Vikes Fans Saddled With Peterson Jerseys : They’d Rather Fight Than Switch (But At Least One Would Like To Carry A Switch, Too)

Posted in Fashion, Gridiron, Leave No Child Unbeaten at 5:18 pm by

As seen prior to New England’s 30-7 defeat of Minnesota. Cavalier attitudes about child endangerment aside, who knew we’d have multiple Zubaz sightings in one weekend?


Hawks CEO To ATL : Sorry You Found Out What We’re Really Like

Posted in Basketball, Racism Corner, The Marketplace at 11:54 pm by

There’s no truth, by the way, to the rumor Jon Koncak has offered to serve as Chief Diversity Officer for not one penny more than his average annual salary from ’89-’95.

Inspire Pro’s Chris Trew.biz Shows NWA Revolution The High Hat

Posted in Professional Wrestling at 11:37 pm by

On October 5, not only is Austin’s Inspire Pro Wrestling hosting a promotion vs. promotion card featuring the high flying CHIKARA PRO, but as you’ll see from the clip above, the former’s Chris Trew.biz has issued a challenge of sorts to NWA Revolution.  Tickets for Battlewars at the beautiful/parking-plentiful Marchesa Hall & Theatre are available here.

Purely Focusing Of Football, Carl Brutananadilewski Neglects To Editorialize RE : Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, Adrian Peterson, Ray McDonald

Posted in Gridiron at 4:48 pm by

Not since the heyday of Wayne Root has one man (in this case, America’s foremost champion of the Zubaz revival) provided such uncanny betting advice.


The NFL’s Shitty Week Is Not Quite Over : Vikes’ Peterson Indicted For Child Abuse

Posted in Gridiron, Leave No Child Unbeaten, The Law at 5:22 pm by

Minneapolis’ WCCO.com reports that Minnesota RB Adrian Peterson has been indicted by a North Montgomery County, TX grand jury on charges of reckless or negligent injury to a child. AP’s status for Sunday versus New England has yet to be clarified, but you have to assume give the events of the past several weeks, the NFL must be aware this has the appearance of a very high profile case of domestic violence.

Sports Radio 610 in Houston obtained a draft of the police report which says Peterson admitted that he did, in his words, “whoop” one of his children last May while the boy was visiting him in Houston.

When the 4-year-old boy returned to Minnesota, his mother took him to a doctor. The police report said the boy told the doctor Peterson had hit him with a branch from a tree.

The doctor told investigators that the boy had a number of lacerations on his thighs, along with bruise-like marks on his lower back and buttocks and cuts on his hand.

The police report says the doctor described some of the marks as open wounds and termed it “child abuse.” Another examiner agreed, calling the cuts “extensive.”

When investigators questioned Peterson, they say he told them he regarded it as a normal spanking and not excessive.


More details from Houston’s Sports 610 :

The beating allegedly resulted in numerous injuries to the child, including cuts and bruises to the child’s back, buttocks, ankles, legs and scrotum, along with defensive wounds to the child’s hands. Peterson then texted the boy’s mother, saying that one wound in particular would make her “mad at me about his leg. I got kinda good wit the tail end of the switch.”

Peterson also allegedly said via text message to the child’s mother that he “felt bad after the fact when I notice the switch was wrapping around hitting I (sic) thigh” and also acknowledged the injury to the child’s scrotum in a text message, saying, “Got him in nuts once I noticed. But I felt so bad, n I’m all tearing that butt up when needed! I start putting them in timeout. N save the whooping for needed memories!”

In further text messages, Peterson allegedly said, “Never do I go overboard! But all my kids will know, hey daddy has the biggie heart but don’t play no games when it comes to acting right.

Let No One Doubt He Got The Gig On Merit : D’ohlan Graciously Allows The Eagles To Play After Him

Posted in Basketball, New York, New York, Rock Und Roll at 1:48 pm by

The New York Post’s Tara Palmeri reports that Cablevision/MSG CEO James Dolan’s oft-ridiculed generic “blues”/rock combo, JD & The Straight Shot, will support the Eagles at the World’s Most Dysfunctional Arena this Saturday night.  Dolan, who has previously opened for the Eagles at Met Life Stadium and made thoroughly unwelcome appearances at the Bonnaroo and Austin City Limits Festivals (ATP has remained elusive, however), generally won’t discuss his handling of the New York Knicks with local media, but happily told Palmeri, “the artist in me needs to be free”.

