Even without Billy Packer calling the games for CBS, the Big Dance has a way of curtailing procreation. “My idea of enjoying the NCAA tournament involves macrobrews and fried food. It doesn’t involve a frozen bag of peas on my balls,” protests Deuce Of Davenport‘s Mustafa Redonkulous after reading the following item from the Cleveland Plain-Dealer‘s John Campanelli.
The NCAA tournament’s first round, which features 32 games in two days, makes for great drama, great television and office pools. It also makes for a great time ” perhaps the best of the year ” to be sterilized. It’s March soreness, baby.
And more guys are realizing it.
“I’m booked up,” said Dr. J. Stephen Jones, chairman of regional urology at the Cleveland Clinic’s Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute. “My schedule on that part of the month filled up very quickly. It filled up ahead of time.”
Scheduling the procedure to coincide with hoops hoopla makes perfect sense, says Jones, who has done more than 2,000 vasectomies.
First off, the demographics match. The men getting snipped, usually in their 30s and 40s, are typical March Madness fans.
“If they’re going to have a day off, it might as well be on a day when they would want to be watching basketball, as opposed to watching ‘Oprah,’ ” Jones said.
It’s the kind of story papers and blogs around the country can’t resist. Especially if it’s regurgitatated every year.
Last month I interviewed Xavier athletic director Mike Bobinski, one of the ten people on the NCAA men’s selection committee, and what I’ve noticed since then is that anyone who truly takes the time to study up on the committee’s “policies and procedures,” and everyone who has participated in the NCAA’s mock bracket simulations, says that conferences, be it the number of teams per conference or the whole issue of big conference vs. little conference, almost never gets discussed. ESPN.com’s Pat Forde said it in 2007…
To my surprise, there really is NO consideration given to the number of bids per conference. I’ll be honest: I annually rolled my eyes when the selection committee chairman insisted that was the case.
… and since then, countless WWL writers and personalities have been through the same exercise and reported the same thing. And yet, this “issue” came up several dozen times over the course of Sunday’s coverage, though I don’t really expect Dick Vitale to know better.
Another trope that’s out there is the notion that more “basketball people” should be involved in the selection, rather than ADs and commissioners. Perhaps it was caffeine-induced hallucination, but I’m pretty sure I even heard Jay Bilas (or one of his cohorts) suggest it should be more like college football. Meaning, I guess, that all those coaches and Harris pollsters who “know the game” do such a bang-up job. Here’s Bilas to the Indianapolis Star’s Steve Ballard this morning:
“Let me put it this way: If you have to take your car in for service, would you like it to be looked at by 10 mechanics or four mechanics, two doctors, a lawyer, a plumber and grocery clerk?” said Bilas, a former Duke player.
“In a multibillion-dollar industry — and that’s what this is — I’ve never heard anybody make the case that more basketball experience wouldn’t be better. More experience is better in anything. In everything.”
Apparently, Bilas is unfamilar with this defunct blog.
So ok… I’ll make the case. Or rather, I’ll let Jay’s colleague Bobby Knight help make it for me. This is a direct quote from the Sunday broadcast:
“[B]oth Walter (Byers, the first NCAA executive director) and myself felt that the women are going to pay a lot more attention to the women’s tournament [and] the men are going to pay a lot more attention to the men’s tournament, and I don’t think one should be on the other’s selection committee. I think that would be something that should really be taken care of.”
It’s the sort of comment that demands a numbered list.
1. There’s only one woman on the men’s selection committee, and she’s just the second woman ever. UT-San Antonio athletic director Lynn Hickey works for a school that hosted its third men’s Final Four in just over a decade last year. After today, her biggest job is gonna be a brand new FCS football program (headed up by former Miami bench boss Larry Coker). Her men’s team was playing for a bid today (and lost to Stephen F. Austin). She’s an AD, she’s in charge of both men’s and women’s sports, and it’s 2009 – how can this even be an issue?
2. There are, on the other hand, three men on the women’s selection committee. Two are athletic directors and one is a commissioner. Of the seven women, four are associate or senior associate athletic directors, and two are associate commisioners. One, Marilyn A. McNeil of Monmouth University, is an AD. Five also carry the title “senior woman’s administrator.” Anybody want to tell me how this problem can be fixed to Bob Knight’s liking?
3. Everyone who serves on either committee has specific assignments and procedures they must follow, during the entire season and when they get in the room. This is why I’m thinking somebody who “knows the game” like Knight would not be suited for the job, because apparently, if he were on the women‘s selection committee, he’d be sitting on his couch, getting ready to watch a Tennessee-LSU game or something, and then he’d just say, “Fuck it. I’m a man! Let’s see how Stephen Curry’s doing against Georgetown!” From there it’s just a small step to, “Eh, I don’t really need to watch St. Mary’s against Eastern Washington. I already know they’re not as good as Arizona.”
The committee, of course, did pick Arizona over Patty Mills and company (much to Vitale’s chagrin), and having been in Spokane on the night Mills broke his wrist, I feel better knowing that the members of the selection committee assigned to the WCC at least watched every minute that St. Mary’s played, and it was not a gut decision.
