02.07.16

PFT Commenter Envisions The Future Of Modern Dating

Posted in Gridiron, History's Great Hook-Ups, Sports Journalism, The Internet, The Marketplace at 8:20 pm by

I do not know the identity of SB Nation’s PFT Commenter, but not for the first time, I find myself in awe of his or her insights. Covering the Super Bowl 50 festivities in San Francisco, the pseudononymous sage was not overly awed by the lavish parties (“Im not an art guy. Painters make me angry because they dont work at a job they hate and are therefor not contributing anything to society,”), nor were the media’s creature comforts spared the trenchant analysis (“giving a thousand journlists 7 toilet stalls is like trying to invade Normany with a army consisting of Mike Tysons first 6 opponets and the Cleveland Browns,”). But given the big game’s proximity to Sillicon Valley, “I came up with a couple ideas for a app. Maybe I could strike it rich while Im here,”.


First one is basically Tinder for people who hate Cam Newton. It allows people who complain about Cam Newton to connect online and perhaps spark the begining of what could be a beautiful relatonship based on a mutual distrust of Cam Newtons antics and me-first demeanor.

The first rule of thumb when you have a app is you need to drop a vowel out of the name no matter what. Chip Kelly has been meeting with Sillicon Valley thought-leaders to figure out ways to learn from there success and I’d be shocked if by 2017 Chip Kelly hasnt changed their named to the Ninrs. Your going to see that offense operating 20% faster and blowing past the NFC west- which has the highest ratio of vowels to consinents in the entire league. Its all about matchups.

Recepton was luke-warm from people that I spoke with, but then I realized that the people who design apps dont have a clue about what app users really want. Its basicaly like if you named Antonio Cromartie chairman and CEO of Durex and expected record profits. We spend all this time talking about monopolys well have you ever noticed that all the people who make apps are the ones who are intelligent enough to know how to design them?

02.01.16

Las Vegas Review-Journal : Build A New Football Stadium (Or We’re Fired)

Posted in Gridiron, non-sporting journalism, The Marketplace, Ugly New Stadiums at 9:53 pm by

Putting aside for a moment the fact that Las Vegas doesn’t have an NFL franchise and more than a few around the league are queasy at the prospect of games being played a stone’s throw from legal sports betting, the Las Vegas Review-Journal argues that building a new football stadium is “an urgent need”. That a plan for a combined NFL venue/new home for UNLV football is the brainchild of local billionaire / neo-con turd Sheldon Adelson bothers the paper’s editorial board not one iota. Sheldon’s not just a loyal subscriber, he’s the publisher!

Las Vegas will be unique among the cities Mark Davis considers for the relocation of his team. Everywhere else except Los Angeles — the Raiders could be back in play there after Friday’s news that the NFL is upgrading its commitment to keep the Chargers in San Diego — Mr. Davis will have to work out a stadium financing plan that will be contingent upon a Raiders move, with the NFL and the Raiders providing some funding. The Las Vegas project proposes a public-private partnership, with about one-third of the funding from private investors and two-thirds from tax revenues. While the financing details are far from locked down, it’s evident that Las Vegas Sands and Los Angeles-based Majestic Realty — whose president, Edward Roski Jr., owns the Silverton — are prepared to pay part of the bill. UNLV should be able to provide a philanthropic component to the plan.

The location is about as good as it gets, on a huge plot of vacant land recently purchased for $50 million by UNLV (via donation), a transaction we previously championed for just this purpose. The proximity to the resort corridor and to UNLV offers countless benefits to both.

This stadium is the missing piece of tourism infrastructure in Las Vegas, more important than any other proposal, including the expansion of the Las Vegas Convention Center. We have previously endorsed that expansion, but for years, we’ve also aggressively called for a viable stadium plan. The stadium is the valley’s most urgent need to expand the tourism, travel and events dynamic. A large, multipurpose venue would create the most economic impact for Las Vegas right now, more than any new hotel or additional convention space.

01.21.16

Cliff Robinson In “Headline Writes Itself” Stunner

Posted in Basketball, The Marketplace at 5:07 pm by

The 2016 Cannabis Collaborative Conference kicks off February 3 in Portland, and former Trail Blazers’ fixture Cliff Robinson is one of the featured speakers.  Portland Business Journal’s Andy Giegerich writes that Robinson hopes to “rebrand” himself at the event, said rebranding being (of course), UNCLE SPLIFFY.

