01.06.15

Let This Be A Warning To Budding Hooded Casanovas

Posted in Fashion, Gridiron, The Law at 4:42 pm by

Talking Points Memo’s Ahiza Garcia reports Oklahoma legislators hope to revise a law once intended to curb the KKK into a new ruling that makes it illegal to, well, dress like Bill Belichick in public.

The existing law, enacted in the 20s, bans the wearing of hoods while committing crimes, television station KFOR reported on Friday. However, a new proposal would reportedly extend that ban to include any hoods or facial disguise worn in public, punishable with a $500 fine.

Oklahoma state Sen. Don Barrington (R) wrote the amendment and, according to KFOR, sought to help victims of robberies.

“The intent of Senate Bill 13 is to make businesses and public places safer by ensuring that people cannot conceal their identities for the purpose of crime or harassment,” Barrington told the station. “Similar language has been in Oklahoma statutes for decades and numerous other states have similar laws in place. Oklahoma businesses want state leaders to be responsive to their safety concerns, and this is one way we can provide protection.”

Garcia writes the proposed amendment incudes a waiver for Halloween costumes, so the children of Oklahoma can still dress up like Belichick one-day-a-year.

01.05.15

The First (But Not The Last) Chapter In Rob Gronkowski-Related Erotica

Posted in Free Expression, Gridiron at 9:55 pm by

The New York Post’s Jonathan Letham describes Lacey Noonan’s e-book, “A Gronking To Remember” as “a sequence of punishingly graphic fantasy female masturbation scenes based on watching the muscular and excitable New England Patriots tight end.”  Hey, you had me at “sequence”!  The Amazon.com sales pitch for Ms. Noonan’s literary debut (?) takes a slightly less cynical approach to what should be a great gift for every Patriots fan in your life :

Leigh has a serious problem. And it’s driving a “spike” between her and her husband Dan.

When Leigh wanders into the room where her husband and his friends are watching a football game, her life changes forever, because at that exact moment, NFL’s one-man wrecking ball, Rob Gronkowski of the New England Patriots, scores a touchdown and does his patented “Gronk Spike”—his notorious monster smashing of a football. When the ball shoots into the stratosphere, Leigh’s heart goes apitter-patter and she becomes seriously turned on.

Now normally-sheepish Leigh can’t stop thinking about it. She’d never given a second thought to football, but now the primal power of the Gronk Spike, and this raw monster of a man, Rob Gronkowski, is all that she wants, and she’ll stop at nothing until the romance of a lifetime is hers!

Find out the lengths people will go to fulfill their fantasies in this super-sexy, sex-filled story of wanton lust with a super-sexy, sex-filled happy ending.

If you read one book about Rob Gronkowski this year, make it “Growing Up Gronk.” But if you read two books about Rob Gronkowski this year, make the second one “A Gronking to Remember!”

Warning: Contains some sexually graphic scenes as well as the misuse of American footballs that will leave you wet, hard and everything in between. Sports!

J.R. Smith Is Officially David Blatt’s Problem Now

Posted in Basketball at 9:13 pm by

I’m not sure if the Knicks’ tanking of the 2014-15 season just went from unintentional to “quite intentional (but who can really tell?)”.  If you thought Carmelo Anthony was the club’s sole tradable asset, Phil Jackson has just proven you wrong, sending J.R. Smith (above) and Iman Shumpert to Cleveland  in exchange for Lance Thomas, Alex Kirk, Louis Amundsen and a 2019 second round pick.  What would possess Phil to toss the useful Shumpert to the struggling Cavs for so little in return? As Posting & Toasting’s Seth Rosenthal accurately points out, “the Knicks want space”, and J.R. is pretty much the definition of wasting said space.

The Knicks, it appears, wanted to dump J.R.’s money and didn’t intend to make a serious bid for Shump in restricted agency this summer, so now the roster is utterly empty, this season and next. Just eyeballing it, their salary figures sits closer to $30 million than $40 million next season.

