03.26.07

38 Problems And The Pitch Ain’t One : Shaughnessy Embraces Nickname, Flunks Yard Work Audition

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down at 9:56 am by

The Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy has observed the mostly favorable coverage Curt Schilling has received for his 38 Pitches blog, and has decided to put the self-obsessed hurler and his geeky acolytes in their place. (ie., reading the Globe instead of a blog)

Lapdog38: Hey Curt. This blog is awesome. I mean, I can’t believe it’s really you. I’m nervous just typing, knowing you are there on the other end. Let me tell you a little about myself. I am 38 years old (pretty cool, huh, 38?) and I have your jersey in XXL (both home and away versions). I’m living at home, in the basement, rent free, and I’ve got cable and plasma TV. Domino’s delivers. I guess you could say I’m living the dream. Anyway, I was wondering if you could tell us who’s going to be on the final 25-man roster for the Sox this year?

38 Pitches: Whoa, there, Lapdog38. I know you guys first heard about Pap being our closer on this blog, but I’ve promised the owners, Theo, and Tito I’ll try not to break any more news here. I’ll leave that to the “sportswriters,” if you know what I’m saying. Just don’t believe everything you read, ha ha.

Suckup38: Curt, you are the best. Thank you for this blog. It completes me. You had me at hello. I have blood stains on all my white socks. I was wondering if you would please consider going back to the negotiating table with the Red Sox during the season. If you leave Boston, I’ll be forced to leave, myself.

38 Pitches: Don’t get carried away there, Suckup38. I know it’s difficult, but try to remember that even though I am the ace of the staff and delivered a World Series to you after 86 years, and am serving my fellow man in every way imaginable, I am still only one man. And I will not negotiate through the media. I think I’ve been pretty clear on that in all of my news-breaking interviews with WEEI.

Loser38: I used to go to Star Trek conventions and comic book trade shows. No more. Now this blog is my life. My girlfriend says I’m spending too much time on this site. I say she’s being ridiculous. I mean, what’s six hours a day when you have a chance to communicate — cyberspace to cyberspace — with a legitimate Hall of Famer? Do you think I’m being reasonable, Schill?

38 Pitches: I’ve learned that greatness comes with a price. Only you can decide if you’re willing to pay that price. Personally, I’m spending about eight hours a day with this site and that’s not easy when you have as many responsibilities as I have. Whenever I begin to question things I just ask myself, “What would Gandhi do?” I mean, I never met the man, but I heard he was a really good guy. I think he would have been into 38 Studios.

CHB38: What do you say to those media morons who contend that you are a self-important blowhard with an ill-informed opinion about everything and an insatiable need to be worshipped by sheep-like fans and late-night blog boys who live in Ma’s basement?

38 Pitches: I say bring ‘em on. You think it’s easy being player-manager/staff ace/media go-to guy/entrepreneur/candidate-in-waiting/savior of the universe? Walk a mile in my shoes, big guy. Meanwhile, I’ve got to call it a night. Thank you all for writing and keeping it real. Forever yours, 38 Pitches.

One Response to “38 Problems And The Pitch Ain’t One : Shaughnessy Embraces Nickname, Flunks Yard Work Audition”

  1. David R. says:

    Oh Yard Work thanks you a bunch, Curly.

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