(Proof that taking a hammering in Minneapolis isn’t always a bad thing)
A single human hand lacks the basic equipment to point all the fingers necessary at the White Sox for their atrocious failure last night under the Big Top. First off, I know you can’t trade for Griffey and not play him in the biggest game of the year, but one can only hope Junior’s 9th inning meaningless 2-run dinger is not enough to keep him on the card tonight. Hope alone is left because as we have seen, prayer is ineffective.
The next finger goes to AJ Pierzynski, whose .200-in September bat, bases-loaded ground out in the third and following little-league rundown of Delmon Young that allowed Punto and Gomez to advance prompted the following outburst from the embattled backstop: “I fucking suck.” And so in the stony silence that follows all uncomfortable truths, we turn to the outfield.
I recommend checking for iPods under caps, because something has these guys’ attention that shouldn’t. Dye forgot how many outs there were in the 6th. Dewayne Wise threw to third instead of second. Griffey didn’t get to a Kubel fly ball in the 4th that Brian Anderson would have easily handled.
Then there’s Javy being Javy and Ozzie being Ozzie letting Javy be Javy. In the fourth he gave up a triple, double, hit and bunt singles with a pokey parade of stuff down the middle. Waiters at the Drake Hotel get less of the plate (that’s a shout out to my grandfather) than Vazquez (L 12-15, 4IP, 7H 5R 3K) did last night. One thing we have learned: when Vazquez gave up that slam to Johnny Damon in the ’04 ALCS, some in New York mumbled he was preoccupied with travel plans to Puerto Rico. Despite being Yankees fans, these people were not wrong. And Kenny’s got him until 2010 at some ungodly sum I don’t even want to look up. Play the World Series in July and that won’t be a problem I guess.
Going for the pen in the fifth is never how you prefer to go, but when Boone Motherfucking Logan is in the mix, it’s time to consider dragging Bobby Jenks out there instead. Holy mother of cock shit balls, put this waste of rosin back on the short bus already. I know he didn’t give up the only bomb (thank you Clayton Richard) and I know Matt Thornton is a human being that needs rest, and I know Scott Linebrink is a shadow of his former self and I know there’s no bullpen door in the Metrodome and so no opportunity to use a padlock, but Boone Fucking Logan? Somewhere, a meth lab is missing its lookout. Return him from whence he came — please.
And thank you, Carlos Quentin, for your fire, your strength and your impeccable Stanford-educated judgement. You showed that bat, all right. Showed it good. Hope you’re using it for the dry swings.
It’s not over, but it sure looks like it should be. This team, lacking a pissed-off older guy in the far end of the dugout, is playing like a team that lacks a pissed-off older guy in the far end of the dugout. I doubt that whatever hell Ozzie has left to dish out is going to turn any heads. What’s he going to do, go to the media and insinuate…well, never mind.