“It’s an opportunity for me to get out there and tell people a little bit about myself outside of basketball,” Robinson said. “People in Oregon know me as a basketball player, but I want to distill the stigma around cannabis, the misperception that athletes and cannabis are incompatible.”

In at least one sense, that’s spot on: Robinson agrees that football players or others who engage in contact sports might do well to treat themselves with cannabis as opposed to prescription painkillers.

“Cannabis is definitely a more positive alternative to pharmaceuticals at the end of the day,” he said. “Those are synthetics. I’m talking about something that’s natural that can bring the outcomes you’re looking for, be it for muscle tension or relaxation or preparedness. There are a whole lot of different things that are beneficial.”

While Robinson wouldn’t venture a guess as to how many NBA players use marijuana, it’s logical to assume the number is substantial.

“When you talk about guys playing on a professional level, there’s a lot of physical and mental stress that comes with that, and to have something available to you that has health benefits, I don’t see the issue with it myself.”

01.13.16

Welcoming The NFL To Hays County!

Posted in Gridiron, Real Estate, The Marketplace, Ugly New Stadiums at 10:48 pm by

Not for the first time, the San Antonio market is being teased with the possibility of the Oakland Raiders relocating to somewhere nearby. On this occasion — in the wake of the NFL’s decision to allow the Rams (and possibly the Chargers) to take up tenancy in the proposed mega-complex planned for Inglewood, CA — we’re told that Mark Davis would consider San Marcos, TX for the site of a new, purpose-built Raiders venue. Putting aside for a moment the unlikelihood of Jerry Jones or Bob McNair allowing a competitor in the market, Texas’ 3rd NFL franchise is gonna need a nickname. And if you’ve seen Mark Davis’ haircut, you already know that guy cannot be trusted to make major decisions. Fortunately for all concerned, I’m here with a surplus of brilliant ideas.

1) San Marcos Outlet Shoppers

When you think San Marcos, you think bargains. Slightly dented Bose headphones. Mountains of unsold Nike crap. Stuff from Pottery Barn that’s still overpriced at 75% off. And if you’ve seen Mark Davis’ haircut, you know he loves bargains, too. Why not pay homage to the region’s number one, well, check that, sole cultural or economic highlight?

2) San Marcos Whiskey Rebels

With all due respect to Austin’s rich musical heritage (Bob Schneider, Comforter, TV Torso), San Marcos is the longtime home of Rancid Vat’s Whiskey Rebel. That fact alone makes it a mystery why a major sports franchise has yet to set up shop in this emerging market.

3) San Marcos Snake Farmers

OK, the notorious, badly-reviewed Animal World & Snake Farm Zoo is technically located in nearby New Braunfels. But being geographic LIARS never stopped the Giants or Jets, and most importantly KIDS LOVE SNAKES.

4) San Marcos Cougars

Who amongst us doesn’t have fond memories of ESPN’s gritty “Playmakers” series, most notably the exploits of characters like rookie RB Demetrius Harris, veteran QB Derek McConnell and closeted WR Thad Guerwicz? Here’s the plan : sign the entire cast (though with a wig and plastic surgery, Davis can play owner Gene Wilbanks) and simply pick up where the critically acclaimed first season left off. As is, the current Raiders aren’t likely to contend, and Texas State’s Bobcat Stadium has already been employed for scenes in TV’s “Friday Night Lights”. Ratings juggernaut + low overhead while construction costs on the Whiskey Rebeldome soar into the billions. You can thank me later (preferably with cash — don’t talk about free tickets, if this clusterfuck comes to pass no one in their right mind is going near I-35 on a Sunday).

01.08.16

An Albatross Grows In Brooklyn : DeMause On The Barclays Center

Posted in Basketball, Hockey, Real Estate, The Marketplace, Ugly New Stadiums at 5:36 pm by

Having previously announced his intent to sell his shares in the Brooklyn Nets and Barclays Center, Mikhail Prokhorov acquired Bruce Ratner’s remaining stakes in each last month, causing the Village Voice’s Neil DeMause to write, “it’s a good time to wonder exactly what the hell Ratner and Prokhorov got out of this arena that has turned a large swath of Brooklyn upside down for more than a decade now.”

