Granted, this couldn’t have been the part of Friday’s assignment Michael Kay relished most.  But  either way, he’s absolutely flunked his audition for Hot 97.

As part of their 15th Anniversary celebrations, the Toronto Raptors honored former PF Charles Oakley Wednesday night, an occasion that has me checking the schedule to see when Doug Christie’s number is being retired. The Globe & Mail’s Michael Grange used the opportunity to recall a time when the legendary clotheshorse/gourmand/Michael Jordan wingman wasn’t welcomed with open arms north of the border.

Seems Oak wasn’t very happy about coming to Canada. The Raptors were the NBA’s version of Siberia and coming off that epic 16-66 season, he was probably right. As the exiled toast of New York, Oak was sincerely grumpy when he pulled up to the border crossing on his way to training camp, driving up from his home in Cleveland. He’s rolling in a black BMW with tinted windows, stuffed to the gills with whatever belongings he might need to make the Royal York Hotel feel like home away from home.

He’s mad. He calls his agent. “This is bull***, call (then Raptors GM) Glen Grunwald, F*** this! I’m not coming up there, I’m turning around right now.”
Diamond calls Grunwald, who in turn gets pumping on trying to find out how to get a very angry, very big, power forward admitted to Canada. On a Sunday.

The story doesn’t quite end there, but in the interests of protecting Canada’s newspaper industry, I suggest you check out the rest of it yourself.

If you’re wondering what could possibly cause women’s collegiate soccer highlights to receive more airtime on the overnight “SportsCenter” than the MLS playofs, consider the unique approach of New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert, who might well become the female equivalent of LeGarrette Blount by noon Friday.  You can add my voice to the chorus calling for a suspension —- preferably of the blind person employed by the Mountain West Conference to referee this match.

Giants right-hander Tim Lincecum has a few more days remaining in his NL Cy Young reign, time he’s likely to spend lying low after today’s revelation he was charged with speeding and marijuana possession last week in Clark County, WA. Finally, a Bay Area icon is busted for PED’s (and if you don’t think enjoyment of Lincecum’s performances is positively enhanced by weed, would you at least believe AT&T Park’s garlic fries are just a bit tastier?) and the SF Chronicle’s Ray Ratto — no stranger to daring behavior (you’ve seen his haircut, right?) cannot hide his disgust. “High and speeding at 8 in the morning? Is life that grippingly dull in the offseason? Or are you just nuts?”

That’s the hard part to reconcile. Eight a.m. is just too early in the day to spark up, and speeding on the freeway at 8 a.m. even if you’re straight as a javelin is just asking to get caught. I mean, who else is on the road that early other than truckers? Doing both, therefore, is pretty well inexcusable.

The lessons Lincecum will earn from this, his first official brush with the law as someone whose every move is monitored, are clear. He’ll have to do all the P.R. mea culpas, but the first ought to be about vehicular safety. You can draw your personal line of outrage anywhere you want here, but it’s the driving part that is clearly the most disturbing judgmental lapse of all. That’s where the apology-fest should start, and he can take it wherever he wants (or is told to by the Giants) after that.

Whether or not 8am is too early to be high is entirely a matter of opinion. I mean, perhaps Lincecum had been up since 5. But on the topic of his driving whilst baked, the SF hurler has undoubtedly been defamed by the veteran columnist. The Chronicle’s own source for the story quotes a Washington State trooper describing Linceum as “not appearing impaired.”

Finally, a ring for Brian Bruney! Sincere congratulations to the New York Yankees and their humble fans on last night’s World Series-clinching 7-3 defeat of the Phillies, a victory that set off wild celebrations…in the executive offices of Modell’s Sporting Goods. While some will hail Hideki Matsui’s astonishing offensive display in Game 6 as history-making, the real postseason mark that matters was set by WCBS’ John Sterling, whose extended, orgiastic moan & groan at the game’s conclusion topped previous efforts by at least a half second. To the ears of Walkoff Walk’s Rob Iracane, Sterling is one half of the game’s finest broadcast team. No, really!

I’ve listened to radio announcers across this great land for years on the satellite and, with the exception of Scully and maybe Joe Castiglione, none of them can hold a candle to Sterling and Waldman. Despite Waldman’s one emotionally-challenged Roger Clemens moment and Sterling’s affinity for quoting lyrics from 1940’s Broadway musicals, there is no greater pair on the radio today.

As seen on Hudson and Spring earlier today.

(above :  the sharpest media manipulator money can buy…in the state of Idaho)

OK, that’s not actually what the Western Athletic Conference is advocating. I think. But ESPN’s Graham Watson reports the WAC has enlisted the services of Boise-based PR firm Scott Peyron & Associates to assist their efforts in promoting no. 7 Boise State as a legit national title contender.

The role of Scott Peyron & Associates is to keep Boise State in the forefront of the minds of the media. It does not lobby voters or coaches. It does email a weekly list of talking points regarding Boise State’s accomplishments to members of the national media. It also sets up interviews for WAC commissioner Karl Benson and prepares statistical information for him to use to make a case for the Broncos.

“We’ve found that people just want to go back to the Fiesta Bowl win in 2007 and talk about that being a fluke and haven’t really done their research in terms of [Boise State's] home game winning percentage or other interesting facts over the years,” said Doug Cole, a group practice leader with the firm.

“They’ll forget about the Hawaii records and all that. So, we just constantly remind people of the storied recent history of the WAC and Boise State and get them to consider that when they write their stories.”

“We made sure to let the national press know that (TCU’s win) against the 16th ranked BYU, which is now unranked, is not as strong as Boise State’s signature win against No. 16 (AP) Oregon, which is now ranked eighth,” Cole said. “Those are the types of things that dictate what our positioning is in terms of reminding media and getting stats in front of [the media] just so they can be honest and not ignore Boise State.”

Peyron and Associates other clients include the Idaho Technology Council, the Tamarack Ski Resort, Albertson’s Supermarkets and that annual moment where thousands of Americans wonder if their TV sets need replacing, the Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl.

Well done, James Dolan. Who says the NBA doesn’t care about the working man?

Proving to be almost as thoughtful a columnist as David Wells — who today urged the Yankees to dust off Chase Utley, lest he hit any more home runs to break Reggie’s W.S. mark — the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy insists Philly’s Game 6 starter Pedro Martinez “is still pitching for the honor of Red Sox Nation.”

In his role as Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher, Pedro knows he is carrying the colors for Sox fans around the world – just as he did in 2003 when Grady Little left him on the mound too long in the ancient ballpark across the street.

Yesterday Pedro was reminded that every thinking Sox fan is rooting against the Yankees.

“It wouldn’t surprise me at all,’’ said a smiling Martinez. “I know they don’t like the Yankees to win, not even in Nintendo games. And knowing that I am part of Boston, I consider myself a Bostonian . . . I’m pretty sure that every Boston fan out there can feel proud that I’m going to try to beat the Yankees, and I’m going to give just the same effort I always did for them. They’re special fans, and they will always have my respect.’’

Pedro won the third game of the 2004 World Series (seven innings, no runs, three hits) in St. Louis and is looking to close the book on his October résumé with another Series win tonight. Don’t bet against him. The Yankee lineup scares most righty pitchers, especially in the Bronx, but Pedro can neutralize the Bombers with his smarts and location.

The Yankees were Pedro’s daddy when Grady left him on the mound too long in 2003. Tonight Pedro has a chance to make everything right. All these years later, he’s still pitching for the Red Sox.