On one hand, I love Iman Shumpert and have enjoyed J.R. Smith and am sad to see two consistently entertaining personalities and talented players off my favorite team. On the other hand, I think getting rid of J.R. was a need and losing Shump was a foregone conclusion. To me, the Knicks traded space for more space, plus a future second-rounder. Should they have held out for more assets in return? Maybe, but it’s clear that emptiness trumps all else for these Knicks. They’re gonna have a lot of it. Dad is leaning hard into this plan.

01.04.15

From 2006 : Whitlock Warns The Late Stuart Scott About “Bojangling”

Posted in Hip Hop, Racism Corner, Sports TV at 10:59 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : Longtime “SportsCenter” anchor Stuart Scott passed away Sunday, finally succumbing to cancer after years of fighting the cancer. Scott’s death was a major story throughout sports & mainstream media today, and while many colleagues old and new did a wonderful job of celebrating his spirit and life’s work, at least one ESPN co-worker had an interesting, if revised take.

Jayson Whitlock took to Twitter to proclaim Scott, “the Rakim of broadcasting”, someone who “filled the world with positive energy” and “built bridges”. The following CSTB post from October 19. 2006 (“Whitlock On Bojangling Stuart Scott”, is an altogether different summation of Scott’s talents – GC)
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
AOL’s self-proclaimed “Big Sexy”, aka Jason Whitlock, isn’t nearly done taking shots at his former colleagues in Bristol, CT.

Memo to Stu Scott (above) : Dude, I like your work. I defend your rapping and rhyming on SportsCenter because it’s harmless and you’re just delivering highlights in a unique style. But you went too far with it at halftime Monday night with your Jay-Z intro and damn near set off bojangling alarms all over my house.

A broadcaster, a journalist, a performer must know his audience and service his audience above all else. Flavorizing highlights with a little hip-hop slang on SportsCenter is one thing, but using Jay-Z’s alternate nickname “ Jigga “ at halftime of Monday Night Football is ridiculous and offensive.

Stu, you are not Big Tigger and you ain’t on BET. Its “Monday Night Football”. Look, the ESPN executives were stupid for foisting Jay-Z’s latest video on football fans. If Roger Goodell had a brain, he’d check with David Stern about the damage done to the NBA’s image by tying itself too closely to the hip hop crowd.

I digress. Stu, no one cares that you know Jay-Z’s other name, and the MNF audience doesn’t want to waste time wondering whether you just called him N-word-a or Jigaboo.

Hey, you might’ve scored a few cool points with Jay-Z or Beyonce. Great. But you confused, irritated and offended 95 percent of your audience. And for what? A couple of fist pounds the next time you see Kanye and Jay?

I’m wondering exactly what damage the NBA did by tying itself too closely to the hip-hop crowd. Unless Whitlock is refering to Cowboy Troy’s performance at the 2005 All-Star Game, in which case, no more needs to be said.

How To Build A Local Music Scene Our Bloggers Can Be Proud Of

Posted in Austin, non-sporting journalism, Radio at 3:17 pm by

(above : talented, experienced media manipulators, ready to take the Venus Illuminato to the next level)

It was with considerable patience I tried to listen to a program on KOOP yesterday in which a local music blogger (whose work I am mostly unfamiliar with) opined that the big thing holding Austin back as a genuine musical hotspot was the city’s lack of qualified publicists. There’s a plethora of boutique labels (though he was careful not to mention most of the good ones) and some recording studios (though none were cited) but what Austin really needs is the promo/PR machinery required to really elevate these fledgling talents to the superstar level of, fuck, I don’t know. Imagine Dragons?

Just to make sure we’re all perfectly clear on the message, here are things Austin apparently does not require : cheap housing and affordable rehearsal spaces for musicians. An arts weekly or dedicated music website that was remotely conversant with the town’s best music. A 24/7 listener supported radio station that emulated, say, WFMU instead of established NPR monoliths. Club patrons willing to shell out $5 for 4 fucking bands without objection or negotiation.

