12.27.04

Crap Band Provides Woozy Score For NFL Network Spot

Posted in Sports TV at 11:31 pm by


(Fran has all kinds of time…to answer questions from the Securities & Exchange Commission)

Not content with tapping into the MILF craze or butchering the Kinks’ “Better Days” in the recent remake of “The Manchurian Candidate”, duller-than-dishwater rockers Fountains Of Wayne have entered the pop culture pantheon once again, courtesy of the NFL Network writes the NY Times’ David Carr.

The 13-month-old cable channel was created by the league to broadcast all football, all the time, including historical footage from NFL Films. If Fountains of Wayne seems like an unusual choice for the network, it is perhaps because the NFL has tended to favor the beer-and-barbecue stylings of Hank Williams Jr. over those of alternative rock. In the commercial, as the band sings, “The young quarterback, waits for the snap, when suddenly it all begins to make sense: He’s got all kinds of time,” gorgeous slow-motion photography is shown of Johnny Unitas, Fran Tarkenton, Troy Aikman, Joe Montana and Brett Favre roaming unfettered in the pocket.

Judy Fearing, the NFL Network’s senior vice president for consumer marketing, said she first heard the song nine months ago and was struck by the cinematic narrative. “When I heard the song, it was almost as if they wrote it with NFL Films in mind,” she said.

That happens to be the case. “I always had NFL Films in my head when I was writing the song,” said Adam Schlesinger, bassist and song writer for Fountains of Wayne. “The slow-motion effect is really key. I wanted to take this sports cliché literally and see if I could take those few seconds in the mind of a quarterback when he drops back, and make them last for the length of the song.”

12 Responses to “Crap Band Provides Woozy Score For NFL Network Spot”

  1. Tommy Hoops says:

    Now if only the guys from Fountains of Wayne could get the same treatment as the ref who got flattened this past Sunday. What game was that, by the way?

  2. CSTB says:

    what, Hugh Dallas got hit with a coin again?

  3. Jukka Lindstrom says:

    Best commercial on television at the moment.

  4. CSTB says:

    Well, it’s a lot better than those NBA TV ads were dudes rise to heaven only to find it looks just like their shitty bachelor pad w/ cable. But other than that, you’re out of your mind.

  5. CSTB says:

    Jukka, I was thinking about this ad the other day, and its totally fucked up. First of all, nobody wants to hear a band that makes Coldplay sound like Slayer. Secondly, it just doesn’t work. If Michael Vick has “all kinds of time”, why is he scrambling around in the ad?

  6. Tephlon says:

    Come on CSTB, you clearly have never been a quarterback! There is that point in a game when the defense is coming but their coverage scheme makes sense to you . . . you can see it’s weakness and expose it. They may be coming hard, but you have all kinds of time. Also, Michael Vick scrambles allowing him “all kinds of time” to read the coverage. I think the commercial is great because it shows what a quarterback is thinking and shows them escaping and having “all kinds of time” before they make the big play. Sure, Fountains of Wayne isn’t a great group, but as my Grandpa used to say, “Even a blind sow finds an acorn once and a while.” The song also shows the thing that makes sports great . . . the moment when you know you will make the play and everything is falling into place for a victory.

  7. CSTB says:

    “c’mon CSTB, clearly you have never been a quarterback”. Well, what a huge thrill to have none other than Johnny Fucking Unitas gracing our pages, glad you could take the time to write (though next time, please sign your real name).

    You sir, are mentally challenged. And the challenge in this case is to watch the insipid ad and read my comment above one more time. I’m all too familiar with what the lyrics “all kinds of time” refer to, and once again, to restate the obvious, if Michael Vick has scrambled out of the pocket, he clearly doesn’ t have all kinds of time. If Vick has crossed the line of scrimmage, he’s no longer “reading the coverage”, he’s looking looking to evade tacklers, as said coverage no longer exists. I understand the point of the ad (which is about as subtle as the blows to the skull your parents no doubt rained upon you at an early age) but I thank you just the same for spelling it out for us.

    I also take issue with your claim that this song “shows the thing that makes sports great…the moment when you know you will make the play and everything is falling into place for a victory.” Hey, if you like this sort of thing, you should check out ESPN’s “Ultimate Highlight”, where you can witness a stirring montage of the day’s hottest slam dunks and brutal hits accompanied by a a Papa Roach song even worse than anything Adam Schlesinger could write.

    There’s lots of things that make sports great, Tephlon. And a few things that make sports fucking unbearable. Like the NFL Network’s advertising and your post.

