Can’t Stop The Bleeding » 2005 » September

09.30.05

When Bobby Bonilla Said “I’ll Show You The Bronx”…

Posted in Baseball at 7:11 pm

…this probably isn’t what he meant.


(pic courtesy of Scott Comeau)

They’re in the top of the 3rd at Fenway, Chien-Ming Wang (above) having allowed a 2nd inning solo HR to Jason Varitek that put Boston in front, 2-1. Johnny Damon managed to take the bat out of Manny Ramirez’ hands in the bottom of the third, being caught in a run down after a David Ortiz tapper back to Wang. Not only did Damon make the third out of the inning trying to advance to third with Manny on deck, he did so after after he’d already been looked back to 2nd. I suppose he figured if he didn’t draw a throw from Wang the first time, why would Giambi try to execute a simple toss across the diamond. Idiotic.

Cleveland and Chicago are scoreless after 3. As you might expect under the circumstances, Paul Konerko has the night off, the always dangerous John Gload (0 HR’s, 3 RBI’s, .147 BA in 33 AB’s) batting 3rd for the White Sox.

Mental Midget Grades ESPN’s Shapiro

Posted in Blogged Down, Sports TV at 3:36 pm

I somehow managed to miss departing ESPN executive VP Mark Shapiro on Jim Rome’s radio program yesterday, but I’m sure host and guest spent hardly any air time whatsoever congratulating each other for their efforts in transforming sports entertaiment as we know it.

Over at the professional website that would have virtually no content were it not for the constant flirtations with ESPN employees (just send your fucking resume already!), Partyboy has a cute little list of the “hits” and “misses” during Shapiro’s tenure. Among the former, “Playmakers” (best known for being the launching pad for Omar Gooding’s eventual star turn in “Barbershop”. The TV show, not the film) and the NASCAR tear-jerker “3″ (best known for being an improvement over Barry Pepper’s performance in “Knockaround Guys”) ; on the thumbs down list, “Quite Frankly (White Journalists Resent Steven A. Smith)” and “ESPN Hollywood” (which, quite frankly, functions as a slightly less shitty TV version of a recently launched, non-ESPN website).

As always, readers are solicited for “tips”, in case the author has completely missed the boat.

It seems all too fitting that said ambulance chaser’s critical faculties are right down there with those of Bill Simmons. How can an adult with a supposedly functioning brain attempt to chronicle the most wretched moments in ESPN’s recent history without once typing the name “Tom Sizemore” or the words “You’re Playing Poker, They’re Playing You”?

Phil On The Car Phone Refuses To Reveal His Personal Details

Posted in Sports Radio at 1:07 pm

From the The Last True Believer, Phil Mushnick in today’s NY Post :

A new policy will be in place at WFAN, effective today. Callers to the “Know-It-All and the Village Idiot Show” will now be asked, before going on the air, for their phone numbers and addresses.

Thus, callers who are, in any combination, unfairly trashed, bullied, shouted down, ridiculed and cut off by Mike Francesa and/or Chris Russo — such as the caller Francesa buried Tuesday for providing data on MLB doubleheaders that turned out (as intelligent listeners immediately knew) to be correct — can be contacted by program director Mark Chernoff.

Chernoff will then provide a “just between us” apology and, as a further conciliatory gesture, offer the caller a Vermont Teddy Bear (limited to the first dozen unfairly abused callers, each week).

WFAN’s public stance on what Francesa or Russo did or did not say to callers and invited guests will remain: They didn’t say it. And to prove it, WFAN will continue to fail to tape that particular segment.


(resemblance aside, not related to Phil)

Much as Francesca and Russo induce an almost instant migrane whenever I have the misfortune of hearing them, I don’t object to WFAN’s new policy. Those old enough to remember the fate of Denver talk radio host Alan Berg (above) are well aware there any number of kooks who might take exception to Mike & Chris’ radical social views.

At least that’s what I was counting on.

Tony Massarotti Casts His MVP Vote…

Posted in Baseball at 12:47 pm

…and surprise, surprise, it isn’t for Travis Hafner. From today’s Boston Herald

Already trailing the Yankees by one game in the AL East, the Sox faced a 4-1 deficit entering the bottom of the sixth inning. They rallied for an inspiring 5-4 victory behind, largely, Jonathan Papelbon and David Ortiz, one a fountain of youth and the other an old faithful.

About Ortiz, in particular, there really is nothing we can say anymore. The designated hitter may or may not win the AL Most Valuable Player award, but there simply has not been anyone in baseball this season who has meant more to his team.

There may not even be anyone close.

“The guy’s unbelievable,” Kevin Millar said of Ortiz, who tied the game at 4 with a solo homer in the eighth inning and won it with a one-out single in the ninth. “He’s the greatest clutch hitter in the game, 100 percent. You just don’t see that. It’s not that easy.”

And what of the 24-year-old Papelbon? Slightly more than a year ago, he was pitching in the Single-A Florida State League. Now he is in the midst of a big league September during which he is 3-0 with a 1.35 ERA, including a sterling, scoreless, 2 2/3-inning performance last night in which he threw 23-of-30 pitches for strikes.

Papelbon has truly been a revelation for Boston, early to the extent of New York’s Aaron Small. It would only figure that in a season where Randy Johnson, Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright have struggled, the Yankees’ savior would be an unheralded 33 year old making $300,000.

You Don’t Wanna Be Holding Out On Bob Buczkowski…

Posted in Gridiron at 12:08 pm

…although you can probably get away with it, starting right about now.

The next time Johnny Unitas complains about the NFL pension, somebody please remind him there are all kinds of ways to make a living.

In a completely unrelated story, the AFL’s Chicago Rush have denied that Buczkowski is the new name of their club mascot.

Barker : Larry, Zeke Spat Is Inevitable

Posted in Basketball at 5:07 am

Newsday’s Barbara Barker uses those misunderstood Hilton sisters to illustrate her point about the Knicks’ GM and his latest coaching hire.

Waiting for Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas to have their first gigantic clash of egos is like waiting for Paris and Nikki Hilton to utter their next stupid sentence. You know it’s going to happen; the only question is what it will be about.

The bet here is the honeymoon between Brown and Thomas will end sometime in training camp, after a particularly uninspiring practice. Or maybe the two will make it to the first month of the Knicks’ season before the frustration of a six-game West Coast trip sends Brown running into Thomas’ office.

Sooner, rather than later, Brown will tell Thomas that one of his beloved acquisitions, maybe even Stephon Marbury, needs to go. And the onus is going to be on Thomas this time to keep things from getting out of hand.

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Stephon’s name pop up in these gloomy predictions, and I think Barker is correct, if only because Detroit will likely reject a Jamal Crawford for Darko Milicic trade proposal.

09.29.05

Milo Ventimiglia And John Franco, Together At Last

Posted in The Mailbag at 6:46 pm

The New York Mets and the Mets Foundation are pleased to join former player, Todd Zeile, in a special fund-raising event to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The event features the New York premiere of the movie “Dirty Deeds,” the first film to be produced by Todd’s film production company, Green Diamond, and a post-premiere reception with a bevy of sports and film celebrities.

