Coming To A Future Episode Of “Bar Euthanasia” : Austin’s Chad Goldwasser

Posted in Austin, The Marketplace at 1:39 pm by

Chad Goldwasser, owner of downtown Austin’s opening-soon monument to douchebaggery, Teller’s, was interviewed by the Chronicle’s Kevin Curtin, and the former credits his “massively powerful positive energy and an incredible fuckin’ attitude” for his ascent in the fields of real estate and motivational speaking. If you’re wondering how that skill set might translate to world of live music entertainment, well, I have no idea whatsoever. But if this clip is anything to go, the city’s newest impresario seems to be a totally stable, centered individual who should never be compared to a TICKING TIME BOMB.


An Important Press Release From The Entertainment Arm Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in Internal Affairs, The Marketplace at 5:31 pm by


September 24, 2015

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli announced his investment and partial accquistion of Austin, TX independent recording company 12XU earlier today in a hastily assembled news conference.

Shkreli, who recently parted ways from independent/ingrate imprint Collect, confirmed an infusion of cash in the low 7 figures, a sum he promises comes with “no strings attached”.

“I’m just trying to give something back to artists,” Shkreli explained, while describing his initial meeting with 12XU founder/owner Gerard Cosloy as something akin to “being reunited with a twin that’s been seperated at birth”.

Cosloy, who professed to little knowledge of Shkreli’s business dealings, told reporters, “he seems like a cool guy. I’m told he owns Shannon Hoon’s skeleton.”

When informed Shkreli had generated major controversy over a plan to raise the price of a toxoplasmosis drug some 5000% percent, Cosloy replied, “is that a real illness or something you just made up to look smart? It’s an honest question, I don’t know anyone who has it, so how bad could it really be?”

“I’ve always wondered what it would like to be involved with a real label with substantial backing,” explained Cosloy, who described himself as a professional dog walker.

12XU artists including OBN III’s, Xetas, Sweet Talk, Flesh Lights and Unholy Two were not made available for questioning because they’re terribly busy being artists, having loads of freedom and being supported by wonderful benefactors like Martin Shkreli.

12XU’s next new release, the first solo album in 13 years from Don Howland, ‘Life Is A Nightmare’, comes out October 16, and has a list price of $79,950.00 (USD)


From The Desk Of Randy L : I’ll Make A Respectable Businessman Out Of Martin Shkreli

Posted in Baseball, Free Expression, The Marketplace at 6:59 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, Bronx baseball executive Randy L. weighs in at CSTB on the major events of the day, sporting or otherwise. Following this week’s outcry over Turing Pharmaceuticals’ decision to raise the price of a single dose of toxoplasmosis drug Daraprim from $13.50 to $750.00, Randy requested, no, he demanded to have his say – GC)

Greetings, Yankee Universe and all those who gaze upon it wishing, hoping, they could somehow manage not to get blown the fuck out on national television. But enough about our (alleged) crosstown rivals and the way they’ve beaten up on baseball’s worst division on their path to one of the flimsiest pennant victories in recent memory. No, instead, I’d rather concentrate on an entirely different breed of opportunist.

Turing Pharmaceuticals’ Martin Shkreli has raised the price of a drug that assists AIDS patients some 5000% and then has the unmitigated gall to masquerade his greed as some sort of research fund-raiser. If you want to put Shkreli’s pricing scheme into some kind of perspective, for what he’s charging for one little pill, you could take a date and your personal assistant to a 2015 Yankees postseason game and still have enough left for parking (provided you park at home and hitchhike to the Stadium).

Look, I’m no socialist but Shkreli’s me-first behavior is far too typical of the kind of callousness I’ve come to expect from the younger generation. I mean, it’s almost uncanny that a cursory glance at social media today turns up smug, sickening portraits of Shkreli wearing Brand New t-shirts, Shkreli brandishing the former credit card of the late idol-to-the-confused Kurt Cobain. I’m almost certain our own oversexed General Manager was in the bidding for that particular item, and I feel pretty comfortable in saying both of the punks in question have demonstrated poor judgement and blatant immaturity.

