09.30.08

AL Central Tiebreaker Playoff: Danks Duels Blackburn

Posted in Baseball at 8:18 pm by

Bot 7: Twins 0 Sox 0.  Blackburn has a one-hitter going and Johnny Danks has a two-hitter.   I keep forgetting to breathe. Gentleman Jim Thome up…Sox 1B coach Harold Baines can’t hang with the pressure either, he’s in the hospital with an ulcerated stomach lining.. Thome takes Blackburn’s high sinker mistake DEEP to center! Sox 1 Twins 0…Konerko up…(best wishes, Harold)…Twins pen wakes up…Konerko 2-2..roller 4-3, 1 out…Junior up – DOUBLE off the wall…Brian Anderson pinchrunning, crowd going apeshit…Griffey gunned down Cuddyer at home on a popup to center back in the fifth, Pierzynski still has Cuddyer’s cleatmarks on his melon…the Cuban Missile has been rolled out to the plate…In the Twins dugout, Burl Ives takes one look at Slamirez, puts down his banjo and calls for the intentional walk…2 on 1 out and out comes Blackburn for LHP Jose Mijares…AJ Pierogi is at the bat…Mijeres not looking quite in control, got an east-west problem…2-1…bouncer to first, Anderson and Ramierz advance..Juan Uribe..2-0 dirtball…line drive to Delmon Young to end the inning.  Can one run hold this thing?  Danks is at 93 pitches and the pen’s at 6.12 ERA in September…the answer is…no.

Top 8th:  Danks is on the bump, one pitch, one out…2-2 to Harris…bouncer single to the left, and here’s Punto batting righty…Gardy pinchruns Matt Tolbert…Punto hits into a 6-4-3 TWIN KILLING!

Bot 8th:  OC the OG facing Mijeres..6-3 bouncer…Dewayne Wise squibs to deep short, two out…enter closer 1.34  39/45 Joe Nathan to face Jermaine…I thought he looked rattled in game one of the Minn series, and here, I’d prefer him to projectile-shit…LINE DRIVE to left!…Jim Thome up, desperately trying to figure out how to hit a solo home run with one man on…2-1 fastball..3-1…fly to Gomez, out of the inning.

Bobby.

Kubel in for Cuddyer…Swisher in at first…Bobby’s hitting 98…”2″-2..CURVEBALL K, get back in that dugout Kubel…Span up…BOUNCER TO SWISHER 2 OUT…BRIAN ANDERSON CXATCHES ALEXEI CASILLA’S FLY BALL AND THIS IS HOW YOU CELEBRATE YOU MINNESOTA DOUCHEBAGS! ALL GODDAMN SEASON LONG WITH YOUR BULLSHIT FLARES AND CHOPPING THE BALL OFF A CONCRETE HOME PLATE AND WHAT DID IT GET YOU?  A PLANE TICKET!  TAKE 94 WEST TO 194 AND FOLLOW THE SIGNS TO O’HARE!  GOODBYE!

8 Responses to “AL Central Tiebreaker Playoff: Danks Duels Blackburn”

  1. andrew says:

    Is it still technically “live blogging” if you don’t post anything until the game is almost over?

  2. GC says:

    hey, no one had scored yet. I’m ok with this — but please note the phrase “liveblogging” was not employed in this instance, as per the CSTB style guide.

  3. Pork & Bean Buffet says:

    Yeah, but you’ll still always be a fat-ass polack from Chicago.

    Oh, and I’m sure you knew exactly where you put that Cubs hat in October, 2005, just in cast the Sox lost tonight and you needed it this year.

    You have a small cock (hi kt!).

  4. Pork & Bean Buffet says:

    Sorry. That was out of line. Tough loss.

    Congrats to your White Sox. Good luck against the Rays.

    I can’t stop thinking about kt’s cock.

  5. No matter how many people talk about my cock on the internet, it’s important that the public understands that I’m just a regular guy with limitations like anybody else. For example, I can’t blog and drive at the same time for fuck’s sake, kt.

    Seriously, though, whoa. Sox were out of first place for what, ten days all season? That in itself is amazing. The Yankees, the Jays, the fucking Twins kicked em around late, Contreras’s foot fell off, Crede’s back gave out, and the Sox won the division anyway. Quentin threw away an MVP and a HR title in a fit of pique and the Sox won the division anyway. Linebrink’ missed months, leaving the eighth inning to the likes of Mike MacDougal or Ehren Wasserman and the Sox won the division anyway. Konerko missed what, 20 or more games on top of the pre-break snooze he likes to take and look at what happens: nothing. Kenny puts Junior out there and may as well have planted gardenias around him and the Sox win anyway. Swisher showed only flashes of what he can do, and held on to his job for months beyond any justification and, you know where that leads.

    Pestered loyally by Cliff Lee, Magglio, Grudzielanek, Mauer, Morneau, CC, for a while there, Kenny Rogers, Polanco, Dos Cabreras, Granderson, Sizemore, Choo, Sheff, Blake, Garko, DeJesus, Meche…and still won the Al Central.

    Not what anybody had in mind in April, I know that.

  6. ben schwartz says:

    Of course, you left out the 3-3 chicago series which must be settled this month. You’ve added griffey, if “added” is the word, and we hired iron man harden and mon. Gaudin. until then, of course, go sox.

  7. ben schwartz says:

    Oh, what is anyone from minnesota doing calling anyone from chicago “fat?”. Fattest state in the union honors usually go to the WI-MN border, tipping the scales back and forth. You state took it “land o’ lakes” slogan from a fucking butter company, and don’t give me lake wobegon whining about it. Take pride in your public monuments to snoopy and mary tyler moore and keep thoughts on blogger cock size for deadspin.

    Rob, you have a 2005 cubs hat?

  8. Ben Schwartz: Cock-talk-blocker

    And no, I haven’t worn a Cubs hat since my head was the size of a softball and filled with visions of giants like Rick Monday, Don Kessinger and Steve Swisher dominating the NL East. I was seven in ’74 and for kicks I liked to hold my breath until I passed out, so such visions were commonplace. I even recall one particularly vivid fantasy that year of a Republican leaving the White House in disgrace.

    Buck up, Twins fans. “You’re going to make it after all”. Just not this year.

    And yes, it needs to be said: no matter how many vomit-coated Tri-Delts it puts me in league with, I stand with Mr. Schwartz and am rooting for the Cubs to take the pennant. I’ve done the math and I don’t see any other way to a Subway Series, a Sox victory in seven and subsequent cancellation of baseball.

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