05.27.13

Burying Bob Schneider : With Defenders/Fans Like These, Who Needs Haters?

Posted in Austin, non-sporting journalism, Rock Und Roll at 4:17 pm by

Veteran Austin music scribe Michael Corcoran tackled the subject of local snooze-rock fixture Bob Schneider this weekend, and while the former might’ve intended to praise the latter for his improvisational skills, transition to adulthood or career tenacity, the end result comes off like an indictment that even Schneider’s biggest detractors would struggle to match.  Amongst the highlights :

a) “if you’re a hipster and you’re seen at one of my shows, your credibility is shot”

Trying to pin down exactly what Schneider or Corcoran think a hipster is in 2013 could be a pretty scary article all by itself, a reverse Onion if you will.  But it’s a curious badge of honor for Schneider (the piece is titled, “Bob’s Burden”, as if anyone should feel bad that Saxon Pub residences have cost him cool points) and the sort of manufactured motivation that Kobe Bryant would find embarrassing.  Can the artist or author ID one single “hipster” (or for that matter, a credible person) who has expressed fear of attending a Bob Schneider show, or more to the point, experienced being shunned as the result of doing so?  Couldn’t it be more likely that despite being quite popular by regional standards, Schneider is polarizing and many of those who’d sooner guzzle draino than listed to his horrible music are from more than one easily ID’d demographic?  Couldn’t it be as simple as hip-or-not, some people just think he sucks?

b) Schneider doesn’t owe his career to Sandra Bullock because he was in loads of terrible projects before and since.

I’m OK with this, actually. But it doesn’t help Corcoran’s case that Bullock’s name is dropped no fewer than 3 times in the article (there’s a picture of her, too).  Look, I can totally believe that Bob Schneider didn’t sleep his way to the middle.  But it’s kind of grim that someone trying to make a case for him can’t do so without bringing it up.

c) he’s a responsible 46 year old because he turned down a chance to nail “the sexiest, most overserved woman in the joint” (described by Michael Corcoran, as “tonight’s Tara Reid”)

That the author thought this was a noteworthy moment says a little more about him than Schneider.  Would it have been more or less noble if Schneider had turned down someone who didn’t remind Corcoran of Tara Reid?

d) Eschewing meet & greets, watching opening bands or hanging around a merch table like some kind of boob,  Schneider tends to show up for gigs minutes before taking the stage (“these days he barely says a word to bandmates…because he wants the conversation to happen musically…like a boxer who abstains from sex before a big fight to conserve his savage energy”)

OK, there’s a music journalist living vicariously through Bob Schenider’s cock. That has already been established.  That he’d like to characterize, y’know, being an asshole, as some sort of intense- artistic-focus, is not doing the object of his admiration any favors.

20 Responses to “Burying Bob Schneider : With Defenders/Fans Like These, Who Needs Haters?”

  1. Brian says:

    Corcoran’s piece isn’t from this weekend. That was the cover story in Texas Music magazine at least a year ago. Get your facts straight.

  2. Schooley says:

    “I can totally believe that Bob Schneider didn’t sleep his way to the middle.”

    Ha ha ha! This is funny on multiple levels, as 1.) just the phrase “sleeping your way to the middle” is hilarious, and 2.) he totally did.

  3. Kelly LaBelle says:

    Dear “wish I could write like Corcoran”,
    How about a little balance and positivity to balance out your envy and anger issues.
    Hope things improve for you. If you do not like the music- turn it off.
    If the writing upsets you- don’t read it. Have a nice day!

  4. Dave says:

    Are they blocking visitors from accessing their story from this link, or did I just get a weird error message for nothing?

  5. GC says:

    Brian,

    the piece in question appears on Michael’s blog, dates May 26, 2013, which I’m sure you’ll agree, qualifies as “this weekend”. http://www.michaelcorcoran.net/archives/2533

    You’ll note that nowhere is it mentioned said article was a cover story for Texas Music magazine. That may or may not be an issue for Texas Music’s editors to concern themselves with. In any event, I thank you for pointing this out, and if nothing else, I finally have an answer to the question, “who the fuck reads Texas Music?”

  6. GC says:

    it should be working now.

  7. Jojo says:

    I agree that the hipster label is stupid.

    Otherwise, I thought it was a good piece.

  8. Brian says:

    Yeah, I love reading snarky commentary on year-old stories. Really cutting-edge, dude. I have a piece on Spoon from 2010′s Austin Chronicle that’s ripe for your brand of criticism. Go for it.

    You’re right, though: Why should you be responsible for researching the publishing date of stories you criticize — especially when you’re a fucking hack? Well argued.

    Sorry I have to go, but I’m reading a magazine article and don’t have a lot of time for music critic wannabes. (Yawn.)

  9. Garry Froker says:

    “if nothing else, I finally have an answer to question, ‘who the fuck reads Texas Music?’”

    An even better question, “who the fuck cares about Bob Schneider?”

  10. Blake says:

    @Brian–Criticizing Gerard Cosloy for not being aware of the original publishing date of this article is pointless. If his opinions enraged you–as they obviously did–then criticize those opinions.

    I read Corcoran’s piece yesterday for the first time via a link on his Facebook page. I’d have never been aware of it otherwise. Corcoran presented the piece on his FB page as though is was new. He made no mention of the the fact that it had been previously published elsewhere.