Shkreli doesn’t seem like the sort of person to take advice from a businessman many years his senior, but he’s gonna get it just the same. For starters, this fixation with “emo” music is not befitting an adult with professional aspirations (and you’ll note you’ve not read a word about any fans of The National gouging the sick or needy). Secondly, if Shkreli wants to torpedo his reputation with high-risk internet tomfoolery and twisted vendettas, he can be my fucking guest. But perhaps that particular skill set could be better directed towards assisting The World’s Greatest Professional Sports Franchise in carefully tracking the activities of a preening, supercilious, self-absorbed fraud that we (currently) owe a lot of money over the next two seasons. I mean, who’d know the type better?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is, it’s part of a Yankee tradition to offer second chances to those who’ve disgraced themselves elsewhere. And while you probably don’t see Martin Shkreli in a pinstriped pantheon of Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden or Steve Howe, that’s why I’m a rainmaker extraordinaire and you’re a schnook reading sports blogs on a stained futon at 3am surrounded by roaches, vermin or both.

The internship’s yours if you accept the challenge, Martin. And don’t show up at my office in a Thursday hoodie.

Randy L.


Wade Sneaker Designer : Where’s My Plane Tickets?

Posted in Basketball, Fashion, The Marketplace at 11:42 pm by

The designer of Chinese #makeyourownwow champion give us the first look of American champion. #Dwade #wayofwade #lining #wayofwade3 #dwyanewade #wade #wadecounty #wadewednesdays #makeyourownway #adidas #Nike #wayofwadechina #dope #kicks #wow #nba #miamiheat #sneaker #solecollector #sneakercollector #sneakerhead #sole #sneakernews #wow #makeyourownwow #sneakerporn @dwyanewade @liningusa @team_wow @jr_lyon

A photo posted by @wayofwadechina on

Chinese sneaker manufacture Li-Ning marked their recent endorsement deal with Heat G Dwyane Wade with a contest to design Wade’s signature shoes. Months later, it seems the contest winner, a Danish student named Thor Bjoern, has heard little about a promised trip to Miami, or the status of his handiwork. From Sole Collector’s Brandon Richard :

According to the winning designer, the e-mail confirming his win marked the last time he had any contact with the company. Since then, he’s sent numerous e-mails and messages through Twitter to no avail. In fact, @LiNingUSA hasn’t tweeted anything at all since July.

To further complicate matters, Thor’s design may have already been produced without his knowledge. What appears to be a Li-Ning Wade Instagram fan page posted a similar make-up, adding that it was a first look at the shoe made by Make Your Own WOW’s “American Champion.”


Hanging Offense : $200 To Bask In Sevendust’s Mediocrity

Posted in Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 5:24 pm by

This is right up there with a Blues Saraceno Meet & Greet :



SEVENDUST returns to Architekt Music for their famous Studio Hang/Listening Party on September 16, 2015 – this time to celebrate the release of KILL THE FLAW. The event starts at 7PM! This event will be held at Architekt Music in Butler, New Jersey.


Event begins at 7pm. Doors will open at 6pm. This show is General Admission and is an ALL AGES event.

This will be a night with SEVENDUST unlike any other, and an experience only available at this exclusive event!

Lajon Witherspoon (lead vocals)
Clint Lowery (guitar, vocals)
Morgan Rose (drums, vocals)
John Connolly (guitar, vocals)
Vince Hornsby (bass)

- You MUST bring your ID.
- You and your property WILL BE SEARCHED upon entry.
- This event WILL have restricted audio and video access.
- You may be filmed and/or recorded and by purchasing a ticket, agree to appear on any and all upcoming releases without further permission or compensation.
- There are no tickets to claim nor will any be issued. Your entire party must be present in order to enter the venue and the person on the will-call list must have photo ID on hand.
- Architekt is an intimate-sized venue – moshing and crowd surfing are discouraged and any such behavior is at the risk of the patron and may at any time be stopped by security.
- You assume any and all risks occurring before, during, or after event, including injury by any cause. You release management, facility, club, Architekt, and their respective affiliates and representatives from any related claims.
- Entry is revokable. Management may, without refund, revoke this license or refuse admission for noncompliance with terms or disorderly conduct. You consent to search on entry and waive related claims.