“I’m entitled to my opinion,” he said. “I am not the chairman, CEO, etc., standing up there on that stage. I am the singer-songwriter.”

Dolan seems to have made himself the Springsteen for the 1 percent — a Boss who complains about taxes and lambastes politicians who have crossed him personally, such as ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer.

His ballad “Fall from Grace” is based on the disgraced love gov, with lyrics such as: “See the shame on your face/Look at what you’ve become/And smiling at your fall from grace.”

The lyrical diss was inspired by a nasty fight the two had over relocating the Garden in 2008.

“He [Spitzer] threatened me at the meeting,” Dolan said. “We were figuring we were going to have a big fight, and on Monday he started not being the governor anymore.”

In another ditty, “Governor’s Song,” Dolan takes a pot shot at Mayor de Blasio for not caring about the “1 percent.”

“If you dare to call the mayor, taxes got your goat, well he don’t care,” he warbles. “Cause you’re a millionaire, and he didn’t get your vote.”

(BONUS : Dolan and The Straight Shot’s meditative take on the shooting of Trayvon Martin)


AA’s Sprague On The Repellent Captain Caveman

Posted in Blogged Down, Sports Journalism at 10:04 pm by

I haven’t thought much about proto-bro Matt Ufford since he was trying to justify to TV reporters why it was necessary to run photos of a teenage pole-vaulter. At the time, the best retort one of Ufford’s cronies could come up with was something along the lines of, “at least he didn’t aid & abet GG Allin”, and yes, that’s very true. Few will ever accuse Ufford of being a patron of the fine arts.

On Thursday, Awful Announcing’s Sarah Sprague sought to compare and contrast the amount of journalistic range afforded women in the sports media trade (ie. not much) with the freewheelin’ Ufford’s widely lauded, “PEOPLE VS. THE NFL  : AFTER AN OFFSEASON IN WHICH THE NFL GOT ALMOST EVERYTHING WRONG, A LIFELONG FAN REFLECTS ON SHAME, LOVE, FATHERHOOD, AND THE FUTURE OF THE LEAGUE” published by SB Nation, but not without disclosing, “Ufford and I both write at the NFL humor site Kissing Suzy Kolber, but our interaction is minimal at best.” So there’s some silver lining.

I winced before I was done with the slug line describing what was to come in the piece. Fatherhood. Ufford was now joining the ranks of male sportswriters who were going to tell us what it all meant in the context of their child, a ploy I find repelling. Ufford’s piece was well-written, but once the reader reached the final chapter in the post titled “Hope,” one could not help but brace for the pap that was coming. Words that in my heart of hearts, I know that if a female sportswriter had put them to keyboard they would have been seen as soft, not on point, and probably one of the worst insults, like a Mommy Blogger.

Male sportswriters live in a world where having emotions allows them to continue the chain of sports being a father-child activity and roundly get praised for writing so honestly, Pam Oliver speaking honestly is humiliated. Male emotions get heralded as a concession for having them in the first place like a normal human being.

9/11 : Not Merely A Day That Will Live In Infamy, But Also The Inspiration For An Unwound Gig (Sans Unwound)

Posted in History's Not Happening, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll, Total Fucking Terror at 3:24 pm by

In the immediate aftermath of the attacks on New York and Washington DC that occurred on September 11, 2001, Olympia’s Unwound were forced to cancel their show that night at Cambridge, MA’s Middle East.

Perhaps recognizing the adage, “if you don’t create an Unwound show with cardboard cut-outs in place of Justin, Vern and Sarah, the terrorists have already won,” the below video clip was produced.

Jeff Wilpon – Doing His Best To Take The Heat Off Roger Goodell

Posted in Baseball, The Law at 2:19 am by

Leave it to New York Mets COO Jeff Wilpon (above, left) to murder the good vibes generated by the club’s unlikely late run at .500. The New York Times’ Richard Sandomir reports that self-styled ballpark architect / genetic lottery loser winner Wilpon is the target of a discrimination suit alleging the Mets fired ticket executive Leigh Castergine for being pregnant out of wedlock.