Nope. What Austin apparently cannot survive without is a firm gracious enough to charge local labels $2000 to mail records or download codes to the same people who’ve previously ignored direct inquires from the very same labels. Y’know, the sort of careful, relationship-cultivating stuff that makes journalists feel a tad less lonely (and reduces the chances of breaking even from slim to none). As noted above, the rest of the infrastructure is in totally awesome shape, so PLEASE, America’s legion of PR companies, consider moving to Austin ASAP. Unless, of course, you’re the rebranded Strange Fruit P.R., in which case you’re already here and I simply need to know where to mail the blank check.

01.03.15

DAC’s Holmes Elects Gary Sheffield To The Hall Of Jerks On ‘Roids

Posted in Baseball at 10:10 pm by

Over the course of a 22 year, 8-team big league tenue, Gary Sheffield hit 509 HR’s, compiled a career slugging of percentage of .514, won 5 Silver Slugger Awards and made All-Star teams 9 times. There’s other prodigious stats, too, but none of are enough to win the favor of Detroit Athletic Co.’s Dan Holmes, who aside from cataloging Sheff’s myriad public relations problems, argues that Dwight Gooden’s nephew is unworthy of Hall Of Fame induction after being named in the Mitchell Report. “He may have looked like The Natural’ when he debuted as a 19-year old with the Brewers,” Holmes scolds, “but in the end too much of what Sheffield accomplished came about in ‘unnatural’ ways” (link swiped from Baseball Think Factory)

It’s the steroid use that will keep Sheffield from ever being elected to the Hall of Fame. A look at his career shows a fairly common arc of performance up until his 30s. Then, for his age 30-36 seasons he posted remarkable power numbers, setting career highs in homers, extra-base hits, total bases, and slugging percentage. Like Bonds, Sheffield’s power surge in his 30s and into his late 30s is suspicious to say the least. His inclusion in the Mitchell Report should make it clear to anyone that he was cheating for several years. For that reason Sheffield should not be elected to the Hall of Fame, and he won’t be. Bonds, who was a far superior player to Sheffield whether they were juiced or not, has even gaudier numbers and the most support he’s received from the baseball writers is 36.2%. Mark McGwire hasn’t sniffed election either and Rafael Palmeiro (who had more than 3,000 hits) fell off the ballot completely because of his association with performance enhancing drugs.

Sheffield wasn’t well liked by the media or by many of his teammates. He was tolerated because he produced on the field, but he was often a cancer in the clubhouse and he never stayed in one spot long enough to gain a fan following (“Sheffs’ Hats” aside).

Holmes might have a point, here. Aside from the National Baseball Hall Of Fame, Sheffield should also be ruled ineligible from the Hall Of Being Nice To Sportswriters and the nearly as vaunted Hall Of Being Popular With Opposing Fans.

01.02.15

Folder Rock Can Take The Weekend Off. I’ve Got This One Covered

Posted in Austin, Rock Und Roll at 9:07 pm by

(above : an earnest, early effort at getting the anti-garage thing off the ground)

Here’s an early contender for 2015′s least promising band bio. At least they can’t say they didn’t try to warn you.


“(NAME REDACTED) is a re-purposing of the American four-piece rock&roll band.
The Austin-based musicians produce, push, and expand the possibilities of the popular music format. Their foundation is built with an immaculate attention to rhythm, facilitating movement from the listener. This band does not play rock&roll. What arises is a bolder more articulate genre, ‘anti garage’”

Suffice to say, if you’re expecting the second coming of The Meters, you’re gonna be pretty disappointed. If you’re expecting the second coming of Spandau Ballet, you might be even more disappointed.

