10.28.08

Creepy Campaigning, Baseball Style

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down at 2:49 pm by

Robocallmania! We’ve all gotten ‘em, some disembodied voice saying Obama’s a terrorist mole, McCain called his wife a cunt (wait, that really happened), etc.  But the inspired minds at Jockish have imagined what kind of automated call you might receive if you were one of Major League Baseball’s 30 general managers. Here’s a couple of ‘em :

“How™s it goin™, eh? I™m calling for Eric Gagne, Cy Young Award-winning relief pitcher for the Milwaukee Brewers. Might not have been the best year for baseball™s greatest-ever relief pitcher, but the Brewers are dangerously weak in their bullpen, and now is no time to throw Eric Gagne under the bus. Over the course of his career, he has averaged more than one strikeout per inning, and also played a pivotal role in the Boston Red Sox 2007 World Series championship. Solomon Torres, Guillermo Mota, and their bullpen allies might seem like flashy celebrities, but we can™t trust their judgment to keep our two-run leads safe. We need someone who™s been there before, and someone who will probably get back there again. Someone like Eric Gagne. This call was paid for by the Scott Boras Corporation and the National Fund for Canadian Baseball.”

“Hello, I™m calling on behalf of starting pitcher Oliver Perez, who™s played a key role in getting the Mets one game away from making the playoffs over the past two years. Oliver Perez is a consistent pitcher with the stuff of an ace and the mindset of a non-roster invitee. When the chips are down, and you need a win, you don™t just want someone that will just keep you in the game. You want someone that™s a little unpredictable. You want someone that will work hard for that win. You want Oliver Perez. This call was paid for by the Scott Boras Corporation.”

3 Responses to “Creepy Campaigning, Baseball Style”

  1. David R. says:

    Thanks as always, GC. The post-dated check for the entire ATC back catalog is, as they say, being eaten by my dog.

  2. GC says:

    understood. To paraphase ESG, Ballhype rankings don’t the bills here, either.

  3. Kass says:

    NOT CONSISTENT………………………………………..thank U

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