Two years ago when it was revealed that despite being one of the top-selling arenas in the U.S. in its first year, the Barclays Center was still barely breaking even after paying off its construction debt, thanks to high operating costs and discounts being offered to performers to lure them to Brooklyn instead of one of the New York area’s many other arenas. (This will come as no surprise to professional arena managers, who note that it’s rare in these days of fewer touring acts and venue glut for an arena to turn even an operating profit, let alone pay off near-billion-dollar construction debts.) That seems to be even more the case now, and while the arrival of the Islanders this fall provides more guaranteed booked dates for 2015–’16, that’s not necessarily a good thing for the bottom line: More hockey means fewer nights available that the arena can be rented out for concerts, and the arena’s weird rent deal with the Islanders — the arena pays team owner Charles Wang a flat negative rent but keeps all ticket and other revenues — means that if ticket sales are slow, the arena could end up taking a loss on the NHL.

The purchase price on the last chunk of the arena valued it at slightly less than the construction cost, so while we don’t have access to Ratner’s bank statements, in all likelihood the developer is not quite breaking even on the money he poured into the arena itself. (Yes, he got a pile of public subsidies, but those were in the form of discounted land and tax breaks, so not anything he can actually put in the bank now that he doesn’t own the building.) He also got the development rights to a bunch of land where he can erect apartment towers, but that hasn’t been going all that smoothly, either, though at least a couple of buildings are now close to completion.

Prokhorov, meanwhile, has put in somewhere around $1 billion in order to own a historically awful NBA franchise, plus an arena that might just, if you squint, be able to break even.

01.06.16

STL Scribe To Kroenke : Go Fuck Yourself

Posted in Gridiron, The Marketplace at 5:16 pm by

Alright, that’s not exactly what the Riverfront Times’ Paul Friswold had to say about Rams owner Stan Kroenke and his scheme to relocate the franchise to Los Angeles. Kroenke characterizes staying in St. Louis as some sort of economic suicide pact, to which Friswold replies, “bold words coming from a man wearing a roofied caterpillar on his upper lip.”

Consider this, Stanley: Maybe is St. Louis is suffering economically because of you. The city (and the county) both pay $12 million a year in upkeep on the team’s current home, and both governments will continue to pay it for years to come. How much have you invested in St. Louis? Certainly your development company THF has built quite a few Wal-Mart anchored strip malls, but you do that with loads of our money.

And speaking of Wal-Mart, maybe St. Louis would be on sounder economical footing if your Wal-Mart heiress wife (who’s worth $4.4 billion in her own right) would pay her employees a living wage. It’s pretty easy to be economically viable when you use taxpayer money to build a business and then pay poverty wages to the employees.

I understand that moving the Rams isn’t personal for you: It’s all about making and hoarding money. No man who cared about anything other than money would walk around with that collection of fantasy fur hairpieces (but I wouldn’t put it past you that you’ve never bought a mirror, either).

12.29.15

History’s Most Questionable eBay Auctions, Pt. XVIII

Posted in Basketball, Modern Art, The Marketplace at 8:28 pm by

Atlanta pen and ink artist Nichole Epps is the creator of the one and only Jeff Teague wine glass, currently on offer via popular online auction site eBay. This spectacular, yet highly practical addition to your wine glass arsenal is described below :

The foam fingers and hands both glow in the dark. The piece was also specially made to be used as a fully functional wine glass. 25 percent of the final sale of this auction will help fund local Atlanta organization Back 2 Basics Kids Foundation, Inc.

12.17.15

From The Desk Of Randy L : What To Do With A Problem Like Martin Shkreli?

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 10:07 pm by

(Editor’s Note : From time to time, Bronx baseball executive Randy L. graciously visits CSTB to weigh in on the major matters of the day, sporting or otherwise. Though Randy’s already offered his sage advice to Turing Pharmaceuticals’ Martin Shkreli (“From The Desk Of Randy L : I’ll Make A Respectable Businessman Out Of Martin Shkreli”), following the news of Shkreli’s arrest on federal fraud charges, Randy offered, no, he demanded, to take another shot – GC)

Greetings and a very happy holiday season to all members of the Yankee Universe, along with the classless, slovenly, moan-first-think-later goons who make up much of this blog’s sagging readership.  Congrats on that NL pennant, Mets fans, happy that your fluke October brought such excitement to your sad, little lives.  Where’s Daniel Murphy’s God now?  Heck, where’s Jeff Wilpon’s?

Speaking of entitled, snotfuckers with no sense of style, decorum or sophistication, you’ll remember that I did my best to steer Martin Shkreli towards a brighter path.  But rather than accept my offer of an internship, Shkreli graduated from collecting emo trinkets to overpaying for a Wu-Tang CDR and attempting to purchase Bobby Shmurda (whom I’m pretty sure ought to rename himself “Bobby Law-Abiding Citizen” if he wants to be taken seriously). The sort of false bravado exhibited by Shkreli recently can either be considered a blatant cry for help, or the greatest act of desperation since our oversexed/underworked general manager opted for multi-colored contact lenses in the hopes his librarian paramour wouldn’t recognize him.