As a valued ticket holder, you are being offered the opportunity to join us for the film’s New York premiere and VIP party on Tuesday, October 4th. Festivities will kick off at 6:30 pm at the AMC Empire 25 Theatre (42nd Street between 7th and 8th Avenues) with cocktails and dinner to follow at the ESPN Zone in Times Square.

Attached please find the invitation with details on expected celebrity attendees and instructions on how to purchase tickets.

We hope to see you on the 4th!

The heck with the Division Series’, I think we’ve got Will Leitch’s Tuesday night all figured out.

Healy Polishes Glavine’s Plaque

Posted in Baseball at 6:35 pm

FSNY’s Fran Healy, introducing Mets left-hander Tom Glavine prior to his first pitch tonight against Colorado.

“…he’s a brand new pitcher….he’s been a Hall of Famer…and he’s going to win 300 games as a member of the Mets organization.”

Hyperbole about Glavine’s improved 2nd half aside, Healy would have us believe that Glavine is the only active player currently enshrined in Cooperstown. He’s also asking us to accept that the Concord, MA native (who turns 40 next spring) will win 25 or 26 games for the Mets in 2006, despite not having won 20 since 2000 (and never having won more than 22 in a single season previously).

If this is indeed Healy’s last weekend behind the Mets microphone, he’s going out in style.

David Stern, Fashion Killer

Posted in Basketball at 5:19 pm


(one of these gentleman can look forward to a makeover)

The Boston Globe’s Shira Springer on a move that seems solely designed to make Allan Iverson look like a square.

As part of the new collective bargaining agreement, the NBA and its players’ union devised several new initiatives designed to improve the athletes’ accessibility and professionalism. Players will be required to attend pregame autograph sessions and participate in pregame giveaways of T-shirts, hats, and wristbands. Inactive players will greet fans and community groups on game nights. The league increased the players’ minimum number of community relations appearances from 10 to 12. Players must make themselves available to the media for at least 15 minutes after practice. And among other new rules, there will be a dress code Stern expects to include sport coats and collared shirts, and exclude bluejeans. When it was mentioned that some of the league’s most highly regarded players, such as Tim Duncan, dress more casually, Stern said, ”Well, the job description has changed.”

”We’re working on a job description,” said Stern. ”It’s to help the players understand what the job is. The job is not only to go to practice and win games. The job is representing the NBA to all constituencies. Community relations. Public relations. Sponsor relations . . . Maybe for a variety of reasons we pulled back too much. Or maybe we got spoiled by a generation of players who did these things as a matter of course and as we got younger we moved away from them. So, we have to slowly remind ourselves [what to do].

”Sometimes I worry that our players’ intensity can be misconstrued and their effort can be misconstrued. They are the most intense, the most dedicated. I think the younger base of our fans understands that, but perhaps, the mid-to-older aren’t quite as attuned to it. We’d like to use our convening power to have people focus on this game and our great players, who they are and how they play, rather than their variance from some norm . . . Being neatly attired in a certain way, that’s going to be our norm.”

Red Sox Trade For Stanton

Posted in Baseball at 5:06 pm

Knowing that a savvy veteran left hander is just what they need to counter the Yankees’ recent addition of, uh, Mark Bellhorn, Boston has acquired Mike Stanton from Washington in exchange for righties Rhys Taylor and Yader Peralta.


(Rhys Chatham, not involved in the above 3 player deal)

A 46-42 stretch was enough for the Cincinnati Reds to remove the “interim” tag from Jerry Narron, as Dave Miley’s successor was given an extension through the end of the 2006 season. No details were revealed about how much money Narron is supposed to pay the club for the privilege.

Congrats To The AL Central Champs

Posted in Baseball at 3:30 pm

The faces of victory, ladies and gentlemen;


The absolutely, 100% not crazy manager


The 100% committed to winning at all costs Chairman.

There’s no available footage of a nude Hawk Harrelson pouring champagne all over himself, but perhaps that’s because Comcast is wary of an FCC crackdown and/or scaring children just home from school.

Content starved bloggers across America are praying this team goes deep into the post-season, if for no other reason than hoping for a Carl Everett explosion on a national stage.

Carragher To Mourinho : Even The Cat Can Spell “Dignity”

Posted in Football at 12:41 pm

Miffed at the continued lack of respect from Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, and futher aggrieved over William Gallas’ disputed handball, Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher (above) vented after yesterday’s scoreless draw in the Champions League Group G (from The Mirror’s David Maddock).

“Oh, it was a penalty, a certain penalty, but we won’t spend our time bleating about it. Before the game, there was a lot of crying coming from their camp, they were crying about various things from last season, and there were some sour grapes.

“But we have a little bit more dignity about this club than that, and we will try not to cry too much about obvious decisions going against us. It was obvious though, wasn’t it!”

A typical reply from Mourinho in the Independent, speaking of Liverpool’s longball tactics since the arrival of tall drink of water Peter Crouch :

“A good game?” Mourinho queried. “It depends on what you love in football. Some like (Crouch), some don’t, some criticise direct play, some love it. As an opponent we don’t have to like or dislike it, just cope with it and we did that fantastically.”

Alberts : ESPN Destroyed Me

Posted in Gridiron, Sports TV at 10:51 am

Tired of playing a supporting role to College Gameday’s Three Amigos, Trev Alberts became the Butkis Award winner that wouldn’t kiss butt. As such, he’s now out of work and can’t say much on the record to the Lincoln Journal-Star’s Steven M. Sipple.

The 35-year-old former Nebraska football star was fired by ESPN earlier this month because of a disagreement regarding his role in the network’s “College GameDay” lineup. He said Wednesday he can’t talk about the situation because of pending litigation. But he spoke enthusiastically and optimistically about his future, saying he’s keeping an open mind and considering various options.

He doesn’t envision resuming work as a college football analyst for another network.

“My opportunities in broadcasting have probably been destroyed by ESPN,” said Alberts, a native of Cedar Falls, Iowa, who now lives in suburban Atlanta. “More than likely, I’ll be making a lifestyle and professional change, which I suppose isn’t always bad.

“My wife and I have been praying a lot and looking for direction.”

With his TV days apparently behind him, he said he’s become “intrigued” by potential opportunities in construction and real estate, among other possibilities.

XM Subscribers Begin Petitioning Kevin McClatchy

Posted in Baseball at 10:42 am

Joe Rutter of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review on “The Show”’s Kevin Kennedy, “interested” but not “lobbying” for another managerial position.

Kennedy, the national baseball analyst for Fox Sports and host of an XM satellite radio show, doesn’t deny an interest in being the Pirates’ next manager.

“Everything would be interesting to me,” Kennedy said Monday when the Pirates were in Los Angeles. “I miss it, I really do. I get to manage from (the press box), but I miss the competition. No question about it, I miss the game.”

Kennedy, however, said he would not openly lobby for an interview. He would only be a candidate if approached first, and that has not yet happened.

“Out of respect to the people I work with, that’s the way it would have to be,” Kennedy said. “I have an ‘out’ in my contract, but it’s not a situation where I can really solicit a job when one comes open. I’ve got a great gig now. If somebody has an interest, my door is always open.”

Given his absence from the dugout, the 51-year-old Kennedy is a long-shot candidate, but no more so than, say, Kent Tekulve.

