11.17.05

In Defense Of Stephen A., Ranking Rodman

Posted in Basketball, Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:01 am by

As any long-term CSTB reader can vouch, I have no qualms about shooting fish in a barrell. Unlike Gonorreha Capitol Of The USA Apologist Will Leitch, however, I think some fish deserve the rocket launcher more than others. So Stephen A. Smith writes his column with a Blackberry? Hey, I don’t care if he uses a fucking Easy Bake Oven. The next person to assail Smith’s credibility ought to have some of his or her own. “The man absolutely refuses to back up any of his written assertions with sources or facts.” Uh, huh, he’s not much of a hardcore journalist. But at least Smith doesn’t claim to be “a sporadic” CSTB reader, as opposed to a far more frequent, if not obsequious peruser of this blog.

Smith may have marked out for himself a long time ago, but at least he created his own shitty persona.

Anyhow, it’s been a laff-riot week over at Leitchland at the expense of Dennis Rodman and his repellent handlers. And with that fish-barrell-gun thread bound to continue, I’m sure you’ll see some variation of the following sometime between 9am and 5pm tomorrow :

Rodman, already contracted to star for the ABA’s Tijuana Dragons, has agreed to make a cameo or two for the IBL’s Cedar Valley (IA) Jaguars. The following quote comes from Pro Basketball News.com.

“Dennis Rodman is a truly unique human being, who is not only a great athlete but also one of the best entertainers in the world,” said Jaguars owner Eduardo Diaz.

Indeed, when considering the pantheon of great entertainers —- Anthony Newley, Liza Minelli, Neil Diamond, Bobby Soxx, Larry Lifeless, Peter Lemongello, Ben Vereen, etc., you can’t possibly forget The Worm.

11.09.05

If You Can Read This, You Might Be Racist

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 1:52 pm by

While growing up in the lovely Greater Boston area, I had the displeasure of reading newspaper accounts of Cambridge Rindge & Latin’s standout C Patrick Ewing being taunted by rival fans with signs proclaiming “Patrick Can’t Read”.

To this day, no one has been able to explain to me how this was funny on any level. Much as I’m wondering how much courage was required to run a photograph of Mike Tyson underneath the headline “Tyson Most Likely Celeb Who Can’t Read”.

I guess no one is taking odds on which blogger can’t write.

Spreading The Wrong Kind Of Stories About Peyton Manning

Posted in Gridiron, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:04 am by

Rarely does an afternoon pass at Will Leitch’s psuedo-blog without the imbecile-in-chief implying that Colts QB Peyton Manning is, y’know, queer for Kenny Chesney.

Though I think a person who can actually ID Kenny Chesney has a lot of nerve making fun of anyone else, perhaps this blast from the past will serve as a valuable reminder that even if Manning were married to Randy Travis, he’d have far more embarrassing skeletons in his closet.

11.07.05

Willfully Ignorant Fop Thinks Foreigners R Funny

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 6:16 pm by

In a story related to the one prior, Etch-A-Sketch has won broadcast rights to the inner workings of Will Leitch’s brain. That Etch-A-Sketch is not in fact, a broadcast outlet, is of little consequence because there’s precious little to show anyway. Here are some more gems from Gawker Media’s resident xenophobe :

“Man U. ends Chelsea’s 40 match unbeaten streak, which probably doesn’t mean much to you unless you like warm beer.”

Translation : the thrilling world of top-flight soccer is of far less interest to this shithead’s readers than frequent updates on Busch Stadium’s demolition, a subject that the NYC media elite, if not every sports fan in the USA, must be totally obsessed with.

“England™s The Star newspaper is encouraging readers to enter a contest that allows them to booze it up with Iron Mike (Tyson). The possibilities are endless. A œMonster Mash karaoke contest? Will you guys go to pick up British girls (the only people with worse teeth than Tyson, we might add).”

I’ve picked up a couple of British girls in my time. I apologize for being crude, but their mouths compared pretty favorably to Will’s.

Unqualified Putz Questions Peer’s Credentials

Posted in Sports Journalism, Will Leitch Sucks at 10:42 am by

Will Leitch, getting bitchy with the kid who broke the T.O.-disses-the-Eagles story.

