01.28.10

Not Nearly So Big Sexy : Whitlock’s Penis Envy

Posted in Basketball, Sports Journalism at 11:49 am by

“It’s a feeling of inadequacy that permeates every aspect of your life,” said a former Houston Chronicle beat writer who covered the Twin Towers, Ralph Sampson and Hakeem Olajuwon. “Before I covered the Rockets, my life seemed perfect. I wasn’t rich, but I was married to the love of my life and we were happy.”

The retired scribe says after three or four years covering the Rockets, his wife began complaining he seemed insecure about almost everything.

“I flipped out when we went to her 20-year high school reunion and met her prom date,” the former writer said. “He was the backup center on her high school team. He was 6-6 and maybe 180 pounds, a real bag of bones. You know the type. Probably hung like Secretariat.”

His marriage never recovered. He turned to alcohol. He wasted thousands of dollars on male enhancement supplements. He refused to believe his wife’s kind words of reassurance. Watching sports, particularly basketball, had been the bonding thread in their dating relationship. He demanded his wife never watch another basketball game — pro, college or even high school.

It’s not an uncommon story. Statistics show the divorce rate for NBA writers is nearly triple the divorce rate for NFL writers. It’s not the travel. It’s the wear and tear on the male psyche.

If you’ve ever wondered why Sam Smith no longer writes for a national daily, perhaps Whitlock has the answer.

4 Responses to “Not Nearly So Big Sexy : Whitlock’s Penis Envy”

  1. Rog says:

    Statistics show the divorce rate for NBA writers is nearly triple the divorce rate for NFL writers. It’s not the travel. It’s the wear and tear on the male psyche.

    Wow, no reference to actual data, and even if it was true, this guy has unilaterally decided that no other factors matter in someone’s divorce. The real problem isn’t divorce or race, here, its the presentation of garbage as facts. It’s a pity that people believe anything written by or said by someone ‘in the media.’ No hope for our society.

  2. Charles says:

    Assuming it is true, I wonder if it might be because NFL beat writers only have to cover 8 road games a year.

  3. David Roth says:

    “The real problem isn’t divorce or race, here, its the presentation of garbage as facts.”

    I think the term is “junk.” And obviously if you’re going to be disheartened about the state of the discourse, Whitlock’s your man. That said, I think Charles is obviously onto something. MLB writers — and again, I doubt there are actual statistics at all, here — would probably have it the worst, regardless what kind of peens they have to look at during work. I’m tempted to write “Murray Chass, QED,” but I think his misery might’ve been something he was born with.

  4. matthau says:

    90% of all MLB writers get divorced 10 times more than regular writers on a daily basis.

    Impress someone with that fact tomorrow at the water cooler.

Leave a Reply