Castergine said Wilpon fired her last month in retaliation for complaining about him to the team’s human resources department. Among other things, she said Wilpon told her that “when she gets a ring, she will make more money and get a bigger bonus.”

Castergine, who was hired after the 2010 season, said in her court papers that she modernized the team’s ticket-sales operation, received raises of $50,000 in both 2012 and 2013 and a $125,000 bonus in 2013, and earned a promotion to senior vice president

She described an environment in which she quoted Wilpon saying at a meeting: “I am as morally opposed to putting an e-cigarette sign in my ballpark as I am to Leigh having this baby without being married.” She said that higher-level executives did nothing about Wilpon’s remarks and that the head of human resources urged her to quit.


Remembering 9/11 At Club 1808

Posted in Air Traffic Controllers, Austin, Internal Affairs, record collector disease at 10:02 pm by

Air Traffic Controllers at 5pm.  85% of the world is at work, the other 15% will be at 12th and Chicon (watching Men’s Room during our set)


For The 2nd Time In 5 Years, The Mets Prepare To Revise Citi Field’s Cavernous Dimensions

Posted in Baseball, Ugly New Stadiums at 11:10 pm by

Mets GM Sandy Alderson visited Manhattan’s VA Hospital Monday and aside from noting the absence of Carlos Beltran jerseys on hand, told his hosts the ballclub are considering addressing Jeff Wilpon’s folly — ie. a ballpark that’s greatly handicapped what few power threats the home team has trotted out. From the New York Post’s Howie Kussoy :

Unprompted, Alderson told the group of veterans there have been discussions within the organization about reducing the distance to right-center field. At the new, unspecified distance, he said, Granderson would have seven additional home runs this season.

“It’s something that we had talked about the possibility in the past and we continue to look at it,” said Alderson. “We brought the fences in a couple years ago. It’s not about tailoring the ballpark to a particular player or a particular composition of team, it’s about making Citi Field as fan-friendly and as exciting as we can make it.”

Alderson’s 90-win goal in spring training was his way of creating excitement, serving a reminder that what has been the norm doesn’t need to remain the norm.
He is approaching next season no differently.

“It really wasn’t a prediction, it was about thinking differently,” Alderson said. “If you’re going to set a goal, you need to set a goal not that you can just achieve easily. You have to set a goal that’s aspirational.”

Prior to the Mets’ 2-0 dispatch of the Rockies — a result that improved the former’s post-All Star Break mark to a heady .500 —- Terry Collins was quoted by MetsBlog as being in favor of bringing the fences in (““I think it’s going to help us a little bit, confidence-wise…I think it would be great for us.”) So if this decision was such a no-brainer, when are we graced with an admission from ownership that they tore down a perfectly functioning stadium to make way for an overpriced beer garden that’s actually played a role in killing the Mets’ offense?

Travel Game : Guess The Bold Statements Eminating From The Mouth Of Jon Hamm

Posted in Baseball, Cinema at 9:32 am by

My flight to NYC this morning features a screening of Disney’s “Million Dollar Arm”. I’m tired, the picture is blurry and I don’t really wanna go to the effort of putting on headphones, not when I can look at the display every 10-15 minutes and try to imagine the dialogue.






Marvin Barnes, Dead At 62

Posted in Basketball at 6:45 pm by

PF/C Marvin Barnes, who led Providence to the Final Four in 1973 and was the 2nd overall pick in the 1974 NBA Draft (instead signing with the ABA’s St. Louis Spirits), passed away earlier today at the age of 62. A young Bob Costas did play by play for the Spirits in those days, and this conversation with St. Louis Magazine’s William Powell (7/19/13) he recalls Barnes’ most famous off-court incident :

The Spirits had future Hall of Famers like Moses Malone and streetballers like Fly Williams. But the biggest character was Marvin “Bad News” Barnes. Do you have a favorite story about him?

The one that people most frequently want to hear is the one from Kentucky, the morning after another loss at Freedom Hall in Louisville to the very strong Kentucky Colonels. Teams didn’t travel by charter then, so we meet at the airport for the commercial flight back to St. Louis. The traveling secretary, who also was the trainer, hands out the itinerary. It reads, “TWA Flight 305. Depart Louisville, 8 a.m. Arrive St. Louis, 7:56.” And Marvin Barnes walks over to me, holding the sheet of paper in his hand, looks down at me from a foot above me, drapes his arm around my shoulder, brandishes this itinerary, and says, “Bro, bro, bro, I do not know about you, but as for me, I am not getting on any time machine.”