However, most of this is the sort of overly-ambitious stuff that I can overlook.  After all, wasn’t it The Boss himself who ran afoul of authorities simply because he believed in winning at all costs? But much as I’d love to keep the door open to taking Shkreli under my wing,  he’s crossed a line this time that a reputable, successful, universally admired businessman like myself cannot possibly ignore.

If we’re to believe the reportage of a website I don’t typically peruse, Shkreli shops at Modell’s.  Yes, I know, you love their bargains on tube sox and marked down Lawrence Taylor merchandise, but for fuck’s sake, I expect a person trying to make their way in the business community to show a little more common sense.  Can you imagine Randy L. shopping at Modell’s?  Can you imagine The National’s Matt Berninger shopping at Modell’s?  Under what possible circumstances can you imagine DEREK JETER shopping at Modell’s?

I can, however, totally imagine this guy shopping at Modell’s — preferably for a size 2XL — in about 2 years after his arm falls off and there’s little to forward to besides the sort of bogus “celebrity DJ” bookings that even Rony Seikaly would turn down.  Who knows?  Maybe after Shkreli’s served a stint in country club prison he and Matt Harvey can launch a podcast together?

Have some self-respect.  Or else.

Randy L.

11.30.15

An Important Holiday Shopping Message From The Entertainment Division Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in 12XU, Internal Affairs, Merry Fucking Christmas, MMA, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 1:10 am by

are you ready for 12XU‘s CRIS CYBORG MONDAY SALE? New stuff from Manateees, Don Howland, Sweet Talk, OBN III’s, Exhaustion, Uniform, Snooty Garbagemen, Shawn David McMillen, older titles from Obnox, Xetas, Flesh Lights, Blaxxx, the Gotobeds, Chris Brokaw, Jonly Bonly, John Schooley & Walter Daniels distributed goods from Pierre & Bastien, Sick Thoughts, Dan Melchior, and more. 20% off between now and December 1, coupon code CYBORG (25% off orders of $100 or more with code CYBORG2) at 12XU.bigcartel.com

11.23.15

Wildly Successful Entertainer To Face The Conseqences Of Bumming Out Entitled Putz

Posted in non-sporting journalism, The Marketplace, The World Of Entertainment at 7:32 pm by

In which the oft-utilized disclaimer “not The Onion” makes the inevitable transition to “not The Hard Times”. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the fountain of insight that is “indie” musician Ari Herstand (above), who via the not-entirely-reputable Digital Music News.com (“Why I Will Not Buy Adele’s New Album 25″) pillories Adele for eschewing Spotify, a streaming service he insists he’s “fallen in love” with, much as he’s “fallen in love” with scads of otherwise unknown artists the app has brought to his attention (case in point, the Alabama Shakes, who have never appeared on television, been played on the radio, received one column inch of press or played a single club gig on their rise to the top).

Lest you think Mr. Herstand is some sort of shill, he assures us he maintains a “vinyl collection of about 100 albums”. That sound you hear in the background is Cornell University placing Johan Kugelberg’s hip hop archives in a series of dumpsters in order to make room for Ari’s vinyl wonders.

Finally, he blames this catastrophic blow to Adele’s career (ie. she just lost a customer) on “block heads” shepherding her. Because she couldn’t have possibly come to a big decision like this all by herself!
If you’d like to weigh in on the pros and cons of Spotify, by all means, do so (on your own timelines). I’d prefer we focus on the work of what appears to be a bright new name in the field of consumerist satire. I eagerly await further updates on other products Ari Herstand will not be purchasing and am hoping that one of these days an accomplished filmmaker (I’m thinking Richard Curtis or Gary Marshall…maybe Lars von Trier if those guys are busy) can make a movie about Ari falling in and out of love with new technologies.

