An(other) Important Message From The Entertainment Arm Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in Austin, Internal Affairs, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 2:39 pm by


Coming July 22 : James Arthur’s Manhunt – Digital Clubbing LP (12XU 083-1)

This album isn’t centuries in the making. It just feels like it. In reality, the first full-length album from James Arthur’s Manhunt since 2010′s ‘Manhunt’ (Aarght!) is a crazed, yet shockingly coherent career highlight for a guy whose excursions into guitar chaos in a variety of guises/cities would’ve incapacitated lesser men. Or women. In fact, I think it has incapacitated lesser men and women, but enough about the audience.

P1570362 copy

(photo by Ángel Delgado Reyes)

For those who don’t know, guitarist/vocalist James Arthur has marked his territory in places as far flung as Brisbane, Memphis and Austin, TX. It’s been in the Texas capitol where he’s taken hard life-lessons-learned from tenures in such legendary outfits as The Necessary Evils, C.C. Riders, New Memphis Legs, The Reatards, A Fest Of Snakes, Fireworks and the Golden Boys…and ignored all of ‘em, instead vomiting into the face of adulthood with a decidedly volatile red-white-and-boo-fucking-hoo take on what some people like to call “space rock”. What would Hawkwind sound like if you owed them money (or they were locked out of the house?). Let’s hope we never find out.

P1530473 copy

(photo by Ángel Delgado Reyes)

All kidding aside, after one LP and a succession of singles for the In The Red, Goodbye Boozy, Perpetrator and Spacecase labels, James was somehow able to RECORD THE UNRECORDABLE. Under the technical supervision of Stuart Sikes (who as an actual Grammy Award (TM) winner really ought to know better), and bolstered by Texas conspirators including Bryan Schmitz (the Golden Boys), Orville Neeley (OBN III’s, Bad Sports) and Sean Morales (Ichi Ni San Shi), ‘Digital Clubbing’ is the Manhunt record that accurately documents the total sickness that is the band’s (better than) average live show, yet improbably brings it all into focus for brief enough flashes that it all hangs together as a very sticky, sweaty classic.

Preorder ‘Digital Clubbing’ at 12XU.bigcartel.com


Bills GM : Sorry For Stating The Obvious

Posted in Gridiron at 4:17 pm by

On a Tuesday appearance on WGR, Buffalo Bills GM Doug Whaley — while discussing the injury history of his team’s Sammy Watkins —- called professional football, “a violent game that I don’t think humans are supposed to play.”  Though the station has since removed the archive of Whaley’s highly publicized statement, the former University Of Pittsburgh defensive back did some fancy tap dancing earlier today, which is bad news for those of us hoping the Bills would field an all-robot starting XI next fall.   From the Buffalo News’ Vic Carucci :

“Clearly I used a poor choice of words in my comment (Tuesday) morning,” he said in a statement released by the team. “As a former player who has the utmost respect and love for the game, the point that I was trying to make is that football is a physical game and injuries are a part of it. Playing football no doubt is very physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging, and that is all part of what makes the game so compelling to play and watch.”

“The game has more protection for players now than ever, thanks largely to the safety advancements and numerous rule changes made by our league and promoted to all levels of football. I believe our game continues to have a bright future and I hope that this statement provides clarity as to the intent of my earlier comment.”


Candidate Bill Lee : In Your Heart, You Know He’s (The) Right (Guy To Get High With)

Posted in Baseball, politics at 5:07 pm by

Former Red Sox/Expos left-hander Bill Lee has announced his candidacy for Governor of Vermont, representing the Liberty Union party,the same group that brought Senator Bernie Sanders to regional prominence once upon a time. From WCAX’s Kyle Midura :

“You get what you pay for, if you want change, you vote for Sanders or me. I’m Bernie-heavy, I’m not Bernie-lite. My ideas were before Bernie,” said Lee. “If you want to see money come down from the 2 percent, we’re going to need umbrellas when I’m elected, because it’s going to be raining dollars,” he said.

