10.08.13

Matt Bonner’s Rep As The Cheapest/Least Flash Baller Is Not Quite In Jeopardy

Posted in Are You A Boy Or Are You A Girl?, Automobiles, Basketball at 11:10 pm by

As recently as a year ago, the local paper claimed Spurs F Matt Bonner hoped to squeeze another 90,000 miles out of a 2006 Pontiac Gran Prix that had already logged over 80K.  Following a recent traffic accident (details of which were not provided), the San Antonio Express-News’ Dan McCarney reports the Red Mamba has opted for a 2014 Chevy Impala, which carries a MSRP of $27,500 before you add an 8-track player or an HD TV in the trunk.

“Love it,” he said. “It’s completely remodeled. It’s American-made. You have to stay true to your roots, right? I tried an Audi. I tried an Infiniti. I looked into a BMW, some of the higher-end stuff. It just didn’t feel like me.

“The leg room is far superior, which is basically No. 1. No. 2, it has over 300 horse power, which is plenty for me. And it still gets 29 MPGs, which is pretty good for a mid-size model. It had all the same technology packages. It has ventilated seats. It’s very luxurious.”

Bonner is obviously completely satisfied with his new car. Until, that is, a media member who shall remain nameless floated the idea of having his semi-famous red mamba snake head painted on the hood.

“Wow, I didn’t even think of that,” he said. “That’s awesome. I feel if I did that my car would be stolen in a week, though. Everyone would want it.”

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