Predicting The New York Times’ Next 3 Articles About The Vinyl Pressing Boom

Posted in record collector disease, The Marketplace at 4:59 pm by

(above : a mysterious, boiling vat of something or other,not unlike one Jerry Jones might fall into if he’s not careful)

Do editors at the NY Times routinely read portions of the paper besides their own? I ask because today’s Media section has a longish piece on new pressing plants in Bordentown, NJ and Memphis, TN barely a month after the World section featured the story of Lodnice’s Gramofonove Zavody (aka GZ Media). It would seem the paper of record has moved on from their every-10-months obligatory (you pick) RSD/record shops/”hey they still sell turntables” articles to instead focus on the manufacturing process. It doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going (and that’s pretty lucky, because most of you aren’t geniuses) :

January, Sunday Styles : Matt Harvey and Michael Dorf having brunch (at a pressing plant)

February, Decision 2016 : a Chris Christie photo op at Bordentown’s Independent Record Pressing (suddenly the state’s single biggest employer) turns ugly when crony Jerry Jones falls into a boiling vat of lye. It’s all the more curious because there’s no need for a boiling vat of lye in the record pressing process.

March, Science : Nashville’s URP unveils plans to manufacture a ltd. edition Jack White 7″ on the eve of Record Store Day 2016, but they’ll have it in stores for Record Store Day 2015 thru the advent of time travel.


Gap Toothed Village Whore Shaming Aside, Here’s A Reasoned Take On The Football League’s Mooted Reboot

Posted in Football, The Marketplace at 11:21 pm by

There’s talk of England’s Football League getting a facelift of sorts, with all 3 divisions renamed something more sexy/modern/less confusing starting next season “in a bid to boost the league’s brand identity.” In the considered view of The Set Pieces’ Iain Macintosh, “we need something more tangible than expensively sourced bullshit and glitter”. Not that he can’t be called a realist, however (“you try dragging a nine year old Messi fan boy out to watch Notts County slide down the pyramid and see where it gets you”).

We suffered in the 1980s when the bigger clubs decided that they no longer wished to split gate receipts down the middle. We suffered in the 1990s when the bigger clubs decided that they wanted almost all of the TV money. We’re suffering now because, not content with all of the money, the bigger clubs want all of the players too, stockpiled, catalogued and sent out on loan just in case they turn out to be any good.

We really need the Football League in our corner right now. We’ve tried telling the Football Association about our problems, but they just suggested tossing a squadron of B teams down, a move that would cement our position as the gap-toothed village whores that the young aristocrats come to practice-fuck in exchange for a handful of coppers. We need real leadership and real solutions. We don’t need the people tasked with protecting us to start pissing down our backs and telling us that it’s raining.
The logic of a rebrand simply doesn’t work. No Plymouth Argyle fan has ever refused to go to Home Park on the basis that League Two doesn’t sound sexy enough. No lapsed Carlisle fans would be be lured back if they turned League Two into the Megaspurt Infinity Division. I can’t tell you for sure why not enough people go to Football League games, but I’d imagine it has something to do with the fact that ticket prices for the bottom flight can often be over £20. And it’s fine when you’re single and free, but when children enter your life, the bill starts to rise and before long you wonder if it might not be better to spend that money in a more constructive manner.


What The Well Dressed (& Possibly Freezing) Tom Brady Apologist Will Be Wearing This Autumn

Posted in Fashion, Gridiron, The Marketplace at 5:56 pm by

If you’re like me, you were wondering just how long it would take the infamous Tom Brady courtroom sketch to be turned into a skirt.

As it happens, it didn’t really take long at all. Don’t you feel super impatient now?


Bizarre Promotional Items Of August 2015 : Bridgeport Bluefish 1, New York Yankees 0

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 9:03 pm by

(image courtesy the Bobby V. loving Bridgeport Bluefish)

Michael Kay claims the cowboy hat is “pretty cool”. I think that’s taking being a company man to an unrealistic level.


