05.30.07

CSTB Contributor’s Fantasies Revealed

Posted in Baseball, Sports Journalism at 9:16 pm by

(this man would surely not approve)

Salutations to longtime CSTB fixture David Roth on the publication of “My Overactive Fantasy Life : What Happens When You Love Your Fantasy Team A Litte Too Much” in Wednesday’s edition of Slate. David describes a growing social problem with harrowing detail :

It started with simple flip-overs to WGN from Mets games. You know, an innocent, Oh, I wonder if Jermaine Dye is up”I could really use a two-run single and two stolen bases from him. Then it became a full-on addiction. I watched my fantasy players’ at-bats with an intensity that I can’t bring to Mets games until the weather starts getting cold. I watched them not only instead of Mets games, but also instead of whatever else I was supposed to be doing. I write “watched” instead of “watch” because, after hitting bottom a couple of weeks ago, I’m trying to change.

My moment of clarity came on a beautiful April afternoon at Shea Stadium. For the first time in my Mets-attending life, I was treated to the spectacle of the Mets putting a nice, easy walloping on the Atlanta Braves, their longtime divisional nemesis. But there was a complicating factor: One of my fantasy pitchers, Chuck James, was starting for the Braves. So, while I enjoyed watching the Mets pound him silly, I felt empty high-fiving my friends as runs five and six crossed the plate. My mouth said the right things, but my fantasy-sodden brain wondered why a nice 3-1 win (with, say, one of the runs being unearned and James registering eight or so strikeouts) couldn’t have sufficed. It was then that I decided that I needed to get a handle on this.

Given that David’s squad in the Charlie Kerfeld Memorial League is currently 9th out of 13 teams, I think we can safely say he is making ample progress towards sanity.

15 Responses to “CSTB Contributor’s Fantasies Revealed”

  1. David Roth says:

    As ample progress as is possible, given the presence of Wilson Betemit on my roster. I broke my keyboard after Team Nastanovich picked Braun off the waiver wire. Unless Corey Hart learns to play third base/records another hit, it won’t have been worth it.

  2. Marc says:

    I’m doing my best to make sure David doesn’t slip into last place.

    I did sniff 12th place last week … until the guy in 13th place had something like a 15 RBI night (Jeff Kent had 4, that Mark Reynolds guy had 4 or 5, and I own Adam LaRoche — that’s for nothing Stephen M.!) and jumped to 8th place overnight.

    I realized this morning that I owned not one, but two, Nationals pitchers and my only closer is on the goddamned Pirates.

    What the fuck.

  3. David Roth says:

    I was that man! I was that 13th Place man! This must be thrilling for readers not in our league. Provided that there’s a readership that doesn’t include people in the Kerfeld Memorial League.

    Anyway, yeah: Mark Reynolds. Almost making up for that whole Betemit/LaRoche thing.

  4. Bruce says:

    I used to compete against a guy whose whole life, outside of his job, was fantasy sports. He made it so miserable for the rest of us, that I abandoned my team mid-season one year. I put everyone on the bench and posted a message saying that everyone on my team was available, and that no offer would be rejected. It pissed him off to no end, and I was glad. Was I childish in my actions? Probably, but fantasy sports is supposed to be fun, not cutthroat.

  5. Joel Hunt says:

    If this article is some kinda ploy on the part of Mr. Cosloy and Mr. Roth to get myself and some dude named SM to resign the league in protest, thereby relinquishing our dominating teams, well it ain’t gonna work.

  6. GC says:

    first of all, I’d like to apologize to David for the html fuckup earlier that didn’t make it entirely clear which passage was quoted and which wasn’t. It should be cleaned up from this point onwards.

    Bruce, this other guy in your league didn’t go by the initials S.M., did he?

    Joel, there’s no attempt, tacit or otherwise, to get anyone to quit. But let’s not sugarcoat anything — your Love of (Mario) Dia(z’s) Grams, while an impressive collection, are (as of this writing) in 2nd place. Which might not qualify for “dominanting” status.

    Of course, I have about as much hope of catching you in the standings as I do pursuing a modeling career for American Apparel, so, uh, well done.

    As for the league’s current first place holder, the father of two from Portland was sitting in dead last at the end of the first weekend of play. Today, he’s top of the heap after what would appear to more than 200 roster moves in less than two months.

    There’s a lesson in here somewhere for anyone cursed with shitty draft results : chronic neglect of everything else in your life can pay serious fantasy sports dividents.

  7. Joel Hunt says:

    Okay, fine, you don’t have to rub it in that SM took over the #1 spot from the ‘Grams. I suppose I probably do have more important things to worry about.

    Seriously though, congrats to Mr. Roth.

  8. GC says:

    Joel, if there’s any consolation, a man much wiser than I once said of the fantasy baseball season, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

    ok, actually, the man in question was Boston Athletic Association founder Robert Clark. And he was speaking about the actual Boston Marathon. But I think the same principal applies.

  9. Marc says:

    Believe it or not, I snuck back into 12th place as of this morning.

    And, Mr. SM is now the father of 2 as well as the head of a 2nd place team.

    I’m sure the non-league readership is absolutely thrilled.

  10. Jon Solomon says:

    I’m never going to see my “Cruddy Trophy,” am I?

  11. GC says:

    wow, way to take league business public. My apologies, I’ll have Stu Jackson pack it up immediately.

  12. Joel Hunt says:

    yes! back in first!

    (I missed the draft.)

  13. David Roth says:

    Congratulations to Joel, then. And thanks for the fond wishes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to check up on the rehabilitation progress for Anibal Sanchez and John Patterson (ugh).

  14. Rog says:

    CSTB Fantasy Circle Jerk. Great.

  15. David Roth says:

    Look, buddy, if you don’t like it…you’re probably right. Sorry.

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