Inspire Pro’s Matthew Palmer : Going To Unusual Lengths To Guarantee An Level Playing Field This Sunday Night

Posted in Professional Wrestling at 5:37 pm by

The headline match for this Inspire Pro Wrestling’s “Ecstasy of Gold II” card at the Marchesa Theater this Sunday night features former champion Matthew Palmer squaring off against the man who stole his title, “Dirty” Andy Dalton. While the former’s recent threats against the latter have crossed the line for some, Palmer has demonstrated he’s willing to go way past rhetoric if that’s what’s required to remove Dalton’s manager & confidant, J.T. Lamotta from the equation.

01.01.15

A Member Of The Celtics Almost Provokes A Post-Game Confrontation Without The Words “Honey-Nut” Ever Being Uttered

Posted in Basketball at 7:32 pm by

The above spat between Sacramento C Demarcus Cousins and Boston G Marcus Smart took place towards the tail end of the Celtics’ 106-84 rout of the visiting Kings Wednesday night ; the Boston Herald’s Steve Bulpett managed to collect Cousins and Smart’s respective sides of the story :

Cousins got a technical foul for rookie-tossing. Smart got a technical for .?.?. well, no one ever really got an explanation for that, but the Celtics’ thought is that the officials were just trying to chill things out in a game that was pretty much out of hand on the scoreboard.

“I did have an issue (with Smart),” said Cousins, who had received a first-quarter technical for screaming at ref Danny Crawford and was ejected. “It didn’t start with the box-out. It was the pick. He tried to run through my chest, then he came and I felt he took a cheap shot on the box-out, and that’s what resulted to what happened.

According to multiple sources, Cousins said, “That’s OK. I’ll get him after the game,” on his way from the scene. There was, therefore, a bit larger security presence in the hallway between the two dressing rooms.

“To be honest, I’m not really worried about that,” Smart said of the altercation after going for 11 points, six rebounds, two assists and two steals. “He knows that I’m not going to back down from it. I don’t see why I got the tech though, but it’s all good. They didn’t really tell me that, but it’s all good. I’m one of those guys that’s not going to back down from anything, so I’m going to let that be known.”

Told of Cousins’ objections, Smart said, “Man, it was a box-out. That’s his opinion. Everybody saw the play. Like I said, I’m not going to back down from anything. If that’s what he thinks, that’s what he thinks.”

And the pick? “Once again, that’s what he thinks,” Smart said. “I’m just playing defense.”

Taylor On FA’s Ban Of Wigan’s Whelan : Good Luck Pulling That One Off

Posted in Football, Racism Corner at 7:17 pm by

Wigan chairman Dave Whelan (above, right) has been hit with a 6 week ban and a £50,000 fine after the England F.A. determined he was not misquoted with his recent published comments about Jews and Chinese persons. Along with pointing out the sum of the fine is a mere drop in the bucket for a man of Whelan’s wealth, The Guardian’s Daniel Taylor argues, “the FA is not going to place Whelan on a round-the-clock watch and a punishment of this nature is utterly unenforceable.”

Are we seriously to believe he will not even be consulted if Wigan buy or sell someone in the January transfer window? Is he meant to press the reject button every time the number of a football contact flashes on his phone? (answer: yes). Will he find out about important club business via their website and fan message-boards? Wigan are a good club who until recently prided themselves on doing things the right way. They might just have to forgive the rest of us for being skeptical about how this ban actually works.

What is certain is that Whelan has given a lot of thought to his own position since the offending interview in these pages on 21 November, when he stated among other things that it was “nothing” to call a Chinese person a “chink” and that “Jewish people do chase money more than everybody else”.

His age is no excuse but, at 78, it does bring a small element of sympathy, perhaps, if only because a lot of us probably know others of that generation who might talk themselves into trouble without necessarily realising how bad it sounds outside their comfort zone.

12.31.14

Suh : What Part Of “I’m Not Talking About Being A Serial Stomper” Do You Not Understand?

Posted in Gridiron at 5:57 pm by

A day after his one-game suspension for using Green Bay QB Aaron Rogers as a human doormat was reduced to a $70,000 fine, Lions LB Ndamukong Suh faced the media prior to this weekend’s Wild Card clash against the Cowboys, and in the words of MLive’s Kyle Meinke, “unleashed a barrage of “next questions” and ‘I’m just looking forward to Dallas’” :

Did he intentionally step on Rodgers during Sunday’s 30-20 loss against the Packers?

