04.29.12

She’s No Hack : Advice Columnist Carolyn Hax Stands Up For Your Sensitive Editor

Posted in Cinema, Love And Basketball at 7:00 pm by

I tend leave my personal life out of these pages. Not simply because I am a very private person, but also since I’m well aware you’re a sneaky, jealous lot, always looking for the smallest crack in my armor.  But what I can I do when someone very close to me chooses to solicit guidance from syndicated columnist Carolyn Hax rather than confront me directly?

Hi, Carolyn:

Last night I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. During one scene, he started to tear up, and by the end he was pretty much crying. I was flabbergasted at first — my boyfriend is pretty “manly” (to his credit, the scene was sports-related) and doesn’t get emotional easily. While the scene was moving, I would not say it was a tear-jerker.

I made the mistake of laughing.

Well, that made him angry and now he is not speaking to me. Was I wrong or is he being over-sensitive?

– Crying Boyfriend?

Both, but, to borrow some insight from my 8-year-old, you started it.

And wow, you were so much more wrong than he was. His silent treatment is juvenile, yes. But it pains me to think of someone who doesn’t normally show vulnerability getting a ridicule beat-down for it. Maybe the scene wasn’t all that moving to you, but who knows what he has buried inside him that this scene dredged up? And — it was “to his credit” that it was a sports scene? Wow.

Tell him you were totally out of line and have some biases you need to root out.

Your happiness — apart or together — is directly proportional to how safe you feel with the people you love. So, think for a moment how important it is for you to feel safe with a boyfriend, then do whatever you can to be that safe place for him. His willingness to trust you will depend largely on your sincerity, but also on his courage. That’s what it will take for him to show his heart around you again.

Thank you, Ms. Hax.  I’m sure there’s a handful of CSTB readers (perhaps even two handfuls) who not only find nothing weird or distasteful at my openly weeping during a sports-themed motion picture, but might fully relate to what I was going thru.

In short, I don’t know what kind of automaton could watch “Juwanna Mann” without having an emotional reaction.

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