History’s Least Questionable eBay Auctions, Pt. XXVII

Posted in Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 9:57 pm by

As you almost certainly know, Ft. Worth’s COMPLETE are scheduled to make their long overdue NYC debut August 22 at Williamsburgh’s Union Pool alongside Octagrape and other lesser lights. Because Complete’s private jet cannot operate on vegetable oil YOU FUCKING HIPPIES, funds must be raised to make this journey a reality. Hence. the following auction :

Complete Nation! Up for grabs is the original banner for Complete from their infamous debut show that has struck youtube by storm! Complete is heading to New York August 22nd to headline @ Union Pool & we need to cover travel expenses to get there so we are putting this one of a kind piece of Complete history up for sale! The ropes to hang the banner are built in and the lettering is raised it’s a one of a kind custom! That’s a 60″ tv behind the banner to give you a grasp of how large the banner is!


John Rocker Brings His Class, Way With (Bad) Words To Hall Of Fame Weekend

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 3:19 pm by

(image swiped from the Twitter feed of Benjamin Hochman). What Mr. Rocker lacks in IQ he certainly tries to make up for with chutzpah. And imagine this inspiration this might provide for Jim Leyritz’ autograph sales.


No One Will Ever Accuse The Geege Of Being The Proto Brian Williams

Posted in History's Not Happening, Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 7:53 pm by

…or George O’Leary. Fair play to Dangerous Minds for uncovering an actual auction house’s efforts to sell a resume touting the work experience of one G.G. Allin to the highest bidder, but I think they’re slightly missing the point. People tend to embellish this stuff all the time; for instance, my last resume claimed I was the founder of the Guardian Angels.

The Geege, however, is uncharacteristically modest. For instance, had the self-proclaimed Madman Of Manchester (NH) mentioned he was once labelmates with David Peel, lord knows that kind of doors would’ve opened. If only all job seekers were nearly this ethical.


B.I.’s Gaines : Mets’ Oft Ridiculed Deferred Bonilla Payments Were Pretty Smart

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 6:24 pm by

About two or three times a year, someone will forward a link reminding me the Mets continue to pay Bobby Bonilla until the end of human existence. However, Business Insider’s Cork Gaines is one of the first to point out the Mets’ decision to pay Bonilla $29.8 million spread over 25 payments starting in 2010 rather than the $5.9 million he was owed in 2000, actually turned out well for Fred Wilpon.

If Bonilla had accepted the $5.9 million in 2000 and invested the entire amount at 8% interest, the original investment would have grown to $104.1 million by 2035* (blue line in chart below). If instead, Bonilla takes his annual payment and invests that with an 8% annual return, he would have $95.2 million by 2035 (orange line in chart below).

In other words, Bonilla lost nearly $10 million by taking the payments instead of the lump sum.

But more importantly to the Mets, if they invested the $5.9 million at 8% interest in 2000. That money would have grown to more than $14 million before they had to make a single payment. And that money would continue to draw interest even while they are making payments.


Zirin To U.S. Retailers : How’s Washington’s NFL Merch More Socially Acceptable Than A Confederate Flag?

Posted in Gridiron, Racism Corner, The Marketplace at 10:05 pm by

As you’ve probably read elsewhere, a number of major bricks & mortar / online merchants have announced plans to discontinue carrying Confederate flags and/or confederate-themed items in the wake of the mass killings in Charleston, SC last week. Slightly less than impressed with corporate America’s demonstration of conscience, The Nation’s Dave Zirin asks, “If the Confederate flag is too toxic to sell, then how can Amazon and Walmart continue to peddle the merchandise of a Washington football team that bears the name of a racial slur?”

I contacted Jackie Keeler, a Navajo/Yankton Dakota Sioux writer living in Portland and a founder of Eradicating Offensive Native Mascotry. Her words should be read and reread:

“When I hear an spokesperson for eBay calling the Confederate flag ‘a symbol of divisiveness and racism’ after announcing that they are banning the sale of it from their site, I wonder why I can still search eBay and find over 100,000 Redskins items for sale. Studies and the APA [American Psychiatric Association] have repeatedly warned of the harm being pigeonholed and stereotyped does to Native youths’ self-esteem—and Native youth have the highest rates of suicide in the country, three and a half times that of their peers, but it happens where the rest of America does not look. Native men have the highest rates of police brutality and Native women the highest rates of murder and rape. These deaths are invisible to an America that does not weep for our dead. They cheer for the stereotype and paint themselves up in grotesque caricatures of us, but do they think about what cost we bear for that bit of fun? Is it worth it? I look forward to the day eBay and others like Walmart refuse to make a buck off of a bit of our soul.”