At least one XM patron is hoping that in the unlikely event Kennedy gets the gig, Rob Dibble is named pitching coach.

Because Darryl Can’t Allow Doc Gooden To Hog The Headlines

Posted in Baseball at 10:30 am

From Tampa Bay’s CBS affiliate :

Former Major League Baseball star Darryl Strawberry is in trouble once again, this time in Delray Beach.

Police arrested him on Wednesday, saying he failed to return a rental car after a month. He then loaned the car to a friend, and told the agency it was stolen.

Police found the car and returned it to the rental agency, and then arrested Strawberry.

Quick, Somebody Fetch Wilbon Last Night’s Scores

Posted in Baseball at 9:09 am

And to think it’s Kornheiser who is always banging on about being in bed early. From Michael Wilbon in Thursday morning’s Washington Post.

It’s a sorry spectacle, watching Henry Aaron and Ryne Sandberg talk about catching cheaters in the last week of September when the games and the races ought to take up 100 percent of baseball’s agenda. It’s hard to watch Barry Bonds, who was a fabulously great player long before steroid allegations, pull his team within striking distance of front-running San Diego without wondering what he did and when he did it, or if some substance that is illegal in this country is the reason he’s still out there at 41 years old chasing Aaron. And if Bonds miraculously leads his Giants into the postseason, we’ll be wondering in October, too.

Never mind catching Aaron, if Barry Bonds can help the Giants erase a 5 game deficit with 4 games left to play, his ability to transcend the time space continuum is a power to be truly feared.


(Trevor Hoffman and Ramon Hernandez celebrate the Padres’ clinching the NL West crown, their enthusiasm tempered by the knowledge that news of their achievment might not reach Washington for several days)

Manny’s Ability To Hold It In Confirmed

Posted in Baseball at 8:46 am

Falling a game behind the Yankees with 4 to play might seem like a reason to panic, but if Red Sox fans take nothing else away from their tumultuous 2005, there’s always the knowledge that Manny Ramirez never pissed inside the Green Monster.

From the Boston Herald’s Michael Silverman.

Whizgate was a sham.

Back on July 18, the story went that Manny Ramirez was late popping out of the door of The Wall in left field after a break in the action because he had to urinate.

Ramirez said, or joked, that was the reason; manager Terry Francona repeated it. And the episode quickly was added to the growing backlog of “Manny being Manny” stories.

But now it can be told: Manny wasn’t taking a whiz.

Scoreboard operator Christian Elias said he was merely chatting.

“He just popped in, like he usually does,” Elias said, “and we started talking about this and that, the weather probably, and all of a sudden the phone started ringing and everything and we were like, `What?’ And then Manny said, `Oh, shoot,’ and ran back out there. There’s no bathroom back here, he didn’t go to the bathroom. We’ve kind of been puzzled about the whole thing, nobody ever asked us.”

Be Still My Heart (His, Too) : Knicks Fail To Land Curry

Posted in Basketball at 8:26 am

The NY Post’s Marc Berman writes that the Knicks’ repeated attempts to acquire Chicago C Eddy Curry have come up short.

The Post has learned the Knicks offered Chicago a sign-and-trade package of Tim Thomas and Michael Sweetney for the ailing big center, but has been rejected repeatedly by GM John Paxson.

Barring a trade, Curry (above), suffering from heart irregularities, is expected to sign the Bulls’ one-year, $5 million qualifying offer before Saturday’s deadline, according to his Jersey-based attorney, Ed Milstein.

Curry has been commiserating on the phone almost daily with his best friend, Knick guard, Jamal Crawford, who’s worked behind the scenes to get him to New York.

The Knicks offered the Bulls a package that would start Curry at more than $13M and give Chicago cap relief after season. Tim Thomas’ contract ($13.5M) and Sweetney’s ($2.1M) expire after the season. Isiah has offered Thomas in multiple deals because of his tradable contract and the Knick glut at swingman.

Hottest Book Launch Since “Now I Can Die In Peace”

Posted in Basketball at 8:11 am

The New York Daily News’ Lloyd Grove on a literary bash that brings together the worlds of basketball, publishing, high society and uh…the NRA?

It’s been just a year and a half since ex-Nets star Jayson Williams was acquitted of aggravated manslaughter – in the shooting of his limo driver Costas (Gus) Christofi in the chest with a 12-gauge shotgun – and convicted of four lesser charges of covering up the incident and trying to make it look like a suicide.

But apparently that’s enough time for Williams (above) and his wife, Tanya, to throw a book party tonight at Il Postino for his lawyer, Linda Kenney – who repped him in the Christofi family’s civil suit, which he settled for $2.75 million – and former New York City chief medical examiner Michael Baden, Kenney’s husband.

The return address on the invitation, which omits Jayson’s name, is the Williams’ Who Knew? Estates in Milford, N.J., the scene of Christofi’s death.

The husband-and-wife team’s crime novel, “Remains Silent,” conjures “a terrifying vortex of murder and deceit,” according to Random House’s PR material, “a mounting body count” and “a shocking cover-up.”

Rich irony?

“I find your question bizarre,” Tanya Williams answered. “It would be along the line of saying that I shouldn’t see a movie that involves an accident. … My husband’s read the book, my friends have read the book, you should read the book!”

Kenney told Lowdown: “The cases in the book are [drawn from real cases] … but there’s nothing to do with the Jayson Williams case. It’s absolutely irrelevant.”

I can only presume that Benoit Benjamin and Dwayne Schintzius are not on the guest list. Though with any luck, Will Leitch received an invitation.

Looper’s Shoulder Woes Revealed, 6 Months Too Late

Posted in Baseball at 1:45 am

Newsday’s David Lennon reports that Braden Looper — relieved of his closing duties by the Mets —- is facing shoulder surgery that could well have taken place last spring.

Looper has been bothered by a damaged AC joint in his right shoulder since the end of last season, and chose to forgo the relatively minor operation because he didn’t want to miss the start of this year. Given the ragged state of the bullpen, the Mets figured they couldn’t afford to lose Looper early on, but the decision caught up to them when he imploded in the past month.

Looper converted 28 of 36 chances overall, but suffered blown saves in his last three opportunities before manager Willie Randolph demoted him for Roberto Hernandez and Aaron Heilman. Looper never let on that his shoulder was hurting, and neither did the Mets, until he admitted yesterday that he was scheduled for an MRI today and likely would have the operation done by team orthopedist David Altchek on Monday.

“We knew sometimes he felt discomfort,” Omar Minaya said. “But he always asked for the ball. I think that this late in the year, most guys are a little banged up. There were never signs from him that he was really hurting. That never got to my ears.”

Hearing Looper describe the sensation inside his shoulder made it sound like pain was an issue. The problem was caused by two bones rubbing together, and Looper said it felt like “having a quarter-inch rock in your shoe and running with it all the time.” The condition got progressively worse during the season, and Looper noticed it most when trying to “finish” his .pitches.

So instead of throwing a sinker that dropped sharply to a hitters’ shins, the pitch stayed up in the zone.

From Jose Reyes’ lost 2004, to Mike Cameron’s slow recovery from a wrist injury during the past off-season, and finishing with the above revelations about Looper’s ordeal, the Mets’ medical staff have quite a recent run.

