Texas OF Josh Hamilton  “will face a dilemma as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict,” warns the Dallas Morning News’ Jeff WIlson.  “Players whose team clinches a playoff spot traditionally celebrate by dumping champagne on their teammates’ heads.” Or, if you’re Randy Niemann, by spraying killjoy Frank Cashen and ending up being reminded about it on CSTB every couple of months for the rest of your fucking life.  But back to the point of Wilson’s story, Hamilton, having already dealt with a high profile lapse in sobriety, is taking no chances this time around.

Hamilton has been trying to find a way to enjoy the party without ingesting any alcohol.

“I’m going to have goggles on, duct tape over the mouth and either a wetsuit or raincoat,” he said. “It can’t get on your skin. It’ll soak through your skin.

“I don’t want to send the wrong message to people who might see pictures and think I’m not serious about recovery or what it stands for.”

I don’t wish to mock however Hamilton chooses to live, but is anyone else getting, y’know, turned on by all this talk of duct tape and wetsuits?