Alberto Callaspo Joins Wife Beaters Club

Posted in "Wife Beater" Is Not A Fashion Statement, Baseball at 4:09 am by

He ain’t hittin’ the ball, so …

Utilityman Alberto Callaspo (.215), who’s played everywhere from right field to third base for the Diamondbacks in those horrifically ugly new uniforms, was booked on Thursday on one count of assault.

Turns out (shock) he has a history of domestic violence. From The Arizona Republic:

According to the booking documents, Callaspo had a “previous altercation” with his wife “during which time the victim (Paola) was cut with a knife.”

As for Thursday’s incident …

According to the documents, Callaspo and Paola had an argument Thursday, during which Callaspo broke a video camera and Paola’s cellphone.

Callaspo, 24, told police that Paola, 22, pushed him and he pushed her back, at which point she “started to come at him again,” the document reads. “(Callaspo) pushed her away, and he kicked her in the buttocks area . . . causing a red mark/flesh abrasion,” according to the document.

But leave it to Callaspo’s lawyer to set the record straight:

“Domestic violence cases are very serious,” (Benjamin) Green said. “(But) I don’t see any significant injury. It appears that maybe she started it. . . . The news seems to be picking out things like ‘kicked’ and ‘pushed,’ and they’re not reading the whole thing. I think the public needs to know it’s not that type of a case. There are two people involved. He’s not coming home and beating his wife.”

Right. “Beating” is a little strong. “Cut with a knife,” maybe. But “beating,” no, no. You media types have it all wrong.

Whatever the case, the Diamondbacks put Callaspo on the restricted list (i.e., no dough), the story says, “because of a failure to report for the team’s charter flight to Houston on Thursday.” I guess Callaspo’s one allotted phone call from the clink to his wife’s cellie probably wasn’t going through.

Bob Melvin never had to touch the phone (segue!) as NL Cy Young winner Brandon Webb went the distance in striking out 10 in a 3-1 victory over the Astros.


“Throw Like a Girl”; Save Your Arm

Posted in Baseball at 12:52 am by

Interesting story by Yahoo Sports’ Jeff Passan on former Cy Young winner Mike Marshall, who has a PhD in exercise physiology and claims to have developed a pitching motion that would put an end to pitching-arm injuries. (Mark Prior joke goes here.) His students are devoted, if not a little desperate.

One of Marshall’s students, for lack of a better description, said “we kind of throw like a girl.” 

An accompanying video shows a pitcher performing the motion. The pendulum-like swing of the arm sort of makes sense, if you consider how many days in a row fast-pitch softball pitchers can throw.

Nevertheless, Marshall has been met with resistance from baseball’s sanctimonious inner circle:

As averse as Marshall is to his peers’ theories, he at least respects the science behind them. For baseball executives, who he believes take pride in their ignorance, Marshall saves a special kind of repugnance. 

“I got tired of appeasing the stupid,” Marshall said. “How long does a blonde have to act like a moron before she gets a date? These people (in organized baseball) are idiots. They don’t know a damn thing. The thing is, they’re powerful. They get the kids and can destroy them. And they do.” 

Even Dusty Baker can’t argue.


Marion: Fourth Best Defender, Hands Down

Posted in Basketball at 7:04 pm by

You may remember the Suns’ Shawn Marion — he of the inferiority complex — saying after a win over Dallas that he was “Defensive Player of the Year, hands down.”

Well, not only did the Matrix finish fourth in that category, he didn’t even make All-Defensive team … or second team. But here’s the real burner: Teammate Raja Bell made first team. That’s gotta sting.

Says Marion in The Arizona Republic:

“It’s all right,” Marion said. “I’m just going to keep doing what I do.”

Which means more grousing about being underappreciated. Wouldn’t be surprised for the annual Marion trade rumors to crop up, and possibly even Matrix requesting a deal. Like Joe Johnson before him, Marion wants to be The Man. Would Bryan Colangelo try to reunite with him in Toronto? Or maybe the Grizzlies, if they go after Suns assistant Marc Iavaroni for their head coaching job?


Mark Prior Won’t Make Futures Game, After All

Posted in Baseball at 3:49 am by

Wannabe major league pitcher Mark Prior, who cracked that he’d try to make the Futures All-Star Game after being sent to Triple-A by the Cubs at the end of spring training, was forced to leave an extended spring training start when he felt discomfort in his shoulder, which is kind of like saying the sun rises in the morning.

From the Chicago Tribune:

If Thursday had gone well, Prior likely would have been sent to Iowa to start Tuesday. How this latest setback affects Prior’s status is unknown, but he likely will remain on the minor-league disabled list.

When Prior was sent to Iowa at the end of spring training, he said he felt good physically and was capable of getting out major-league hitters.

The Cubs have given no timetable for his return to the majors.

The drop headline on the story is telling “ even copy editors are tired of this by now: “Once-great Cub will see specialist after more shoulder woes.”


