In which the oft-utilized disclaimer “not The Onion” makes the inevitable transition to “not The Hard Times”. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the fountain of insight that is “indie” musician Ari Herstand (above), who via the not-entirely-reputable Digital Music News.com (“Why I Will Not Buy Adele’s New Album 25″) pillories Adele for eschewing Spotify, a streaming service he insists he’s “fallen in love” with, much as he’s “fallen in love” with scads of otherwise unknown artists the app has brought to his attention (case in point, the Alabama Shakes, who have never appeared on television, been played on the radio, received one column inch of press or played a single club gig on their rise to the top).
Lest you think Mr. Herstand is some sort of shill, he assures us he maintains a “vinyl collection of about 100 albums”. That sound you hear in the background is Cornell University placing Johan Kugelberg’s hip hop archives in a series of dumpsters in order to make room for Ari’s vinyl wonders.
Finally, he blames this catastrophic blow to Adele’s career (ie. she just lost a customer) on “block heads” shepherding her. Because she couldn’t have possibly come to a big decision like this all by herself!
If you’d like to weigh in on the pros and cons of Spotify, by all means, do so (on your own timelines). I’d prefer we focus on the work of what appears to be a bright new name in the field of consumerist satire. I eagerly await further updates on other products Ari Herstand will not be purchasing and am hoping that one of these days an accomplished filmmaker (I’m thinking Richard Curtis or Gary Marshall…maybe Lars von Trier if those guys are busy) can make a movie about Ari falling in and out of love with new technologies.
In which the Bard Of Hooksett, NH’s enterprising brother, Merle, has enlisted a fancy auction house to supervise the sale of a cherished family heirloom :
GG Allin’s personally-owned and -worn purple and gold dress. Approximately 40.5? in length, the dress is sewn with an elaborate tinsel floral-pattern, and features four button loops on the left shoulder and a zipper running down the left waist. In fine condition, with a few trivial stains to collar area of liner and one of the shoulder buttons missing. Accompanied by a letter of provenance from Allin’s brother Merle, in which he states that the dress “was worn by my brother GG Allin on my wedding day of May 8th [sic, 7th], 1989 at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Ma. GG Allin was the Best man as well as Maid of Honor. He shaved half of his bearded face & wore makeup as well as wearing his leather jacket & the purple & gold dress.” The dress was also worn on stage by guitarist Chris Brokaw during the only live performance of the band GG Allin & The Aids Brigade at Cambridge’s Middle East Cafe on August 27, 1989. Numerous photos taken at Merle’s wedding document Allin proudly wearing the gown. An unusually touching piece of history from the notorious punk rocker.
“My knowledge and experience of creating the Protege shoe allows me to definitively say that I don’t care where you’re producing it that no, you cannot make a good, safe, high performance, technical shoe for five dollars,’’ Henry told The Post. “Consumers want quality construction. A $15 shoe is going to hurt your feet. A good shoe with the proper construction is going to run you between $30 to $40. I know. I have already done it at Sears/KMart under my Protege brand.”
Henry, who once produced a documentary on Marbury’s life and is now starting up a new discount shoe company called Ballstreet, said his former Protege shoes cost at least $16-$19 to make.
Henry still believes in Marbury’s campaign to manufacture cheaper shoes, but said he wanted to speak out because Marbury’s inflammatory statements created misconceptions about shoe salesmen – not just Jordan — ripping off the public.
Actually, if the numbers are correct, there aren’t millions of kids watching. The viewership leans more towards middle-aged dudes, many of whom suffer from erectile dysfunction, hence all the advertisements directed at them (if you’re not in the 40-55 demo, that’s what all the DraftKings ads are for). There’s a strong relationship between the rights fees MLB commands and the salaries earned by deep thinkers like Wainwright. And unfortunately, Larry Brown Sports’ Greg Papke adds, “he’s far from the first to bring this up, however, as many parents watching with children probably don’t want to have to explain what, exactly, these commercials are for.”
Yes, that would be horrible, having to interrupt an inconsequential bit of television programming to have a frank discussion about human sexuality with one’s offspring. Perhaps Wainwright and Papke would prefer such conversations took place in our wonderful public schools, where our educators are fully encouraged to share all scientific findings with their young charges?