“Next question,” Suh said.

And is it true he couldn’t feel his feet, an excuse he used to successfully appeal the suspension?

“Next question,” he said.

Suh used that line 10 times to nine questions during a 7-minute news conference at team headquarters in Allen Park. He also said he’s “looking forward to playing Dallas,” or some iteration of that, to 12 other wide-ranging questions.

“I’m just looking forward to playing against Dallas,” Suh said during an opening statement that cut off a question from a team employee. “I look forward to playing against Dallas,” he said, when asked what happened with Rodgers. “Like I said, I’m ready to focus on Dallas and get ready for that game,” he said, when asked about his successful appeal.

12.30.14

RIYL : Eric Church, Jason Aldean, Rodney Adkins, Letting Her Know Who’s Boss

Posted in Baseball, Beer at 11:17 pm by

After a dozen years in the big leagues, you’d hope former P Brett Myers’ battery of his wife on a Boston sidewalk would be his most embarrassing public moment. And while that’s most assuredly still the case, he’s making a strong effort to return to the public eye in spectacular, albeit non-violent fashion with his recently released country debut.

There’s not an embeddable version of the EP’s hottest track, “Kegerator”, but it can be summed up quite simply ; Myers is tired of his significant other counting the number of beer cans he’s emptied, so he’s found a KEGERATOR on Craigslist. The next time the Lady Myers asks how many beers he’s consumed, our hero can safely say “three” without any pesky conflict resolution issues entering the picture.

Horse Owner : I Can’t Operate Under These Conditions

Posted in Horse Racing at 10:44 pm by

Emperor’s Choice was victorious in the £100,000 Welsh Grand National last Saturday, the 2nd time a Venetia Williams trained horse has won the 120 year old race.  Arnie Kaplan, owner of 8th place finisher Amigo, tells the Racing Post’s Lewis Porteous that he’s had enough with the mob scenes at Chepstow, moaning, “tou couldn’t put your hanky to your mouth to sneeze.”

Kaplan was, in his words, confronted with “rude car park staff, a 40-minute queue at the owners’ and trainers’ entrance and overcrowding inside the track”.

Kaplan, 63, added: “It was a shocker. It was an enormous crowd and they didn’t seem able to cope. As far as owners are concerned, the queue from midday took 40 minutes; you were better off walking down to the turnstile and paying. There was one guy with a runner in the first who never made it in to see the race, which is awful.

“There were two lovely chaps on the owners’ and trainers’ stand but they had just one list and only one person could do the job. It was an absolute farce, I’m surprised there wasn’t a riot.”

“There were queues to get drinks, food you never saw at all, and only one table on the end for tea and coffee covered in dirty mugs and serviettes. When you looked around the whole course there were queues for everything. There’s no question they need to cap the capacity and have more facilities available.”

12.29.14

PSG’s Ibrahimovic Killed Bullwinkle

Posted in Football, Going To The Zoo at 10:26 pm by

Monday’s Guardian reports that Paris Saint-Germain striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic marked the holiday season by shooting a moose. And not the one depicted in the advertisement above.

Ibramimovic is enjoying his mid-season break in his homeland but the Swedish newspaper Expressen ran a story on its front page over the weekend claiming the 33-year-old had killed the 500kg animal “with one shot through its heart”.

His actions clearly impressed Bo Skold, the general secretary of the Swedish Association for Hunting, who admitted he had never shot an animal of similar size. However, Camilla Björkbom, of Sweden’s Animal Rights’ Union was not so glowing in her praise.

“It is problematic,” she told Expressen. “It is always problematic when famous people do things like that, because then it looks like they support this type of activities.”

