Dear Mr. Motherfucking Content Thief

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 6:10 pm by

If you’re gonna use a photograph that I took of Eric Byrnes pretending he’s Bob Probert, please, go right ahead. But the very least you can do is acknowledge where you grabbed it from. If such a common courtesy is completely beyond your limited capabilities, I’m afraid I will have to continue to pay the homeless to beat off on photos of your fiancee.


Suck My Dick Avedon


To the mailbag!

Was just sent the link to your post about the Byrnes photo. You’ll have to forgive me; I took the photo from this site —two weeks ago and credited him then. I did not know that he had taken it from you. My apologies. I’ve updated it in the original post.


I think we have to agree this a stand-up act from a man who earns a living sitting down. And in the spirit of greater harmony, not only shall I refrain from further attempts to bribe those less fortunate into a vulgar act involving an innocent person’s likeness, but said funds will instead be re-directed towards a charitable donation to Avert.org, in honor of St. Louis’ noble efforts to reduce the spread of gonorrhea.


Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme Apologist Goes Overboard

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 1:14 am by

There’s an action packed thread taking place over at the venerable Baseball Think Factory (what else is new?), this one concerning the Human Whoopee Cushion’s clumsy handling of the Jason Grimsley affidavit, and his subsequent apology for implicating Albert Pujols’ trainer, Chris Mihlfeld.

In additon to learning that my long-standing enmity towards Will Leitch is based on a “Cards/Cubs rivalry” (!), further revelations were provided by avowed CSTB non-reader Garth Sears.

Will Leitch, editor-in-chief and main writer of Deadspin.com, used to be the editor-in-chief I believe of The Sporting News and I would imagine is one of the finer and best-paid sports bloggers out there. As such, I’m sure he has very good sources in many places. He’s actually turning his profession into a money-making proposition. Go figure.

Screech was an associate/online editor for The Sporting News.  He did, however, discover the internet and was personally responsible for finding the Lindbergh baby.

That said, Sears must be way older than me. I can’t remember when prostitution wasn’t a money-making proposition (and his mom giving out free samples really doesn’t count).


Where Does Chris Mihlfeld Go To Get His Reputation Back?

Posted in Baseball, Sports Journalism, Will Leitch Sucks at 11:06 am by

The Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme Eating Motherfucker uses “we” where “I” would surely be more appropriate.

As many of you will remember, back in June, a source we thought was reliable leaked to us that one of the names in the infamous Jason Grimsley HGH affidavit was Chris Mihlfeld (above), who is the former trainer for Grimsley and the longtim (sic) trainer of Albert Pujols. As evidenced by the Los Angeles Times this weekend, our source was, sadly, wrong. And therefore, so were we: Mihlfeld appears not to be named in the document.

So, a clearing of the decks, a mea culpa: We were wrong to trust our source’s information, and we were wrong to print their claim that he was in the document. We apologize to Mihlfeld and deeply regret the error.

Nice work, Screech. They must be very proud of you at the Daily Illini.


Whose Sex Life Is Lamer, Zach Randolph Or Will Leitch?

Posted in Basketball, History's Great Hook-Ups, Will Leitch Sucks at 9:32 pm by

The Oregonian’s Maxine Bernstein on the recent sexual assault charges filed against the Blazers’ Zach Randolph (link swiped from True Hoop) :

The investigation showed that Randolph (above) asked his “occasional sex partner” and another woman whom he had not met before to perform a simulated sex show at the hotel room. There was some discrepancy as to whether or not Randolph asked the women to perform oral sex, but there was no dispute that sex was only simulated in the show that was performed, Rees wrote in the memo.

The woman who filed the complaint said Randolph was disappointed that the show had only simulated sex and refused to pay her. After the show, she said, she had consensual sex with Randolph’s friend and then fell asleep or “passed out.” She claimed she awoke and found Randolph trying to have anal sex with her. She told investigators she awoke and “slapped” Randolph away twice. Ultimately, she told police that Randolph lifted her onto a table and had sex with her while she shook her head “no,” the memo says.Prosecutors said the woman admitted she was extremely intoxicated, having had three cocktails and three double shots of tequila — alcohol purchased by Randolph.

The other woman involved in the show told investigators she did not witness any sex between Randolph and the complainant, saying she was physically ill and spent about 21/2 hours in the bathroom.

A male friend of Randolph’s was in the room and was interviewed by detectives. He described himself as a member of the “Hoop Family,” one of Randolph’s close associates. He said he “frequently sexually shares women” with Randolph but denied any knowledge of money passing between Randolph and the women that night.

Observed the Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme Eating Motherfucker, “it makes the supposedly glorious life of an NBA star sound boozy, drowsy and extremely unhappy. And pathetic, from all sides.”

Perhaps. But we all have our own ways of defining unhappy and pathetic.


Raise Your Game, People!

Posted in Free Expression, Will Leitch Sucks at 7:18 pm by

The Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme Eating Motherfucker (above) lays down the law to his mouth-breathing acoloytes and those who wish to scarf the spicy sauce. Said edict should in no way be confused with this sort of thing.

You no longer have to ask to be approved for comments. That is not to say that the approval-based system no longer exists. Far from it, in fact: There’s now a stricter system in place. It’s just that, as you might have noticed, you can go ahead and type in comments on stories without having been explicitly sent an invite. What happens to these comments? They go into a little queue, and at the end of the day, we dig through this queue and see which commenters appear to have something to contribute to the Deadspin experience. If you’re approved — and we’re going to be rather stingy about this — your comments will appear on the site, and you’ll be a member of the gang. So if your comment shows, congrats: You’re in. If your comment doesn’t make it, it doesn’t mean you’re permanently out of the loop. You just need to keep trying. As we have established, you gotta raise your game around here.