“Anyway, we think it™s pretty amazing that T.O.™s Eagles career was effectively ended by no less than 18-year-old œjournalist Graham Bensinger, a St. Louis-based wannabe talking head who, as you can tell from a note on his Web site, is already a little freaked out that he caused so much trouble. Bensinger is most well-known for his O.J. Simpson interview, where his reportial stylings forced O.J. to admit that he had not killed his wife. And now, because of an apparently creatively cut video interview with Terrell Owens, Bensinger might have ended Terrell Owens™ Eagles career ¦ and maybe the whole thing.”

Wow. “A St. Louis-based wannabe talking head”. As opposed to, say, a NYC based social climber with St. Louis roots that has talking head aspirations. But the respective resumes of Bensinger and Leitch are well worth comparing. In the past 6 months, Bensinger’s scoops have included major exclusives with OJ and TO —- beat that, Alex Reimer!

Leitch, for his part, managed to blow the lid off the ALDS ‘roid abusing outfielder scandal after reading about it in USA Today Sports Weekly. He also made himself a Pulitzer front-runner by linking to a story about Hideki Matsui’s fondness for porn, which appeared in Time Magazine over two years ago, days after the same item had been mentioned right here. Sports Frog did the same thing, except they were upfront enough to that Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann had yacked about it on ESPN Radio that very day (kudos to Kevin T. for being the king of finding old Matsui-loves-porn stories)

It’s enough to make you think that some smart, new media entrepreneur should’ve hired Bensinger as editor in chief for their professional website about sports.

11.03.05

Giambino Lands On Feet

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 9:11 pm by


(the Sopranos, seasons one through 5 are all available on DVD)

Buck up, Bubba Lawton. You’re just a couple of good months away from total image rehab, if not a lucrative endorsement deal.

And while I’m on the subject of the Yankee Pariah Du Jour, what to make of Gawker Media’s Legend In His Own Mind crying that he’s not been properly credited for “breaking” the Lawton story? This, from a guy who thought pulling something out of USA Today Sports Weekly was worthy of hysteria, leading to days of gleeful speculation that Sheffield or Damon were the “mystery roider”.

The overwhelming majority of his content is culled from other blogs or ESPN.com, sometimes hours or days after it has appeared elsewhere. On one occasion, he beats Newsday and MLB.com by 2 hours on a story that might’ve been the 9th or 10th most interesting item of a slow day, yet protests when the ticker-tape parade hasn’t been booked.

Seriously, not since AJ Benza’s knuckles scrapped the earth’s surface has the NYC media scene produced so loathsome a character, nor one with so little to say.

I realize the independent wrestling circuit isn’t what it once was, but there’s got to be some money in a Jeremy Giambi / Ozzie Canseco program.

Cards Fan Disses Cincy

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 8:46 am by

Will Leitch on the pending sale of the Cincinnati Reds ;

The new ownership could make Cincinnati relevant in the baseball world again, which is great, unless of course you™re black, in which case, nothing in Cincinnati is all that great for you.

Unlike, say, the wonderful city of St. Louis where there is no tangible evidence of intolerance or bigotry.

11.02.05

Not Only Can I Play The Race Card, But I Do It On Weekends, Too

Posted in Internal Affairs, Racism Corner, Will Leitch Sucks at 4:34 pm by

Will Leitch on his Heyman-approved website :

Yesterday, Jayson Whitlock wrote a column for Page 2 that brought up an interesting, if seriously arguable, point: When Tyrone Willingham got off to such a great start at Notre Dame, he still struggled with his job security; when Charlie Weis did the same, they gave him a 10-year contract extension. Certainly a thesis worthy of discussion, at least.

Yeah, shame nobody thought to make that point 5 days ago.

10.31.05

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery Dept.

Posted in The Mailbag, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:36 pm by

Easily excited reader Gawkastalka writes,

Thought you might go completely overboard (as usual) when you compare the following Will Leitch quote from this morning ;

“If there™s one team that has more luck than Air Force at recruiting the type of athletes DeBerry was talking about ¦ it™s totally Brigham Young.”

To your own comment from Saturday afternoon, “In other happy news, Air Force are currently trailing those masters of urban recruiting, BYU, 31-7 in the third quarter.”

It isn’t that Will is plagerizing you, of course. It just seems like your brand of topical humor improves 48 hours later when someone else says the same thing.