12.28.14

A New Low For Blackpool’s Oyston : Civility Lessons From The Daily Mail

Posted in Football, twitter twatter at 10:44 pm by

Of Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston’s recent contentious Twitter correspondence with Seasiders fan Steve Smith, the Daily Mail’s Patrick Collins opines the former’s “departure will not come a moment too soon”.

‘Are you sure we’ve met?’ asks Oyston. ‘I would have remembered such a massive retard.’ He calls him ‘an intellectual cripple’ and tells him to ‘enjoy the rest of your special needs day out’.

He adds: ‘Stop texting f******, you shouldn’t have ever started as you are one tiresome f***** that should spot trains not watch football. Get a life and consider yourself banned from the stadium.’

There is more in similar vein, but you get the drift.

Oyston’s reaction to the publication of the texts was entirely predictable. He made a self-serving apology — ‘I regret stooping to the level of those threatening and abusing my family’ — and he announced he would be making a donation to Blackpool’s Community Trust, which works with organisations supporting disabled people. Money solves everything, you see; fill a few pockets and people forget.

I fancy the Oyston’s know that the game is up, that they have known it since Tuesday evening, when their shirt sponsors Wonga said of Karl’s texts: ‘The comments were unacceptable, something we’ll be making clear to the club.’

A lecture on morality from a legalised loan shark, there can be no more humiliating chastisement.

Lovie Smith’s Euphemisms For Tanking

Posted in Gridiron at 6:53 pm by

With the No. 1 pick in the 2015 NFL Draft hanging in the balance, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers managed to pry victory from the jaws of defeat Sunday, blowing a 13 point, 4th quarter lead at home to New Orleans. QB Josh McCown insists the Bucs were playing to win, and in his defense — obvious substitutions aside — how can anyone tell?

12.27.14

Free Expression Hits A Snag In Fort Bragg

Posted in Basketball, Free Expression, Lower Education at 6:27 pm by

After taking their lead from NBA and collegiate players donning “I Can’t Breathe” shirts during recent pregame warmups, the boys and girls basketball teams of Mendocino High School (CA) have been disinvited from a holiday tournament in Fort Bragg, CA, with a Monday contest versus Capuchnio (San Bruno) cancelled. From the Nation’s Dave Zirin :

Fort Bragg high school (an institution with a black population of 1%) told Mendocino that they would not be allowed to play unless every player on the boy’s team and girls team refused to wear the shirts. The boys team was reinstated after every player but one agreed to this condition. That one very brave holdout is staying at home. As for the girl’s team, only a couple said that they would even consider not wearing the shirts with almost the entire team standing strong. They will not be fielding a team.

Principal Rebecca Walker (above) of Fort Bragg issued a written statement on Friday explaining their position where she said, “To protect the safety and well-being of all tournament participants it is necessary to ensure that all political statements and or protests are kept away from this tournament… We are a small school district that simply does not have the resources to ensure the safety and well-being of our staff, students and guests at the tournament should someone get upset and choose to act out.”

Keep in mind that up until now, there have been no reported incidents before any game, high school college or professional, in response to the players wearing the shirts.

Champagne Rock Vacations On Blatz Budgets

Posted in Internal Affairs, Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 10:34 am by

I’ve noticed with no small fascination that the recent trend of cruises-with-iconic-bands (Kiss, Weezer, the Black Lips, Jack Russell’s Great White) has now extended to rail travel (there’s an LA to Seattle train journey featuring Robyn Hitchcock, John Doe and Exene).

While not begrudging anyone the right to spend their vacation dollars as they see fit, these packages are awfully expensive for the average music fan and with that in mind, i’ve put on my entrepreneurial helmet for the following alternatives for the budget conscious :

1) RIDE THE MEGABUS TO HOOGIE BOOGIE LAND – $75
Complete’s Curt Low will be your host on an Austin-to-Dallas bus trip that will provide musical memories to last a lifetime.