“The problem with Americans is their fist is like this (closed), and you got to open your hands. Republicans are pterodactyls, they have little short arms that never get to their front pockets,” said Lee.

He argues for legalization and taxation of pot in Vermont, along with single-payer health care, paid family leave and bringing the Expos back to Montreal.

In 1988 he ran for president under the Canadian Rhinoceros Party which touted positions like bulldozing the Rocky Mountains so that Alberta could receive a few extra minutes of daylight and a ban on deadly guns and butter.

“If things don’t go our way, if we get Trump as president, I’m out of here and I’ll take Vermont with us,” said Lee.


Etan Thomas’ Train Conductor Was Right : The Knicks COULD Use Him

Posted in Basketball, Racism Corner at 4:22 pm by

From Etan Thomas’ Facebook page, Friday, May 20, 2016:

Ok so I’m getting on the train and there are no open seats and I ask this lady if I could sit next to her (very politely and I soften my voice as to not frighten her) and she says someone is sitting here. So I go to the next seat. Now, less than 2 mins later a man (who happens to be white) asks if he can sit there and she says why sure let me move my stuff. So I have to say something so I ask ummmmm did you just not want ME to sit next to you ? Were you scared ? Not comfortable with a Black Man sitting next to you ? And she says lol smh don’t pull the race card stuff with me I dated a Black guy in college. So the guy (who was a nice guy) said listen I’ll get up and I said no need I’mma just take this pic and make a Facebook post about it. So then she says did you just take a pic of me ? Well I’m going to tell the conductor that you’re over here illegally taking pics of ppl without their consent. So the conductor came up and said hey Etan Thomas love what you’re doing in the community loved you with the Wizards big Cuse fan man the Knicks sure could use you …. And I said was there something you wanted to tell my man ? And she rolled her eyes smh some ppl I tell ya

Owner With A Boner : I’ll Be Veep For Anyone…

Posted in Basketball, politics at 4:08 pm by

….except possibly Lyndon LaRouche. Proving for once and all that every eligible voter in San Antonio is not enough to tip the balance of Texas’ electoral votes, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban suggests he’s a viable choice for a running mate for either likely nominee. And compared to Donald Sterling, sure, why not? From the Dallas Morning News’ SportsDay DFW :

Cuban said on NBC’s “Meet the Press” Sunday he would “absolutely” consider being Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump’s running mate. He added, however, Clinton would have to “go more to center” before he committed to serving as her VP.

“I like the fact that Senator Clinton has thought-out proposals,” Cuban said. “That’s a good thing because at least we get to see exactly where she stands.”

But if neither Clinton or Trump approach Cuban about running with them, the billionaire said he may just run for president himself in 2020 or 2024.


Saturday’s Anthem At Petco : Live Or Memorex? (HINT : It Wasn’t Live)

Posted in Baseball at 7:00 pm by

Saturday’s Dodgers/Padres tilt in San Diego got off to a rather confusing start, as a 100-man chorus invited by the host ballclub was drowned out by a prerecorded tape of a woman singing “The Star Spangled Banner”. From the San Diego Union-Tribune’s Kirk Kenney and Deborah Sullivan Brennan :

The anthem is not always performed live, and this was an instance where a taped version was to be played with the performers on the field. Saturday was scheduled as a “Pride Night” game, aimed at engaging lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender baseball fans. Members of the chorus said they were shocked and embarrassed by the incident, and want to find out how it happened.

“I really want to believe that it was an error,” said Bob Lehman, executive director of the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus. “But the first thought was, did they do this on purpose?”

Padres officials would not comment on the record about the incident, although a team official said it was a mistake with no malicious intent. The official added that the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus has performed the anthem at Petco on several other occasions without incident.

As the Chorus exited the field some spectators murmured encouragement or apologies for the mistake, but others jeered insults, and shouted “You sing like a girl,” Lehman said. Experiencing such a blunder at Pride Night was discouraging, singers said. The fact that team officials didn’t correct it immediately made matters worse, they added.