It’s All Making Sense Now

Posted in Will Leitch Sucks at 6:51 pm by

The tendency to rebel against the path set by one’s parents, while entirely natural, is no guarantee of success in a particular field. Whether it’s the fruit of Rupert Murdoch’s loins going belly up with the otherwise wonderous Rawkus label or Vince McMahon Jr. morphing his dad’s company into the garish “sports entertainment” empire we know and loathe today, history is litered with such examples.

So with that in mind, I can fully understand why Will Leitch waited until Deadspin’s One Year Anniversary to reveal that he is the offspring of James Dolan.


Open Bar, Eh?

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 7:20 pm by

I have to admit, I’m very impressed the Taco Bell Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme spokesmodel would put his petty jealousies aside when issuing the above invites. On the other hand, if you were about to marry this, you’d no longer be so picky about who you were hanging out with, either.

Though it’s a nice thought, I have a prior engagement at Brian Bannister Bobblehead Night on Coney Island. And I’d sooner leave Von LMO in charge of my house than willingly spend time at Blondie’s of the Upper East Side. Was the Ground Round all booked up?

Still, just cuz I’m busy doesn’t mean the rest of you lot can’t crash the shindig. Tell Ariana Huffington I said hi!

The Motherfucker Of All Flame Wars…

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 2:08 pm by

…is not, sadly,between myself and a pseudononymous Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme acolyte, aka “jblo” who contributed the following to Deadspin’s (registration-required) comments section :

I’m sorry, but that’s just plain unfair.

I hate Will far more than Mel Gibson hates Jews. And unlike Mel, I can be completely sober when stating publicly that ethically challenged, xenophobic, frat-fuck pandering “nice guys” like Will are responsible for all of the wars in the world.

Instead, the real virtual brawl to settle it all is taking place right this moment between Michael Kay and Larry Bowa. Sort of.


Reynolds, Wrapped : Moron From Mattoon Renders Illinois Journalism Degree Worthless

Posted in Sports Journalism, Sports TV, Will Leitch Sucks at 6:38 pm by

Slightly overeager to detemine the true cause of Harold Reynolds’ dismissal from ESPN yesterday, Deadspin’s Will Leitch gleefully ran 5 seperate, unattributed items claiming the former Mariners second baseman’s termination was related to a specific charge of sexual harrassment, if not a longstanding pattern of behavior.

Having succeeded in publicly smearing Reynolds, Leitch followed the matter up later in the day with an “insider” denial of the sexual harrassment allegations (supposedly, Reynolds had an off-camera “meltdown” during discussions of “Baseball Tonight”s coverage of the A-Rod saga). Far from contrite in any role he might’ve played in libeling Reynolds, Leitch added,

The longer ESPN pretends like nothing happened, like they’re a corner shop with three employees, believing this stuff can possibly remain private, the more talk there will be. Still, this is the lone “it’s not sexual harassment email” we’ve received.

So there you have it. ESPN is obliged to provide full, explicit details of just what is happening within their walls, otherwise Will Leitch’s readers might die of curiosity. 5 anonymous tips calling Harold Reynolds a serial ass-grabbber obviously carry more weight than one denial. If Leitch can just find another dozen people to say the Holocaust never happened, well, that’s good enough for me.

Of course, even if he has no conscience to speak of, Leitch is perfectly entitled to go after whatever public figures he wants — though I suspect it might be a tad tougher finding financing for a blog that openly discusses Nick Denton’s sexual history. And on that tip, let’s not kid ourselves. A cocktail party or two turns out differently and the Taco Bell Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme eating motherfucker could just as easily have been writing gags for Page 2, while some other sad sack (preferably one with a personality and not nearly as obvious a browser history) is shitting all over the Connecticut-based Disney employees.

UPDATE :  Newsday’s Neil Best citing his sources as “three people who work at ESPN” reports tonight that “the cause was a pattern of sexual harassment, apparently culminating in a recent incident involving one of the network’s young production assistants.”

Sexual harassment charges are nothing new at ESPN, which operates out of a sprawling “campus” in relatively isolated Bristol, Conn., and employs many production assistants in their early 20s. The network has an extensive program of education and sensitivity regarding gender issues and an elaborate system for pursuing claims of sexual harassment.

Keith Olbermann of MSNBC, a former ESPN host, told The New York Observer in 2004 he had testified in “three or four major cases at ESPN.”

If push comes to shove, Best should be able to produce some documentation that these claims came from actual persons who work at ESPN.  Unless of course, he too, is comfortable with being 80% sure.


Apparently, Clothes Do Not Make The Man

Posted in Gridiron, History's Great Hook-Ups, Will Leitch Sucks at 1:42 pm by

Of a report in today’s Boston Herald citing Patriots coach Bill Belichick (above) as “The Other Man” in a New Jersey divorce case (Belichick has supposedly been carrying on with Sharon Shennoca, “a slim, blue-eyed 41-year-old stay-at-home mom,” and former New York Giants receptionist), the Human Whoopie Cushion writes, “It’s impossible for anyone to deny Belichick’s coaching prowess over the last few years. But who know what he was capable of?”

Good grief, apparently the Spicy Crunchwrap Supreme spokesmodel has forgotten the whole mess just a few months ago in which the coach was linked to Bonnie Bernstein, along with insinutations by the Globe’s Ron Borges that Belichick might be doing something unsavory “when everyone else is sleeping”. If a professional “sports” blogger’s sole claim to fame is his ability to stay on top of others’ zipper problems (aside from his own, naturally), is a little research (said in Geico caveman voice) too much to ask for?

(Sorry, I forgot about the other claim to fame.)