09.07.16

Yet Another Important Message From The Entertainment Division Of Cumbucket Media

Posted in 12XU, The Marketplace at 12:28 pm by

CAREENING OPPORTUNITY :

It is with considerable sorrow that I must announce the passing of former 12XU publicist Drinky McGlugglug. Drinky, known to his close friends as “Drinky”, served the label tirelessly in London during the early 2000′s and though he was forever pissing himself at record-release launches and being hauled into court for leaving his children at the playground unattended, I’ll still remember his love for the music, the backyard bbq’s, the drinks and the repartee. Mostly the drinks, however.

It was Drinky’s dying wish that 12XU and it’s cavalcade of stars would emerge from the darkest, cowebbiest corners of the underground and someday scale the P.R. heights of his former clients like Men$wear and Dodgy.

“Drinky, you do realize that cobwebbiest isn’t a real word.”

Alas, he couldn’t reply. Because he was dead.

So it is in the memory of this wonderful music industry veteran that I am extending an invitation to a young person (well, younger than Drinky, hopefully) ready to get his or hands (very) dirty in the P.R. game on behalf of this label. Clearly, ownership hasn’t simply burned bridges, they’ve been fucking napalmed. Perhaps by providing a buffer — perhaps one with fewer anger issues/personality defects —- positive changes will occur.

There’s no money, not even what Mo Fuzz would call an “on spec” arrangement*. But there’s piles of records, intense glamor and loads of good stories for the magazine article or blog post you’ll someday write about how poorly you were treated.

(* – if you get one of the bands booked on Uncle Floyd or Wally George’s TV shows, we’ll talk about it)

inquire via info@12XU.net. Your physical appearance is of no consequence, though if you are hideously ugly, you might be asked to utilize an avatar (that’s even uglier). Maybe we’ll play it by ear.

DON’T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS

Posted in Cinema at 11:49 am by

Photo swiped from Brian Turner. Man, I sure hope Paul Giamatti is the voice of one of the birds!

09.06.16

Gorillas In The Midst (Of Deeply Confusing Jay Horowitz)

Posted in Baseball, Going To The Zoo at 2:43 pm by

 

 

Noah Syndergaard, (above, right), enjoying Cincinnati’s cultural hotspots before Tuesday night’s clash with the Reds.  Let no one question Thor’s bromosapien status!

09.05.16

Recalling The Time Antonio Alfonseca Failed To Put The Six-Finger Death Claw On The KISS Demon

Posted in Baseball, Professional Wrestling at 9:26 pm by

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On Monday, the Chicago Tribune’s Paul Skrbina caught up with former minor leaguer / son of ex-White Sox/Mets skipper Jeff Torborg, Dale Torborg (above), whose WCW stint as the KISS Demon was followed by a tenure as Marlins strength and conditioning coach. It was during that third act in the younger Torborg’s American life that he had his fateful encounter with Florida reliever Antonio Alfonseca, detailed by Skrbina as follows :

After spending a year on his father’s staff with the Expos as a strength coach in 2001, Dale took the same job with the Marlins the following year, when Jeff took over as manager. He still was moonlighting as a wrestler.

Father and son had been on the job there but a couple of days when Alfonseca locked himself in an office during spring training. According to Jeff Torborg, the story goes that Alfonseca had sworn at Dale and challenged him to a fight after the two had a disagreement about Dale’s request that Alfonseca weigh himself after arriving to spring training.

Jeff was in the middle of a phone conversation with Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria in his office when he heard a noise.

“I said, ‘Dale, is that you?’” Jeff said. “He said, ‘Dad, I’m going to kill your closer.’

“I said, half-jokingly, ‘Don’t kill him till I get off the phone.’ I’m the manager and I’m his father and I’m like, ‘Is he this wild or is this his wrestling mystique?’”

Jeff finally opened the training room door. Dale flew in and stood nose to nose with the 6-5, 250-pound reliever.

He got his apology.

09.04.16

MARK BAVARO VS. THE ABORTION DEATH SQUADS

Posted in Gridiron at 2:24 pm by

Holy shit, you type “Joe Pisarcik ignores Lena Dunham at the Met Gala” into YouTube search and this is the first thing that comes up!

09.02.16

Mariotti To (What’s Left) Of The Blogosphere : Fuck You, I’m Rich

Posted in Sports Journalism, twitter twatter at 5:28 pm by

(for a guy who’s generated millions, Jay seems suspiciously frugal when it comes to paying a graphic designer)

In the midst of reminding us that he has the full capacity to publish a PDF sold by Amazon that no one will ever buy (AND CALL IT A BOOK), former Chicago Sun-Times/ESPN/Fanhouse columnist Jay Mariotti took to Twitter last night to remind “bloggers” (ie. A.J. Daulerio), that JAY WON! Sure, Jay might not have had Peter Thiel financing a lawsuit, but surely there’s some karmic payback from Deadspin’s frequent reminds of the domestic violence charges against Jay. Though Mariotti has since deleted a tweet from last night in which he reminds us he was NEVER CONVICTED OF NUTHIN’, here’s a helpful summary of the trumped-up charges against this heroic fighter for the rights of middle-aged white men (who or may not have explosive anger issues).

After all, if if Grantland Rice was alive today, he’d be publishing PDF’s explaining how he didn’t mean to pull his GF’s hair out.