11.19.15

On Behalf Of Fashion Lovers Everywhere, I Must Take Issue With The Use Of The Word “Trivial” In This Context

Posted in Fashion, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 2:11 pm by

In which the Bard Of Hooksett, NH’s enterprising brother, Merle, has enlisted a fancy auction house to supervise the sale of a cherished family heirloom :

GG Allin’s personally-owned and -worn purple and gold dress. Approximately 40.5? in length, the dress is sewn with an elaborate tinsel floral-pattern, and features four button loops on the left shoulder and a zipper running down the left waist. In fine condition, with a few trivial stains to collar area of liner and one of the shoulder buttons missing. Accompanied by a letter of provenance from Allin’s brother Merle, in which he states that the dress “was worn by my brother GG Allin on my wedding day of May 8th [sic, 7th], 1989 at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Ma. GG Allin was the Best man as well as Maid of Honor. He shaved half of his bearded face & wore makeup as well as wearing his leather jacket & the purple & gold dress.” The dress was also worn on stage by guitarist Chris Brokaw during the only live performance of the band GG Allin & The Aids Brigade at Cambridge’s Middle East Cafe on August 27, 1989. Numerous photos taken at Merle’s wedding document Allin proudly wearing the gown. An unusually touching piece of history from the notorious punk rocker.

11.06.15

Ex-Partner : When Did Stephon Marbury Morph Into Phil Mushnick?

Posted in Basketball, The Marketplace at 7:24 pm by

Remember Stephon Marbury’s efforts to bring cheap sneakers to the mass marketplace? Following claims from the former Knicks PG that Michael Jordan has, well, blood on his hands, ex-business partner Rodney Henry refutes Marbury’s claim that Air Jordans can be made for a mere $5. From the New York Post’s Marc Berman :

“My knowledge and experience of creating the Protege shoe allows me to definitively say that I don’t care where you’re producing it that no, you cannot make a good, safe, high performance, technical shoe for five dollars,’’ Henry told The Post. “Consumers want quality construction. A $15 shoe is going to hurt your feet. A good shoe with the proper construction is going to run you between $30 to $40. I know. I have already done it at Sears/KMart under my Protege brand.”

Henry, who once produced a documentary on Marbury’s life and is now starting up a new discount shoe company called Ballstreet, said his former Protege shoes cost at least $16-$19 to make.

Henry still believes in Marbury’s campaign to manufacture cheaper shoes, but said he wanted to speak out because Marbury’s inflammatory statements created misconceptions about shoe salesmen – not just Jordan — ripping off the public.

10.15.15

I’ll Be The First To Admit, This Is Not How I Saw The Steiner Brothers Returning To The Public Eye

Posted in Food, Professional Wrestling, The Marketplace at 6:17 pm by

I guess the important thing to keep in mind is that after the dust cleared, the Dog Faced Gremlin was no worse for wear. And yeah, I am grasping at straws to find some positives here.

10.11.15

Wainwright : Enough With The Dick Pill Commercials Already

Posted in Baseball, Parental Responsibility, Sports TV, The Marketplace at 12:25 pm by

Actually, if the numbers are correct, there aren’t millions of kids watching. The viewership leans more towards middle-aged dudes, many of whom suffer from erectile dysfunction, hence all the advertisements directed at them (if you’re not in the 40-55 demo, that’s what all the DraftKings ads are for). There’s a strong relationship between the rights fees MLB commands and the salaries earned by deep thinkers like Wainwright. And unfortunately, Larry Brown Sports’ Greg Papke adds, “he’s far from the first to bring this up, however, as many parents watching with children probably don’t want to have to explain what, exactly, these commercials are for.”

Yes, that would be horrible, having to interrupt an inconsequential bit of television programming to have a frank discussion about human sexuality with one’s offspring. Perhaps Wainwright and Papke would prefer such conversations took place in our wonderful public schools, where our educators are fully encouraged to share all scientific findings with their young charges?

09.30.15

Coming To A Future Episode Of “Bar Euthanasia” : Austin’s Chad Goldwasser

Posted in Austin, The Marketplace at 1:39 pm by

Chad Goldwasser, owner of downtown Austin’s opening-soon monument to douchebaggery, Teller’s, was interviewed by the Chronicle’s Kevin Curtin, and the former credits his “massively powerful positive energy and an incredible fuckin’ attitude” for his ascent in the fields of real estate and motivational speaking. If you’re wondering how that skill set might translate to world of live music entertainment, well, I have no idea whatsoever. But if this clip is anything to go, the city’s newest impresario seems to be a totally stable, centered individual who should never be compared to a TICKING TIME BOMB.

09.24.15

An Important Press Release From The Entertainment Arm Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in Internal Affairs, The Marketplace at 5:31 pm by

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE : CONTACT ALAN RIPP, RIPPMEDIA.COM

September 24, 2015

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli announced his investment and partial accquistion of Austin, TX independent recording company 12XU earlier today in a hastily assembled news conference.