    If it really bothers you that so few people were aware of this, perhaps you should be bringing it up with Corcoran. It’s not like Cosloy was digging through some ancient archives looking for some low-hanging fruit to pick.

    Michael Corcoran obviously posted the link because he didn’t think enough people originally saw it the first time. (Which is quite understandable.) In fact, I think he was probably just sitting around bored on a long holiday weekend, and this was a sure way to troll all the Schnieder haters out there. In that sense, his piece was quite successful.

  11. Blake says:

    Hey look, I missed where Corcoran explained on FB why he posted the link to the Schnieder article–a piece that he has recently updated–and why he believes the article is still timely. Further illustrating the irrelevance of Brian’s thin argument….

    “It’s a hybrid… A few grafs came from another Bob story I wrote in 2004. I’m working on a new story for when record comes out in two weeks and I was struck by how, because the new LP has been delayed 10 months, this article still applies.”

  12. GC says:

    Brian,

    nowhere on Corcoran’s blog post was there any indication the story had been republished. I think the burden is on him to fully disclose this, not on me to presume he’s regurgitating old material (though as Blake points out, it seems to have been cobbled together from multiple pieces on Schneider). Fair enough if Michael explained it on Facebook, however, I haven’t had the pleasure of reading his Facebook posts. I mean, if this was all meant to be a private, “let’s give Bob Schneider a backrub” session, excuse me for intruding!

    I’m glad you think his contributions to a barely extant magazine make Corcoran more legit than me, but it’s rather telling the Schneider profile is unavailable on Texas Music’s website, much the way Michael’s blog crashed several times yesterday when more than a half dozen people attempted to follow the link from my post.

    And fuck “snarky”. This is heartfelt city. Bob Schneider blows (and his apologists are even worse).

  13. Brian says:

    Shut the fuck up, Blake, you pretentious windbag.

    And Cosloy, do let me know when you’ve written your own piece on Schneider — or anything that’s not just for some crappy blog. It’s so easy (and fulfilling, I’m sure) to tear down someone else’s work. Snark on, dude.

  14. Blake says:

    Brian: Despite your ad hominem fury, I feel for you. I feel for you because you attempted a truly impossible task: criticizing the above blog post without appearing to be a hopeless Bob Schnieder fanboy. If nothing else, your tantrum provided us with an amusing example of that famous western movie cliché… “when you run out of bullets, just throw the gun.”

    I really don’t have a dog in this fight. I had never even heard of Cosloy before this morning. And while I imagine it’s obvious by now that I’m no fan of Schnieder’s, I certainly can’t be bothered to hate him, either. If anything, dumping on Bob Schnieder strikes me as being very 2003. (At the latest.) People ran out of new and clever ways of pointing out his lameness and irrelevance quite some time ago. His fans, I’m thrilled to report, remain fair game.

  15. GC says:

    yes, indeed, Brian. Maybe…maybe someday, if I try really hard…I’ll actually produce some work of my own that might have to stand on its own merits! Who knows when that day might arrive —- I certainly hope I don’t have to wait much longer!

  16. Brian says:

    Blake, no interest in your tedious posts.

    And Cos, before you write something that’s worthy of publication, you’ll need to learn that the correct styling is “its own merits,” not “it’s own merits.” Magazines, alas, require such propriety. Fortunately for you, juvenile blogs don’t.

    I’m out — and bored with this.

  17. GC says:

    What a glorious achievement that must be, writing for an actual magazine or newspaper! Granted, none of the magazines or newspapers I’ve written for were nearly as internationally known and respected as Texas Music, but maybe if I buckle down and eliminate the typos, there’s an internship at TM waiting for me. Tell me, Brian, are their offices in a skyscraper or do they operate out of the U-Haul self-storage facility on Ben White Blvd?

    Likewise, which is higher, your IQ or Texas Music’s paid circulation? Just curious. I think I could believe either answer.

    Sorry to bore you, but I appreciate your taking the time out of your busy schedule. I’m tempted to recommend a local demolition outfit who might be able to help you get your mouth off Michael Corcoran’s hind quarters (and in turn, his off Mr. Schneider’s), but seeing as we’re talking about local landmarks/institutions, I acknowledge they can only be handled with the utmost TLC.

  18. GC says:

    Blake, just so we’re clear here, the purpose of highlighting Corcoran’s blog post was not to start a debate over which is worse, the Holocaust or Bob Schneider’s music. You’re right — it’s 2013 ; everyone already knows that Bob is synonymous with “fuck no, please anyone but him”. It’s like talking about bed bugs or the ebola virus.

    My point was that Michael Corcoran, who presumably has some measure of respect for Bob Schneider, has actually provided the artist’s detractors with the music journalism equivalent of a meatball right down the middle of the plate.

    I understand that for some segment of the population — particularly those who aren’t very interested in music — the white Lexus driving, groupie-eschewing, no-longer-sleeping-with-Sandra Bullock Bob Schneider represents some sort of aspirational figure. Persons who feel otherwise, however, are just as entitled to their point of view.

  19. Eat Shit says:

    I don’t know who the fuck Bob Schneider is but “sorry I have to go, but I’m reading a magazine article” is a truly wicked burn.

  20. GC says:

    yes, well, ‘Highlights’ is a magazine.

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