(Stephen King and fellow members of Chowderhead Nation look on in disgust as your editor spends the entire game sending text messages)

Angels 4, Red Sox 3 (last of the 5th)

Yet again, I get to play the “drunk, retarded or really old” game with an overheard conversation during one of my all too infrequent visits to Fenway. You see, according to the budding Dave O’Brien sitting next to me in section 17, Josh Beckett (5 IP, 8 thousand pitches) “is really in labor”.

According to the Elias Koteas Sports Bureau, Jacoby Ellsbury’s 3 run single off Joe Saunders was the first such incident in post season history. No truth to the rumor Larry Lucchino already has the ball in a safe deposit box.

If you’re a Red Sox fan, the evening’s bad news involves a pair of Mike Napoli HR’s off an ineffective (if not knocked up) Beckett. On the bright side, the first of said blasts may have incapcitated a former member of the November Group, spotted busking on Landsdowne Street.

(UPDATE : Angels 5, Red Sox 4, 12 innings.   Lanaheim wins the battle of the bullpens, but not without anxious moments from K-Rod in the 10th, plus a baserunning boner by Torii Hunter. Apparently the Angels’ Gold Glove outfielder didn’t get the memo that Manny is no long patrolling left field at Fenway.   Mike Scioscia was asked before the contest how he’d account for his club being swept in an ALDS 3 times by Boston, and the backstop-turned-skipper replied with a guarantee of a Game 3 victory.  “I wonder what he said last year?” chortled Dave O’Brien on WRKO, ignoring the possibility Scioscia has to contend with rather unhelpful suggestions on routine basis. Hey, do I come over to O’Brien’s workpace and knock the smug satisfaction out of his mouth?

A few years back — prior to a stunning comeback in a Red Sox uniform — I opined that Mike Lowell had the ugliest swing of any major leaguer who wasn’t named Al Leiter.  The banged up Mike Lowell of October ’09 looks far worse — and he’s not inspiring much confidence on his throws to first, either.  Chances of a Kirk Gibson-esque “I can’t move, but look at this act of heroism” moment are pretty slim.  ‘Tis very hard to view Lowell as much else besides an automatic out at this point.)