That’s classic.

Now, some people took that to mean that Marvin was dopey and confused, but Marvin was actually smart. I mean, he was self-destructive beyond belief, but he wasn’t dumb. He knew full well that he was saying something funny. But he was staying in character to do it.

Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade’s Helpful Advice For Janay Rice : “Next Time, Take The Stairs”

Posted in "Wife Beater" Is Not A Fashion Statement, Gridiron, non-sporting journalism at 2:08 pm by

Because what could be funnier than Ray Rice knocking his then-fiancee out cold on videotape for the entire world to see?

Kilmeade criticized domestic violence victims for sending a “terrible message” by staying with their abusers, and clearly he’s done all sorts of reading on the subject.  It’s the sort of inelegant victim-blaming you usually have to go to the comments section of a local newspaper website to find, though perhaps the burden of sending messages out to be down to highly paid public figures like Rice and the persons who employ him.  Rather than, y’know, a woman he’s battered.

Wojnarowski : Levenson Didn’t Jump, He Was Pushed

Posted in Basketball, Racism Corner at 12:28 am by

A few months back, Mavs owner Mark Cuban was a less than enthusiastic supporter of Donald Sterling’s banishment, warning that if NBA owners were held accountable for non-public statements, well, who knows what kind of dirt would come up? After the not-quite-voluntary release of Bruce Levenson’s 2012 email suggesting the atmosphere at Atlanta’s Phillips Arena was scaring away middle-aged white fans, Yahoo Sports’ Adrian Wojnarowski details (partially, anyway) what led up to a determined effort to stage manage an embarrassing story.

Through the league’s back-channel gossip circles, this was known: An NBA owner is in deep trouble, and as one high-ranking official told Yahoo Sports on Friday, “I’m told it’s Sterling-esque in nature.”

Fear spread rapidly, because without knowledge of Levenson’s identity, more than one owner wondered: “Do they have something on me?” Other high-ranking officials in organizations wondered, “Do you know if it’s my guy?” Until the NBA issued a statement – deftly buried within hours of the NFL season’s start on Sunday – the league was littered with guilty consciences bracing for the worst.

The NBA and Levenson say he self-reported the email, but a high-ranking league official with direct knowledge of the probe told Yahoo Sports on Sunday that wasn’t completely accurate, that the email had come back to haunt the owner within his organization.

“Semantics,” the source called the NBA’s insistence of a self-reporting scenario.

Silver is no liar, but he’s a gifted lawyer and carefully scripted an apology and framed Levenson’s ouster to make easier the decision to sell his majority share of the Hawks.


Hawks Owner : The Kiss Cam Is Too Damn Black

Posted in Basketball, Racism Corner at 11:56 am by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : Earlier today, Atlanta Hawks co-owner Bruce Levenson announced he’d be selling his stake in the team, citing a 2012 internal e-mail that some folks — ie. anyone who can read — might find racist.  Via Sunday’s Atlanta Journal Constitution, here’s the email in question. )

From: Bruce Levenson

To: Ferry, Danny
CC: Foreman, Todd (ucg.com); Peskowitz, Ed (ucg.com)
Sent: 8/25/2012 11:47:02 PM

Subject: Re: Business/Game ops
1. from day one i have been impressed with the friendliness and professionalism of the arena staff — food vendors, ushers, ticket takers, etc. in our early years when i would bring folks from dc they were blown away by the contrast between abe pollin’s arena and philips. some of this is attributable to southern hospital and manners but bob and his staff do a good job of training. To this day, I can not get the ushers to call me Bruce yet they insist on me calling them by their first names.

2. the non-premium area food is better than most arenas, though that is not saying much. i think there is room for improvement and creativity. Levy is our food vendor so we don’t have much control but they have been good partners. i have wished we had some inconic offereing like boog’s barbeque at the baseball stadium in balt.

3. our new restaurant, red, just opened so too early for me to give you my thoughts.

