06.26.06

America’s Crowning Achievement

Posted in Food, Medical Science at 7:23 pm by

As a proud American, I think it is very important — particularly during wartime — to concentrate on the good things about this land of ours. So what if we crashed out of the World Cup? Who cares if the likes of Larry Brown and Buck Martinez can’t lead our national teams to greater heights in sports we actually invented? Big fucking deal if the only things that differentiate our President from a vegetable are the facts that vegetables a) aren’t nearly as duplicitous and b) don’t do nearly as much blow.

Not only is America a land of Burgers A Plenty, but we’re swimming in such a rich river of consumer products, we’ve got burgers made of marshmallows.

You can take Naismith’s peach basket, jazz, the automobile, the Salk vaccine, genome research, etc., and keep every one of ‘em. I’ll take the Mallow Burger. FUCK OFF, Linus Pauling, let us know when you’ve come up with something nearly as astonishing.

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