08.12.05

Ay Caramba! – Mets/Krusty Konnection Exposed

Posted in Baseball at 8:47 pm by

Dan McCarthy of Barstoolsports.com has compiled “The Definitive MLB – Simpson’s Analogy List : Comparing every MLB Team to a Simspon’s character.” (thanks to Maria for the link).

Among the highlights :

New York Yankees – C. Montgomery Burns – Driven to success by an almost unimaginable wealth of resources, which they use to ruthlessly crush their enemies, although typically not by the most efficient means possible (blocking out the sun, Bernie Williams). Seemingly unaware of the (obvious) reasons why they are hated. They seem to have been a key actor in pretty much everything important that happened before 1970.

Toronto Blue Jays – Bumblebee Man – Comic relief from the other side of the border. Inexplicably, they tend to get a lot of success out of recycled material (sight gags, Shea Hillenbrand) that wouldn’t work anywhere else.

Cleveland Indians – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon – Identity entirely based on a ridiculous stereotype of Indians. Jovial ongoing relationship with a big fat guy who underperforms a lot (Homer, C.C. Sabathia). Soldiering on gamely despite a terrible workplace environment (the Kwik-E-Mart, Cleveland). Used to play a much bigger role in the grand scheme of things, but now they make only occasional appearances, and they’re usually getting abused.

New York Mets – Krusty the Klown – Close ties to Judaism. Ongoing love-hate relationship with their audiences, and they have a tendency to lend their names to bad products (Krusty Brand Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup, Jose Offerman). Have had some substance-abuse problems in the past that they would prefer to keep out of the public eye (chain-smoking, Darryl Strawberry/Doc Gooden).

Cincinnati Reds – Principal Seymour Skinner – Spent much of their existence under the hand of a domineering, insane woman who was impossible to please (Agnes Skinner, Marge Schott). Possessors of a dirty little secret that they would rather sweep under the rug (Skinner’s true identity of Armand Tamzarian, Pete Rose). Their lives were given meaning in the ’70s (Vietnam, the Big Red Machine) but now all they have to escape the monotony of their everyday existence is the flashbacks.

2 Responses to “Ay Caramba! – Mets/Krusty Konnection Exposed”

  1. highcheese says:

    Roberto Clemente?! – that hurt. But it was incredibly funny. The whole NL West is dead on.

  2. Jon Solomon says:

    There’s a similar list in The Independent’s 05-06 Premiership guide: “If ______ were a band, they’d be…” Who knew Everton and New Order had so much in common? – JS

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