“I can understand how that happens, but what I didn’t understand why they didn’t stop the track or apologize,” artistic director RC Haus said.


Finally, The Hitler’s Rant Portion Of “Downfall” Is Used For Something With Universal Appeal

Posted in Genocidal Tendencies, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 8:08 pm by

This will give you an idea why the Führer (of Toledo) is so aggrieved :

The Less Than Triumphant Return Of (Oakland) Coliseum Sewage

Posted in Baseball, Sad Toilets at 5:34 pm by

Prior to the Yankees’ 5-1 defeat of the A’s this afternoon, the toilets in the visitors’ clubhouse at Oakland Coliseum overflowed. Again. From the NY Daily News’ Mark Feisand :

Joe Girardi said the water first began to appear in the dugout during Friday night’s game, though he was unsure about the source of the leak.

“We had some leakage yesterday,” Girardi said. “I just think there was water leaking from one of the pipes.”

In June 2013, raw sewage flooded the home dugout, then seeped into the coaches’ bathroom in the clubhouse later that season. The coaches’ room was hit again by the same issue the following year.



Posted in Internal Affairs, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 8:11 pm by

Coming late summer : Stickmen With Ray Guns – 'Property Of Jesus Christ' (12XU 079-1) and '1000 Lives To Die' (12XU 080-1). Live recordings from shows in Houston (1984) and Dallas (1987) respectively.

A video posted by @12xurecs on


Flushing Faithful Show Patience, Understand With Matt Harvey’s Struggles

Posted in Baseball at 8:44 pm by

Well, I’m sure some of ‘em are patient and understanding. Perhaps those that weren’t watching tonight’s debacle against the Nationals. Or noting Harvey’s drop in velocity and inability to do much besides throw batting practice past the 5th inning this season.


NY Post : A Mets Icon Representing Himself In Court Has A Fool For A Client

Posted in Baseball, Parental Responsibility, The Law at 5:33 pm by

Simply because Mets starter / universal folk hero Bartolo Colon has demonstrated he can hit a home run in MLB competition, does not necessarily mean he oughta to be representing himself in a court of law. According to the New York Post’s Julia March, Colon is facing legal action from a woman who claims she’s raising two of the hurler’s “love children” (Marsh’s words, not mine), while married to his wife of more than two decades, Roseanne.

Colon — who has earned more than $100 million in his career — sired the children with Alexandra Santos, 38, while he was also playing the dutiful family man with wife Rosanna and their four sons.

The MLB star has never publicly acknowledged the 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son he had with Santos, who filed suit a year ago demanding child support.

“Mr. Colon obviously is a very talented baseball player and he earns a significant income, and we believe that his children should share in the lifestyle they would have enjoyed had their parents remained together,” Santos’ attorney Evan Schein told The Post.

Colon — who earned the ironic nickname “Big Sexy” because of his pudgy, 5-foot-11, 285-pound frame — was in Manhattan court Monday facing Santos in their child-support battle, which was listed in official papers as “Anonymous v. Anonymous.” It was Colon’s own fault that his cover was blown. Because he briefly represented himself in the custody dispute, his name was listed as an attorney in the case, sabotaging the “anonymous” shield the former couple had been granted by a judge.


There Is No Sum Of Money* That Can Get Me To Part With My (Second) Copy Of The Wild Dogs’ Snuff Rock Sleeve

Posted in non-sporting journalism, record collector disease at 10:24 pm by

(* – less than $30.00 USD)

There’s a classic call to the (pre independence) Best Show in which Andy Earles purports to be a booking agent of some repute trying to sell Tom on a succession of thoroughly brutal package tours (ie. “how much would you pay to see The Darling Buds and The Ocean Blue?”).

I kinda feel like Tim Jonze’s Guardian piece on what to cherry pick from what sounds like a thoroughly brutal CD collection is an unintended sequel to that phone call.

“Not many people had been personally sent an album from prison by Jonathan King with a note explaining that he was innocent of sex crimes against children – should I keep that?”

What, you’re too cheap to get it framed?

