05.14.06

Source Of Valentin’s Sudden Power Surge Revealed

Posted in Baseball at 4:07 pm by

Brewers 5, Mets 5 (bottom of the 9th)

Perhaps you’re baffled by the overnight career revivial of Mets utility IF/OF Jose Valentin.¬† Last night, his HR, double, 4 RBI performance¬† was crucial in the Mets’ 9-8 victory, and this afternoon, he’s 3-4 with another pair of ribbies.

I’ve been informed by a very good source that Valentin’s unexpected revival is not what it appears to be, however.¬† Using the same sort of minor plastic surgery that enabled actor Tom Bosley to fill in for David Doyle during the latter’s salary dispute on “Charlie’s Angels” (Viswanathan alert : this joke is swiped from an old SNL sketch), the man masquerading as Valentin over the past 48 hours is in fact, another veteran with a far more impressive resume.


I know, there is the little matter of Valentin being right-handed and Raffy being a lefty. But there’s all kinds of amazing stuff they can do in surgery these days.

On a similar tip, perhaps it wasn’t a great idea for the Brewers to give Derek Turnbow the weekend off and attempt to pass off Bobby Gillespie as their closer.

5 Responses to “Source Of Valentin’s Sudden Power Surge Revealed”

  1. notorius says:

    After watching Jose “The Worst Baseball Player Ever” Valentin in Chicago for a number of years, I think I can safely assure Mets fans that he will go 0-fer the next 100 with 97 K’s.

  2. Rog says:

    I dunno. He was on my fantasy team one year and he hit a lot of dingers. His average really sucked, though.

  3. notorius says:

    valentin used to hit a decent amount of dingers (for a shortstop), but his complete lack of ability in every other aspect of the game was quite bothersome.

  4. tenaletilt says:

    Valentin’s actually a switch-hitter, of course.

  5. GC says:

    Valentin might be a switch hitter, but he throws right-handed. Raffy, hits and throws as a lefty. I stand uncorrected.

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