04.24.14

From The Desk Of Randy L. : If You’re Not Cheating, You’re Not Trying

Posted in Baseball at 3:43 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, CSTB is fortunate to feature the observations of Bronx baseball executive Randy L.   Upon hearing of Yankee starter Michael Pineda’s 10-game suspension for use of a foreign substance, and GM Brian Cashman’s profuse apology for such, Randy insisted, no, sorry, he demanded to have his say – GC)

Greetings, Yankee Universe and those who so dearly wish they were part of our solar system.  Like most of you, I was saddened by events at the New Yankee Stadium last night that saw our fine young pitcher, Michael Pineda ejected, and subsequently suspended for simply being easier to bust than Jon Lester. Look, I realize for our society to function properly, there are rules that are applicable to all of us, but think for a minute, if you will, about the sort of unselfish act that was required to subdue the big market Red Sox while risking such extreme punitive measures.  In my book, Michael Pineda is a real hero and a fantastic role model, one willing to do whatever it takes to help his team win a 28th World Championship.   You don’t think Pineda knows where he could end up if he falters?  That’s right, Trenton, NJ.   How would you perform with that kind of pressure hanging over your head?  I’m willing to bet you’d screw up at least a couple of Subway orders.

So imagine, if you will, my discomfort this afternoon, upon learning our Lothario Of The Librarian circuit, Brian Cashman, has declared, “we as a group are embarrassed.”  SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, NEEDLE DICK.  I couldn’t be prouder of Michael Pineda than if one of my prized labradors had just won a trophy in the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.   Which category you ask?  Oh, I don’t know, the one for BORN WINNERS WHO AREN’T PUSSIES LIKE CASHMAN.

With the possible exception of Jason Giambi, I’ve not met an individual more prone to thinking with his prick than our moralizing general manager.  Does he really believe the fans and media have completely forgotten the way he tarnished this franchise’s good name by breaking his marriage vows with a paramour that made Steve Phillips’ intern seem like Courtney Thorne-Smith by comparison?

Look, nobody cares more about the integrity of the game more than Randy L.  That’s why I’ve been so tireless in making certain the hot corner at our palace of a ballpark is a fraud-free zone.  But compared to the truly horrible things happening right his moment in John Sterling’s hotel suite this nation’s schools and streets, it seems the height of hysteria to make Michael Pineda Public Enemy Number One.

How would I have handled the situation?  Simple — first Boston reporter who asks me about last night gets this answer ; “it’s a regrettable situation, but not nearly as much so as your team’s color guy aiding and enabling a murderer.”

MIKE FUCKING DROP.  That’s how it’s done, Cashman.

Randy L.

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