Dan Snyder is the least popular owner in sports, seen as an interfering bully who has stood over two decades of futility of a once-proud franchise. He is also an awkward, sweaty, twitchy hot mess when out in public. But because of his sneering defense of the name, Snyder finally has a following. They chant “Keep the Name” in bars while Snyder grins and pumps his fist. He has taken this objectively racist name—a dictionary-defined slur—and turned it into the football version of the Confederate flag. But none of that matters to him, because finally, Dan Snyder has fans of his own. Hope he enjoys it in the present. Like those who have wrapped themselves in the Confederate flag, he will find that the future will not be so kind,


Are You Ready For The Auction Of The Century?

Posted in Cinema, The Marketplace at 11:09 pm by

With all due respect to Derrick Coleman, John Franco, Curt Schilling and Michael Beasley, I’m pretty sure Dom DeLuise and Julian’s Auctions are preparing for the Mother Of All Garage Sales (link courtesy Don Smith) :

The collection includes memorabilia, costume jewelry, and a vast collection of fine art and furnishings from the famous actor, comedian, and author who was beloved by legions of fans worldwide. The auction will also feature items from his wife, Carol Arthur DeLuise, and his sons Peter, Michael, and David DeLuise.

Fine art highlights included in this epic collection include: Ara Dona portrait of Dom DeLuise, a seascape by Noel Coward, a Hirschfeld original pen and ink portrait of DeLuise, and a large painting by Scottish artist Alexander Goudie. Dom’s wife Carol and his son Michael DeLuise also have several fine pieces of art featured in the auction.

Other highlights in the auction include: a grand piano said to have been owned by Vincent Price, a set of cookware given to DeLuise by his good friend Anne Bancroft, wife of Mel Brooks, an extensive set of tableware pictured in DeLuise’s cookbooks, the set of original Derek Carter illustrations from one of DeLuise’s children’s books, a ladies’ Rolex watch, and many other pieces of jewelry and ephemera from such friends as Burt Reynolds, Frank and Barbara Sinatra, and Phyllis Diller.


FIFA World Cup 2022 : They’re Not Making Omlettes & Those Human Lives Aren’t Broken Eggs

Posted in Football, The Marketplace at 2:57 pm by

Image via The Football Ramble and Chris Bond.  Are you comfortable with this collateral damage?


Asking Sponsors To Consider How FIFA’s Qatar 2022 Sausages Are Made

Posted in Football, The Marketplace at 9:43 pm by

To put this in terms some of you might understand, Andrew Jennings is Carl Monday and Sepp Blatter is the guy in the OSU sweatshirt caught beating off in the library.


Presumably, Jeffrey Dahmer Bobblehead Day Was Out Of The Question

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 4:22 pm by

If the Bud figurine wasn’t scary enough, consider that the event is being sponsored by Irritable Bowel Syndrome.


Hideous Musical Monstoristy For Sale

Posted in Austin, The Marketplace at 10:12 pm by

Also, I believe the monstrosity is selling the guitar shown above.


Matt Hardy : Don’t Crowd Me With Your Crowdfunding

Posted in Professional Wrestling, The Marketplace at 2:43 pm by

You’ll need to watch ’til the end, but essentially, Matt Hardy would appreciate if none of his fans confuse him with Percy Ross (video link courtesy Max Meehan)


From The “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” Dept : Beer-Serving Robots Coming To Bulls, Blackhawks Postseason

Posted in Basketball, Beer, Hockey, The Marketplace at 3:11 pm by

Crain’s Chicago Business’ Danny Ecker reports that Chicago’s basketball and hockey franchises intend to streamine beer sales with the above device starting with tomorrow’s Game 1 of the Bulls/Bucks series.

Fans buy a prepaid card from a cashier next to the machines, which they can use to tap a sensor on the DraftServ unit. They grab a cup and then, like pumping gas, buyers pour as much beer as they want into their cup, with the final price deducted from their card.

Drinkers pay by the ounce, as opposed to the standard-size offerings at regular arena concession stands. They’ll have a choice of Bud Light and Budweiser at 42.5 cents per ounce, or Stella Artois and Goose Island at 47.5 cents per ounce.

