Stalking Todd Jones

Posted in Baseball at 12:51 am by

Florida reliever Todd Jones has long been CSTB’s journalistic hero. His old as-told-to columns for The Sporting News showed yours truly that if a big, burly dude like Todd wasn’t ashamed of flaunting his learning disabilities and backwards sexual politics in public, I’d have to get a lot bigger and burlier if I wanted to manage the same thing.

Tonight while on a fact finding mission at Chicago’s Wrigley Field, I had the opportunity to observe Jones up close and personal. While sitting alongside the Marlins bullpen, I spied Todd bringing autographed baseballs to a couple of heavily made up / perfumed individuals sitting a few seats to my right. I’ve long heard that signing autographs during the game was forbidden (or so Red Sox backup catcher Bob Montgomery claimed many years ago), and as much as I’d like to credit Todd for being a nice guy, I hate to break it to him that both of these girls had penises. What’s more, since we’re in Illinois, I’m pretty sure they weren’t married to each other.

Just prior to Josh Beckett serving up a gopher ball to Derek Lee (above) and leaving the game with an undisclosed injury, Jones borrowed a cell phone from a Cubs employee, presumably in an attempt to find a late night Sex Within The Confines Of Heterosexual Marriage-aholics Anonymous meeting.

Other than that, I think the fact finding mission was successful. For one thing, I learned there really is a Byron at Byron’s Hot Dog Haus.

6 Responses to “Stalking Todd Jones”

  1. ben schwartz says:

    I guess you missed this (stunning) fact in the career of Dusty Baker, who now sees the wisdom of pitchers throwing for quality, not quantity: “Serg was outstanding,” Cubs manager Dusty Baker said. “The thing we liked was his pitch conservation. He was under 100 pitches and a complete game. That’s rare, but that means he was getting a lot of strike one. It’s one of the better games I’ve seen pitched in a long time.”


  2. kt says:

    you’re in town and didn’t call? harumph.

  3. Sam Hunt says:

    better still, there really is a doug at hot doug’s, and if you don’t meet him on your trip out here you are really missing out.

  4. kt says:

    are there demons at demon dogs?

  5. CSTB says:

    trusted advisors have sung the praises of Hot Dougs (and Hot Doug) and I fully intend to visit this acclaimed establisment very, very soon.

  6. ds says:

    hot dougs! i thought it burned down last year! wtf?

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