01.30.07

Decision ’08 : Byron Crawford On The Issues That Really Matter

Posted in History's Great Hook-Ups, politics at 2:26 pm by

Regardless of your political leanings, realists amongst know all too well that the race for the White House often rests on something as flimsy as the suitability of a candidate’s spouse. Byron Crawford has the situation so well in hand, I might just let him do my voting for me next time around.

One of the main things the Bush Administration has been successful at is keeping Laura “Pickles” Bush out of the spotlight. Every once in a while you might see her getting off of Air Force One or walking across the White House lawn, but that’s about it.

Hence you’d never know that she used to deal weed when she was in college, that she once killed somebody, or that she smokes squares in the White House – all of which, I’ll have you know, are true.


Of course it’s much more difficult when your wife’s flaws are right out there in the open, which is the case with John Edwards. During the last election, I remember people would wonder: how could a man become a multi-millionaire trial lawyer, get elected to the Senate, finally be selected to run for Vice President, and still not be able to keep his wife in decent shape?

The situation is obviously different with Hillary Clinton, since she’s the one running for president. Some have suggested that the fact that she was able to stand by Bill when he was getting his knob shined left and right is a sign of personal strength, but you have to wonder: how come she wasn’t down on her knees that entire time? If Hillary Clinton can’t take care of her own family, why should we trust her to take care of the entire country?

To date, we don’t know too much about Barack Obama’s wife Michelle. Obviously it was a stroke of genius on his part, at least politically, that he went and got him an actual black woman, since his own racial identity is pretty damn questionable. But of course that can also be a liability. We already know she likes to refer to him as “my baby’s daddy.” How long until Karl Rove or somebody figures out that there’s an actual song called “My Baby’s Daddy?” We could be hearing that shit all next year.

One Response to “Decision ’08 : Byron Crawford On The Issues That Really Matter”

  1. Rog says:

    Maybe Crawford should make fun of Elizabeth Edwards’ battle with breast cancer while he’s at it.

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