Waitresses In The Sky Fuming Over “Flightplan”

Posted in The World Of Entertainment at 1:25 am

From the Seattle Post-Intelligencer :

Three flight attendant unions want members to boycott last weekend’s biggest film — the Jodie Foster thriller “Flightplan” — because of the way it portrays members of the profession.

Attendants come off as “rude, unhelpful and uncaring” toward Foster’s character, a distraught widow who mysteriously loses her daughter during a transatlantic flight, according to the unions.

It gets worse than that, after Foster’s character goads the captain (Sean Bean), an air marshal (Peter Sarsgaard) and the flight attendants into a massive search that comes up empty-handed, they doubt that the child ever got on board.

“This depiction of flight attendants is an outrage,” said Patricia Friend, international president of the Association of Flight Attendants, the biggest of the unions with about 46,000 members. “Flight attendants continue to be the first line of defense on an aircraft and put their lives on the line day after day for the safety of passengers.”

Oh for the days when the airline industry was treated with respect by Hollywood.

Deadspin Finds New Ways To Avoid Covering Sports

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:59 am

Faced with a choice Tuesday of pennant race baseball on the TV or attending a Bill Simmons/Chuck Klosterman love-in, guess which activity Deadspin opted for?


(both of these men are praying they remembered to Tivo “America’s Next Top Model”)

No word on whether or not Arianna Huffington felt left out of the fun.

Anyhow, this particular subject was dealt with a long time ago. Case fucking closed. You’re welcome.

09.28.05

Ball Busting – Titleist Resists Toppling

Posted in Golf at 11:59 pm

The Guardian’s Lawrence Donegan on the brewing battle between a golf industry monolith and those who prefer their balls un-juiced.

October 11 will be a happy birthday for the world’s most popular golf ball, the Titleist Pro V-1, but also a troubled one. Five years after it was unveiled at the Invensys Classic at Las Vegas the ball accounts for more than one in every four sold in the United States – a success rate that allows its manufacturer to dominate a $1bn-a-year market.

That is the good news for the birthday boy. The bad is that the Pro V-1 now finds itself in the middle of a civil war over the future of the game. In one corner stand the traditionalists, who argue that balls like the Pro V-1, which travel much farther than their predecessors, are destroying the game, rendering some of the great courses obsolete and removing the strategic subtleties that give golf its appeal. In the other stand companies like Titleist, who claim there is no conflict between their commercial interests and the interests of the game.

This being golf, the war is fought with at least a degree of etiquette. But spend an hour or two scanning the golf web sites and trade magazines and you will find a debate as passionate as any Ryder Cup match. Under normal circumstances one would expect the manufacturers to prevail. They are richer and more powerful than the likes of Geoff Shackelford, a Los Angeles-based course architect who writes a highly respected blog and is one of the manufacturers’ fiercest critics. “People like me are but flies on the backside of companies like Titleist,” he says, but he is being modest, not least because the debate appears to be swinging towards those demanding change.

Ditka Gets Grabby

Posted in Gridiron at 8:47 pm

From Wednesday’s Chicago Tribune :

Mike Ditka on Tuesday introduced his first hire as an Arena Football League owner–the Rush’s first mascot, Grabowski. “Twenty years ago I respectfully referred to my team as a bunch of `Grabowskis,’” he said. “That same description is even more perfectly suited for my Rush players–a bunch of hard-working, tough guys who play for the love of the game and its fans, not the paycheck.” Armed with a hard hat and lunch pail, Grabowski will wear Ditka’s number 89.

The above link is courtesy Rob Warmowski, who writes

Some polish bretheren and i were going to protest this outrageous stereotype of our heritage with a big keg party fundraiser in the backyard, but we lost the recipe for ice.

The Only Blue Jays Fan In New England Not Related To The Riccardi Family

Posted in Baseball, Fashion at 6:28 pm

Vernon Wells takes Bronson Arroyo into the monster seats, and Mr. Retro-Mesh Jays Believer soaks it all in. It’s getting a little Vice Magazine in here, perhaps I’ll open a window…

Not Quite CSTB’s “Bidding War Alert”

Posted in Rock Und Roll at 5:36 pm

There’s some funny stuff over at Rock’n'Roll Confidential, but how do they manage to compile something called The Hall Of Douchebags without including Jason Starr or Keane? (link courtesy Brian Turner)

Dodgers’ Tracy Prepares For Florida, Pittsburgh Job Interviews

Posted in Baseball at 1:48 pm

$750,000 to spend 6 months in close quarters with Lt. Dangle and Milton Bradley just isn’t enough, writes the LA Times’ Steve Henson.

Jim Tracy has formally asked the Dodgers for a contract extension, wanting to ensure that if he is going to endure the lean times, he will be around to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

The request came during one of several meetings the manager had recently with General Manager Paul DePodesta, sources said Tuesday. Tracy has one year left on a two-year deal that would pay him about $750,000 with incentives that could increase the value to about $900,000.

Tracy, who has a five-year record of 426-379 after a 2-0 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks at Dodger Stadium, has an opt-out clause that must be exercised within seven days of Sunday’s finale. Technically he cannot shop for other jobs during that time, and teams interested in him must gain permission from DePodesta before contacting Tracy.

However, intermediaries often are used to convey interest. By the end of the seven-day window, Tracy should have a clear idea of his marketability from the many teams expected to be shopping for a manager.

Bring John Perricone The Head Of Brett Tomko

Posted in Baseball at 12:42 pm

After watching the Giants squander a chance to narrow the gap between themselves and the Padres, Only Baseball Matters’ John Perricone, in a calm, measured tone, pays tribute to SF starter Brett Tomko.

Tomko’s failure, his inability to hold not one, but two separate leads, his failure to get the leadoff batter out in any inning he pitched tonight, his utter and complete fumbling of his one opportunity to wipe clean the slate of a disgusting, dissappointing, deflating and demoralizing 7-15 season from hell, probably dooms his intentions to remain a Giant, and has certainly doomed the Giants of any real shot to make the last week of the season reasonably interesting

He failed. He let himself, his team and the city of San Francisco down. The Padres were reeling, down 3-0 before they could even begin to think about how tough it was to watch Trevor Hoffman blow a save for the first time in 5 months…. And don’t you believe the bullshit the Padres are saying on Sportscenter, about how they knew all along they were the better team, blah, blah,blah. They were on the ropes after Bonds went yard, big-time. They were folding.

All Tomko needed to do was get the leadoff batter in the first, and he had ‘em, 1-2 count, throwing 97 MPH. All he needed to do was shut them down, right then and there, game over, season’s worth of pressure on the Padres. Instead, he couldn’t throw strikes, couldn’t throw anything but BP fastball’s, couldn’t do his job!!

What a disgrace. Blowing 3-0 and 5-3 leads in the most important game of the season, Tomko should be ashamed of himself. If I was his teammate, I’d punch him in the mouth.

Soon To Be Jobless GM Cowers Before Angry Phans

Posted in Baseball at 11:37 am

The Philadelphia Daily News’ Marcus Hayes reports on Phillies GM Ed Wade (who might not be around next year) chastising reliever Billy Wagner (who also might not be around next year) for the latter’s critique of the paying customers (who might not be around tonight).