Shkreli, who recently parted ways from independent/ingrate imprint Collect, confirmed an infusion of cash in the low 7 figures, a sum he promises comes with “no strings attached”.

“I’m just trying to give something back to artists,” Shkreli explained, while describing his initial meeting with 12XU founder/owner Gerard Cosloy as something akin to “being reunited with a twin that’s been seperated at birth”.

Cosloy, who professed to little knowledge of Shkreli’s business dealings, told reporters, “he seems like a cool guy. I’m told he owns Shannon Hoon’s skeleton.”

When informed Shkreli had generated major controversy over a plan to raise the price of a toxoplasmosis drug some 5000% percent, Cosloy replied, “is that a real illness or something you just made up to look smart? It’s an honest question, I don’t know anyone who has it, so how bad could it really be?”

“I’ve always wondered what it would like to be involved with a real label with substantial backing,” explained Cosloy, who described himself as a professional dog walker.

12XU artists including OBN III’s, Xetas, Sweet Talk, Flesh Lights and Unholy Two were not made available for questioning because they’re terribly busy being artists, having loads of freedom and being supported by wonderful benefactors like Martin Shkreli.

12XU’s next new release, the first solo album in 13 years from Don Howland, ‘Life Is A Nightmare’, comes out October 16, and has a list price of $79,950.00 (USD)

09.22.15

From The Desk Of Randy L : I’ll Make A Respectable Businessman Out Of Martin Shkreli

Posted in Baseball, Free Expression, The Marketplace at 6:59 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, Bronx baseball executive Randy L. weighs in at CSTB on the major events of the day, sporting or otherwise. Following this week’s outcry over Turing Pharmaceuticals’ decision to raise the price of a single dose of toxoplasmosis drug Daraprim from $13.50 to $750.00, Randy requested, no, he demanded to have his say – GC)

Greetings, Yankee Universe and all those who gaze upon it wishing, hoping, they could somehow manage not to get blown the fuck out on national television. But enough about our (alleged) crosstown rivals and the way they’ve beaten up on baseball’s worst division on their path to one of the flimsiest pennant victories in recent memory. No, instead, I’d rather concentrate on an entirely different breed of opportunist.

Turing Pharmaceuticals’ Martin Shkreli has raised the price of a drug that assists AIDS patients some 5000% and then has the unmitigated gall to masquerade his greed as some sort of research fund-raiser. If you want to put Shkreli’s pricing scheme into some kind of perspective, for what he’s charging for one little pill, you could take a date and your personal assistant to a 2015 Yankees postseason game and still have enough left for parking (provided you park at home and hitchhike to the Stadium).

Look, I’m no socialist but Shkreli’s me-first behavior is far too typical of the kind of callousness I’ve come to expect from the younger generation. I mean, it’s almost uncanny that a cursory glance at social media today turns up smug, sickening portraits of Shkreli wearing Brand New t-shirts, Shkreli brandishing the former credit card of the late idol-to-the-confused Kurt Cobain. I’m almost certain our own oversexed General Manager was in the bidding for that particular item, and I feel pretty comfortable in saying both of the punks in question have demonstrated poor judgement and blatant immaturity.

Shkreli doesn’t seem like the sort of person to take advice from a businessman many years his senior, but he’s gonna get it just the same. For starters, this fixation with “emo” music is not befitting an adult with professional aspirations (and you’ll note you’ve not read a word about any fans of The National gouging the sick or needy). Secondly, if Shkreli wants to torpedo his reputation with high-risk internet tomfoolery and twisted vendettas, he can be my fucking guest. But perhaps that particular skill set could be better directed towards assisting The World’s Greatest Professional Sports Franchise in carefully tracking the activities of a preening, supercilious, self-absorbed fraud that we (currently) owe a lot of money over the next two seasons. I mean, who’d know the type better?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is, it’s part of a Yankee tradition to offer second chances to those who’ve disgraced themselves elsewhere. And while you probably don’t see Martin Shkreli in a pinstriped pantheon of Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden or Steve Howe, that’s why I’m a rainmaker extraordinaire and you’re a schnook reading sports blogs on a stained futon at 3am surrounded by roaches, vermin or both.

The internship’s yours if you accept the challenge, Martin. And don’t show up at my office in a Thursday hoodie.

PEACE OUT,
Randy L.

09.21.15

Wade Sneaker Designer : Where’s My Plane Tickets?