2) OUTSIDE OF TIME / INSIDE THE “F” TRAIN – $30
the one and only cosmic interceptor VON LMO* will delight you and a crowded (?) subway car traveling from Midtown Manhattan to historic Coney Island. Special hologram appearance by Stephon Marbury.

3) LOADING OUT, HEAVY LYFTING WITH AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS – (price negotiable)
Travel from such rock landmarks as Red River between 7th & 8th or perhaps 12th and Chicon to an undisclosed location in South Austin, but not before being allowed to carry heavy equipment used to entertain a select audience mere hours earlier. It’s a rare glimpse behind the curtain that may or may not afford you a long soliloquy about the merits of the night’s other performers. (RIDE HOME NOT INCLUDED)

4) TRAPPED IN A SUBMARINE WITH MAC DEMARCO (cancelled – turned out to be quite expensive, liability issues up the kazoo, etc.)

The Maturation Of Carmelo Anthony : From Backpedaling To Pacifism

Posted in Basketball at 12:13 am by

Of his reluctance to make his presence felt after teammate Quincy Acey followed a hard foul on Washington’s John Wall with a (missed) punch, Knicks SF Carmelo Anthony explained,  “I wasn’t going to allow myself to run up to a group of people in the circle and now something happens to me, now I’ve got to worry about what I might do or what I’m capable of doing.”

No one can say this isn’t the wise old voice of experience.

12.25.14

CSTB’s Greatest Hits, Xmas Edition Pt. II : Artist Rendering Of Tebow Celebrating A Non-Abortion

Posted in Gridiron, Merry Fucking Christmas, Religion at 11:18 pm by

Editor’s Note : the following item originally ran December 11, 2011)

Despite what Texas Gov. Rick Perry has described as a “war on religion”, this particular Christmas card was available on eBay up until early this afternoon. Though I’m a firm believer everyone should be allowed to worship freely (so long as they don’t block my driveway on Sunday mornings), even an atheist like myself is slightly unnerved that an (alleged) savior’s birth bears any comparison to a 4th quarter comeback by a guy who can’t even throw properly.

CSTB’s Greatest Hits Xmas Edition, Pt. I : And The Worst Part Is, Santa’s Not Wearing Pants

Posted in Merry Fucking Christmas, Sports TV, The Marketplace at 11:13 pm by

(Editor’s note : the following item originally ran December 15, 2009)

Awful Announcing found the above Xmas ornament via the Boston Herald earlier today, and it is very safe to say Sportress Of Blogitude‘s Weed Against Speed isn’t going to shell out $16.50 to hang one on the S.O.B. tree.

You have got to be shitting me. Who in their right mind would want one of these? Better yet, who would be willing to humiliate themselves and walk into a Hallmark or Kohl’s store and purchase one of them? I don’t care if for some reason or another you find yourself with a half-witted, mouth-breathing, ham-fisted mongoloid on your holiday shopping list that would actually want one of these abominations, don’t go and buy one. This will not stand. This affront to Christmas will not stand, man.

I’m a bit less offended, but do hope at the very least, Vince Doria’s family got a few of these for free, what with his likeness being used.

Requiem For A Yankee Blog : Modern Bombers Have Bummed Out NoMaas For The Last Time

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down at 6:40 pm by

Just shy of a tenth anniversary, venerable New York Yankees blog NoMaas is pulling the plug for a number of (understandable) reasons, however it’s the following passage from Sensei John Kreese’s farewell address that should thoroughly provoke the ire of Randy L. (whenever he emerges from vacation, anyway) :

We must be honest and tell you that the Hal Steinbrenner Regime has significantly dampened our enthusiasm and passion for this storied club, making it harder to put our heart into the site. From turning Yankee Stadium into a Ritz-Carlton that caters to the wealthy like a Federal Reserve governor; putting revenues into his pocket as opposed to the team (Yankees spend much less per % of revenue than many other teams); propagandizing to the fanbase by saying his team is “championship-caliber” when it clearly isn’t; allowing the same decision-makers to plunge the team further into mediocrity (it’s a good ol’ boy network); and commercializing EVERYTHING.