I don’t mean to pick on Tim Jonze – who I do not know and is probably an alright guy (his Beatles/Cribs joke was pretty good, actually). But not once in my life have I ever asked myself if it was necessary to own multiple copies of this LP because OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS.

Chronicle Editor : Brian T. Smith Screwed Carlos Gomez

Posted in Baseball, Racism Corner, Sports Journalism at 10:12 pm by

The matter of Houston Chronicle baseball scribe Brian T. Smith’s attempts to portray OF Carlos Gomez as especially inarticulate were noted in this space last week, and on Friday, Smith’s boss, Chronicle editor Nancy Barnes issued a mea culpa to Journal-ism’s Richard Prince :

“With regards to quoting Carlos Gomez: We sincerely apologize for any offense that was taken. Our writers are encouraged to adhere to AP style rules, which are quoted below. I reviewed the rules myself after this arose and found the guidelines on quotes to be less than adequate for a community like ours, full of immigrants from all over the world, and for whom English is often a second language. I’ve asked some top editors to review this policy, research best practices, and recommend guidance for all of our writers in the future. We always want to be respectful of those we are interviewing.”


Joey Votto Hates Children, Philly Fans & Social Media…

Posted in Baseball at 10:30 pm by

….not necessarily in that order. High marks to the Reds first baseman who clearly believes a polyester New Era cap provides sufficient protection from a 9-volt battery thrown from a great height.

Or maybe he’s just confident that with the death of the Flavoradio (SOME 8 BILLION YEARS AGO), hardly anyone at the ballpark has a 9-volt battery handy.

Roughned Odor Just Raised The Bar On Baseball Fights…

Posted in Baseball at 5:58 pm by

…with all due respect to Juan Marichal.


Tomorrow Night At The North Door

Posted in Austin, jazz, record collector disease at 10:35 pm by

Pedro Moreno’s Epistrophy Arts has brought Peter Brötzmann to Austin at least 6 times in the last 8 years, which is pretty staggering. I write this not to suggest tomorrow night’s performance by Brötzmann, Jason Adasiewicz, John Edwards and Steve Noble is something we”ll be able to catch again anytime soon (chances are, we won’t) but rather that we’re impossibly lucky this ever happens within driving distance.

A photo posted by Dan Grzeca (jet-sah) (@jetsah) on

Ackert : Reyes Got Off Easy

Posted in "Wife Beater" Is Not A Fashion Statement, Baseball at 7:31 pm by

Former Mets SS Jose Reyes was hit with a 51 game suspension earlier this week by MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred for his part in an incident with his wife, Katheryn, for which he’s not been criminally charged. In the view of the New York Daily News’ Kristie Ackert, the punishment isn’t nearly severe enough, reminding us, “let’s be honest, the 52 games for Reyes and 29 games for (Adrolis) Chapman are less than they would have received had they tested positive for an anabolic steroid or were caught buying HGH.”

The details of these incidents are frightening. According to reports, Chapman’s girlfriend told the police that he pushed and choked her. Chapman said there was an argument, but that he was pushed down by his girlfriend’s brother. He said he eventually got a handgun and fired eight shots into a wall and window while locked in his garage. The authorities in Florida declined to file charges, saying conflicting accounts and insufficient evidence made a conviction unlikely.

Mets closer Jenrry Mejia was hit with an 80-game suspension last season for testing positive for an anabolic steroid. Threatening or committing violence deserves at least that.


Gawker Media : Firmly Committed To Exposing Racist Elements In Blogging (Provided They Don’t Work For Gawker Media)

Posted in Blogged Down, non-sporting journalism, Racism Corner at 5:24 pm by

American History XL : a reformed nazi skin’s new career as a food blogger is jeopardized when past discog.com purchases are made public. Starring Shia LaBeouf.

