Reading Between The Lines With Jane Greig



The Austin American-Statesman's Jane Greig is truly a fountain of information, but given that she writes for an audience substantially larger than CSTB's readership, she has to tone it down a bit. With that in mind, I'm here to help out with the answers she'd probably rather give to questions she'd rather not answer.

Q: Do you know why the Texas Department of Transportation closed the rest area on Interstate 35 in Kyle?

— M.S.M.

A: "Due to the urbanization of the surrounding area, the rest stop was no longer needed," says John Hurt, spokesman for the department. The Kyle rest area was built when the area was rural and "those days are long gone," he says. Check the list and map of the 90 rest stops on Texas highways at www.dot.state.tx.us/mnt/sra/map.htm.





CSTB's Answer : Dear M.S.M., many highway rest areas are used for what is known in the sexually promiscuous community as "glory-holes". From time to time, unsuspecting pre-teens and/or short adults have run the risk of having their eyes poked out by penises protruding through holes in the stall doors, hence the need for authorities to shutter these establishments under the guise of "urbanization".

Q: My friend's teenage daughter is going through a rough patch. She loves Hilary Duff and the songs from Evanescence lead singer Amy Lee. I know that both artists are very busy and have hectic schedules, but I was wondering if you have addresses for them. I just want to see if they could find it in their hearts to write her a small letter of encouragement. This would really lift her spirits.

— Luis W.

A: Celebrities receive an incredible amount of mail and may not respond to everyone. Contact Duff through Curtis Talent Management, 9607 Arby Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210, and Lee in care of Dave Kirby, The Agency, 9348 Civic Center Drive, 2nd Floor, Beverly Hills, CA 90210.





CSTB's Answer : Dear Luis, if that's your real name. I doubt your friend has a teenage daughter. In fact, I doubt you have a friend. One of the reasons handlers of starlets like Ms. Duff and Ms. Lee are loathe to give out their home addresses is because their continued employment is largely dependent on the female entertainers not being chopped into dozens of pieces by creepy obsessives like yourself. The concerned-neighbor schtick is a good one and you deserve points for creativity, but we've passed your details onto the FBI just the same. Were it not for the likes of you, "My Sister Sam" might've run long enough to go into syndication.

Posted: Sun - September 26, 2004 at 01:23 AM      

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