  8. DJ Stoic says:

    You know, maybe someone who comes up with the phrase “and it’s total fucked up.” and, supposedly, is a journalist (assuming “CSTB” is also the writer of this site), shouldn’t be calling anyone “mentally challenged”. Obviously, the point of the commercial, and the clip of Michael Vick scrambling around, is to show star quarterbacks, past and present, when they were–or are–in their prime. What kind of idiot takes a fucking commercial so literally that he can’t understand something as simple as that?
    Also, despite your assertion that you’re “all too familiar with what the lyrics “all kinds of time” refer to”, what the phrase really refers to (and what the commercial is also about) is not only the protection that the quarterback enjoys–but to that time in their careers that many veteran quarterbacks point to–that time when the game finally started to “slow down” for them, giving them the aforementioned “all kinds of time”. It’s a mental concept.
    I suppose, if you had been the one to produce the commercial, you would’ve attempted to find a clip of a play where the quarterbacks shown held the ball for the greatest length of time possible, so as to stay faithful to the lyrics of the song. That, quite obviously, wouldn’t have improved on the commercial (which I love, by the way). In fact, that would have been just “as subtle as the blows to the skull your parents no doubt rained upon you at an early age”.
    As an aside, let’s examine the reasoning behind this paragraph “There’s lots of things that make sports great, Tephlon. And a few things that make sports fucking unbearable. Like the NFL Network’s advertising and your post.” No matter that “Tephlon’s” post was, at least partially about sports, indicting sports as a whole because of his opinion makes no fucking sense. But hey, thanks for writing about the song so I could find out who wrote it, by google search.

  9. CSTB says:

    hey

    1) I’ve never claimed to be a journalist. If this site falls short of your standards for fair-minded reportage, please, have fun somewhere else.

    2) “Obviously, the point of the commercial, and the clip of Michael Vick scrambling around, is to show star quarterbacks, past and present, when they were or are in their prime. What kind of idiot takes a fucking commercial so literally that he can’t understand something as simple as that?”

    I think that’s a terrible way to talk about Tephlon.

    3) “Also, despite your assertion that you’re “all too familiar with what the lyrics ‘all kinds of time’ refer to”, what the phrase really refers to (and what the commercial is also about) is not only the protection that the quarterback enjoysâ, but to that time in their careers that many veteran quarterbacks point to that time when the game finally started to “slow down for them, giving them the aforementioned ‘all kinds of time’. It’s a mental concept.”

    Thanks for that, but there’s something kinda tasteless about finding inspiration in someone else’s post-concussion syndrome (Telphon’s excepted). It’s amazing how many Fountains Of Wayne fans can recite cliches from football stories. And once again, I get the analogy (for the zillionth time). I still maintain that showing Michael Vick running for his life is a poor way to illustrate it.

    4) “I suppose, if you had been the one to produce the commercial, you would’ve attempted to find a clip of a play where the quarterbacks shown held the ball for the greatest length of time possible, so as to stay faithful to the lyrics of the song. That, quite obviously, wouldn’t have improved on the commercial (which I love, by the way).”

    Suggesting what I might’ve done had I produced the commerical is ridiculous, DJ S., ’cause had I been involved I would’ve fired the music supervisor for bringing in such a crap song, First Tephlon says I’m not qualified to pass judgement because I’ve never played QB ; now you’d have us believe that I’m not suited to comment on a television commerical because I couldn’t produce one (which isn’t true, by the way). Perhaps you can explain what makes you any more qualified to say you love the ad than I am in saying it sucks? How much experience do you have in making unwatchable commercials?

    But seriously, DJ S., I’m all about CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, so here is my suggested new ad for the NFL Network :

    no more glorification of these pretty-boy QB’s, soaking up all the glory while their teammates die before they reach 50. In my ad (soundtrack provided by the Swans’ chart-topping”Raping A Slave”), we’re shown a grainy replay of Lawrence Taylor breaking Joe Theisman’s leg. Over and over again. Close in on the bone. Show it a few more times. For about 7 minutes. I know, hard to find room for a 7 minute ad, maybe we turn it into an infomercial. If we’re still stuck for time, we can show that R. Budd Dwyer video again.

    5) “As an aside, let’s examine the reasoning behind this paragraph ‘There’s lots of things that make sports great, Tephlon. And a few things that make sports fucking unbearable. Like the NFL Network’s advertising and your post.’ No matter that Tephlon’s post was, at least partially about sports, indicting sports as a whole because of his opinion makes no fucking sense.”

    Sir (or Lady), if Telphon is free to claim that “The song also shows the thing that makes sports great . . . the moment when you know you will make the play and everything is falling into place for a victory.” (which would be the generalization of the century if it were actually a memorable statement), I’m equally free to characterize said ramblings as one of the (many) things that make sports a big pile of shit. But please, don’t let me intrude on your version of reality. Continue, by all means, patronizing bands that make Coldplay sound like Slayer and going ga-ga for a TV commercial that makes Mean Joe Green’s Coke spot come off like Leni Riefenstahl.

    GC

  10. Ralph N. says:

    I cannot help but being annoyed whenever people speak so definitely about bands without having heard even 1 percent of their production… the ad is moving, the song fits perfectly… and Fountains Of Wayne are a GREAT band. And I only want replies from people who have heard at least two of their records please

  11. CSTB says:

    Ralph,
    would having heard ‘Welcome Interstate Managers’, ‘Utopia Parkway’ and ‘Fountains Of Wayne’ from begining to end be enough for you to say that someone else’s opinon, while different than your own, is at least informed? Hey, I only want replies from people with higher standards and better musical taste,but we can’t have everything we want.

  12. Ralph N. says:

    Take it easy, man! I just found your comments a bit sketchy
    and facile, but i apologize and it is nice to know that you are a
    Fountains Of Wayne expert.
    By the way, my musical taste may be bad. The same happens then with 99 % of the music critics.

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