4. Regarding game ops, i need to start with some background. for the first couple of years we owned the team, i didn’t much focus on game ops. then one day a light bulb went off. when digging into why our season ticket base is so small, i was told it is because we can’t get 35-55 white males and corporations to buy season tixs and they are the primary demo for season tickets around the league. when i pushed further, folks generally shrugged their shoulders. then i start looking around our arena during games and notice the following:
— it’s 70 pct black
— the cheerleaders are black
— the music is hip hop
— at the bars it’s 90 pct black
— there are few fathers and sons at the games
— we are doing after game concerts to attract more fans and the concerts are either hip hop or gospel.

Then i start looking around at other arenas. It is completely different. Even DC with its affluent black community never has more than 15 pct black audience.
Before we bought the hawks and for those couple years immediately after in an effort to make the arena look full (at the nba’s urging) thousands and thousands of tickets were being giving away, predominantly in the black community, adding to the overwhelming black audience.

My theory is that the black crowd scared away the whites and there are simply not enough affluent black fans to build a signficant season ticket base. Please dont get me wrong. There was nothing threatening going on in the arean back then. i never felt uncomfortable, but i think southern whites simply were not comfortable being in an arena or at a bar where they were in the minority. On fan sites i would read comments about how dangerous it is around philips yet in our 9 years, i don’t know of a mugging or even a pick pocket incident. This was just racist garbage. When I hear some people saying the arena is in the wrong place I think it is code for there are too many blacks at the games.

I have been open with our executive team about these concerns. I have told them I want some white cheerleaders and while i don’t care what the color of the artist is, i want the music to be music familiar to a 40 year old white guy if that’s our season tixs demo. i have also balked when every fan picked out of crowd to shoot shots in some time out contest is black. I have even bitched that the kiss cam is too black.

Gradually things have changed. My unscientific guess is that our crowd is 40 pct black now, still four to five times all other teams. And my further guess is that 40 pct still feels like 70 pet to some whites at our games. Our bars are still overwhelmingly black.

This is obviously a sensitive topic, but sadly i think it is far and way the number one reason our season ticket base is so low.
And many of our black fans don’t have the spendable income which explains why our f&b and merchandise sales are so low. At all white thrasher games sales were nearly triple what they are at hawks games (the extra intermission explains some of that but not all).

Regardless of what time a game starts, we have the latest arriving crowd in the league. It often looks and sounds empty when the team takes the floor.
In the past two years, we have created a section of rowdy college students that has been a big plus. And we do a lot of very clever stuff during time outs to entertain the crowd. Our kiss cam is better done than any in the league.

We have all the same halftime acts that other arenas have but i question whether they make sense. people are on their cell phones during half time. i wonder if flashing on the scoreboard “$2 off on hot dogs during halftime tonight” just as the half ends would be a better use of our halftime dollars and make the fans happier.

We do all the usual giveways and the fans are usually their loudest when our spirit crew takes the floor to give away t-shirts. It pisses me off that they will yell louder for a t-shirt then for our players.

Our player intro is flat. We manufacture a lot of noise but because of the late arriving crowd and the fact that a lot of blacks dont seem to go as crazy cheering (another one of my theories) as whites, it is not great. Even when we have just returned from winnng four straight on the road, i am one of the few people in the arena standing and cheering when our team takes the floor. Bob has kicked around ideas like having the starters coming down aisles rather than off the bench during intros. Sounds cool but may highlight all the empty seats at the start of games.

Not enough of our fans wear hawks jerseys to games. i have just begun to push for ideas like discount food lines for folks wearing jerseys, special entrances, etc. I think we need a committed and perhaps incentivized fan club. We need to realize atl is simply different than every other city. Just adopting nba best practices is not enough. we have to create our own.

I am rambling and could probably go on forever. If you have any specific areas you would like my thoughts on, let me know.
ps — I have cc’d todd and ed so they can chime in with additional or different thoughts.

I suspect Levenson will have defenders who will claim he’s either highlighting (take your pick) racial prejudices or economic realities, but regardless of his personal feelings, he seems far more hellbent on pandering to white paranoia than changing anything. I’m surprised, however, that during his extensive research into poor season ticket, merchandise and food/beverage sales, the Hawks lack of an NBA title in their entire history, their failure to reach the finals during their whole tenure in Atlanta and inability to get out of the second round in nearly 50 fucking years, weren’t considered major factors.


