(EDITOR’S NOTE : From time to time, noted baseball executive and consumer rights advocate Randy L. of the Bronx, NY takes to CSTB and addresses the most important matters of the day. With Tuesday’s announcement that the New York Yankees will partner with Manchester City in creating the New York area’s 2nd Major League Soccer franchise , we are truly fortunate that Randy offered, nay, insisted on discussing these developments with us – GC).
I look pretty good up there, right? BIG, BIG day for Randy. All sorts of international exposure. And when the world’s media wanted to know what could the greatest sporting franchise of all time bring to the table when it comes to making soccer happen in NYC? It’s pretty fucking simple, isn’t it? Legitimacy. Local expertise. Sizzle. But the most important element of them all is ME.
Let’s face it, these guys from Manchester City wouldn’t know their ass from their elbow when it comes to running a top-flight sports organization, and I’m more than happy to show them how it’s done — for a healthy fee, of course. But there’s no small irony in that Man City competes back home with a crosstown rival whose annual success has routinely overshadowed theirs. Sounds a little familiar, doesn’t it?
And low and behold, guess which father-son entrepreneurial duo — currently leading the New York Mets on a straight path to contraction — find themselves on the outside looking in? FUNNY considering their own lust for a Major League Soccer franchise led them to waste time and money on lobbying to build an Indian casino in Queens. Time, they’ve got plenty of. Money….not so much.
I might not know my Lionel Messi from my Tony Meola (though for whatever it is worth, the latter cannot act for shit) but I know how to give a franchise a badly needed touch of class — and that’s something Fred & Jeff Wilpon have even less of than cash. While I’m presiding over a year-long victory lap for one of the game’s most humble and beloved ambassadors, my counterparts in Flushing can’t even discipline one of their own properly — so they’re serving him up to the competition on a platter.
The study in contrasts couldn’t be more stark. While the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees proudly celebrate our legacy — check out the plaque dedicated to Kevin Maas the next time you’re in Monument Park — the Mets are merely a preparatory school that graduates players like Darryl Strawberry, David Cone and Doc Gooden to the big time.
(Did you dig my prep school analogy? In an earlier draft, I suggested that maybe Luis Castillo went to CHOKE ACADEMY. You know, Choate. Choke….alright. I can see I’m wasting amazing material on a bunch of intellectual stiffs).
Manchester City have been second class citizens in their own city for a long time. And with my help, not only will some of the Yankee glamor rub off on them, but we’ll help ensure further financial struggles for New York’s second class baseball citizens. That my friends, is what teamwork is all about. It’s kind of like the time me and the pocket-protector dweebs at MLB Advanced Media had to come together to get all those You Tube clips of John Sterling taken down. Most of the time, I wouldn’t piss on one of those $300-a-week plebs if they were on fire, but in this case, we managed to protect the Yankee brand. I’m told the whole strategy was stolen from a guy in Taylor, TX named Ginn. Funny name, but it’s good to know something useful finally came out of that godforsaken state.
And I hope my CSTB followers — all two dozen of them — noticed that when it came time to consummate the marriage between the Yankees and
a team no one in America gives two shits about another iconic global brand —- yours truly was front and center. Not Hank Steinbrenner. Not Hal Steinbrenner. But ME. While those two are sorting out Daddy issues and recovered memory syndrome nonsense with some $500-an-hour specialist (though not the kind in a leather mask that Sterling was caught with), I am once again, doing the heavy lifting. Making the bold moves that make me every bit as much a paragon of Yankee excellence as Mantle, DiMaggio or Ruth.
Finally, I’ve got a little advice for New York City F.C.’s newest rivals, a team that seems to think there’s something Major League about Harrison, NJ. Thank you for not mentioning us.. In fact, I’d like you to keep our name out of your stinking mouth for as long as possible. But as long as we’re defining our our respective roles, you might wanna consider changing your team colors to orange and blue.
BACK OF THE NET!