Chad Goldwasser, owner of downtown Austin’s opening-soon monument to douchebaggery, Teller’s, was interviewed by the Chronicle’s Kevin Curtin, and the former credits his “massively powerful positive energy and an incredible fuckin’ attitude” for his ascent in the fields of real estate and motivational speaking. If you’re wondering how that skill set might translate to world of live music entertainment, well, I have no idea whatsoever. But if this clip is anything to go, the city’s newest impresario seems to be a totally stable, centered individual who should never be compared to a TICKING TIME BOMB.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE : CONTACT ALAN RIPP, RIPPMEDIA.COM
September 24, 2015
Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli announced his investment and partial accquistion of Austin, TX independent recording company 12XU earlier today in a hastily assembled news conference.
Shkreli, who recently parted ways from independent/ingrate imprint Collect, confirmed an infusion of cash in the low 7 figures, a sum he promises comes with “no strings attached”.
“I’m just trying to give something back to artists,” Shkreli explained, while describing his initial meeting with 12XU founder/owner Gerard Cosloy as something akin to “being reunited with a twin that’s been seperated at birth”.
Cosloy, who professed to little knowledge of Shkreli’s business dealings, told reporters, “he seems like a cool guy. I’m told he owns Shannon Hoon’s skeleton.”
When informed Shkreli had generated major controversy over a plan to raise the price of a toxoplasmosis drug some 5000% percent, Cosloy replied, “is that a real illness or something you just made up to look smart? It’s an honest question, I don’t know anyone who has it, so how bad could it really be?”
“I’ve always wondered what it would like to be involved with a real label with substantial backing,” explained Cosloy, who described himself as a professional dog walker.
12XU artists including OBN III’s, Xetas, Sweet Talk, Flesh Lights and Unholy Two were not made available for questioning because they’re terribly busy being artists, having loads of freedom and being supported by wonderful benefactors like Martin Shkreli.
12XU’s next new release, the first solo album in 13 years from Don Howland, ‘Life Is A Nightmare’, comes out October 16, and has a list price of $79,950.00 (USD)
Greetings, Yankee Universe and all those who gaze upon it wishing, hoping, they could somehow manage not to get blown the fuck out on national television. But enough about our (alleged) crosstown rivals and the way they’ve beaten up on baseball’s worst division on their path to one of the flimsiest pennant victories in recent memory. No, instead, I’d rather concentrate on an entirely different breed of opportunist.
Turing Pharmaceuticals’ Martin Shkreli has raised the price of a drug that assists AIDS patients some 5000% and then has the unmitigated gall to masquerade his greed as some sort of research fund-raiser. If you want to put Shkreli’s pricing scheme into some kind of perspective, for what he’s charging for one little pill, you could take a date and your personal assistant to a 2015 Yankees postseason game and still have enough left for parking (provided you park at home and hitchhike to the Stadium).
I guess what I’m really trying to say is, it’s part of a Yankee tradition to offer second chances to those who’ve disgraced themselves elsewhere. And while you probably don’t see Martin Shkreli in a pinstriped pantheon of Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden or Steve Howe, that’s why I’m a rainmaker extraordinaire and you’re a schnook reading sports blogs on a stained futon at 3am surrounded by roaches, vermin or both.
The internship’s yours if you accept the challenge, Martin. And don’t show up at my office in a Thursday hoodie.
According to the winning designer, the e-mail confirming his win marked the last time he had any contact with the company. Since then, he’s sent numerous e-mails and messages through Twitter to no avail. In fact, @LiNingUSA hasn’t tweeted anything at all since July.
To further complicate matters, Thor’s design may have already been produced without his knowledge. What appears to be a Li-Ning Wade Instagram fan page posted a similar make-up, adding that it was a first look at the shoe made by Make Your Own WOW’s “American Champion.”
This is right up there with a Blues Saraceno Meet & Greet :
KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG/LISTENING PARTY 9/16 $200.00 Image of KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG/LISTENING PARTY 9/16 SECOND AND FINAL DATE SCHEDULED, DUE TO SAME-DAY SELLOUT!
ONLY 100 TICKETS AVAILABLE!
SEVENDUST returns to Architekt Music for their famous Studio Hang/Listening Party on September 16, 2015 – this time to celebrate the release of KILL THE FLAW. The event starts at 7PM! This event will be held at Architekt Music in Butler, New Jersey.
KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG DETAILS: • HEAR KILL THE FLAW BEFORE ANYONE ELSE • ENJOY CHEF ERIC LeVINE’S FAMOUS STUDIO HANG FOOD • EXCLUSIVE RAMMSTEIN BREWERY SEVENDUST BEER FOR ALL 21+ GUESTS • KILL THE FLAW CD upon RELEASE • DIGITAL DOWNLOAD on OCTOBER 1! • PERFORMANCE SURPRISES?!