Accused Fraudster Can’t Wait To Bring Baseball Back To Newark

Posted in Baseball, The Marketplace at 9:55 pm by

Newark’s Bears & Eagles Riverfront Stadium was vacant this past season as the Can-Am League’s Newark Eagles failed to field a team after years of financial struggles. On Saturday, The Record’s Joan Verdon reports TV marketing maven A.J. Khubani (above), founder of Telebrands, the company behind the Pocket Hose and the Slice-O-Matic, is interested in bringing a new team to Newark. Verdon warns however, that Khubani, “has tangled with the Federal Trade Commission and the state Division of Consumer Affairs over advertising claims and practices, and in August the state filed a complaint accusing Telebrands of violating the Consumer Fraud Act.” So in other words, why isn’t he partnering with Fred Wilpon?

“As I get older, like most people, you start to think about their legacy and what they’re going to do with the money they’ve accumulated,” Khubani said.

“I’m a Jersey boy,” he said. “I love this state. The goal is to bring that team back and support it. It’s something that’s good for the state.”

Al Dorso Sr., one of a group of investors who last year acquired Skylands Park, a 4,200-seat former minor league stadium in Sussex County, and who is working to put a team in that stadium, said he wishes Khubani luck in his efforts but that operating a team in Newark is a challenge. “It’s a difficult stadium [to fill]. There’s a lot of competition. And they didn’t have a lot of community support. They really need the community behind it.”

Khubani said he is confident that he could develop some strategies to sell tickets in Newark. “I happen to have some expertise in getting people to buy things,” he said.

Kozelek’s Hopscotch Implosion : In The Rich, Unexpurgated Tradition Of New Jack

Posted in record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 12:02 pm by

There’s some bad vibes this morning after Sun Kil Moon’s Mark Kozelek enraged a Raleigh, NC audience at the Hopscotch Music Festival, calling them “fucking hillbillies” and admonishing them to “shut the fuck up”.

Though Mr. Kozelek — no stranger to effervescent banter — has forgotten that modern music audiences are a coddled bunch who fully expect artists to tolerate chatter, iPad videos being shot, stupid requests, etc., there is a possibility that he was simply paying homage to one of the great performers of the last half century.

Surely I am not the only observer who thinks Mark has taken some measure of inspiration from the Mass Transit-mutilating mind of Jerome Young, aka NEW JACK?


It’s Not As Though He Had To Put Up With Michael Kay

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV, The Internet at 8:46 pm by

Both Total Sports Pro and The Score are reporting the gentleman above was ejected from Thursday night’s Blue Jays/Rays encounter after having been shown on television using his laptop to stream the contest to a friend via Skype. Clearly, we’re in a world getting advance permission for this sort of thing is no longer standard practice.

Mobute’s Week One Pep Talk : Are You Ready For Some Complicity In Horrible Acts?

Posted in Gridiron, Sports Journalism at 7:59 pm by

The 2014 NFL regular season commenced last night in Seattle, a glittering affair that brought such A-list talents as Richard Sherman, Aaron Rodgers, Ariana Grande, Al Michaels, Clay Matthew and Marshawn Lynch into our living rooms. Like many of you, I observed the action slack-jawed, marveling at pro football’s intoxicating cocktail of skill, strategy and y’know, VIOLENCE. The physical toll taken on the participants ranks somewhere on a long list of offenses, including but not limited to allowing Chris Cornell to sing on national TV racist nicknames, domestic abuse and asshole owners lining their pockets at the expense of struggling communities, and I’m often inclined to turn a blind eye to this shit because AT LEAST IT’S NOT AS FUCKING EXPLOITATIVE AS COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

Thankfully, former African dictator Mobuto Sese Seko aka Mr. Destructo aka journalist Jed Lund, still has something approaching a conscience. Writing in Friday’s Guardian, Lund argues “The NFL, as fun as it is, is the only major sport that has forced its fans, for two consecutive years, to spend their Sundays wondering: ‘Am I facilitating evil?”(“given its indifference toward women and racism, its eagerness to plunder public coffers and its outright economic and medical hostility toward its own labor force, it is flabbergasting that any of us remain fans of the NFL at all.”)