On Monday, Wade upbraided serial fan critic Billy Wagner for the closer’s latest salvo at the Phillies’ fan base, launched Sunday. Wade has performed the chore often this season as his sensitive players find themselves the object of frustration born of a 12-year playoff drought.

“I’ve talked to players before about – you can’t turn this around,” Wade said. “It has to be about the fans. People have a right to boo.”

Wagner was uncharacteristically surly before and after Monday’s game, refusing to talk beforehand and dismissive afterward. Wade didn’t begrudge Wagner his opinions.

“At the same time, I think it’s human nature, over 162 games, every once in a while, a player will get upset,” Wade reasoned. “But it can’t be about that.”

Wagner acknowledged that Wade spoke with him, but did not comment further on the matter, though he indicated that he believed that Wade, too, gets frustrated with the demanding fan base, but just can’t say anything.

Silence seems wise, what with attendance projected to be down about 600,000 from the inaugural season of Citizens Bank Park and the Phillies again climbing uphill for a wild-card berth. With the face of the team unlikely to change much next season – Wagner can be a free agent, but he would be the biggest loss – now is no time to alienate the people who pay the salaries.

Marlins’ Miggy Flips Wiggy Over Scoldings

Posted in Baseball at 11:21 am

Benched on Monday for a variety of minor transgressions, Florida LF Miguel Cabrera probably said “fuck” (as opposed to “forget”), as quoted by the Palm Beach Post’s Carlos Frias.

“When I was first coming up, you were never late, never said anything. It’s a rule,” said 13-year veteran Jeff Conine. “You show up on time and work hard, nobody will say anything to you.”

Baseball players police their own, and Conine said it is time for a veteran to have a heart-to-heart with Cabrera.

“Something probably should be said at some point by someone,” Conine said. “You hope that’s all it has to be said, is once.”

Cabrera bristled at the prospect of a lecture.

“(Forget) the veterans,” he said, momentarily breaking into English to deliver an expletive. “They haven’t told me anything and they better not come tell me anything, either.

“I don’t want to hear anything else. I want to play baseball, give what I have to give on the field of play, and win. That’s all I want. . . .

“Everyone here is a grown man,” he continued. “Everyone knows what he’s doing. And I’m not going to go crazy worrying about these things.”

Manager Jack McKeon brushed off Cabrera’s comments.

“He’s only saying that because of being benched. He’ll be fine,” McKeon said. “He’ll get over that. He’s a great kid.”

Lowering The Expectations For NY’s Frye

Posted in Basketball at 11:11 am

The New York Post’s Marc Berman and Fred Kerber get an early start on making certain we don’t get our hopes up about the Knicks’ new man in the middle.

Channing Frye, the 6-11 center selected ninth in last June’s draft, did not take Las Vegas or Minneapolis by storm in July. Frye showed promise with free-throw shooting (89.4 percent) and getting his shot off from the low block.

But in 10 games, Frye (above) showed up small on the boards and was plagued by fouls in virtually every contest. With Larry Brown’s first practice six days away in Charleston, S.C., Frye is unsure he’ll merit a permanent spot in Brown’s rotation, even though the club is desperate for a shot-blocking force.

“It didn’t help me confidence-wise, but it showed me what I needed to work on,” Frye said yesterday during a charity appearance at the Ronald McDonald House in Manhattan. “The biggest thing was getting used to rules of the NBA.”

Frye averaged 13.4 points and 5.1 rebounds, but that’s because players can’t foul out in the summer league. Frye averaged 5.2 fouls per game. He admitted his rebounding was subpar, but believes he played good team defense.

“I’m going to make my own history with Coach Brown,” Frye said. “If he feels I’m not ready to contribute, I’ll have to work harder. I’ll go in with a humble attitude.”

Olney Spares You Trouble Of Watching CSPAN

Posted in Baseball at 11:00 am

ESPN.com’s Buster Olney takes a wild guess about what might ensue during this morning’s Senate Commerce Commitee Steroids Hearing.

1. A senator will tell us about how much he or she likes baseball, which apparently is as important in congressional protocol as standing for and singing the national anthem.

2. Bud Selig will nod his head and agree with just about everything a senator is saying, then jab a thumb in the direction of union head Don Fehr, as if to say: You got problems with us? Talk to that guy over there.

3. A senator will tell us about how he or she rooted for (Insert Team Here) as a kid — and then mispronounce the name of said team’s star player.

4. One of the Hall of Famers who will be part of the panel will be the star of the day, with a loud pronouncement about cleaning up steroids. We think it’s going to be Henry Aaron, a friend of Selig.

5. A senator will ask a question that was asked six or seven times before.

6. Selig will say, again, that he really didn’t become attuned to the issue of steroids until the summer of 1998 — a decade after 10 years after Ben Johnson had his gold medal stripped.

7. A senator will make a joke about a current pennant race, probably involving the great states of Illinois and Ohio, or the great states of New York and Massachusetts.

8. Fehr will defend, deflect, parry, dodge, and say about a dozen times that the current testing system is working — while retreating, all the while.

9. A senator will take three minutes to explain how he started collecting baseball cards as a kid, and how he’s still annoyed with his mother, God rest her soul, for throwing out the shoebox.

10. The effort to rid baseball of steroids will move glacially, again.

After watching the torturous start to today’s grandstanding-fest, I can only hope for John McCain’s sake that if he runs for President again that David Stern doesn’t oppose him.

Rhoden : Angelos Is A Threat To Baseball’s Integrity

Posted in Baseball at 10:44 am

Tuesday’s onslaught aside, Tne New York Times’ William Rhoden is kicking a club when it’s down, down, down.

While Commissioner Bud Selig is investigating steroids and vitamin B-12, he should also investigate the Baltimore Orioles – for consumer fraud.

Until last night, when they finally beat the Yankees, the Orioles had been the embarrassment of the stretch drive. While the Mets, the Royals, the Tigers, the Blue Jays and the Devil Rays have done their part to upset the contenders, the Orioles have been the pin cushion of the playoff race, the American League punching bag, a runway for the Red Sox and the Yankees, a trampoline boosting aspirations in Boston and New York.

Before yesterday’s victory, Baltimore had lost 10 consecutive games to the Yankees and the Red Sox, four of them at Camden Yards, the place the Orioles marginally call home.

What’s so bizarre about this is that Baltimore has ceded its ballpark to New York and Boston. Last weekend, Red Sox fans were so prevalent here that it looked as if they had rented out Camden Yards for a private party.

Now Yankees fans attempted to take over Oriole Park.

Baltimore is suffering through its eighth consecutive losing season. Next year, Peter Angelos should consider putting his Orioles on the road full time – the baseball equivalent of the New Orleans Saints – and lease Camden Yards to other Major League Baseball teams.

Don’t the Washington Nationals need a slicker place to play?

A franchise can have a bad season or two or three. But the Orioles have been overcome by a culture of losing.

So how does Angelos regain the glory of a once-proud franchise?

Perhaps he should sell it.

As a result of the Orioles’ lack of effort down the stretch, the Red Sox and the Yankees have a full head of steam heading into a weekend series in Boston that could prove pivotal.