Hmmm, interesting theory GS, but if that’s the best he can come up with two days after the fact, somebody should demand a refund.

10.29.05

Putting It All In Perspective Dept.

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 2:19 am by

“Press boxes are the most depressing places on earth.” – Will Leitch, interviewed on yesterday’s Metsblog podcast.

Indeed, I’ve often heard that the atmosphere in Busch Stadium’s press box is far worse than say, Rwanda circa 1994.

In the course of the brief chat, Will did stress that today’s new generation of bloggers have a degree of credibility/autonomy that old media fucks jockeying for positions on “Around The Horn” cannot claim.


Quite frankly, what’s so bad about a guy that’s dying to be on TV?

10.28.05

Mental Weakling Reads USA Today Sports Weekly

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 2:22 am by

Not only is Will Leitch the only adult in America that admits to watching “Cold Pizza”, but he’s also the sole reader of USA Today’s Sports Weekly. At least that’s the conclusion I’ve come to after watching the net totally flip out over the following :

*-Leitch spies an item in Sports Weekly that claims an unidentified AL outfielder who took part in the postseason, recently tested positive for steroids and continued playing while the appeals process played out.

* – Mr. Irrelevant (incredibly, not a psuedonym for Will), David Pinto and the bane of all talk radio, AOL’s Sports Bloggers Live pick up the hot potato and run with it. Followed by further guessing games at Baseball Think Factory.

To which I can only advise, calm down for a minute. Any untalented, cowardly putz with a computer can repeat an unsubstantiated rumor and unfairly subject innocent public figures to crazy speculation.

Now might be the time, however, for Bubba Crosby (above) to step forward and take one for the team.

10.27.05

Latino Baseball History For Dummies

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 7:14 pm by

Baseball scholar Will Leitch wrote earlier today,

The Boston Globe brings up something about Red Sox great Ted Williams we™d never heard before: He was of Mexican ancestry on his mother™s side. This is mentioned in the context of last night™s œLatino Legends ceremony before the White Sox™s World Series win, in which the all-time Latino team was announced.

Indeed, the Splendid Splinter’s ethnic background is an interesting subject. Or at least it was last August when was raised by Newsday’s Les Payne, amongst others, if not more than 5 years ago when the Sacramento Bee’s Marcos Brenton proclaimed Teddy Ballgame “the greatest Latino player of all time”.

Coming soon in a future Leitch entry : Rickey Henderson sometimes speaks in the third person.

10.26.05

Lesbian Sports History For Dummies

Posted in Will Leitch Sucks at 6:50 pm by

Mr. Historian writes,

Well, we™ve all been curious who the first high-profile athlete to announce that they™re gay would be, and now that Houston Comets MVP Sheryl Swoopes has done it, well, we guess we™re still kind of waiting.

High profile enough for you, Will?

10.24.05

Radio Ga Ga : Match The Media Superstar With Their Undignified Public Incident

Posted in Sports Radio, The World Of Entertainment, Will Leitch Sucks at 4:30 pm by

A)Lee Corso, who doesn’t like to talk about posing nude (even if he brought it up himself).

B) Joan Rivers, who doesn’t like to talk about race (thanks to Jesper Eklow for the link).

C) the youthful “Alex” Reimer-Leitch, who followed his recent appearance on Stephen A. Smith’s “Quite Frankly” by having little or nothing interesting to say on AOL’s “Sports Bloggers Live” podcast. The program’s several dozen listeners have described Leitch’s contributions as rather insubstantial, though I think some allowance should be made for the fact he’s just turned 13.

10.21.05

“Cold Pizza” – Unwatchable TV, Source Of Microbes Or Both?

Posted in Sports TV, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:47 pm by

As both Will Leitch and New York Magazine have acknowledged Woody Paige’s Appetite For Alpo recently, I do have to wonder which is more pathetic, someone being paid to eat dog food on television , or anyone who openly admits to having watched “Cold Pizza” without a gun to their head? Said infotainment spectacle was shot here in Austin this morning, and needless to say, if I’m not willing to watch this monstrosity on television, I’m certainly not gonna get out of bed to see it in person.