You don’t need to have a Dan Snyder or a Jimmy Haslam to have a creep for an owner. Almost every one of them is either plotting – or still celebrating – the fleecing of ladder-climbing, short-time stewards of local American governments for a publicly financed stadium. The NFL represents a collection of billionaires extorting towns into socializing debt and privatizing profit, despite consensus that publicly financed stadiums do not create revenue for local governments

It’s a game of on-the-field supermen managed and exploited with all the “superman” sociopathy of Wall Street-Silicon Valley vulture capital neofascism. The one thing the NFL hasn’t figured out how to do yet is compel fans to download a $159 app, the only purpose of which is to tell them they’re fungible, fired and that both their job and satellite feed has been outsourced to a bare wall in a 50,000-square-foot maquiladora in order to free job creators from their shackles.

If American football was a game played by 22 men in $5,000 bespoke suits passing a briefcase full of junk bonds to each other, we’d rightfully despise it. Instead, I will probably watch over 300 hours of this game before the postseason starts. Because I am stupid, and because I tell myself that the bargain I have struck where I am not a Nielsen household, and I buy no tickets or cable packages or merchandise is enough. And nothing will change, because NFL ownership and their hollow-hammered lickspittle Roger Goodell know that millions more will strike similar, smaller compromises.


You’ll Never Top This, Clay Bennett

Posted in Basketball, The Marketplace at 6:28 pm by

No matter how many titles Oklahoma City and K.D. might win in the future, they’re never match the meme-anticipating insanity of Seattle’s Predrag Drobnjak television advertisements.

Honoring Ray Lewis With A Statue Portraying Him After Stubbing His Toe

Posted in Gridiron, Modern Art at 11:45 am by

Criticize all you want, but you wouldn’t want to be the person explaining to a sculptor that you were commissioning a statue showing Lewis taking a hose to the interior of a limousine.

When Bruce Boxleitner Went All Travis Fucking Bickle On The Houston Astros

Posted in Baseball, Cinema at 12:51 am by

Last Saturday,director Andrew McLaglen —- whose film and TV credits included nearly 100 episodes of “Gunsmoke” — passed away at the age of 96.  Aside from suffering the indignity of being (indirectly) mocked by Rob Brydon, McLaglen was also the auteur behind the 1977 made-for-television saga, “Murder At The World Series”.  It’s hard to say which stretched the bounds of believability more, the Astros playing in the Fall Classic or Bruce Boxleitner as a would-be homicidal kook.

Don’t even try to rent a bootleg DVD of this movie. Bo Porter has the last remaining copy and he’s been watching it non-stop for two days.


From The Vault (Someone Else’s) : 21-645

Posted in History's Not Happening, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 6:06 pm by


Glendenning On Everton’s Flying Dildo Of Death

Posted in Football, Sports TV at 11:00 pm by

Sky Sports’ Alan Irwin’s attempts at providing transfer deadline reportage took a bit of a hit Monday, specifically a blow to the head in the form of a purple dildo. The Guardian’s Barry Glendenning witnessed the attack, writing, “if we’d known that’s all you had to do to wring cheap schoolboy giggles out of an audience of football enthusiasts, it would have saved us an awful lot of effort down the years.”

“Millions of viewers followed our coverage of transfer deadline day, which included over 270 live reporter updates from outside football clubs over the final 24 hours,” said a Sky Sports statement you could kind of tell was hoping to divert attention towards the 269 live reports that didn’t feature a fearsome looking bedroom aid. “We apologise to those whose enjoyment was spoiled by a small number of incidents and we’re looking into ways to avoid this happening again in the future whilst ensuring fans remain a key part our live coverage.”

While the Fiver can appreciate that having their put-upon reporters surrounded by gurning delinquents shouting abuse and making rude hand gestures only enhances the Sky Sports News deadline day party for viewers, one way “to avoid this happening again” might be to ask football clubs to set aside a wee corral inside their stadia or training grounds so the poor sods can go about their thankless task safe in the knowledge that the next loon to attack one of them won’t be brandishing something steelier, sharper and even more penetrative than that purple monstrosity. Indeed, it seems they’ve already done that but the clubs in question have declined to co-operate on the perfectly understandable grounds that they’d rather the Sky troops weren’t deployed anywhere near their stadia and training grounds on deadline day at all.