Event begins at 7pm. Doors will open at 6pm. This show is General Admission and is an ALL AGES event.
This will be a night with SEVENDUST unlike any other, and an experience only available at this exclusive event!
SEVENDUST is: Lajon Witherspoon (lead vocals) Clint Lowery (guitar, vocals) Morgan Rose (drums, vocals) John Connolly (guitar, vocals) Vince Hornsby (bass)
———- READ THIS: - You MUST bring your ID. - You and your property WILL BE SEARCHED upon entry. - This event WILL have restricted audio and video access. - You may be filmed and/or recorded and by purchasing a ticket, agree to appear on any and all upcoming releases without further permission or compensation. - There are no tickets to claim nor will any be issued. Your entire party must be present in order to enter the venue and the person on the will-call list must have photo ID on hand. - Architekt is an intimate-sized venue – moshing and crowd surfing are discouraged and any such behavior is at the risk of the patron and may at any time be stopped by security. - You assume any and all risks occurring before, during, or after event, including injury by any cause. You release management, facility, club, Architekt, and their respective affiliates and representatives from any related claims. - Entry is revokable. Management may, without refund, revoke this license or refuse admission for noncompliance with terms or disorderly conduct. You consent to search on entry and waive related claims. - TICKETS ARE NOT REFUNDABLE OR TRANSFERABLE!
January, Sunday Styles : Matt Harvey and Michael Dorf having brunch (at a pressing plant)
February, Decision 2016 : a Chris Christie photo op at Bordentown’s Independent Record Pressing (suddenly the state’s single biggest employer) turns ugly when crony Jerry Jones falls into a boiling vat of lye. It’s all the more curious because there’s no need for a boiling vat of lye in the record pressing process.
March, Science : Nashville’s URP unveils plans to manufacture a ltd. edition Jack White 7″ on the eve of Record Store Day 2016, but they’ll have it in stores for Record Store Day 2015 thru the advent of time travel.
There’s talk of England’s Football League getting a facelift of sorts, with all 3 divisions renamed something more sexy/modern/less confusing starting next season “in a bid to boost the league’s brand identity.” In the considered view of The Set Pieces’ Iain Macintosh, “we need something more tangible than expensively sourced bullshit and glitter”. Not that he can’t be called a realist, however (“you try dragging a nine year old Messi fan boy out to watch Notts County slide down the pyramid and see where it gets you”).
We suffered in the 1980s when the bigger clubs decided that they no longer wished to split gate receipts down the middle. We suffered in the 1990s when the bigger clubs decided that they wanted almost all of the TV money. We’re suffering now because, not content with all of the money, the bigger clubs want all of the players too, stockpiled, catalogued and sent out on loan just in case they turn out to be any good.
We really need the Football League in our corner right now. We’ve tried telling the Football Association about our problems, but they just suggested tossing a squadron of B teams down, a move that would cement our position as the gap-toothed village whores that the young aristocrats come to practice-fuck in exchange for a handful of coppers. We need real leadership and real solutions. We don’t need the people tasked with protecting us to start pissing down our backs and telling us that it’s raining.
The logic of a rebrand simply doesn’t work. No Plymouth Argyle fan has ever refused to go to Home Park on the basis that League Two doesn’t sound sexy enough. No lapsed Carlisle fans would be be lured back if they turned League Two into the Megaspurt Infinity Division. I can’t tell you for sure why not enough people go to Football League games, but I’d imagine it has something to do with the fact that ticket prices for the bottom flight can often be over £20. And it’s fine when you’re single and free, but when children enter your life, the bill starts to rise and before long you wonder if it might not be better to spend that money in a more constructive manner.
As you almost certainly know, Ft. Worth’s COMPLETE are scheduled to make their long overdue NYC debut August 22 at Williamsburgh’s Union Pool alongside Octagrape and other lesser lights. Because Complete’s private jet cannot operate on vegetable oil YOU FUCKING HIPPIES, funds must be raised to make this journey a reality. Hence. the following auction :
Complete Nation! Up for grabs is the original banner for Complete from their infamous debut show that has struck youtube by storm! Complete is heading to New York August 22nd to headline @ Union Pool & we need to cover travel expenses to get there so we are putting this one of a kind piece of Complete history up for sale! The ropes to hang the banner are built in and the lettering is raised it’s a one of a kind custom! That’s a 60″ tv behind the banner to give you a grasp of how large the banner is!
(image swiped from the Twitter feed of Benjamin Hochman). What Mr. Rocker lacks in IQ he certainly tries to make up for with chutzpah. And imagine this inspiration this might provide for Jim Leyritz’ autograph sales.
