04.09.14

Speaking Ill Of The Recently Deceased (Who Spoke Ill Of The Recently Deceased)

Posted in Professional Wrestling at 6:44 pm by

As you’ve probably heard elsewhere, Jim Hellwig, aka The Ultimate Warrior, passed away last night at the age of 54, a mere 3 days after his induction into the WWE Hall of Fame (replete with rambling 40-minute + acceptance speech) and an equally breathless appearance on Monday Night Raw less than 24 hours prior.

Hellwig, something of a CSTB fixture for his Warrior University initiative, forays into wingnut territory, attempts to school emo turds in manliness (see above) and horrible remarks following the death of Heath Ledger, also managed to weigh in with the following after Michael Jackson moonwalked off this mortal coil :

I imagine all the crying about the death of this recent drug-soused entertainment freak has most to do with the unfortunate inconvenience that the other drug-soused entertainment freaks now face. They will have to look for another local, safe and reputable babysitter. No longer will they be able to drop their kids off down the street at Jacko’s to be watched for the afternoon and spend some play time with his own kids.

I hate the paparazzi, and think they should all be shot for the obsessive invasion of privacy. But I’m really going miss ALL those TMZ and Entertainment Tonight video clips of Jacko’s and other celebrity kids playing together. You ever see any of those? Weren’t they great? Didn’t they make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside? Worked for me. Every time I caught one it made me believe maybe he wasn’t a pedophile. After all, famous and rich entertainers, with all kinds of money to go to any expense to have things accurately checked out for themselves, wouldn’t let their own little babies near a pedophile…would they?!

Well, you gotta give him credit for one thing. He spent all his money (and then some) before he died. And that’s not an easy thing to calculate. Go ahead, ask your financial planner if he has a plan to pull it off. For all the horrific mismanagement of millions and millions and millions of dollars, here at the end, Jacko did a pretty damn good job at balancing the books in his favor. Sorry, at my new age and with the way the Obama economic plan is going, I couldn’t help but recognize this stunner.

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