02.14.07

FredEx- Sultan of the Argonaut Slot?

Posted in Gridiron at 9:51 am by

A sardonically noted item about the wizened, humbled (and long-unemployed) former Iggles WR/2005 Superbowl laughingstock Freddie Mitchell seeking work north of the border
from the Phila Daily News:


By all accounts, measurable and otherwise, Freddie Mitchell was a bust as an Eagle. A first-round bust, let’s not forget.

He played here four seasons, caught 90 balls in 63 games and had a meager five touchdowns. Except for his constant self-promotion, he is remembered for the fourth-and-26 catch he made in the playoffs against the Packers. Oh, wait, he is remembered for his ridiculous act of putting on a championship belt after
making 8-yard receptions. He was the “People’s Champ,” remember?

He was cut after the 2004 season. He had a cup of coffee in the Chiefs’
training camp in 2005. That’s it.

Now, at 28, he is trying to latch on with the Toronto Argonauts. No, the NFL hasn’t expanded into Canada. “I wear my heart on my sleeve,” Mitchell told the Toronto Star. “But the thing about it is I’ve come to realize you can’t boil the ocean. If something’s wrong and if you can’t fix it, you can’t say anything.”

Our translation: His troubles with the Eagles weren’t his fault. Mouthing off about the Patriots’ defense on the eve of the Super Bowl must have been someone else’s fault, too.

The CFL’s Argos say they’re interested in Mitchell, who worked out with quarterback Mike McMahon on Sunday, completing a neat, and sad, circle of Eagles busts

Best wishes to the multi-monikered Mitchell, and if he can’t make the cut with the Argonauts, he can always have his agent give Ron Jaworski a call

02.07.07

Limbaugh- Grossman Guilty Of Being White

Posted in Football, Gridiron, Hate Fuck Radio, Racism Corner at 6:41 pm by

The following is not parody. This is an actual transcript

from Rush Limbaugh’s website:

“and before we go to the break here, folks, I gotta get something off my chest. You know, the game was the game, and the game was what it was, but I can’t handle any more press criticism of Rex Grossman. They’re writing his name “W-r-e-c-k-s,” saying he was the worst quarterback ever to play in the Super Bowl, and it’s been like this since the Green Bay game — actually, since the Arizona game. There was a little crescendo of it in the Green Bay game, the last game of the season for the Bears, and it’s just unrelenting. They’re focusing on this guy like they don’t focus on anybody — and I’ll tell you, I know what it is. The media, the sports media, has got social concerns that they are first and foremost interested in, and they’re dumping on this guy, Rex Grossman, for one reason, folks, and that’s because he is a white quarterback.

02.04.07

Wild Thing’s Car NOT Torched By Bitter Phillies fans

Posted in Automobiles, Baseball, Going To The Zoo at 1:30 pm by

When attending Phillys annual Wing Bowl, it is always advised to be aware of potential hazards (vomiting drunks, hurled projectiles, Hugh Douglas vocal performances, etc). You can also add negligent tailgaters to the heads-up list as the following incident involving the ever-haphazard former Phillies closer/1993 World Series goat Mitch Williams illustrates. From the Philadelphia Inquirer :

Poor Mitch Williams.

A wild thing happened to the former Phillies pitcher in the predawn darkness Friday outside the Wachovia Center before the WIP Wing Bowl.

Waiting on a friend, he pulled his ’06 Chrysler 300 into a parking spot. Soon, “I smelled something kind of burning in my car,” Williams says. “I got out, finally, and saw smoke. I was trying to get the hood open, and I couldn’t get it open, and I looked underneath.”

Someone had left a barbecue grill smoldering in the lot, and it ignited the car’s engine.

As the French might describe it, vehicle flambé.

The car, he says, is a loss. But he did save his golf clubs in the trunk

02.02.07

Fitzpatrick: Philadelphians Are Not The Greatest Fans

Posted in Beer, Food, Going To The Zoo, Mob Behavior at 1:40 pm by

While Philadelphia Inquirer scribe Frank Fitzpatrick is not particularly reknowned as a Mushnick-type scold, this mornings annual WIP610 Wing Bowl appears to have triggered the following salvos fired at Hostile City Phandom in his Morning Bytes column:



Come with me down the rabbit hole to Philadelphia, where, as Alice said, “nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t.”

The “Rocky” statue is art. Slot machines and traffic equal riverfront beautification. And a man (El Wingador) who stuffs fried food into his Tabasco-stained face until he vomits is a restaurateur.


(not El Wingador, but the far more humble Dr. Slob)

Then there are the sports fans.

We believe ourselves to be the epitome of loyal, knowledgeable fans, but in truth are famous for embarrassing ourselves.

Here are three more reasons why Philadelphians are not the world’s greatest fans:

1. The Wing Bowl: If nothing else, this rodeo for the repulsive, this bacchanal for bozos, makes Eagles games appear respectable.

Where else but Philadelphia could organizers fill a major-league arena with drunks and slobs who arrive at dawn to ogle women willing to demean themselves and to watch grotesque adults strive to make themselves puke?

