06.23.05

If Eric Van’s A Rocking, Don’t Come A Knocking

Posted in Baseball at 7:34 pm by

Is statistical wizard Eric Van (shown with Sam Horn, above, right) the biggest Mission Of Burma fan ever to have been employed by the Boston Red Sox? Other than Jack Clark, that is.

The answer is quite probably yes. In fact, Van might be the biggest Mission Of Burma fan to have ever been employed, period.

As someone who is somewhat acquainted with Mr. Van, the only thing I can imagine that would be more entertaining than reading Mark Shanahan’s profile in today’s Boston Globe, would be to witness said article being read aloud to Larry Bowa while the former Phillies skipper was tied to a chair. Close up footage of Bowa’s face when the following passage is read would be priceless,

. For years, Van has been tallying arcane baseball statistics, and posting his conclusions online. Had the Red Sox paid attention to just a few of his findings, he says, the team may not have gone 86 years between World Series wins.

OK, that’s enough sadism for one evening. Congrats to Eric on the mystery gig, and to Red Sox ownership for hiring him.

4 Responses to “If Eric Van’s A Rocking, Don’t Come A Knocking”

  1. Al Quint says:

    Eric Van is a toddler-fucking cuntrag. Fuck him in his tight, Hobbit ass.

  2. Chris Hansen says:

    Eric Van is next on my to-do list. I don’t see how he still scores with that tuna breath, though.

    Incidentally, “Eric Van” and “employed” should not be used in the same sentence.

  3. bassel says:

    why is everybody hating on this guy he seams like a very nice and cool guy
    and SMART!!

  4. ShaneSpencer says:

    He really nailed the 2012 Red Sox projected W-L record this year, he’ll only be off by 30+ games. The guy is clownshoes, anyone advocating putting Stroup, Almanzar, etc. on the 40 man is out of touch. It’s better to be ignorant than informed and still clueless.

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