(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, noted consumer advocate / baseball executive Randy L. of the Bronx has helpfully chimed in on the sports events of the day. With today’s news that longtime Mets Vice-President / Wilpon apologist David Howard had accepted a similar position at with James Dolan’s Madison Square Garden, Randy kindly offered, nay, DEMANDED to express his best wishes – GC)
GREETINGS, finger-sniffers, rug-humpers and fantasy baseball enthusiasts — or am I being redundant? I trust you’re all enjoying your NCAA bracket competitions as much as I am, though I thank you in advance for NEVER MENTIONING YOURS AGAIN. There’s very few things I’m less interested in than how you’re performing in some low-stakes gambling enterprise (though if you have hard evidence of A-Rod’s participation in one, by all means get in touch). The fate of your bracket matters as much to me as the results of Nick Swisher’s latest STD test, which is to say NOT AT ALL.
But I digress. Monday afternoon brought news that a man I’ve long regarded as a peer in the local baseball wars, Mets VP David Howard, is leaving the Temple Of Doom known as Citi Field, instead opting for one of the least attractive jobs this side of manning a mop at Kinematics (ask John Sterling), running business operations for Jim Dolan.
I like to have a laugh at the Mets’ expense as much as any other successful person, but truth be known, I’ve long admired David’s aptitude in dealing with the easily duped, be they members of the working media or the pathetic saps who willingly shell out for season tickets at a ballpark so devoid of character and charm, it actually manages to make the New Yankee Stadium seem like a fun place to hang out.
However, anyone with an ounce of common sense realizes there’s no long-term future in working for deadbeat Fred Wilpon or his sickeningly entitled son. Granted, there’s some kindly, washed-up caretaker types in Flushing (Alderson, Collins, etc.), but you’d have be a borderline mental defect to make a serious commitment to that organization. But enough about David Wright — sometimes when G-d is handing out the good looks, he’s a little stingy with the brains.
So with all that in mind, here’s wishing David Howard all the best in his new position. Not only will he experience the glamour of trying to find an emergency NA meeting for Gregg Allman at 3am and the morale-building hijinx that make MSG such a great place to work (gluing cock pics to Wally Sczerbiak’s eyebrows, calling security on Baron Davis every time he unlocks his own car), but he’s dodged the biggest sports business bullet of them all ; constantly having his performance measured against that of yours truly.
Let’s face it. No matter how adept David Howard was at lying on behalf of his boss, regardless of how convincingly he shilled for owners of a baseball franchise that doesn’t give a flying fuck about history, their players or the fans….he was always gonna be New York’s Second Best. Glad he eventually figured it out and got of baseball with his nuts intact. Best of luck in the new gig, David, and if you ever need tickets for a Yankee game….call Ticketmaster. I’m told there’s plenty of good seats left for Opening Day.