Though Ecker points out “the DraftServ prepaid cards are designed to keep fans from being overserved, too, with a 40-ounce maximum dispensed over a set time increment,”, there’s no mention of whether or not anyone — human or machine is entrusted with making certain no one who is already inebriated is being further inebriated.


Stubhub : Warriors, Ticketmaster Are In Monopolistic Cahoots

Posted in Basketball, The Law, The Marketplace at 3:27 pm by

Legalized scalpers Secondary market ticket sellers Stubhub is filing suit against Ticketmaster and the NBA’s Golden State franchise, alleging the pair’s exclusive partnership, constitutes “unfair and illegal anti-competitive business practices”.  From Venturebeat’s Paul Sawers :

As per the lawsuit, Ticketmaster and the Golden State Warriors cancelled fans’ season tickets and playoff-game tickets when they elected to use StubHub and “other competitive exchanges” to resell their tickets. “Ticketmaster and the Warriors’ front office broke the law by unlawfully threatening fans with cancellation to force them to use Ticketmaster’s resale exchange exclusively,” the complaint reads.

In effect, StubHub is accusing Ticketmaster of being monopolistic — and this isn’t the first time such accusations have been levied against Ticketmaster. Before its merger with venue operator Live Nation, many bodies voiced their concern that it would reduce competition, and also lead to Ticketmaster favoring Live Nation venues over ones that elect to use alternative ticketing companies. Such actions were forbidden, however, as part of the eventual green light this deal was given in 2010.


Would It Have Killed Them To Quote The Mileage On This Thing?

Posted in Baseball, New York, New York, The Marketplace at 9:49 pm by



Height: 79”
Width: 69”
Length: 112”
Wheelbase: 85”

A fantastic example of whimsical Major League Baseball marketing from the late 1960s, used intermittently at Shea Stadium for more than 20 years. Highlights of its use include a memorable appearance at the 1986 World Series versus the Boston Red Sox and then again in 2003 when Mets Captain John Franco drove Mets legend Tug McGraw onto the field as part of the team’s celebration of the legendary 1973 team.
Immortalized by its dramatic appearance at the monumental 1986 World Series Championship in which it entered the field of play following the culmination of the Game Seven win, it promptly ran out of power adding further delight to the victory celebration.

Presented in largely original condition and displaying a lovely patina throughout, it is fully operational and represents an iconic of piece of New York sports history celebrating one of the City’s most memorable and important World Series Championship wins.

(Sotheby’s link courtesy Joel Hunt)


It Took Some Doing, But The Eastern League Finally Found A Worse Franchise Nickname Than Rock Cats

Posted in Baseball, Going To The Zoo, The Marketplace at 8:14 pm by

With the New Britain Rock Cats (formerly Red Sox) moving to new digs in Hartford in 2016 and with that came the inevitable contest to rename the ballclub. So congratulations then, to UConn grad Antohny Castora, whose submission “Yard Goats”, was inexplicably chosen the winner, as the Hartford Courant’s Paul Doyle explains.

“To me, Yard Goats just stood out,” Castora said. “I wanted something that would be fun, but have a double meaning. I know everybody has made fun of it … but this is unique.”

Castora also said that he submitted the name on his own and that he has no connection to Brandiose, the branding and marketing company that works with minor league teams. It was his idea and he was the only person to submit Yard Goats.

“No, this is all me,” said Castora, a teacher who took two days off from work to attend the press conference.

And he thought that Whirlybirds would win. “I would have been happy to lose to Whirlybirds,” he said.

When the Rock Cats announced their move, there was strong support for a name that connected the franchise to Hartford’s baseball history. But Dark Blues, Bees, Laurels and other historic names did not make the cut. Nor did names connected to Mark Twain’s presence in the city (Huckleberries led a Courant online poll as a write-in choice).


The Most Depressing Great White-Related Post Since Jack Russell’s Arena Football Booking

Posted in The Marketplace at 7:59 pm by

Yes, that one. But the above auction comes awfully close in the grimness sweepstakes ; clearly the seller is a person of great integrity (“these instruments are not in the best condition”), though he might be just a tad bit delusional (“they could be worth a fortune someday when Great White gets inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame”).