Your Modern Ways Frighten And Confuse Jim Leyland

Posted in Baseball at 11:31 pm by

Tigers smoker/manager Jim Leyland, 62, gives the Associated Press great filler material for its nightly notes package — and a good reason for me to post.

Manager Jim Leyland, who prides himself on being œold-school, says it’s good he does not understand all the up-to-date medical jargon trainers and doctors use.

œI’m all fouled up on the medical state of the game of baseball, if you want to know the truth. I’m lost, the 62-year-old Leyland said. œAnd I don’t want to make stupid comments to offend anybody. I believe people a whole lot smarter than me are doing what they think is best for the players in modern techniques. I marvel sometimes how you went from (treating pitchers’ arms with) hot water to ice. I know they’re right. They’ve studied it a lot more than I have. I’m totally confused on the medical side.

Allow me to help, Jim.

em·phy·se·ma: a condition characterized by air-filled expansions of body tissues; specifically : a condition of the lung marked by abnormal enlargement of the alveoli with loss of pulmonary elasticity that is characterized especially by shortness of breath and may lead to impairment of heart action.


Juan Pierre for NL MVP?

Posted in Baseball at 4:00 pm by

Preseason prediction columns bring out the absurdity in us all, but this? Well … Juan Pierre for MVP; that’s a joke that pretty much writes itself. Joseph A. Reaves of The Arizona Republic is calling his shot, with nary an argument to back it up:

“Vladimir Guerrero wins the AL MVP and Juan Pierre takes NL honors for the Dodgers.”

Juan Pierre will win MVP the day the Cubs send Mark Prior to Triple-A … oh, wait.


Sam Keller Completes First Pass at Nebraska

Posted in Gridiron, The Law at 4:31 am by

Sam Keller (above) “ who won the Arizona State starting quarterback job last fall, then had it taken away from him by a wishy-washy (and now fired) Dirk Koetter, then transferred to Nebraska instead of being insulted at watching Rudy Carpenter fire interception after interception “ was cited for disturbing the peace in a parking-lot incident on campus.

From the Lincoln Journal Star:

According to Capt. Carl Oestmann of UNL police, Keller was allegedly trying to park his car in a public parking stall near Memorial Stadium at approximately 11:30 a.m. when someone else reached the spot ahead of him.

According to the woman who filed the complaint, Keller allegedly got out of his car, yelled profanities and threw a plastic cup at the victim™s car, said Oestmann.

The Huskers must appreciate Sam’s fiery attitude, but you gotta wonder just how sedate things are in Lincoln when a plastic-cup toss constitutes “disturbing the peace.”

Regardless, it’s a Class III misdemeanor, punishable by up to three months in jail and a $500 fine.

Keller will appear in court April 26.


Shawn Marion is Defensive Player of the Year, (Says Shawn Marion)

Posted in Basketball, Free Expression at 2:52 am by

Perhaps overlooked in the fallout of the Suns-Mavericks double-OT tilt will be a gem of a quote from the habitually underappreciated (so says he) Shawn Marion (above, right). After a big win that pulled the Suns within two-and-a-half games of the West lead, the Matrix assures us that there’s no Marion in team.

He was particularly impressed with his defensive effort on Dirk Nowitzki and made sure to tell The Arizona Republic’s Paul Coro:

It was Marion’s defense on Nowitzki that gave Phoenix a chance to rally (“Defensive Player of the Year, hands down,” Marion said) and then take command in the first overtime …

Dirk finished with 30 points on 11-of-28 shooting. In Marion’s, um, defense, Boris Diaw and Raja Bell took turns guarding Nowitzki. But really, we shouldn’t be surprised. We’ve seen Marion campaign for himself before, when just last month he said, “By the time I hang my shoes up, I™m going to be the best small forward ever to play this game “ all-around, anyway.

Leinart will toilet paper Whisenhunt’s house any day now

Posted in Gridiron at 2:39 am by

In lieu of actual sports news in Arizona, let’s check out the housing market. Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt (above, right) and his wife dropped $1.85 million on a 5,500-square foot home in Chandler. It rests beautifully on a man-made lake to give really rich people the illusion of waterfront living. (Nevermind this drought thing going on in the desert.)

The best part of Whis-inator’s new digs “ aside from the 72-bottle wine cooler, which he’ll undoubtedly need “ is that he’s less than a mile from bonus baby QB Matt Leinart’s $2.3 million pad. Maybe Coach can get some leftover scraps from those weekend parties. Because nobody needs to go out like short-time Cardinals assistant Richie Anderson.


There’s a Tim Hardaway Joke In Here Somewhere

Posted in Sports Journalism at 8:04 pm by

Craigslist makes the world go ’round:

Media Out Loud is seeking Freelance Writers for Sports Out Loud, the best gay sports magazine in the world.

Magazine experience not necessary but a plus. Be comfortable covering the gay sporting community; also be capable of interviewing high profile sports figures.

Just one question: Exactly how many gay sports magazines in the world are there?