OK, that’s not happening. But under the headline, “Eater.com Editor Placed On Leave After Apologizing for Racist Punk Past”, Gawker’s J.K. Trotter dug into the musical history of Eater’s Nick Solares, aka English Nick of ’80′s NYHC Y.D.L. aka Youth Defense League. Shortly prior to said post, Solares had issued an apology and disavowal of his racist past (“I was a British kid who wound up falling in with a group of white-pride American nationalists, and while I was part of this group I believed the hateful things that they believed, and helped spread the message. I was the lead singer of a popular hardcore band and fed off — and indeed contributed to — the darker impulses of the scene,”), but not everybody’s inclined to forgive or forget, in particular, Grub Street’s Eddie Huang :

Eater is not all-powerful by any means, but the Solares story raises the question: Who is forming the identity of this industry? The people living in this city? The people cooking the food? The people serving us? Or the former skinhead assigning restaurant reviews? Helen Rosner, the site’s executive editor, compared it to shoplifting at the age of 23. There seems to be an unwillingness to examine potential bias or a willful misunderstanding of bias in his position and how it works.”

For those keeping score, Gawker’s zeal in recirculating Solares’ story is in very stark contrast to the online media company’s radio silence concerning the below photo of former Deadspin editor Will Leitch :

The photo in question has appeared on this site no fewer than 8 times since 2008, appearing for the first time several months before Leitch’s departure from Gawker Media. Leitch, whose tenure at Gawker went an awfully long way towards establishing Nick Denton’s commercial viability, faced zero questions about the photograph in questions, and nobody in the Nü Media landscape held his publisher to nearly the sort of scrutiny Eater’s parent company, Vox Media is experiencing today.

None of which is to say that Solares oughta be given a lifetime pass for hateful sentiments (or shitty music). But I don’t think Solares’ ascent in the world of food blogging (yes, I am typing those words with a straight face) is any more or less a commentary on institutionalized racism than Will Leitch’s teflon-face.

(ADDENDUM : kind of amazing timing from another Gawker property today).


Guardian Scribe To MLS : Build A Wall To Keep Out John Terry

Posted in Football at 11:00 pm by

OK, that’s not exactly what the Guardian’s Graham Ruthven had to say about former Chelsea captain, the 35 year old thought to be eyeing a retirement tour with whatever attention-starved Major League Soccer side (over)pays for him. Writes Ruthven, “he is a harasser of referees, an alleged destabiliser of managers who are not Mourinho, and, increasingly, a red card waiting to happen: he’s been sent of twice this year. That’s just his sporting flaws.”

Off the pitch is where Terry really blots the scouting report of any MLS team taking a look at him. In 2012, he was alleged to have racially abused QPR’s Anton Ferdinand during a Premier League fixture. A criminal case found Terry not guilty of racial abuse, but the FA thought different, handing him a four-match ban and a £220,000 fine after an independent inquiry, and eventually stripping him of the England captaincy. Factor in the occasional parking in handicapped spaces and the drunken mocking of American tourists in the aftermath of 9/11, and it becomes clear that Terry’s reputation is that of soccer’s ultimate pantomime villain.

It was difficult to feel sympathy for Terry, even during his greatest footballing indignity – when he missed a crucial penalty kick in the 2008 Champions League final – given the melodramatic way in which he adjusted his captain’s armband before taking the shot. If MLS is in the business of attracting fans, making public figures of their biggest names and best players, Terry is not the sort of player whose face would work well on a billboard. He’s hardly the most natural guest to appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Perhaps not, but he’s a perfect fit for “The Steve Wilkos Show”.


McDonald’s Looks Derek Erdman’s Gift Grimace-Reboot In The Mouth

Posted in Food, Modern Art at 7:19 pm by

Looks like McDonald's isn't interested in my suggestion to reintroduce Evil Grimace as a McDonaldland character. WELL SCREW YOU, MCDONALDS!

A photo posted by Derek Erdman (@derekerdman) on

Not since noted nutritionist Goose Gossage has a determined, if slightly quixotic figure thrown down such a challenge to America’s #1 fast food emporium.


