…because he’s going in as a broadcaster.
OK, that’s a massive stretch, but I’m loathe to argue with The New York Daily News’ Bob Raissman and his description of Keith Hernandez’ vent-fest during last Friday night’s Mets/Fish marathon, an outburst the Gallagher lookalike calls, “a vintage performance. By far the best, by any local baseball analyst, this season.”
At one point, Gary Cohen described Hernandez as “testy.” Testy? Please. This guy was in the mood for mayhem. It started early with Hernandez (fourth inning) saying Florida “is sleepwalking, that’s all there is to it,” before destroying Marlins second baseman Dan Uggla after he committed a throwing error.
“We’ve seen enough of Uggla,” Hernandez said. “That’s just all about baseball instincts. He doesn’t have any.”
Not all Mex’s targets were on the field. He told a story (fifth inning) about going to a bookstore and cutting in front of a group of teenagers to pay for a newspaper.
“I said, ‘I’m sorry, did I cut in front of you? The kid goes, ‘Yeah, you just did.’ I almost got in his face. He was a smart you-know-what,”
Hernandez said. “I just bit my tongue. That all I needed to do, beat up a 14-year-old. I can see the headlines: Hernandez sends 14-year-old to the hospital.”
Cohen: “How about Hernandez arrested for assault.”
The bashing continued in the fifth. A jubilant Chris Seddon appeared on the screen, toweling off in the dugout after being lifted with only 75 pitches under his belt.
“Why is he smiling? He should be saying: ‘Leave me in. I’m not tired.’ It’s just absolutely amazing,” Hernandez said. “… Lowering the bar, across the board.”
In the seventh, Hernandez took issue with several Mets who didn’t rush to the dugout steps to protect Paul Lo Duca from a potential fall as he caught a foul fly. In the eighth, Willie Randolph got toasted.
With the Mets up 6-3 and Marlins on first and second, Todd Linden ripped a single down the third-base line, scoring a run. Hernandez said Wright should have been guarding the line.
“That’s not David’s fault. That’s what Willie Randolph wants to do,” Hernandez, in a disgusted tone, said. “I’m sorry, from the seventh inning on you guard the line.”
Linden wound up being thrown out the plate, trying to score from second, by Moises Alou, giving Hernandez another opportunity to vent.
“What in the world is third base coach Bo Porter doing here?” an incredulous Hernandez asked. “I’ve seen more shoddy third base coaching on the major league level the last three years than I have in my entire major league career.”