I can, however, confirm that Leitch’s claims that “Quite Frankly” is absolutely desperate to fill the studio audience, are for once, entirely accurate. On a stroll in and around the MSG/Pennsylvania Station area yesterday morning, I was accosted no fewer than 3 times by young women offering tickets to the “Quite Frankly” tapings. On one such occasion, the gal pitching the tickets for Stephen A. was blocking my view of a group of Falun Gong protestors, some of whom were re-enacting the sort of torture their comrades had suffered at the hands of the Chinese government.

It does seem a shame that these two worthy causes — Falun Gong’s explicit street theatre and Stephen A. Smith’s struggles to become a chat show superstar — cannot be combined in some way.

10.19.05

I Don’t Get It Dept.

Posted in Blogged Down, Fashion, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:23 am by

Now that he’s already obtained his own studio audience tickets for Stephen A. Smith’s “Quite Frankly”, you might be struggling to choose the perfect Xmas gift for Will Leitch.

I meant the t-shirt, mind you. I don’t think the model is for sale. (link courtesy Baseball Think Factory)

10.17.05

Mushnick’s Imaginary Friends

Posted in Gridiron, Sports Journalism, Sports Radio, Will Leitch Sucks at 3:06 am by

The New York Post’s Phil Mushnick has long favored the Leitchian crutch of refering to “we” when he surely means “I”. A bit of literary license is one thing, but a total suspension of belief is required to swallow the notion that anyone sits next to Phil on the couch.

While watching USC-ND and how quickly ND has been revitalized, we couldn’t stop thinking about how Chris Russo last winter declared Charlie Weis a terrible choice. And we couldn’t stop thinking how, when Weis was on WFAN with Russo, a couple of weeks ago, it slipped Russo’s mind ” until after Weis was gone ” to mention that he’d trashed ND’s selection of Weis.

And then we couldn’t stop thinking how Russo would make a very cost-effective executioner. Seeing how he only shoots people in the back, think of the savings on blindfolds

(UPDATE: On today’s “Mike & The Mad Dog”, Russo replied to Mark from New Jersey who asked “how good of a coach is this Charlie Weis going to be?” by saying “I never thought it…so I’m dead wrong. I never thought it all year. I thought it was a strange hire. But he’s been tremendous.” So I suppose that qualifies as some acknowledgement from the Dog, however rare, that he’s not always right.)

10.15.05

Pretending There’s A Higher Power That Gives A Shit About The NLCS

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 5:21 pm by

Tara Dooley of the Houston Chronicle tests our faith in the power of daily newspapers not to suck like crazy with the following (link copped from Baseball Think Factory).

When looking for a comparison of spirit between the Astros and Cardinals, Teller is the guy to ask. The new rabbi at Congregation Brith Shalom arrived in Astros territory in July from, yes, St. Louis. He’s seen the Cardinals in action.

But as he watched those 18 innings against the Atlanta Braves Sunday, Teller saw ruach.

“It seems like the Astros have a significant edge on that after having won that final game in such a dramatic fashion,” Teller said.

Certainly there is a relationship between baseball and God, religious leaders say.

As the Rev. Chris Seay sees it, baseball is “profoundly spiritual.” It’s the pace, the anticipation, the longing, he said. Plus, the team has a full-time chaplain and a roster of players in touch with their spirituality.

“There is definitely a spiritual vibe going on with this team,” said Seay, who pastors Ecclesia in Montrose. He usually attends more than half the Astros home games during a season.

Archbishop Joseph A. Fiorenza of the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston sees God-given talent in the Astros lineup, including “some of the greatest pitchers alive in baseball today.”

“The Astros will win because they are great baseball players,” said Fiorenza, a longtime fan. “God has given them the talent to be excellent athletes.”

And there is always the old baseball-in-the-Bible joke, said Rabbi Avi Schulman of Congregation Beth El in Missouri City. It seems that the most fervent of baseball believers see a sign that God is also a fan in the very first line of Genesis: “In the big inning … ”

Oh, God cares about baseball, said Rabbi Howard Siegel, director of the Jewish Information Center of Houston. At least “to the extent that people have a natural need to compete.”

All this article was missing was an obligatory amendment of the Ten Commandments.

“Thou Shalt Not Steal (Just Ask Billy Beane)”
“Thou Shall Not Covet Kris Benson’s Wife”,
“Thou Shall Not Worship Any Graven Image (ie. The Pfizer Comeback Player Of The Year Award), etc.”