A Unfortunate Reminder That Chris Russo Is Still Paid To Discuss Sports

Posted in Baseball, Sports Radio, Sports TV at 9:06 pm by

As you’re certainly aware, on Saturday night, Mets starter Bartolo Colon, 42, became the oldest player in MLB history to hit his first career HR, lining a pitch from the Padres’ James Shields over the left field fence at Petco Park. Colon, whose adventures in the batters box have been the subject of national mockery for some time now, was hailed far and wide for this most unlikely of blasts, but it seems the MLB Network’s Christopher Russo was less than impressed :

“No one cares?”, Dog? Would the internet have been broken in half had this preposterous HR not been hit? Would highlights shows that possess 5000X the viewership of Russo’s “High Heat” segment have replayed the historic achievement were this merely a matter of fascination to Mets fans?

It’s all too familiar for Russo to dismiss an event in the sports world with the claim it’s not big time enough to warrant discussion or even cheers. The irony of course being that Russo’s satellite radio program — redefining phoned-in on a daily basis — is heard by a fraction of the audience he used to annoy while working alongside WFAN’s Mike Francesa. A broadcaster who rewards Sirius / XM subscribers and shareholders by talking about his kids’ pee-wee hoops excursions considers Bartolo Colon’s first (and possibly only) big league HR something less than newsworthy.

Flimsiest Excuse Ever To Post A Spike In Vein Song

Posted in Football, Mob Behavior, record collector disease at 3:28 pm by

Kickoff for tonight’s West Ham vs. Manchester United match — the final game to take place at the former’s Upton Park — was delayed an hour after the visitor’s bus was pelted with rocks and garbage by Hammers supporters. Provided no one was hurt, I’ll call it collateral damage :


Fox Sport Radio’s Mike North : Crossing The (Jessica Mendoza) Line

Posted in Baseball, Sports Radio at 7:50 pm by

Mike North once referred to the Cubs’ South Korean pitcher Jae Kuk Ryu as “a Chinaman“. Perhaps hoping to make a return to national headlines with a bit of Dino Costa-eque trollerly, North used the occasion of Monday’s “Fox Sports Daybreak” to take a shot or several at ESPN baseball analyst / Curt Schilling replacement Jessica Mendoza. Since Fox has deleted this portion of the broadcast from their archives (yet curiously, leaving an excerpt in which North suggests Joe Paterno continues to receive a raw deal), you’ll have to rely upon Baseball Think Factory’s transcription :

“I’ve got to tell you something folks. You know, I’ve been called every name in the book doing this job since the early 90s. Good names, bad names, and everything in between. I’ve been called everything from a pillar in the community to a guy who’s the best who did it in Chicago’s history to a racist and a sexist. I’m going to just tell you right now what everybody else doesn’t want to say, except maybe the regular fan who you see on social media: Jessica Mendoza is the worst baseball announcer who has ever announced the game of baseball. Now, if you want to call me a sexist, go ahead. But I’m an observer, and I’ve been observing and listening to baseball announcers for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. And I’ll tell you right now I don’t care if you’re Cassidy Hubbarth, I love Cassidy, Christine Brennan, Michelle Beadle, these are all people I respect, Ann Meyers, Cheryl Miller. You want me to go on? Pam Oliver. Because apparently I have to tell everybody nowadays – because of the PC crowd – the females I like before I can criticize one. If Jessica Mendoza continues on I believe someday they’re going to have to replace her, unless the rating are okay, but I don’t care. What I do now is I shut the sound down to watch that game; she’s just not a good announcer. If she was a man, she’d be (fired like) Tony Kornheiser or Dennis Miller. OK? And that’s the God honest truth about it. Period. End of Story. I listened for an inning last night, and I had to shut it off.”

Wow. Worst baseball announcer ever. You hear that, Fran Healy? You’re finally off the hook.


Farewell To The One & Only John Stabb

Posted in record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 9:56 am by

Government Issue vocalist John Stabb passed away yesterday at the age of 54 as a result of stomach cancer. There’s no exaggeration in saying John was one of the most talented and entertaining microphone-wielders of his era. He’s every bit as memorable (if not more so) simply for being a terrific guy. Walking-talking-funny-pants-wearing embodiment of everything a musician, music fan and friend oughta be.