The Savage Love readers have spoken – just doing my part to move it up the Google charts.
Saddlebacking: sad¢dle¢back¢ing \Ëˆsa-dÉ™l-Ëˆba-kiÅ‹\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities
After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she™s saving herself for marriage.
From the AP :
For guys who park in front of the TV during college basketball’s March Madness, the Oregon Urology Institute has a suggestion: Why not use that time to recover from a vasectomy?”When March Madness approaches you need an excuse … to stay at home in front of the big screen,” the clinic’s radio ad says. “Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts. It’s snip city.”
Institute Administrator Terry FitzPatrick said men need two to four days to recover from the procedure – but not all take the time.
He’s reserved a dozen appointment slots for March 19, the day before the first tipoffs of the NCAA Tournament, and another dozen for March 26, before the tournament’s second week.
He reported filling 15 slots by Thursday afternoon and expects to fill all 24.
Writing as a responsible male adult who has undergone said proceedure, I applaud Mr. FitzPatrick’s gumption but should warn the male readership : having painful genital surgery is no guarantee you’ll be getting out of household chores.
I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t a new publicity photo from the No Neck Blues Band. (link swiped from Jim Goad.net)
From the Guardian’s Ian “Candy” Sample ,
Chinese surgeons have performed the world’s first penis transplant on a man whose organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year. The incident left the man with a 1cm-long stump with which he was unable to urinate or have sexual intercourse. “His quality of life was affected severely,” said Dr Weilie Hu, a surgeon at Guangzhou General Hospital.
Doctors spent 15 hours attaching a 10cm penis to the 44-year-old patient after the parents of a brain-dead man half his age agreed to donate their son’s organ.
The procedure, described in a case study due to appear in the journal European Urology next month, represents a big leap forward in transplant surgery; it required complex microsurgery to connect nerves and tiny blood vessels.
Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. “Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off,” Dr Hu said. An examination of the organ showed no signs of it being rejected by the body.
I think the “psychological problem” had someting to do with the donation of a 4 inch penis. No mention of what happens to the brain dead doner sans boner if he ever emerges from his coma, but I suspect he’ll have a psychological problem, too.
Back in CSTB’s earliest days — before Will Leitch’s emergence as a multimedia sensation, before Velvet Revolver would make musical history with their Nobel Prize winning debut album — I did my best to keep tabs on the tale of Armin Meiwes, a 43 year old computer specialist from Rotenburg, Germany, accused of castrating and devouring a guy he met online.
December 3, 2003.
December 3, 2003 (pt. II)
December 4, 2003
Already found guility of manslaughter, Meiwes, currently being retried for murder, argued today in court that he never intended to kill his victim. Just to eat him. A distinction, I must confess, that is a little lost on me.
Meiwes repeated much of his confession from his first trial during his three-hour testimony.
He admitted killing 43-year-old German-based computer specialist Bernd-Juergen Brandes at Meiwes’ home in the town of Rotenburg.
Meiwes told the court how he severed Mr Brandes’ penis and that they both tried to eat it without success.
He said he hoped Mr Brandes would die of blood loss or throw himself to his death from a window.
“I wanted to eat him, but I didn’t want to kill him,” Meiwes told the court.
Brandes steadily lost more blood and finally became unconscious – at which point Meiwes decided to pray, he said.
“I didn’t know whether I should pray to the devil or to God,” Meiwes said.
That’s quite a concidence because I’ve heard the exact same quote from every person who saw an advance screener of “Love Monkey”.
Marc Perlman describes this as “the worst thing I’ve read in a long time”. Sounds like an upcoming “Nip/Tuck” storyline to me, if not a stickier take on Lorena Bobbit.
Presumably, Howard Stern was all over this yesterday. Since it’s easier to listen to him while driving than read CSTB during your morning commute, I’m sure he’ll have further insights in a few hours.
In my own Emily Litella moment, I misread a headline in this morning’s online edition of Newsday, mistaking it for “C-Murder Barred From Having Penis” (which I’m sure you’ll all agree, is cruel and unusual punishment).
Says Futility Infielder’s Jay Jaffe, “I’m afraid this one is in the CSTB wheelhouse…”. And he’s right!
From Reuters :
A Welsh rugby fan cut off his own testicles to celebrate Wales beating England at rugby, the Daily Mirror reported on Tuesday.
Geoff Huish, 26, was so convinced England would win Saturday’s match he told fellow drinkers at a social club, “If Wales win I’ll cut my balls off,” the paper said.
Friends at the club in Caerphilly, south Wales, thought he was joking.
But after the game Huish went home, severed his testicles with a knife, and walked 200 metres back to the bar with the testicles to show the shocked drinkers what he had done.
Huish was taken to hospital where he remained in a seriously ill condition, the paper said. Police told the paper he had a history of mental problems.
Wales’s 11-9 victory at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff was their first home win over England in 12 years.
Though I admire Huish’s dedication, he could’ve accomplished roughly the same thing by purchasing a Stereophonics CD.