08.31.16

Sending Thor A Copy Of ‘No New York’ For Early Xmas

Posted in Baseball, Mob Behavior at 6:37 pm by

Abdul-Jabbar : Kaepernick Detractors Are Picking The Wrong Fight

Posted in Basketball, Gridiron, non-sporting journalism, politics, Racism Corner at 6:21 pm by

Without question one of the all-time NBA greats turned-comedic-powerhouse/TV critic/social commentator Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has weighed in on Colin Kaepernick’s refusal to stand for “The Star Spangled Banner”, arguing the Niners QB, “behaved in a highly patriotic manner.” From Monday’s Washington Post :

One of the ironies of the way some people express their patriotism is to brag about our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, but then brand as unpatriotic those who exercise this freedom to express dissatisfaction with the government’s record in upholding the Constitution.

We should admire those who risk personal gain in the service of promoting the values of their country. Both athletes are in fine company of others who have shown their patriotism in unconventional ways. In 1989, when a federal law prohibiting flag desecration went into effect, Vietnam Veterans burned the American flag as a protest to a law curbing the First Amendment. Their argument was that they fought for the freedoms in the Constitution, not a piece of cloth, and to curtail those freedoms was an insult to their sacrifice. Ironically, the original purpose of flag desecration laws between 1897 and 1932 wasn’t to prevent political dissent, but to prevent the use of flag imagery for political campaigns and in advertising.

What should horrify Americans is not Kaepernick’s choice to remain seated during the national anthem, but that nearly 50 years after Muhammad Ali was banned from boxing for his stance and Tommie Smith and John Carlos’s raised fists caused public ostracization and numerous death threats, we still need to call attention to the same racial inequities. Failure to fix this problem is what’s really un-American here.

08.30.16

Another Important Message From The Entertainment Division Of Cumbucket Media : Coming September 30, The Debut LP From Sick Thoughts’ DD Owen

Posted in 12XU, record collector disease, Rock Und Roll at 12:50 pm by

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DD OwenDD Owen (12XU 091-1), out September 30

On the heels of an impressive pile of records under the Sick Thoughts, Chicken Chain and LSDOGS monikers, 19 year old Drew Owen left Baltimore, decamped to New Orleans and recorded his first 12″ under the DD Owen imprimatur, 8 songs that reflect a new-found maturity, songcraft, enhanced production values and deeply sophisticated worldview.

Alright, at least the part about the record being 8 songs long isn’t a total fucking lie.

Features the soon-to-be-smash, “I Shoulda Been Aborted”. The only color vinyl on this one is black. There’s a download card but it’s not like you’re getting into heaven any faster by using it.

Drew’s currently in Finland where Sick Thoughts are touring with Die Rottz. You can catch him at Goner Fest this September and that’s probably a good idea as he’s promised this label there will be no DD Owen tour to speak of after this album hits the streets. Man, the selling points are just falling from the sky like golf-ball sized hail, aren’t they?

In all seriousness, if you’ve heard the previous DD Owen singles for Ken Rock, Windian and Goodbye Boozy not to mention some of Drew’s other sprawling output for folks including but not limited to Goner, Episode Sounds, Total Punk and Slovenly you already know he’s as determined as he’s prolific. Would it be hyperbole to call him the voice of a generation? Perhaps, but if you do a Claude Bessey impersonation while saying it, at the very least you’ll be a hit at parties.

Preorder at 12XU.bigcartel.com or at ddowen12xu.bandcamp.com.

08.29.16

Phil’s Nothing If He’s Not Reliable : Mushnick’s Hatred Of Cespedes Continues Unabated

Posted in Baseball, Sports Journalism at 7:48 pm by

Friday on SNY, Keith Hernandez, who might have chosen to say nothing, and then Ron Darling, chose to tell us what we’ve repeatedly seen and know to be untrue: Yoenis Cespedes is a superb, intelligent base runner.

“Once again, as I’ve said before,” Hernandez said, “he’s the best base runner on this ball club. … He is such a smart player.”

Darling added, “How quick he can throw it into high gear.”

Cespedes, despite abundant slugging and throwing skills, was relegated to expendable by three teams — Oakland, Boston, Detroit — in just two seasons due to his indifferent, minimalist regard for playing team-first, fundamentally winning baseball, including couldn’t-care-less base running.

If you’re keeping score, the above implication that Mets OF Yoenis Cespedes is either lazy or stupid or both, comes on the heels of the New York Post’s Phil Mushnick assailing the former for wearing gold chains, not running on a dropped third strike, and “spending his money on expensive, silly things like pimped-out, three-wheeled sand buggies.” On the charge that Cespedes was deemed all-too-dumpable by his prior MLB club, Mushnick has called him, “so valued he quickly became expendable to three previous teams,”, so at least he’s even bigger on regurgitation than I am.

On the occasions Cespedes manages to beat out an infield hit, Phil, naturally has something else to write about (most likely the temerity of teams on the west coast actually scheduling their games during times in which persons with day jobs can attend them). That Oakland flipped Cespedes for Jon Lester and Detroit did the same for a strong Rookie Of The Year candidate in Michael Fulmer, goes unmentioned. Persons willing to take Mushnick’s grudge at face value might well believe Cespedes is lucky to have a job!