07.28.06

Corky To The Globe’s Footy Fans : Fuck Off

Posted in Sports Journalism, We Aren't The World at 1:49 pm by

As stated previously, the gracious words written on behalf of this blog by the Austin American-Statesman’s Michael Corcoran are very appreciated. Short of running another jpg of Jackie Christie, I cannot imagine what would create such a traffic boost.

Being a fairminded sort, I’d like to return the favor.  Corcoran has already made his disdain for baseball known to one and all (more than once!), and recently, as part of his B-List blog, extended the diss-fest to soccer.

Non-sports fans love baseball and soccer, two sports you can have a conversation while watching, but I™m more entertained by a dog show. If not for Zidane™s head butt, the recent World Cup Soccer tournament would™ve been completely forgettable. All that nonsense ” up and down, up and down the field ” and then it™s settled by penalty kicks. That™s like, instead of overtime, a tied NBA championship game would be decided by a free-throw contest. Here™s something that would make soccer interesting: land mines. Each team gets to plant one before the game.

Have you noticed how they don™t keep turnover stats for soccer? That™s because there are about 600 a game. Possession means next to nothing in soccer because players score about as much as a dweeb in a Member™s Only jacket on the prowl at Emo™s. Soccer is a worldwide sensation only because it™s affordable to poor people, who comprise about 80 percent of the world™s population. You can play soccer with a wad of masking tape; no need for a mitt or a hoop or a bag full of clubs.

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