Posted in Basketball, Fashion, The Marketplace at 11:42 pm by

The designer of Chinese #makeyourownwow champion give us the first look of American champion. #Dwade #wayofwade #lining #wayofwade3 #dwyanewade #wade #wadecounty #wadewednesdays #makeyourownway #adidas #Nike #wayofwadechina #dope #kicks #wow #nba #miamiheat #sneaker #solecollector #sneakercollector #sneakerhead #sole #sneakernews #wow #makeyourownwow #sneakerporn @dwyanewade @liningusa @team_wow @jr_lyon

A photo posted by @wayofwadechina on

Chinese sneaker manufacture Li-Ning marked their recent endorsement deal with Heat G Dwyane Wade with a contest to design Wade’s signature shoes. Months later, it seems the contest winner, a Danish student named Thor Bjoern, has heard little about a promised trip to Miami, or the status of his handiwork. From Sole Collector’s Brandon Richard :

According to the winning designer, the e-mail confirming his win marked the last time he had any contact with the company. Since then, he’s sent numerous e-mails and messages through Twitter to no avail. In fact, @LiNingUSA hasn’t tweeted anything at all since July.

To further complicate matters, Thor’s design may have already been produced without his knowledge. What appears to be a Li-Ning Wade Instagram fan page posted a similar make-up, adding that it was a first look at the shoe made by Make Your Own WOW’s “American Champion.”

09.16.15

Hanging Offense : $200 To Bask In Sevendust’s Mediocrity

Posted in Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 5:24 pm by

This is right up there with a Blues Saraceno Meet & Greet :

KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG/LISTENING PARTY 9/16
$200.00
Image of KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG/LISTENING PARTY 9/16
SECOND AND FINAL DATE SCHEDULED, DUE TO SAME-DAY SELLOUT!

ONLY 100 TICKETS AVAILABLE!

SEVENDUST returns to Architekt Music for their famous Studio Hang/Listening Party on September 16, 2015 – this time to celebrate the release of KILL THE FLAW. The event starts at 7PM! This event will be held at Architekt Music in Butler, New Jersey.

KILL THE FLAW STUDIO HANG DETAILS:
• HEAR KILL THE FLAW BEFORE ANYONE ELSE
• ENJOY CHEF ERIC LeVINE’S FAMOUS STUDIO HANG FOOD
• EXCLUSIVE RAMMSTEIN BREWERY SEVENDUST BEER FOR ALL 21+ GUESTS
• KILL THE FLAW CD upon RELEASE
• DIGITAL DOWNLOAD on OCTOBER 1!
• PERFORMANCE SURPRISES?!

Event begins at 7pm. Doors will open at 6pm. This show is General Admission and is an ALL AGES event.

This will be a night with SEVENDUST unlike any other, and an experience only available at this exclusive event!

SEVENDUST is:
Lajon Witherspoon (lead vocals)
Clint Lowery (guitar, vocals)
Morgan Rose (drums, vocals)
John Connolly (guitar, vocals)
Vince Hornsby (bass)

———-
READ THIS:
- You MUST bring your ID.
- You and your property WILL BE SEARCHED upon entry.
- This event WILL have restricted audio and video access.
- You may be filmed and/or recorded and by purchasing a ticket, agree to appear on any and all upcoming releases without further permission or compensation.
- There are no tickets to claim nor will any be issued. Your entire party must be present in order to enter the venue and the person on the will-call list must have photo ID on hand.
- Architekt is an intimate-sized venue – moshing and crowd surfing are discouraged and any such behavior is at the risk of the patron and may at any time be stopped by security.
- You assume any and all risks occurring before, during, or after event, including injury by any cause. You release management, facility, club, Architekt, and their respective affiliates and representatives from any related claims.
- Entry is revokable. Management may, without refund, revoke this license or refuse admission for noncompliance with terms or disorderly conduct. You consent to search on entry and waive related claims.
- TICKETS ARE NOT REFUNDABLE OR TRANSFERABLE!

09.15.15

Predicting The New York Times’ Next 3 Articles About The Vinyl Pressing Boom

Posted in record collector disease, The Marketplace at 4:59 pm by

(above : a mysterious, boiling vat of something or other,not unlike one Jerry Jones might fall into if he’s not careful)

Do editors at the NY Times routinely read portions of the paper besides their own? I ask because today’s Media section has a longish piece on new pressing plants in Bordentown, NJ and Memphis, TN barely a month after the World section featured the story of Lodnice’s Gramofonove Zavody (aka GZ Media). It would seem the paper of record has moved on from their every-10-months obligatory (you pick) RSD/record shops/”hey they still sell turntables” articles to instead focus on the manufacturing process. It doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going (and that’s pretty lucky, because most of you aren’t geniuses) :

January, Sunday Styles : Matt Harvey and Michael Dorf having brunch (at a pressing plant)

February, Decision 2016 : a Chris Christie photo op at Bordentown’s Independent Record Pressing (suddenly the state’s single biggest employer) turns ugly when crony Jerry Jones falls into a boiling vat of lye. It’s all the more curious because there’s no need for a boiling vat of lye in the record pressing process.

