opportunities under Title IX. Either The Sports Reporters’ Mitch Albom considers this a frivolous charge or simply believes victims of sexual assault shouldn’t, y’know, CASH IN. Because it’s a such a lucrative thing, being sexually assaulted.

CSTB’s Greatest Hit(s) : THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF PRO BOWL CHILI

Posted in Food, Gridiron at 2:34 pm by


(EDITOR’S NOTE : the following was first posted on February 8, 2004. Since our archives from year one are on permanent vacation — or so it seems — you’ll just have to take my word for it. No one in their right mind would boast of republishing this recipe on an annual basis for 13 fucking years if it weren’t true . Of course, no one in their right mind would watch a pattycake NFL exhibition game when they can watch Paul Giamatti getting peed on John Scott’s big moment in the spotlight – GC).

Excuse me for having to spell this one out for our European readers. Pro Bowl Sunday is a BIG event for Americans. All over the country, families come together for Pro Bowl Parties. Advertisers pay hundreds of dollars to televise commercials featuring their newest products. Each year on Pro Bowl Sunday, battered womens’ shelters report the number of victims admitted to their care decreases by two percent, testament to the calming nature of the contest . If the NBA All-Star Game is, in the words of Michael Wilbon, Black Thanksgiving, then the Pro Bowl is sort of like Yom Kippur for Gambling Degenerates & Football Obsessives of All Races.

In this household, the Pro Bowl’s importance is matched only by that of the NHL Skills Competition (skate-sharpening, carrying Eric Lindros off the ice) and the entire NASCAR calendar. And with that in mind, here is CSTB’s Award Winning Pro Bowl Chili Recipe :

Ingredients :
750 g of Sainsbury Lean Minced Beef

1 jar of Uncle Ben’s Hot Chili
simmer the minced beef in a wok or non-combustible container until brown.

drain the fat in a colander.

remove half the beef and serve to CSTB’s Proofreader (allow some 20 minutes for cooling or you’ll be very very sorry)

put the other half of the beef back in the wok, add the contents of the Uncle Ben’s jar.

go watch NFL Countdown for 30 minutes

serve over a bed of white rice (if you don’t have any white rice, you can always try to cut the taste by swallowing without chewing)

Serves 1 – possibly two if you can get anyone to come over to your house for the Pro Bowl.

01.30.16

Gilbert Arenas’ Embrace Of Social Media Has Taken (Another) Turn For The Self-Destructive

Posted in Basketball at 8:33 pm by

You kick me out your strip club, you getting robbed…..I know what yall thinking(soft ass aint robbing no body) I would like too inform all the big ballers out there,im the reason BIG strip clubs #fingerprint now hahaha..I’ll order $80,000 worth of ones,throw about $40,000 of it too the strippers,sneak the rest out the club…have one of my #teammates sign that bill….wake up the next day,call #americanexpress(my card was stolen at the strip club last night,and these charges aint mines) with a (no questions asked policy)once they see its not ur signture,they refund you ALL your money back lmaoooo soooo I got the $80,000 I spent back..PLUS the $40,000 I took out the club… #aintnotrickingbihh strippers gave me that vagina on the house,it cost me nothing hahahaha #howyoudoing #ranoffontheclubTWICE #smartniggashit #greatinvestment #KOD’S #MAGICCITY just call it a club appearance fee lmaooo

A photo posted by @gilbertarenasthebadguy on

 

Kind of amazing to think that once upon a time, Gilbert Arenas’ unfiltered thoughts made him the toast of blogosphere and mainstream media alike. In the present day however, beyond the reach of NBA discipline, Arenas has segued from creepy WNBA critiques to taunting Flint’s poisoned water supply victims to finally, serving himself up as a perpetrator of credit card fraud.

QB-Turned-Doc : Moderate Amounts Of Homicidal Violence Are Alright

Posted in Gridiron, Medical Science at 5:55 pm by

On the same day that Dr. Bennet Omalu of “Concussion” fame opined that O.J. Simpson suffers from chronic traumatic encephalopathy, Stanford Medical Center Professor Professor of Anesthesiology, Perioperative and Pain MedicineEd Riley (above) tells the San Jose Mercury News that despite what he deems “substantial risk” for professional footballers, he’s ok with his son suiting up for Whitworth University.

