04.29.08

J. Hovah To D. Stevenson: “That’s A One Hot Album Every Ten Year Average”

Posted in Basketball, Hip Hop at 6:26 pm by

Unlike the Suns, Rockets and Mavericks, who all face potential elimination games tonight, the Washington Wizards have at least 28 or so more hours remaining in their ’07-08 season. But while their match-up with the Cavaliers was pretty easily the first-round series I most looked forward to — I had a feeling the Suns/Spurs series would turn into the dreary, Parker-led, ref-soliciting, play-executing death march it has become — it has turned out to be pretty much a dud. Game four was exciting, but the previous games were torpid blowouts that were notable only for a few hard fouls and some demonstrative gesturing from second-tier guards. Well, that and for the ridiculous mastery of LeBron James (29.5 PPG on 51.2% shooting, 8.5 RPG, 6.5 APG). The Wizznutzz describe the experience of watching these games thusly:

Right now Queen James is having his way in the lane, like a bull in a vagina shop.

When he drives lane, its like the goddammed video for “OWner fo a Lonely Heart” by YES: a dude having seizures while a bunch of big eyed reptiles sit around and stare. Cuz Queen james is owning us right now, hes not even owning DeShawn hes just leasing him cuz he doesnt want to be responsible for the oil changes.


But besides being lopsided basketball, the series has also featured a goofy, WWE-style subplot involving each team’s surrogate rapper. The Cavs and LeBron have aligned themselves with Jay-Z, while the DeShawn Stevenson and the Wiz have 17-year old dance-inventor/ho-Supermanner Soulja Boy. My opinions on ho-supersoaking and/or Supermanning to the side, my instincts naturally put me on the side that doesn’t have the ultra-billionaire cake-talking rap plutocrat (and LeBron), but this will likely all be moot by sometime tomorrow night, anyway. Which isn’t bad news, considering that it should at least consign Jay-Z’s corny DeShawn Stevenson dis record to the furthest reaches of mixtape limbo. New York Magazine’s Ben Mathis-Lilley reports on the track:

Apparently a freestyle, it™s recorded over the beat from Too Short™s œBlow the Whistle. Though no target is named, the track is clearly aimed at Washington Wizards shooting guard DeShawn Stevenson and rapper Soulja Boy.

As a track, it™s not much; there are some decent if vague lines ” œWe [that™s Jay and LeBron] let the money do the talkin™ / And as you see, we talk rather often ” but since Jay refuses to actually mention whom he™s talking about because he thinks he™s above it, there™s none of the hilariously personal cutting-down that makes a dis track a dis track. It’s too generic to be memorable, but we nonetheless appreciate it if simply for the fact that Jay-Z’s catalogue now includes an entire song about a semi-obscure player for the Washington Wizards. It’s an entirely new category of music: the Novelty Beef.

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