There’s even the possibility of a one-game playoff between the Red Sox and the Yankees. If that happens, Major League Baseball should play the game here, at Camden Yards, where Red Sox and Yankees fans feel comfortable.

Braves Clinch, Prepare For Annual Fall Disappointment

Posted in Baseball at 3:01 am

(recited in my best impersonation of David Pinto) Congratulations to Bobby Cox, Leo Mazzone and the Atlanta Braves on clinching their 14th consecutive NL East title with Tuesday’s 12-3 demolition of the Colorado Rockies.

With the exception of 1996, the Braves have proven in each of those seaons that they are amongst MLB’s 8 best teams, much as their loyal fans have shown Atlanta to be one of the top 3 dozen baseball towns in North America year after year.

Congratulations are also due to Willie Randolph, Rick Peterson and Mrs. Jeff Wilpon. Despite a dismal early September, the New York Mets managed to stave off mathematical elimination from playoff contention until their 157th game of the season.

Monaco Draw A Blanc

Posted in Football at 2:36 am

There’s some furious tidying taking place in the CSTB front lounge in preperation for Wednesday’s Champions League reunion of last year’s semi-finalists, Chelsea and Liverpool. All available peanut shells and crisp wrappers have been arranged in a very neat pile that is less than 30 inches tall — just call me Mrs. Doubtfire (but not to my face, please).

The Guardian’s titter-tastic Fiver rounds up Tuesday’s hot rumors :

A friend of a friend of a friend of Mrs Thierry Henry has unwittingly revealed to The Fiver that the Gooner is a goner. A deal to bring the Frenchman to Barcelona next summer has already been done.

Nuri Sahin last month became the youngest player in Bundesliga history when he turned out for Borussia Dortmund aged 16 years and 335 days. Officials at the German club were today at a loss to explain why it took Chelsea over four weeks to make a multi-million pound offer for the midfielder.

Sir Alex of Ferguson has been entrusted with £10m and told to have another tilt at finding “the new Roy Keane.” He’s got his gimlet eye trained on Saint Etienne’s Didier Zokora, who’s not sure whether to feel flattered or not.

And Laurent Blanc (above), last seen filling in at the Trafford Devildome as a free but inadequate replacement for Jaap Stam (as opposed to the expensive but inadequate Rio Ferdinand), will be named as Monaco manager next Monday.

09.27.05

T.O.’s Headstart

Posted in Gridiron at 5:57 pm

In a sea of interweb mediocrity, leave it to The Onion to remind us that Nick Denton just can’t buy funny. (thanks to Maria for the link).

Converse With Musical Genius – $100

Posted in Natural Disasters at 4:49 pm

If you donate $100 to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina, Brian Wilson will give you a call. He’ll also match your donation.

Not to be outdone, for a mere $19.95, Leon Spinks will call you. No word on whether or not any portion of the $19.95 goes to the Katrina Relief efforts, but let’s not assume the worst.

Jake 2.0 : Wilson Pillories Shitty Pro Site

Posted in Blogged Down, The Mailbag, Will Leitch Sucks at 3:23 pm

Following yesterday’s correspondence, Jake Wilson is still exasperated with Deadspin :

First they’re mocking MLBlogs for allowing obscene French-language postings on the site, going as far as yesterday’s exercise in poor taste to try to make their point about the lack of post moderation on there. Today Deadspin is decrying “the ugly hand of censorship” at MLBlogs after noticing that their favorite French blog is missing some key words. I guess it’s too much to ask for any consistency out of Deadspin.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. The mensas over at Deadpsin don’t appear to have ever heard of the technological breakthrough known as the “profanity filter” and seem to be under the impression that MLBlogs has a staff of people going through posts and editing out inappropriate terms by hand. No wonder they can’t even figure out how to enable comments on their “blog.”

Well, you don’t see any comments at Gawker or Defamer, do you? It’s a one-way conversation, though you are of course, welcome to supply them with tips (though what they really need is internet access at home).

Champions League Straining CSTB Eyeballs, Left Thumb

Posted in Football at 2:14 pm

With the picture-in-picture features of the CSTB HQ incompatible with our satellite system, I’m reduced to the indignity of having to change channels to properly follow the events of Champions League Matchday 2 ;

(ESPN 2) Manchester United 2, Benfica 1

(Setanta US) Ajax 1, Arsenal 2

Unavailable on any US TV set : Thun 1, Sparta F.C. 0

In the slightly less flashy world of the Coca Cola Championship, QPR — joined by new loan acquisition Lloyd Dyer — and Milwall are in the midst of a scoreless draw at the New Den.

Raissman : Piniella To YES?

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 12:45 pm

Citing Lou Piniella’s prior stint as a Yankee broadcaster in 1989 (and his subsequent criticism of Dallas Green), the New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman suggests that current D-Rays skipper might be a likely hire for the YES Network, perhaps as soon as this autumn.

Using history as precedent, it’s obvious that having Piniella on board as a broadcaster would be appealing to Steinbrenner and other Yankee suits who put heat on Joe Torre this season. Unless the Yankees win the World Series the heat will continue. Coming out of this week with a postseason berth will not take any pressure off Torre going into next season.

So, there is one possible answer for anyone who asks (and this question has been asked over and over again), “Would Steinbrenner eat $12.8 million and fire Joe with two years left on his contract?”

With Piniella around, Steinbrenner would not have to. The perception would be that in Piniella, The Boss would have his own shadow manager in the broadcast booth. If Piniella were to work for YES, Steinbrenner would be able to keep him in the wings, ready to return to the dugout if he wanted to make a managerial change.

Steinbrenner would have a watchdog, so to speak. The nature of the job would have Piniella scrutinizing Torre’s every move. And if you don’t think Steinbrenner would be into this, remember, it was The Boss’ lieutenants who fed questions to YES reporters to ask Torre on the postgame show.

There would be no need for that with Piniella on the job. Why pass notes when you have a former Yankee manager, a possible manager in waiting, critiquing the current Bombers manager?

Then again, Piniella might not feel comfortable in that role.

Not to worry, there’s always the new Mets Network.

Labor Party Conference Update

Posted in politics at 12:36 pm

Q: Why was Sham 69’s “If The Kids Are United” chosen as intro music for Tony Blair’s address before the Labor Party Conference in Brighton today?

A: Because no one could find a copy of the Exploited’s “Fuck A Mod” on short notice.

Omar : Cliff’s Our Guy

Posted in Baseball at 12:11 pm

Perhaps unfamiliar with the concept of buying low and selling high, Mets GM Omar Minaya claims that LF Cliff Floyd, CSTB’s choice for Comeback Player Of The Year Who Didn’t Testify Before A Grand Jury, won’t be shopped around this winter. From Newsday’s David Lennon.

It took almost three years, but Cliff Floyd finally has convinced the Mets he can be more than merely a bargaining chip for Sammy Sosa or Manny Ramirez. When the Mets make another push for Ramirez this offseason, which they plan to do, general manager Omar Minaya insists that Floyd’s name will not be part of those discussions.

Or any other trade talks for that matter. “I think that going into next year, Cliff is a very important part of our team,” Minaya said before last night’s rain-delayed game against the Phillies.

