01.02.14

From The Desk of Randy L : Reading Between The Lines (Of My Stolen E-Mail)

Posted in Baseball at 6:54 pm by

(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, noted baseball executive / consumer advocate Randy L. of the Bronx shares his views on the events of the day with lucky CSTB readers. Upon learning that New York Magazine had published excerpts from several years of correspondence between the Yankee front office and Alex Rodriguez, Randy offered, well, more like demanded to have his say – GC)


Greetings and happy new year from the HQ of the most successful professional sports franchise of all-time. Though I’ve tried to foster a trusting, cooperative environment here at the New Stadium, from time to time, I’ve had to invade the privacy of others for the good of the Yankee Universe. Whether that’s meant installing malware on Brian Cashman’s laptop, putting a GPS device on John Sterling’s Buick Skylark or maintaining video surveillance on an employee who might otherwise disgrace the Yankee uniform, I’ve been a firm believer in doing whatever it takes to take care of business.

Today, however, I think I know what Edward Snowden was talking about when he recently said our personal freedoms were under attack. Or maybe it was Edward Norton — I’ll confess, I’m not a big reader of entertainment blogs (this one, especially). But either way, I was stunned that any reputable publication (or in this case, New York Magazine) would publish private electronic messages between two law abiding citizens. Or even one law abiding citizen and Alex Rodriquez.

Persons reading these messages out of context might have gotten the impression the working relationship between myself and our estranged third baseball was a little too chummy for comfort on occasions.  BFF’s, almost.  I’m sure, however, you’re all familiar with the expression, “keep your friends close, keep your frienemies closer, but keep the guys with needles in their ass who you’d just as soon push down a flight of stairs closest of all.”

I’ll be the first to admit, I was not being entirely sincere in my attempts to assuage A-Rod’s fragile ego. But with the help of our proprietary stay-out-of-litigation translation software (you probably had no idea Boone Logan had serious developer chops), I was able to fully express myself while not provoking further tantrums. or legal entanglements.  For instance :

May 21, 2012
The Yanks are shut out by the Royals.

The Randy L : If there’s a Hall Of Fame for preening, supercilious punks, you’re going in on the first ballot.

TRANSLATION :

My friend, I have always believed that in difficult times there r two ways to go. The easy way, which is to make excuses, be defensive, or blame others and shut it down. The better way is to take the challenge, get mad, get determined, and shut everyone up and perform to greater levels. I believe in u. I believe u will hit those levels. It has been a tough year in injuries, tough losses, underperformance, but we need a leader, that is you. Take the lead, get these guys going, put a chip on your shoulder. When u succeed it will be Yankees lore. There is nothing more powerful than that. I am here to support u. Tell us what u need.

May 23, 2012
Rodriguez homers twice against the Royals in an 8-3 Yankees victory, Rodriguez’s first home runs in 52 at-bats.

The Randy L : Way to actually earn your obscene paycheck, precious. And classy move, leaving bleacher seats for Wendi Richter. Ever heard of respecting your elders?

TRANSLATION :

Breakout game. Nice going. Chip on shoulder attitude. Get us on a roll.

July 3, 2013

The Randy L : You know what’s the most fun part of fantasizing about having you killed? When I realize how many people out there would be willing to do the job for free.

Just kidding. You hope.

TRANSLATION :

Hey Al, glad ur on ur way back. Quick question: some lawyer named James McCaroll [one of Rodriguez’s lawyers] keeps calling Hal [Steinbrenner, co-chair and managing general partner of the Yankees], says he is your lawyer, wants to talk about your investments. I called him. He is not taking my calls. Is he your guy? If so, have him call me. If not, you should have someone shut him down.

August 3, 2013

Rodriguez: Can u please stop!! I want to play baseball and I could make a big difference to the game. Steinbrenner would roll in his grave IF he knew what was happening! Stop, Randy, this isn’t going to be good for any of us!! You are a businessman and what you are doing is ruining the business of baseball. If u want to meet in person to discuss it, let’s do it!

August 5, 2013

The Randy L : It’s always sucked to be you but now it SUPER SUCKS TO BE YOU.

TRANSLATION

I received your email, the contents of which are a complete shock to me. As I have repeatedly told you, this is an MLB investigation. We had no role in initiating the investigation or assisting in the direction of the investigation. Despite your continued false accusations (which you know are false) we have acted consistently. My focus and direction, as well as that of the entire Yankees organization, has been, and continues to be, to treat you in the same manner as we do all of our players, to have you healthy and ready to play as soon as possible. Good luck.

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