…or George O’Leary. Fair play to Dangerous Minds for uncovering an actual auction house’s efforts to sell a resume touting the work experience of one G.G. Allin to the highest bidder, but I think they’re slightly missing the point. People tend to embellish this stuff all the time; for instance, my last resume claimed I was the founder of the Guardian Angels.
The Geege, however, is uncharacteristically modest. For instance, had the self-proclaimed Madman Of Manchester (NH) mentioned he was once labelmates with David Peel, lord knows that kind of doors would’ve opened. If only all job seekers were nearly this ethical.
If Bonilla had accepted the $5.9 million in 2000 and invested the entire amount at 8% interest, the original investment would have grown to $104.1 million by 2035* (blue line in chart below). If instead, Bonilla takes his annual payment and invests that with an 8% annual return, he would have $95.2 million by 2035 (orange line in chart below).
In other words, Bonilla lost nearly $10 million by taking the payments instead of the lump sum.
But more importantly to the Mets, if they invested the $5.9 million at 8% interest in 2000. That money would have grown to more than $14 million before they had to make a single payment. And that money would continue to draw interest even while they are making payments.
As you’ve probably read elsewhere, a number of major bricks & mortar / online merchants have announced plans to discontinue carrying Confederate flags and/or confederate-themed items in the wake of the mass killings in Charleston, SC last week. Slightly less than impressed with corporate America’s demonstration of conscience, The Nation’s Dave Zirin asks, “If the Confederate flag is too toxic to sell, then how can Amazon and Walmart continue to peddle the merchandise of a Washington football team that bears the name of a racial slur?”
I contacted Jackie Keeler, a Navajo/Yankton Dakota Sioux writer living in Portland and a founder of Eradicating Offensive Native Mascotry. Her words should be read and reread:
“When I hear an spokesperson for eBay calling the Confederate flag ‘a symbol of divisiveness and racism’ after announcing that they are banning the sale of it from their site, I wonder why I can still search eBay and find over 100,000 Redskins items for sale. Studies and the APA [American Psychiatric Association] have repeatedly warned of the harm being pigeonholed and stereotyped does to Native youths’ self-esteem—and Native youth have the highest rates of suicide in the country, three and a half times that of their peers, but it happens where the rest of America does not look. Native men have the highest rates of police brutality and Native women the highest rates of murder and rape. These deaths are invisible to an America that does not weep for our dead. They cheer for the stereotype and paint themselves up in grotesque caricatures of us, but do they think about what cost we bear for that bit of fun? Is it worth it? I look forward to the day eBay and others like Walmart refuse to make a buck off of a bit of our soul.”
Dan Snyder is the least popular owner in sports, seen as an interfering bully who has stood over two decades of futility of a once-proud franchise. He is also an awkward, sweaty, twitchy hot mess when out in public. But because of his sneering defense of the name, Snyder finally has a following. They chant “Keep the Name” in bars while Snyder grins and pumps his fist. He has taken this objectively racist name—a dictionary-defined slur—and turned it into the football version of the Confederate flag. But none of that matters to him, because finally, Dan Snyder has fans of his own. Hope he enjoys it in the present. Like those who have wrapped themselves in the Confederate flag, he will find that the future will not be so kind,
With all due respect to Derrick Coleman, John Franco, Curt Schilling and Michael Beasley, I’m pretty sure Dom DeLuise and Julian’s Auctions are preparing for the Mother Of All Garage Sales (link courtesy Don Smith) :
The collection includes memorabilia, costume jewelry, and a vast collection of fine art and furnishings from the famous actor, comedian, and author who was beloved by legions of fans worldwide. The auction will also feature items from his wife, Carol Arthur DeLuise, and his sons Peter, Michael, and David DeLuise.
Fine art highlights included in this epic collection include: Ara Dona portrait of Dom DeLuise, a seascape by Noel Coward, a Hirschfeld original pen and ink portrait of DeLuise, and a large painting by Scottish artist Alexander Goudie. Dom’s wife Carol and his son Michael DeLuise also have several fine pieces of art featured in the auction.
Other highlights in the auction include: a grand piano said to have been owned by Vincent Price, a set of cookware given to DeLuise by his good friend Anne Bancroft, wife of Mel Brooks, an extensive set of tableware pictured in DeLuise’s cookbooks, the set of original Derek Carter illustrations from one of DeLuise’s children’s books, a ladies’ Rolex watch, and many other pieces of jewelry and ephemera from such friends as Burt Reynolds, Frank and Barbara Sinatra, and Phyllis Diller.