“Everybody knew that Cliff had great potential. The key this season is that Cliff has been able to stay healthy and play every day. He’s stepped it up to a level that he’s never done before, and going into ‘06, he’s going to be a big part of our team.” Minaya, like any GM, reserves the right to change his mind, and with six months before Opening Day, he has plenty of time to be tempted. But Floyd has built a pretty strong argument for sticking around, with a career- best 32 home runs and 96 RBIs so far and seven games left to reach the 100-RBI plateau for only the second time in his 12-year career. In his first two seasons, Floyd played a total of 221 games. This year, he has a chance of reaching 150 for the first time since 1998, when Floyd played 153 for the Marlins.

On the flip side, Floyd is heading into the final season of a fouryear, $26-million contract, and has never been more attractive as trade bait. The question Minaya has to ask himself is this: How much better can he do in leftfield? Floyd, hobbled by leg injuries in his first two seasons, has even played superb defense to complement his power numbers. But as far as looking into the future, those are matters out of his control.

I’m all for giving Floyd credit for being the Mets’ 2005 c0-MVP (along with David Wright), but it would be foolish to make too much of Minaya’s statements. The club desperately needs a first baseman, a catcher and a top flight closer next year and it will take more than Steve Trachsel to bring much back in return.

Shockey Risks Coughlin Wrath

Posted in Gridiron at 11:53 am

Would the Giants’ 45-23 drubbing at the hands of San Diego turned out differently had WR Plaxico Burress not been disciplined by Mr. Sunshine? Jeremy Shockey thinks so. From the NY Post’s Dan Martin.

“I understand his point, but it’s really not fair,” Shockey said of Coughlin’s decision to bench Burress early. “It affects the whole team.”

Burress scored a touchdown in the second quarter, his second as a Giant. He finished with five catches for 52 yards.

“What can you do,” Shockey asked. “As players, we play. Coaches coach. But you should have your best players on the field. The whole offense suffered from him not being out there.”

“I was late to a couple of meetings,” Burress said. “He decided to sit me on the bench to prove a point, I guess. I tried to brush it off and keep my head in the game. I don’t think it helped us on that first drive. We couldn’t run a couple of plays.”

Burress, a free-agent signee from the Steelers, said he learned of the move just hours before the game when he was reviewing the playbook in his hotel room.

“Sometimes things just happen,” said Burress, who added that he was tardy by Coughlin’s rule that dictates you need to be five minutes early to meetings.


(had Burress turned up early, he’d have been present for an inspirational screening of Coach Coughlin’s favorite film)

McKeon : Gone Fishing

Posted in Baseball at 11:40 am

Perhaps inspired by the Orioles’ new policy of sending their supertar players home early, Jack McKeon has sent cranky A.J. Burnett packing. The Miami Herald’s Clark Spencer and Barry Jackson report thatthe Florida skipper might not be around much longer, either.

Jack McKeon has decided his future, and most indications are it won’t involve returning as Marlins manager for the 2006 season.

Although McKeon has not yet met with team owner Jeffrey Loria, at least one member of the front office believes McKeon will not return as manager, a league source said.

Already, New York Yankees bench coach Joe Girardi has been mentioned internally as a likely Marlins target to replace McKeon.

McKeon, who guided the Marlins to a World Series title after taking over in May 2003, said he has made up his mind about his future with the club but wanted to wait until the season was over to announce his plans.

”When the proper time comes, I’m going to tell you,” McKeon said.

McKeon’s agreement with the team allows him to remain on the payroll as a consultant next season, assuming he does not return as manager.

The Marlins are one of the several teams expected to pursue Girardi, a former Cubs and Yankees catcher who is considered one of the game’s bright young managerial prospects, according to league sources.

Other candidates who will be available include Lou Piniella (who is leaving Tampa Bay), former Marlins manager Jim Leyland (who wants to return to managing) and ex-Mets skipper Davey Johnson (whose name was linked to the Marlins in a recent report in The Sporting News).

The Most Chilling Four Words A Jets Fan Can Read…

Posted in Gridiron at 11:27 am

….are undoubtedly “Testaverde To The Rescue”.

And that’s only because “Gang Green In Talks With Jeff George” is seven words.

Goldstein Walks

Posted in The Law at 11:21 am

From the New York Post’s Laura Italiano :

Porcine pornmeister Al Goldstein is off the hook for allegedly stealing $54 worth of colitis-related books from a Barnes & Noble last year.
A Manhattan judge yesterday dismissed shoplifting charges against the former Screw magazine publisher after defense lawyer Charles DeStefano said the books were for Goldstein’s sick wife, that Goldstein himself is not well, and that a trial would become a “circus.”

The last time he was on trial — in 2002 for harassing his secretary — the lithium-popping Goldstein came to court in prison stripes, threw a chair at his judge and called zany actor Al “Grandpa” Lewis as a character witness.

Goldstein, 69, suffers from diabetes, sleep apnea and depression, and had turned down a plea deal for 90 days in jail. The down-on-his-luck ex-publisher is currently writing for booble.com.

Let it be noted that I’m already on record as stating Al deserves a permanent Get Out Of Jail card.

Piazza’s Deadly Rampage

Posted in The Law at 11:11 am

The above headline is not misleading anyone.

Dangle’s Dodgers Embrace Safety-Conscious Hobby

Posted in Baseball at 9:20 am

From the LA Times’ Steve Henson.

Besides booking postseason vacations, the Dodgers are spending their abundance of idle time working Sudoku puzzles, grids that must be filled so each row and column contains the digits one through nine.

Outfielder Jose Cruz Jr. started the clubhouse craze, and he makes copies and passes them out to everyone from rookies to veterans to coaches.


(it should be stressed that hardly anyone has broken their wrist playing Sudoku)

Schilling’s Welcome In Boston Clubhouse, Officially Worn Out

Posted in Baseball at 9:10 am

So exactly what is it about Curt Schilling that generates such contempt from his teammates? Having left few friends behind in Philadelphia and Arizona, an unattributed quote has Schilling wondering about his place in Boston writes the Globe’s Bob Hohler.

Less than a year after Schilling risked his career to help the Red Sox capture their first world championship in 86 years, he is plagued by the guilt and despair of failing to fulfill the expectations of his fans and teammates. It also hurts that at least one teammate has suggested that Schilling has unfairly escaped the public wrath that other Sox players have endured for their disappointing performances.

In his bleakest hour, Schilling indicated, he has imagined a better life after baseball. That moment came after a teammate, whom he declined to identify, complained that Schilling should have received more grief than he has from fans for underachieving. Schilling was stung.
”Somebody on this team wants me to get booed to make them feel better, and that really bothers me a lot,” said Schilling, 38, who hopes to pitch two more years. ”Those are the kinds of things that really make me look at this game and understand that when I’m done in the game, I’ll be done with the game.”

Schilling said he suspected the same teammate gave an anonymous quote to the Herald last week in which he aired a similar gripe. Citing the lack of a public backlash against Schilling for his subpar season — the Sox ace is 7-8 with a 5.89 ERA — the player was quoted as saying, ”When he comes into the game, people cheer him like he’s the Pope? You think they’d let Pedro [Martinez] get away with this? Why does he get a free pass?”

Schilling made no secret of his anger at the criticism, even if it came, as he suggested, from ‘’somebody who’s not wired right.”