Thou I’m not a religious man, if there is a God, I’d like to think that he or she has more crucial matters to tend to than MLB’s post-season. Besides turning Will Leitch into a pillar of salt, that is. Though based on today’s events thus far, it would appear as though Mike Lamb has made a pact with the devil.

10.14.05

Highlights From A Gushy, Displaced Cards Fan’s Writing Portfolio

Posted in Baseball, Will Leitch Sucks at 9:55 pm by

Will Leitch’s love letter to the St. Louis Cardinals in last October’s Wall Street Journal is a neat little piece of revisionist history.

Larry Walker has played major league baseball since 1989, hit 378 home runs and once even volunteered to play for the Canadian national team, which is insane even though he is, in fact, Canadian. Considered one of baseball’s most respected stars, he turned down countless trade requests from contenders wanting to get him out of Colorado, citing his no-trade clause and love for Denver. Until this year, when the St. Louis Cardinals came calling. Walker, a family man, extremely popular in Colorado, reconsidered immediately. “My wife had a lot to do with it,” he said. “I told her about it, and she started crying before I even said yes.” In his first at-bat, Walker received a standing ovation. He struck out. He then received another one. “It was amazing,” Walker said.

Indeed, what could be more heartwarming or classy than Walker, earning nearly $13 million at the time, accepting a trade from the last place Rockies to the first place Cardinals.

The fans support their Cardinals no matter how they’re playing. They are not fickle; just loyal. How long do you think a tortured soul like Rick Ankiel would have survived in New York or Boston? Five wild pitches in a postseason game? A complete meltdown on the grandest scale? They would have set him on fire — at best. In St. Louis, he was never booed or blasted on talk radio. Fans were actually worried about him. After a three-year sojourn in the minor-league and rehab wilderness, Ankiel returned in September of this season. Hard feelings? Of course not. He received a deafening standing ovation in his first game back, an ovation that took so long the umpires actually stopped the game.

Had the Cardinals given the enigmatic hurler another opportunity to hit the screen above the backstop in a crucial situation — as opposed to say, a meaningless appearance long after the division race had been decided, perhaps then we’d see how forgiving the saintly fans of St. Louis really are. Of course, as well all know, Ankiel has long since retired from pitching, so we’ll never find out.

The Cardinals are everything that is right about America: modest, professional (watch Rolen when he hits a home run; he just puts his head down and runs to first, just punching in, doing his job) and based in the fundamentals of hard work and rock-solid consistency. And not a single player on the team has hair that looks like a Simpsons character.

I don’t doubt that the good people of St. Louis — the same fans that packed the joint to watch the world class fraud Mark McGwire erase Roger Maris from the record books — are a slavish, unquestioning lot who love their team to death. But does Tony La Russa really represent “everything that is right about America” nearly as much as he exemplifies self importance and self interest? Does the filthy-capped Julian Tavares (recent career highlights have included breaking his own hand, Kevin Brown-style, and the attempted murder of Mike Piazza) represent modesty and professionalism, or does he possess the sort of emotional maturity that makes Ron Artest seem reasonable by comparison?

Finally, nowhere in Leitch’s nonsensical spiel does he try to explain how America’s so-called Greatest Fans can possibly tolerate this :

Or this :

I have no serious grudge against St. Louis. Were it not for the club’s strong midwestern values, the Mets would’ve never acquired Keith Hernandez for the mere price of Neil Allen. And despite the fact that Leitch has proven to be as objective as he is talented, I’m seriously thinking of taking up a collection to fly him to St. Louis so he can witness Mike Doskocil’s number being retired.

This Is What He’d Call A Pop Culture Reference

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 2:30 pm by

From the terminally unfunny “sports” website that you’re all too well aware of :

We are hoping that the emergence of Astros youngster Chris Burke in this postseason brings us one step close to the holy grail: œLife Goes On being released on DVD. Honestly, like you wouldn™t have viewing parties.

Since a few of CSTB’s readers have actually done something with their lives other than watch crap television, I’ll explain the above item for you.

Chris Burke is the name of the Houston Astros’ second baseman, currently having a terrific postseason in this, only his 2nd year in the big leagues.

Chris Burke also shares a name with the actor who played the part of Corky Thatcher on the ABC drama “Life Goes On”. Both Burke (above) and the character he played were born with Downs Syndrome.

