The following comes courtesy of Repoz, who writes,
If only Orson Welles hadn’t exploded his career, gut and Mike Douglas’ comfy couch due to sweet roll consumption so early on…he would have dug this.
Colorado Senator Wayne Allard received nearly two dozen angry calls in response to a satirical column by the Rocky Mountain News’ Dave Krieger.
In Thursday’s column, Krieger wrote:
U.S. Sen. Wayne Allard announced today he will spearhead a Senate probe of the Colorado Rockies’ player payroll. “I’m a member of the Budget Committee, and this is clearly a budget issue,” Allard said. “I’ve never been a big spender. Let me make that crystal clear. I am in favor of fiscal discipline. But, come on. This is ridiculous. If we ran the military the way the Rockies run their team, we’d have, like, three tanks or something. I believe this is a matter for federal review under the equal protection clause. All baseball fans have a right under the Constitution to equal protection from cheapskates and skinflints and so forth. It is my intention to investigate whether the Rockies are in violation of the 14th Amendment.”
The quote was italicized in the article.
Irate Rockies fans called Allard’s office complaining about the statement. The Rocky Mountain News confirms the column was a joke and Senator Allard never made any such statement. Krieger was writing about the extent to which politicians get involved in sports issues.
Imagine all the trouble you could cause in Denver if left a couple of issues of The Onion laying around. Not to sound skeptical for the sake of itself, but we’re supposed to believe the Rockies still have two dozen fans?