And the more grotesque they are, the more we celebrate them.

El Wingador, one of the event’s ex-champions, has opened a restaurant. That’s like John McEnroe opening an etiquette school. Photos of a drooling El Wingador, his face a Jackson Pollack canvas of condiments and cholesterol, must be quite the appealing appetite aphrodisiac.

2. Donovan McNabb: You’re one of the most talented quarterbacks in football. You’re personable and well-liked in the locker room. You’ve produced perhaps the most successful era in your team’s history.

So, since you play in Philadelphia, what’s your reward?

Constant abuse.

McNabb practically carried the team to three NFC championship games and a Super Bowl. Yet the perpetually whining fans here would have you believe the Eagles would have been better off with Ron Powlus.

Instead of appreciating McNabb’s considerable skills, they prefer to attack his character, his family, his intelligence, his passing ability, his sideline demeanor, his hairstyle, his clothes, his eyewear, his agent, his friends, his postgame comments, his facial expressions and his race.

And if he ever gets enshrined in Canton, they’ll all swear they loved him.

3. The Phillies: To hear Philies fans talk, you’d be convinced the team had lost 100-plus games a season since 1993.

Actually, for five of the last six years, they have contended for a playoff spot. I know, they’ve never won more than 88 games in any of those years. But how many did the world-champion Cardinals win in the 2006 regular season? (83).

All it takes here is one extra-inning loss early in the season and fans start abandoning the bandwagon the way the music-drunk rats fled Bremen.

Those same people complained for years about the Phillies’ lack of talent, then drove one of the franchise’s greats, Bobby Abreu, out of town because they didn’t like his demeanor.

01.11.07

Sheldon Brown, Snitch

Posted in Gridiron at 11:59 am by

from the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Eagles Notes

…Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown had a long conversation with New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey (above) during Sundays game at the Linc. The topic? “He wants to come play here,” Brown said. Thats not likely as he is signed through the 2011 season

from the Newark Star Ledger :

“You’re kidding me, right?” Shockey said through a team spokesman when informed of Browns comments. “There are two teams I love beating: Dallas, because I’m from that part of the country, and Philly, because they have won the NFC East for 5 of the last 6 years. We’re 90 minutes away and we cant stand each other”.

I am a Giant. I want to end my career with the Giants, and I want to win a Superbowl for the Giants. I don’t want to be an Eagle. I want to beat them twice a year, 3 times a year, if need be”.

12.15.06

Fox Sports NFL Rankings: Blowing DC Off The Map

Posted in Gridiron, Sports Journalism at 1:53 pm by


(dejected Redskins fans contemplate yet another lost season)

Aaron Schatz sends out a state of alert about the Capital’s most disappointing team with his withering assessment of the 23rd ranked Redskins in his NFL DVOA Ratings on Fox Sports

It’s no surprise that there’s some unrest among the Redskins fans. They put all their eggs in the Joe Gibbs basket, and the faith was not rewarded. I’m sure Daniel Snyder will try to solve the problem by throwing money at more free agents; it’s one of the NFL’s most predictable rites of spring. Which overrated wide receiver will the Redskins embrace this year? I shudder to think. Look at the makeup of this team, and you’ll realize that the Redskins will always be a minor threat unless they can build some depth. There’s really only one word to describe this franchise right now: fugazi. NEXT: at NO

11.24.06

Sapp : One Cheesesteak Widout (Poison)

Posted in Food, Gridiron at 4:34 pm by

Warren Sapp has always had a particulary contentious relationship with Philadelphia, be it haranguing Igglephans, Jon Runyan poking him in the eye,or as the QBkilla claims, attempted sabotage from Phillys eateries. From the Philadelphia Daily News Wire Services :

Sapp, now an Oakland Raiders defensive tackle, now refuses to eat out on road trips.

“You get your food poisoned,” said Sapp, a Buc from 1995 to 2003. “They don’t want you out there on Sunday. You don’t think about it. It just got crazy.”

He pointed specifically to three incidents: Before the NFC Championship Game in Philadelphia at the end of the 2002 season, which the Bucs won on the way to the Super Bowl title; before a divisional playoff at Green Bay in January 1998; and at New Orleans, where the Bucs played a road game during the 1998 season.

“I know it’s real, especially in Philly, come on,” said Sapp, long an unpopular figure in the NFL for his play and his mouth.

Sapp said that about a month after the Bucs won the Super Bowl, he and a friend traveled from Philadelphia to New York to watch Michael Jordan in his retirement tour. First, they had dinner in Philadelphia, trading plates at the restaurant after their orders came. Then, Sapp said, his friend repeatedly threw up all the way to New York.

I am a bit hard pressed to think that the finer dining establishments in Philly that I would presume Sapp would dine at would just so happen to have something laying around the kitchen that would incapacitate without seriously poisoning a hated rival sports figure if one should just so happened to drop by. However, if say, Jeremy Shockey was to pop out for a quick cheesesteak before retiring back to his hotel room for the evening, he might just get some extra-special Cheez-Whiz on it if there happened to be a bottle of Ex-Lax handy.