“Life Goes On” wasn’t a particularly good show, though Burke was no more or less annoying than any number of other persons on network TV who weren’t born with Downs Syndrome. In the face of life’s challenges, Burke has managed to fashion an acting / music career of sorts, one that compares pretty favorably to that of an unsuccesful novelist/ incompetent website editor.

I’m happy I was able to straighten that one out for you. Other than that, it’s been another tremendous 9-5 over at the unsuccessful marriage of The Sports Frog and Items Marked “Spy Magazine Kill Fee”. Apparently, there’s a White Supremacist sports site on the internet (attention readers, racists are very, very bad people. But it’s ok to laugh at Down’s Syndrome) and it’s a good thing LeBron got out of the hospital today because “if James had been out for too long, this NBA season was in serious danger of sucking before it even started.” You might find some fans in San Antonio, Detroit or Miami that would beg to differ.

10.08.05

Mushnick Slams Piazza For Dogging It

Posted in Baseball, Sports TV, Will Leitch Sucks at 5:52 pm by

And I don’t mean in the Stan Collymore sense of the word.

From Phil Mushnick in Friday’s NY Post.

in Game 2 of the ALDS, David Ortiz hit a fly ball double down the left field line. Running on contact, Ortiz beat the throw to second. Mike Piazza, working the Red Sox-White Sox series for ESPN, then had this to say:

“And with the hustle into second base, that’s gonna fire your team up; that’s gonna get the energy going in the dugout and get some momentum going. And it’s a game of momentum.”

Well, ya don’t say?

Over the last eight years, we watched Piazza linger near home plate after hitting fly balls; we saw him standing on first base when he so often should have been on second. And then Wednesday, he reminds a national TV audience how important it is to run to first.

I shouldn’t have to remind Mushnick that Piazza is an already-slow enough catcher, one who suffered numerous injuries during his spell with the Mets. Did Piazza stand back and admire a couple of balls that narrowly missed being home runs? Certainly. But I’m also presuming that Mushnick’s ability to do his job wouldn’t be affected either way were he to reinjure a knee or a groin.

And on that note, Phil’s annual entry about the late start times of the baseball playoff games is nothing if not predictable. Mushnick has a lot of nerve calling someone else lazy when he can barely be bothered to turn in a new column every week. And with regurgitation in mind, the following note from last October 29 is newly dedicated to Phil, Will Leitch, and the rest of you lightweights who don’t wanna admit that you’re up ’til 3am watching “Designing Women” re-runs.

I had to watch the last 5 World Series prior to this one with UK starting times of 1am or later, so Phil can fuck off with his sob story about needing sleep. So he has to work the next day (gee, I wonder what that must be like) — what would he have to write about the next morning were it not for the ballgame running late? If Phil is really concerned about his children or anyone else’s missing baseball history for fear of dozing off, he can do something useful — bust out the amphetamines, shut up and get out of the way.

And what’s with the manufactured outrage over an 11pm first pitch? Does the real action at Happy Endings commence before midnight, or is there any to speak of? Here’s a serious newsflash for my favorite New York-based members of the sporting media elite — it’s a big country, assholes. If you wanna pretend the entire West Coast doesn’t exist, go right ahead. I’ll be around later to confiscate your Beach Boys, Too Short and Giant Sand CD’s, along with most of your pornography.

10.05.05

Live Blogging Sit & Spin’s Live Blogging Of Astros/Braves

Posted in Baseball, Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 4:22 pm by

Astros at Braves, NLDS Game One

Top Of The First :

Dear Canapes For Brains – It was Joe McIlvaine who was busted for sun-bathing nude, not Steve Phillips.

Top Of The Third :

“Morgan Ensberg singles in two runs, even though it™s Rosh Hashanah.”

Nice to see that in 2005, merely pointing out that a professional athlete is Jewish is considered giggle-city. Trouble is, Ensberg’s a Lutheran. And Rosh Hashanah ended yesterday.


(Bill Goldberg, considering a brief visit to the Gawker Media offices)

“Has anyone ever thought to do a Leo Mazzone bobblehead doll?”

Terrific question, Will. It was even funnier when someone else said it 3 years ago.

