05.23.11

Indicted Auburn Tree Poisoner : At Least I Didn’t Shit On Anyone’s Grave

Posted in College Spurts, Gridiron, The Law at 11:05 pm by

The sad case of Alabama superfan Harvey Updyke Jr. (above)  has received a bit of coverage at CSTB (“Bama Fan Can’t Beat Cam Newton, Murders Trees Instead” , 2/16/11, “They Really Love Their Trees In Auburn, AL”, 4/20/11), but following his indictment on charges of poisoning trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner, Updyke tells ESPN’s Wright Thompson, “They want to take some of the pressure off them because of them buying players”.

“If you’ll notice, every time something is fixing to come out about those four players, they bring a new article about me. I guarantee you, they’ll get less time than I do and they arm-robbed.”

The four ex-Auburn players arrested for armed robbery have become an obsession. On three or so occasions, he says that he expects to get a longer sentence than them, and this, he believes, is just another example in his larger point about Auburn’s corruption.

“They already knew the trees were dying,” he says. “Every time they throw toilet paper in there, they take a high pressure water sprayer and wash if off. That’s also killing the trees.”

I ask if he understands why so many people are mad.

“I get it,” he says. “I understand completely why they’re pissed. You know, they’ve been s—ting on Bear Bryant’s grave for 30 years. That’s a felony, and they’re not doing anything about that. They vandalized Nick Saban’s lake house. Painted it orange and blue.”

“I’ll be honest with you,” Updyke says. “If an Auburn fan had destroyed Bear Bryant’s statue and the guy is 62 years old and is in real bad health, I swear to God, I would not expect and would not want him to go to prison. Probation, five years. Ten years. Replace it. A thousand hours of community service.”

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