01.03.07

Gerry Callahan Manages To Stop Laughing At Eric Mangini…

Posted in Gridiron, Sports TV at 2:58 am by

…but not before calling the Jets coach “Rib Boy”, and claiming that prior to his Swamp hiring, Mangini “had never even used the men’s room without Bill Belichik’s approval.” From Wednesday’s Boston Herald.

You stepped to the podium and opened your mouth, and we were convinced: This was a worse fit than Bill Parcells in bike shorts. You sounded like an eighth-grader trying to ask a pretty girl to the dance. You are a large man, but we were convinced the New York media would swallow you whole before you made it to your first minicamp. They had devoured many coaches over the years, hardened veterans like Rich Kotite and Pete Carroll and poor Ray Handley. Surely, they would ruin your life without thinking twice.

When you said you wanted players who played for the name on the front of the jersey and not the name on the back, we actually felt sorry for you. I mean, forget the fact that the Jets don™t have a name on the front of their jerseys, it hardly seemed like the kind of message that was going to resonate with Laveraneus Coles or Chad Pennington. We were waiting for you to tell them how many I™s there are in team, too.

Clearly, the Jets aren™t playing for the name on the front or the back of their jerseys. They™re playing for the chubby young guy on the sideline who never played beyond the NESCAC. In the second half of the season, your defense held opponents to just 12.8 points per game, best in the NFL. You™ve given up fewer big plays (20 yards or more) than any team in the NFL. You™ve coached them up in every way.

They™re playing for you, Rib Boy, and they™re doing it before your first full season is over.

I gave up picking NFL games for CSTB when it became too obvious I was editing the predictions after the scores were in. Fitted Sweats’ Jeff Johnson has already made his selections for next week, and I trust he’s far too ethical to flip-flop between now and then (or afterwards).

Dallas at Seattle — Romo. There’s a name that probably never led to any teasing on the playground. The dream is over. Here’s Terrell’s last game for Dallas. I’m sure he will be sweet with the media afterwards. Expect Parcells to stalk the sidelines like a man who eats too many jiblets, smokes Misty cigarettes, and serves as a truant officer in Wildwood, NJ. Seattle 21-14.

NY Jets at New England — I would love to see Mangini beat Bill B. in New England for the second time this year. I would also love to collect one dollar for every time their last post game handshake is written about or mentioned on the air this week. There is no mystery. Belichick is a not-too eccentric jerk who has an obsession with someone else’s wife and whose kid got busted for weed. Tony Danza will play him in an upcoming movie on Lifetime. One of my favorite NFL quotes this season was Mike Ditka saying his sweatshirt looked like “crap” on some pregame show. Still it is New England 17-10

Though the New York Times’ Richard Sandomir gives Thom Brennaman higher marks for his Fiesta Bowl announcing than our friend Tim Cook, the Gray Lady’s columnist has questions about Barry Alavarez’ presence in the Fox booth.

Alvarez™s official connection to a major Big Ten program is troubling. His ties to the Badgers make him contemporary, but why should the issue of his objectivity, especially with Big 10 rival Ohio State in the national championship game, linger in anyone™s mind? What if he upsets Buckeyes Coach Jim Tressel with remarks that would sound like standard criticism from any other analyst, but biased from a former star Big Ten coach?

3 Responses to “Gerry Callahan Manages To Stop Laughing At Eric Mangini…”

  1. jere says:

    So what does Sidney Ponson have to do with all of this?

  2. Mike says:

    NESCAC = Cradle of Coaches

  3. jere says:

    And now you’ve got a Ponson article above! Just switch this pic to that article! See where I’m goin’ with this?

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