Riley, who played quarterback for Whitworth, veers from the hard-line, anti-football sentiment in the medical community. He isn’t convinced that a limited football career — high school only — poses a greater long-term risk of brain damage than other activities favored by adolescent boys.

The only known data on the topic is hardly current: It’s from a Mayo Clinic study on high school players in Minnesota in the 1940s and 50s. The study found no elevated risk for degenerative neurological disease, although the lack of facemasks in that era likely limited the number of helmet-to-helmet collisions.

“You have to put it in perspective,” Riley said of high school football. “There’s risk, but no more than doing other things.”

Could adding four years of collisions in college football elevate his son’s chances for brain damage down the road?

“Clearly, there are risks,” Riley said, “but it’s a risk that for him is worth taking.”

01.29.16

In Which Wu Ke Plays The Part Of Guillermo Mota To Jason Maxiell’s Mike Piazza

Posted in Basketball at 8:37 pm by

Backstory courtesy Dan Devine and Ball Don’t Lie. Hot tip for Carmelo Anthony — you can get away from a pursuer much faster if you’re not backpedaling.

Despite The Best Efforts Of Jay Cutler, The Deceased Lived A Full & Happy Life

Posted in Gridiron at 3:45 pm by

Chicago Tribune, January 26, 2016

01.28.16

Do Not Watch The Following If You Are Hungry

Posted in Austin, Food at 5:52 pm by

Thomas Micklethwait is considered a heroic, larger than life figure in this household. He’s already a living legend (SORRY, LARRY) for his tenure in The Hex Dispensers and subsequent introduction of astonishing brisket, ribs, sausages and world class sides to the former Trailer Space region via Micklethwait Craft Meats. Many of us have gazed longingly at the inner gatefold of ZZ Top’s ‘Tres Hombres‘, but how many have possessed the skill, patience and appetite to re-create this historic album art and then consume the entire spread?

01.27.16

Farewell To Walt “No Neck” Williams

Posted in Baseball at 5:39 pm by

Our thoughts this evening (well, mine anyway) are with the family, friends, teammates and fans of ten year big league veteran Walt Williams, who died this past Saturday at the age of 72. Saddled with the nickname “No-Neck” due to his particular posture, Williams would later become the inspiration for New York’s New Weird America poster children the No Neck Blues Band (CHECK SOURCE BEFORE PUBLISHING)

01.25.16

Never Let It Be Said That Phoenix Isn’t A Real Sports Town….

Posted in Gridiron at 5:43 pm by

…at least not very loudly, as I have a splitting headache.

For Phil Mushnick, Taking Shots At Yoenis Cespedes Knows No Off-Season

Posted in Baseball, New York, New York, Sports Journalism at 1:12 am by

Mets fans should be pumped that the Mets have retained Yoenis Cespedes, a player so valued he quickly became expendable to three previous teams?Phil Mushnick, New York Post, January 25, 2016

Well, in a word (fuck) yes. Putting aside (!) Cespedes’ prodigious output for the Mets during the 2015 season’s final 55 games — an offensive tear so dramatic, some actually raised the notion of the outfielder’s MVP candidacy — there’s something deeply disconcerting about the innuendo here. If Cespedes is truly the uncoachable clubhouse cancer Mushnick and others in the media (none of whom, by pure coincidence, seem to be of Cuban descent) seem to suggest, why would the Mets dream of having him back, let alone at $25 million + for next season? Why would the Nationals, already praying Jonathan Papelbon is hit by a bus, offer a guaranteed 5 year deal to a player of such poor character?

Could it be that Cespedes’ teammates, managers, employers and people who’ve paid to watch him every day have a more informed opinion about what he really brings to the table, pro and con?

Mushnick would have you believe that on 3 separate occasions, other teams couldn’t wait to rid themselves of Cespedes. Never mind that that A’s flipped him for the highly coveted Jon Lester (or that their offensive production went straight into the toilet once Cespedes left town).

It would be a real shame if this was part of a creepy pattern, wouldn’t it?