09.08.07

A Salisbury Obsession To Rival That Of His Own Penis…

Posted in Blogged Down, Gridiron, Sports Radio, Sports TV at 5:35 pm by

…or, for that matter, the verbal abuse of John Clayton. There’s a reason why a broadcaster with Sean Salisbury’s impressive football resume would be paid the big bucks to make bold predictions. I have no idea what that reason is, but I’m sure Salisbury could explain it to me with a picture message were it not in violation of his contract with Disney.

“For Sean Salisbury, it doesn™t matter if it™s the heat of summer or Week 15 of the season,” observed Joe Sports Fan’s Josh Bacott and Pat Imig, “He™s going to do all he can as fast as he can to pick the right one.”

You might remember Salisbury™s historic 2006 quest, in which he named 9 different players as his prime candidate to win the MVP, as well as 3 players to win the defensive MVP, an award that doesn™t exist.

Three weeks ago, you might recall Salisbury predicting that Carson Palmer would be the 2008 winner — so long as Chad Johnson has 2,000 yards receiving and Palmer converts between 70 and 75% of his passes, both of which would be either equal or set new NFL records.

The MVP Watch is now in full effect. The only question we have is this: what fuels Sean Salisbury™s obsession with predicting the MVP? Our theories are as follows:

1. He was in the running for capturing team MVP honors his senior year in high school, but lost out when he fumbled during the final play of the state championship game only to recover his own fumble and take off running the wrong direction for a dramatic 50-yard safety. Since then, it™s been his lifelong quest to œcapture MVP honors in some capacity. As a TV talking head, a prediction is the only route possible.

2. He was in the running for capturing team MVP honors for his 9 and Under Pop Warner team, but was disqualified when officials learned that unbeknownst to him, he was really 12 years old.

3. He is part of a complex gambling ring across 15 states where people pony up loads of cash in an attempt to guess the league MVP, and he™s using his post on ESPN to try to throw them off his the trail of who he thinks the real MVP will be.

4. He used to date a girl in high school named Michelle Vanessa Proctor and every time he hears the initials MVP it takes him back to those epic makeout sessions in the bed of his El Camino after practice.

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