March, Science : Nashville’s URP unveils plans to manufacture a ltd. edition Jack White 7″ on the eve of Record Store Day 2016, but they’ll have it in stores for Record Store Day 2015 thru the advent of time travel.

09.14.15

Gap Toothed Village Whore Shaming Aside, Here’s A Reasoned Take On The Football League’s Mooted Reboot

Posted in Football, The Marketplace at 11:21 pm by

There’s talk of England’s Football League getting a facelift of sorts, with all 3 divisions renamed something more sexy/modern/less confusing starting next season “in a bid to boost the league’s brand identity.” In the considered view of The Set Pieces’ Iain Macintosh, “we need something more tangible than expensively sourced bullshit and glitter”. Not that he can’t be called a realist, however (“you try dragging a nine year old Messi fan boy out to watch Notts County slide down the pyramid and see where it gets you”).

We suffered in the 1980s when the bigger clubs decided that they no longer wished to split gate receipts down the middle. We suffered in the 1990s when the bigger clubs decided that they wanted almost all of the TV money. We’re suffering now because, not content with all of the money, the bigger clubs want all of the players too, stockpiled, catalogued and sent out on loan just in case they turn out to be any good.

We really need the Football League in our corner right now. We’ve tried telling the Football Association about our problems, but they just suggested tossing a squadron of B teams down, a move that would cement our position as the gap-toothed village whores that the young aristocrats come to practice-fuck in exchange for a handful of coppers. We need real leadership and real solutions. We don’t need the people tasked with protecting us to start pissing down our backs and telling us that it’s raining.
The logic of a rebrand simply doesn’t work. No Plymouth Argyle fan has ever refused to go to Home Park on the basis that League Two doesn’t sound sexy enough. No lapsed Carlisle fans would be be lured back if they turned League Two into the Megaspurt Infinity Division. I can’t tell you for sure why not enough people go to Football League games, but I’d imagine it has something to do with the fact that ticket prices for the bottom flight can often be over £20. And it’s fine when you’re single and free, but when children enter your life, the bill starts to rise and before long you wonder if it might not be better to spend that money in a more constructive manner.

09.06.15

What The Well Dressed (& Possibly Freezing) Tom Brady Apologist Will Be Wearing This Autumn

Posted in Fashion, Gridiron, The Marketplace at 5:56 pm by

If you’re like me, you were wondering just how long it would take the infamous Tom Brady courtroom sketch to be turned into a skirt.

As it happens, it didn’t really take long at all. Don’t you feel super impatient now?

08.06.15

Bizarre Promotional Items Of August 2015 : Bridgeport Bluefish 1, New York Yankees 0

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 9:03 pm by

(image courtesy the Bobby V. loving Bridgeport Bluefish)

Michael Kay claims the cowboy hat is “pretty cool”. I think that’s taking being a company man to an unrealistic level.

07.30.15

History’s Least Questionable eBay Auctions, Pt. XXVII

Posted in Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 9:57 pm by

As you almost certainly know, Ft. Worth’s COMPLETE are scheduled to make their long overdue NYC debut August 22 at Williamsburgh’s Union Pool alongside Octagrape and other lesser lights. Because Complete’s private jet cannot operate on vegetable oil YOU FUCKING HIPPIES, funds must be raised to make this journey a reality. Hence. the following auction :

Complete Nation! Up for grabs is the original banner for Complete from their infamous debut show that has struck youtube by storm! Complete is heading to New York August 22nd to headline @ Union Pool & we need to cover travel expenses to get there so we are putting this one of a kind piece of Complete history up for sale! The ropes to hang the banner are built in and the lettering is raised it’s a one of a kind custom! That’s a 60″ tv behind the banner to give you a grasp of how large the banner is!

07.25.15

John Rocker Brings His Class, Way With (Bad) Words To Hall Of Fame Weekend

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 3:19 pm by

(image swiped from the Twitter feed of Benjamin Hochman). What Mr. Rocker lacks in IQ he certainly tries to make up for with chutzpah. And imagine this inspiration this might provide for Jim Leyritz’ autograph sales.