Top Of The Fourth :

(From the New York Observer) :

Further downtown, at the unfortunately monikered Happy Ending Bar, the even more balefully titled Growth Spurt Reading Series is hosted by a fellow named Will Leitch, who has a sports blog and has written a novel for young adults called Catch. œI didn™t realize my novel was ˜young adult™ until I finished it, he said. œThe publishing industry is really into labels”when you say ˜young adult,™ there™s this attitude of ˜Oh, that™s not a real book.™ Mr. Leitch got to talking with fellow writers about how œyoung adult could be about more than œmice driving motorcycles, and thus the Growth Spurt Reading Series was born.

I’m not sure which is more impressive, that Leitch not only knows how to read (and does so in public!) but also apparently has a sports blog.

Has anyone actually seen this sports blog? Because I can’t find it anywhere.

Bottom Of The Fourth :

This game is nearly 90 minutes old, and a site supposedly devoted to blowing the lid off steamy, sordid tales of Pro Athletes Going Wild is no closer to revealing what happened during a certain NL East Pitching Superstar’s Lost Weekend In NYC.

Top Of The Seventh :

Willy Tavares, according to Eric Karros, œlacks the ability to get the ball out of the infield. One would think that might be important.

Perhaps someone can mention at tonight’s Growth Spurt event (or the afterparty) that Willy Tavares had 70+ infield hits in 2005. Tavares’ low on base percentage and the fact that he strikes out 4 times as often as he walks is a far more glaring problem for the Astros. Then again, if actually watching a game is so momentous an occasion that it requires some hyped to the hills “live blogging”, such points must seem rather arcane.

09.29.05

Deadspin Finds New Ways To Avoid Covering Sports

Posted in Blogged Down, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:59 am by

Faced with a choice Tuesday of pennant race baseball on the TV or attending a Bill Simmons/Chuck Klosterman love-in, guess which activity Deadspin opted for?


(both of these men are praying they remembered to Tivo “America’s Next Top Model”)

No word on whether or not Arianna Huffington felt left out of the fun.

Anyhow, this particular subject was dealt with a long time ago. Case fucking closed. You’re welcome.

09.27.05

Jake 2.0 : Wilson Pillories Shitty Pro Site

Posted in Blogged Down, The Mailbag, Will Leitch Sucks at 3:23 pm by

Following yesterday’s correspondence, Jake Wilson is still exasperated with Deadspin :

First they’re mocking MLBlogs for allowing obscene French-language postings on the site, going as far as yesterday’s exercise in poor taste to try to make their point about the lack of post moderation on there. Today Deadspin is decrying “the ugly hand of censorship” at MLBlogs after noticing that their favorite French blog is missing some key words. I guess it’s too much to ask for any consistency out of Deadspin.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. The mensas over at Deadpsin don’t appear to have ever heard of the technological breakthrough known as the “profanity filter” and seem to be under the impression that MLBlogs has a staff of people going through posts and editing out inappropriate terms by hand. No wonder they can’t even figure out how to enable comments on their “blog.”

Well, you don’t see any comments at Gawker or Defamer, do you? It’s a one-way conversation, though you are of course, welcome to supply them with tips (though what they really need is internet access at home).

09.26.05

A Concerned Reader Alerts Us To Unfunny Content

Posted in Blogged Down, The Mailbag, Will Leitch Sucks at 12:11 pm by

Jake Wilson writes,

Naziism is funny.

At least that’s what Deadspin seems to think. To protest MLBlogs’ lack of censorship, Gawker’s entree into the world of sports saw fit to create a blog titled “Mein Kampf” that promises “discussion of the National Socialist Movement.” However, the joke seems to be on Deadspin, as MLBlogs appears to be testing out its new Virtual Ashcroft v1.1 censorship software on the blog, including censoring out their self-promoting link.

Thanks, Jake, though I don’t see what the fuss is about. Clearly, Deadspin’s editor has grown tired in just a few weeks of his position at a rebarbative professional sports website. In such a work environment, he’s under intense pressure to use the words “Paris Hilton” as many times a day as possible and I can only imagine how desperately he’s longed to start, y’know, a real blog that shows the world he’s not just a superficial nitwit. A vehicle that will allow him to truly express his innermost thoughts. If he’s willing to fight for his right to party with the Nazi Party, regardless of how it might relect on his employer, you’ve gotta respect that, even if you find such views totally abhorrent.