08.23.07

Decrepit Columnist : I Throw Like A Girl

Posted in Baseball, non-sporting journalism at 8:51 am by

Though I’m not sure which is the bigger surprise, that “60 Minutes”‘s Andy Rooney is still alive or that the following column wasn’t written for The Onion, who amongst us wasn’t thrilled to learn that Rooney, “never liked baseball as a kid. My friends said I threw like a girl and that’s enough to put any young man off a game”?

From the Stamford Times, link courtesy Repoz who sighs, “even Looney Skip Rooney makes more sense.”



My disinterest in baseball as a kid has lasted all my life. I’m still not interested in the game. I don’t watch it on television or follow it in the newspaper. I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today’s baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me. They’re apparently very good but they haven’t caught my interest. I also think baseball needs some rules changes, too. For example, the player who starts the game as pitcher should have to play all nine innings without a substitution. A pitcher hardly ever plays more than a few innings and then the manager replaces him with someone who isn’t as good. I think baseball managers dominate the games more than the players do and more than coaches do in other sports.

There are 30 major league baseball teams, but sometimes it seems as though the New York Yankees are the only team that ever wins the World Series. There have been 102 World Series since 1903. The Yankees have been in 39 of those and they’ve won 26. Five teams have never won a World Series. What in the world keeps baseball fans in those cities coming to games?

The figures they keep giving us on broadcasts of baseball games are batting statistics, the amount being paid the players, the number of fans in the stands. There are other statistics I’d like to hear more often. When a player comes up to bat, they can tell me what his batting average is but I’d also like to know how many times he’s struck out. Tell me how many different teams he’s played with. Which player on either team has made the most errors? What’s the average IQ of a baseball team compared with the IQ of a professional football team?

7 Responses to “Decrepit Columnist : I Throw Like A Girl”

  1. Pete Segall says:

    I reckon Andy’s also got a beef with Bill James for not including cranial measurements in the Statistical Abstract.

  2. Mark Swiderski says:

    Awww, come on … give the guy a break. After a few beers, who doesn’t mistake, say, Julio Lugo for David Ortiz?

  3. Rog says:

    I wouldn’t be too hard on him; he’s mirroring the sentiments of most of the jokers on ILM. At least he has the excuse of being ancient.

  4. Don says:

    I will never, ever forgive Andy Rooney for the way he treated Kurt Cobain. I’m not saying that Kurt should have been canonized, but the guy started out a normal K-Records nerd from Olympia, he did not deserve to be treated like that. Andy Rooney has been X’d since that day.

  5. GC says:

    hey, at least he didn’t pay Il Duce to kill Kurt.

  6. Rog says:

    One of these days we’re going to hear Territorial Pissings in the background of a cat litter commercial. Thanks, Court.

  7. Don says:

    When the first NWA record came in the mail, we put the needle on it and one of the first things a friend said was “This sounds like rap version of The Mentors.” And it did. And I never took those guys seriously because of the obvious Mentors influence

Leave a Reply