”As much time as we spend together, you think you know someone,” he said. ”But more times than not you find you really don’t.”

Sizemore’s Appeal Exaggerated

Posted in The World Of Entertainment at 8:54 am

Jim Hoffman kindly refers us to the following item from Female First :

Hollywood actor Tom Sizemore is to release a series of his own home-made sex films.

The ‘Saving Private Ryan’ star, who filed for bankruptcy earlier this year, is bringing out several tapes he made with nine different women, some of which have already been leaked on to the internet, to try and raise cash.

Porn industry sources claim the actor could make millions from the illicit recordings due to the massive current interest in celebrity sex tapes. Sizemore is the latest star to feature in a home-made sex tape.

Who, pray tell, are these “porn industry sources” and why didn’t they just say Tom was in line to earn billions?

Then again, if there’s any footage of Sizemore getting it on while wearing the Pete Rose/Beatle wig, this could be quite the cash cow.


(Tom assures Peter Bogdanovich that the “deleted scenes” from “Hustle” are purely for his own entertainment)

Player Valuations, Re-Examined

Posted in Baseball at 1:32 am

Writes Sam Frank,

You probably saw David Leonhardt’s “Underestimating Fielding Is A Silly Mental Error” in Sunday’s NY Times, , but maybe you didn’t catch the thing they snuck in this last paragraph: The A’s have quietly become the best defensive team in the league. The author guesses that that’s where they’re finding inefficiencies/good deals these days. Also interesting is the conversion presented: making 0.1 more outs per game when you’re a fielder is worth 25 points of batting average. Oh, and Willy Taveras is playing as well in the field as Beltran did last year.

“Looking at entire teams may be even more telling. The Athletics were known a few years ago for finding inexpensive players with a knack for hitting home runs and walking, even if they were defensively challenged.

But with more teams also focusing on on-base percentage these days, Oakland’s front office seems to have decided that defense is now the skill undervalued in the baseball marketplace. This season, A’s fielders have made outs out of 72.4 percent of balls hit in play against them, better than any other team.

Sadly for Oakland, there wasn’t much way of defending against Steve Finley (above) finally getting a big hit for the Angels (other than not throwing him a pitch right down the middle), the ancient CF’s 2 run HR off Joe Blanton in the 4th providing the difference in a 4-3 victory. The A’s now find themselves 5 games back with 6 to play — it would take a collapse of Mauchian proportions for the Angels to blow the AL West.

On the subject of collapses, which would be the more rare occurance ; Trevor Hoffman blowing a save, or Barry Bonds going 0-5? Either way, San Diego’ (77-79) has seen their lead dwindle to 3 games over the Giants, with another 3 games against San Francisco between now and Thursday night.

Though there’s probably no truth to the rumor that the Houston Astros are planning on voting Mike Jacobs (above, right) a partial playoff share, the Eastern League’s Player Of The Year continues to make the most of his call-up, homering off Philly’s Brett Myers and driving in Carlos Beltran on a sacrifice fly in the Mets’ 6-5 comeback win. Gutsiest move of the night goes to Willie Randolph, who rather than allowing Roberto Hernandez to pitch to Bobby Abreu, intentionally walked the Phils’ right-fielder, putting the tying and winning runs on base. Willie instead chose to have Hernandez go after Met-killer Pat Burrell, who’d already brought his career HR total against NY to 30 with a solo shot off Shingo Takatsu in the 7th.

Hernandez induced Burrell to hit a checked swing tapper back to the mound…and suddenly the Mets are tied with the Marlins in the loss column, just a half game out of 3rd place. After an early September drought that effectively killed the Mets’ playoff chances, they’ve won 6 of their last 7 against the same NL East teams chasing the Astros.

09.26.05

Jets Lose Pennington For The Season

Posted in Gridiron at 10:25 pm

Not only did the Jets come out on the short end of yesterday’s Battle Of The Marshall QB’s, New York’s playoff hopes were dealt a potentially fatal blow as the New York Times’ Karen Crouse explains.

The Jets’ worst fears were realized Monday when they learned that Chad Pennington tore the rotator cuff in his right shoulder during Sunday’s 26-20 overtime loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars – the same injury that sidelined him for three games last year – and would be lost for the season.

A person within the N.F.L. said that a magnetic resonance imaging exam taken Monday had revealed the extent of Pennington’s injury. The person spoke on the condition of anonymity because the Jets had not publicly announced the injury.

Even before the extent of Pennington’s injury was disclosed on Monday, Coach Herman Edwards was acting like someone who knew that he had lost his best quarterback. He announced that Brooks Bollinger, the third-string quarterback, would make his first N.F.L. start, at Baltimore on Sunday.

New England will pay a heavy toll after their last second win over Pittsburgh yesterday ; safety Rodney Harrison (above) is done for the season after tearing his left ACL.

Farewell, Agent 86

Posted in The World Of Entertainment at 5:57 pm

Don Adams, best known for his work as bumbling secret agent Maxwell Smart in television’s “Get Smart” (1965-1970) has passed away at the age of 82.

Adams also appeared briefly in the worst syndicated comedy ever to be produced by a company with no ties to Howard Stern, the supermarket howler “Check It Out”.

Eagles Teammates Acknowledge Akers’ Right To Exist

Posted in Gridiron at 4:10 pm

With a handful of exceptions, kickers don’t receive much respect — and if you’ve ever seen Garo Yepremian attempting a forward pass (or making a cameo on “The Odd Couple”), you might know why. But in the aftermath of the Eagles’ narrow win over the penalty-plagued Raiders yesterday, David Ackers’ understudy paid him a huge compliment. Though it would’ve meant more coming from a non-kicker.

From the Philadelphia Daily News’ Sam Donnellon :

He has argued for years that he is an athlete by nature, kicker by trade. And it’s not that he wasn’t believed. It’s just when a guy speaks eye-to-eye to you in a locker room full of stadium-sized football players, in a locker room full of discolored limbs, of braces, of casts and tape – well, it’s like, “Yeah sure.”

“They call him a kicker, but he’s not a kicker,” Mike Bartrum, his kickoff replacement, was saying after Akers winced the Eagles to a 23-20 victory over the Raiders with a 23-yard field goal in the waning seconds of the game. “He’s a football player.”

“A tough guy,” Bartrum also said, a description that echoed throughout a locker room more relieved than celebratory.

The gratitude shown to Akers was in stark contrast to the treatment of Cowboys kicker Jose Cortez, as noted at Cowboys.com.

When Jose Cortez missed his first extra point attempt thanks to Jon Condo’s snap bouncing in to holder Tony Romo, Larry Allen not only got in Cortez’s face, but he yanked off his helmet and shoved the kicker – all causing Fox sideline reporter Tony Siragusa to say something to the effect of, “Either Cortez knew it wasn’t his fault or he’s stupid for not running away from Larry Allen.”

All is well that ends well, but Cortez said he’s never had a teammate come at him like that after a missed kick, although some observers thought Cortez might have said something to Condo for the low snap.

Baseball Bureaucracy With A Heart

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV at 3:46 pm

It’s not quite Lazlo Toth, but Merritt Bettineksi at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer had the gumption to ask a question others were afraid to pose.