Much will be written about G.I.’s role in the growth of the DC hardcore scene and U.S. punk in general, but genre qualifications be damned. For those lucky enough to have seen them repeatedly, Government Issue were one of the planet’s best bands, period. Their 3 studio albums on Fountain Of Youth are fantastic ; the pair of semi-crossover-y albums for the short-lived Giant label are nearly as awesome. There’s odds & sods bits on Mystic and Lost & Found that are either essential or skippable depending on your POV. But the live shows were killer thru myriad lineups…and John + guitarist Tom Lyle oughta be considerate one of the great partnerships of any era.

On or offstage, my memories of John are that he carried himself with the sort of dignity and humor that’s often in short supply, especially in mob scenes (and that’s not limited to hardcore shows). My thoughts this morning are with his friends, family and bandmates.


CSTB’s Greatest (Horses)hits Pt. IX – Mr. Ed Vs. Salon

Posted in General at 9:52 pm by

From December 23, 2009 : Guest Editorial : Salon Is A Hotbed Of Anti-Equine Sentiment

(Editor’s Note : Melissa Bryan graciously forwarded a link to a Salon column by Kate Harding entitled, “Can Women Rock Sports? AP Says ‘Neigh’”. Cruelly denied equal time by Salon, occasional CSTB scribe / scourge of Leo Durocher’s existence, Mr. Ed responds -GC ).

Hey, everybody. It’s been a while since your jerkface editor — a man so disliked, even TMZ thinks he’s unfit to sift thru Tom Brady’s garbage cans — saw fit to give me access to his 3 dozen readers. And I wish he wouldn’t bother! While the rest of you losers are cyberstalking Michelle Beadle and preparing for another Christmas ALONE, I’m getting more action than Eldrick Woods (and I’m paying a lot less for the privilege).

But I digress. Salon’s Kate Harding threw a media pundit shit-fit over the AP’s 2009 Female Athlete Of The Year poll, one in which Breeders Cup winner Zenyatta finished a distant second to Serena Williams, and Belmont Stakes victor Rachel Alexandra came in 7th behind UConn hoops standout Maya Moore. And to be totally truthful, I was disappointed in the AP’s results, too. No love for soccer thug Liz Lambert? Zero recognition for South African track and field pioneer Caster Semenya? Clearly, these AP voters care even less about women’s sports than this blog’s publisher.

However, that’s not the source of Harding’s gripe. “I can’t help noticing,” she wrote “that Zenyatta and Alexandra are not human, which — call me speciesist — is something I usually expect from an ‘athletes of the year’ list. Perhaps if the AP folks had given the subject a bit more thought, they might instead have chosen to honor, say, Rosemary Homeister, who in 2009 became the second most successful female jockey of all time. Or, you know, any other two women in sports, leaving Zenyatta and Rachel to duke it out for Horse of the Year. Something more like that?”

I’m sorry, but did we learn absolutely nothing this year from “District 9″? Much the way great sportspersons/pioneers such as Semenya, Renee Richards and John Kruk have forced the world to reconsider outdated gender roles, maybe the AP ought to be applauded for looking past something as ultimately trivial in 2009 as species? Certainly Harding has a point when complaining none of the male athletes on their 2009 list had to share the top ten with horses, but that list is a farce, too! Some jumpsuit-wearing d-bag driving around in a circle is a better athlete than than this glorious competitor? I (fucking) think not.

There’s some precedent for the AP’s ranking horses alongside humans. Secretariat only finished 6th amongst male athletes in 1973, despite winning the Triple Crown. Naturally, the human-biased sports media sided with such flash in the pans as Hank Aaron, Bill Walton and some nobody named O.J. Simpson. Apathy towards female athletics is regrettable, sure. Maybe even inexcusable if you fancy yourself a halfway intelligent sports fan. But must Harding diminish the achievements of my stall sisters just to advance her own horse-hating agenda?