10.17.08

FJM’s Helpful Tips For Jerry Manuel

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down at 9:08 pm by


While we await hints of how the New York Mets might address their bullpen deficiencies, newly extended manager Jerry Manuel claims he’ll be stressing fundamentals come spring training.  I put little stock in these plans, but not nearly to the extent of Fire Joe Morgan‘s Junior mocking the Mets skipper. Amongst his more helpful pieces of advice ;

1. Just before Jose Reyes takes a swing in BP, scream in his ear “It’s Game 7 of the World Series!” and also punch him in the gut because that’s what butterflies in the stomach feel like.

2. Secretly feed the team laxatives before practice because that’s what butterflies in the stomach feel like.

3. Make the team eat butterflies.

4. Kidnap Carlos Delgado’s kids and hold them at gunpoint while Carlos takes BP. “You like pressure, Carlos? This is what the playoffs feel like.” Then, after Carlos strokes a home run, shoot one of the kids. Just in the leg, though. Remember, it’s just a game.

5. Strap Luis Castillo to a speeding train. “Unless you hit in the clutch, Castillo becomes the meat in a train sandwich.” Everyone comes through, and you reveal that you basically just wanted Castillo gone anyway.

6. One bat in the clubhouse is filled with plastic explosives. Stay on your toes, gentlemen.

7. Put up a picture of Derek Jeter in the clubhouse.

8. Be positive.

One Response to “FJM’s Helpful Tips For Jerry Manuel”

  1. ODB says:

    This is by far the worst article I’ve ever seen posted on this site in my years of reading this wonderful site. This horrible attempt at humor does not deserve to be re-posted anywhere… shame on you G.

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