And speaking of Hal, that brings us to Brian Cashman. He has been a longtime friend of the site and we have lauded him for his embrace of quantitative analysis, his commitment to more efficient spending, his public rebuke of abominable contracts, and stressing the importance of youth development. For years, he seemed to be the sole voice of sanity in a zoo of a front office.

However, his demeanor has changed over the last few seasons. Some of the philosophies he once advocated for have been minimized, particularly when it comes to youth development and sabermetric analysis. He has become a company man and an apologist for ownership’s atrocious baseball decisions. He has repeatedly refused to take advantage of the few tradable assets the team has had, hitting a nadir with the Robinson Cano fiasco. He has also failed to hold accountable the people who have turned out more busted prospects than a wholesale pimp.

12.24.14

At Least He’s Not Related To Courtney : Dwyer Uncovers An Unpleasant Branch In Kevin Love’s Family Tree

Posted in Basketball, Merry Fucking Christmas, Rock Und Roll, The Marketplace at 9:54 pm by

A recent American Express commercial features a number of NBA stars describing their best & worst Christmas presents, with Cavs C Kevin Love explaining an uncle on his father’s side once gave him a stapler. After considering this might be a rather cheap/shitty gift for a child, Ball Don’t Lie’s Kelly Dwyer puts on his genealogy helmet :


A quick bit of internet research reveals that Kevin’s father, former NBA and ABA forward and all-around mensch Stan Love (who spent a chunk of his post-playing career trying to protect his cousin Brian Wilson from assorted hangers-on), only has one brother.

That brother’s name is Mike Love, whom you might know as the guy in the hat from the Beach Boys.

This seems perfectly in line with something that Mike Love – who rightfully fought for and won significant songwriting royalties on endless Beach Boys hits during Kevin Love’s youth – would do.

WPRB’s Jon Solomon : The Man Behind An Xmas Tradition More Beloved Than Being Reminded Austin’s Chinese Food Is Pretty Average

Posted in Merry Fucking Christmas, Radio at 6:58 pm by

Jon Solomon‘s 24 annual 25 hour Xmas Marathon is in progress on WPRB. Christmas story participants this year include but are not limited to Doug Gillard, Staring At Motorists, Bambi Kino, Mike Pace (ex-Oxford Collapse), and well, there’s a couple dozen more but you’ll just have to tune in.



Broadcast live streaming video on Ustream

12.23.14

Doris Burke – Taken Aback By KD’s Humility, Not His Piousness

Posted in Basketball, Religion, Sports TV at 11:08 pm by

ESPN hoops analyst Doris Burke was interviewed Wednesday by the Louisville Courier-Journal’s Adam Himmelsbach, and amongst the topics covered (her collegiate playing career, treatment of female journalists, Greg Popovich’s brusque replies) is a January 30 on-camera exchange with Kevin Durant in which Burke was thought to be mocking KD’s faith :

That game I covered for Heather Cox, who has two young kids and had something that night and basically asked if I could replace her. It was a hectic day. To preface it, the year before in the NBA finals, I’d interviewed Danny Green after his big game, and he kept thanking God and then would answer the question. And that summer I got 10 photocopies from an anonymous man with anti-God, anti-religion sentiment. It was kind of a weird thing, but whatever.

Durant’s sort of caught me off guard, because usually when someone acknowledges God they then move on to the question I asked. Looking back, I regret being sort of caught off-guard, because I didn’t mean to in any way belittle his beliefs as a Christian. But I was unaware of the furor until the next day when I got off a plane in Louisville and there were messages from my bosses and ESPN PR saying we may need to think about addressing this.

Was it addressed?

There was an Oklahoma City columnist who basically ripped me pretty good. I basically said, ‘Listen, I’m a Christian. I’m in no way, shape or form trying to belittle Kevin Durant’s beliefs. He surprised me a little bit with his humility, frankly, and for not taking any credit for his play.