03.07.13

An Open Letter To Brian Cashman

Posted in Baseball at 11:37 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : from time to time, famed baseball executive / tireless consumer advocate Randy L. brings his unique worldview to CSTB. In the wake of Yankee GM Brian Cashman’s recent injury while skydiving, Randy graciously agreed to address the matter, with his fee being donated to the charity of his choice – GC)

HEADS UP, dweebs, shut-ins and similar losers of the sports blogotopia or whatever you’re calling it these days. Nice to see CSTB finally has as many advertisers as readers — keep up the good work!

When I got the phone call the other day telling me that a dear member of the Yankee family had jumped out of an airplane, I’ll admit my first thought was, “please G-d, let it be Michael Kay”. Upon learning, however, the would-be daredevil was our handsomely compensated General Manager, my mood immediately darkened. Coming on the heels of Brian’s highly publicized marital problems, it would take some doing for him to find a more embarrassing way to make the tabloid front pages, but FUCK ME if he didn’t manage it.

We’ve got enough to worry about as is, what with every player capable of actually selling tickets either coming back from serious injury or managing to disable themselves before the season starts. But if members of the front office follow suit, particularly in such ill-advised fashion, we’ve got no moral authority when it comes to humiliating low-IQ / high body fat relief pitchers who think a fucking trampoline is an acceptable leisure apparatus for an adult male.

So with that in mind, Brian, I’m asking you to exercise better judgement in the future. If you’re still having some kind of mid-life freakout, maybe Waldman would be willing to role-play as that lunatic who tried blackmailing you. If that’s not enough and you’ve still got the itch to take a flying fucking leap from a great height, I think I speak for ownership and the entire Yankee Universe when I ask, nay, beg, that next time YOU TAKE A-ROD WITH YOU.

FML,
Randy L.

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